Why go out?

[Helen_Highwater]

I was having thoughts about explaining to someone, even on this forum, why some of us choose to go out and about. It popped into my head it's a bit like playing tennis. You practice on a regular basis hitting balls served from a machine. Get good at it. Read the rules. Get all the most fashionable clothing. State of the art racquets and shoes. Spend money on building your own all weather indoor court....... and then have no-one to play against on the other side of the net.

While I'm not suggesting we go out as a way of competing, there is perhaps the desire to belong at least socially to the tennis club.

[deebra]

Expressing "who you want to be" in public and the enjoyment of doing it.

[Lana Mae]

I so want to join the tennis club! LOL Hugs Lana Mae

[IleneD]

The most obvious (and often courageous) expression of Self, and showing the world that deep down beautiful spirit; the real You.
It's about individual liberty and seizing my right to just BE.

[DIANEF]

Hi Helen, I'm really not sure why I first went out. It was late, I had the evening to myself, I had the car and thought, can I? Once I had done that I just wanted more. I have been out since several times, but always somewhere very safe and so far no interacting with anyone. I probably do it more to prove to myself that I can, to push myself a little further each time and maybe one day reach the stage when I can go anywhere dressed without worrying about it.

[docrobbysherry]

I guess I'm the blind person playing CD tennis? :brolleyes:

No matter how long and how much I practice, I still get my butt kicked most every time I go out in Muggle Land. And, that's NO FUN!:doh:

While staying at home and dressing in private? No competition, no rules, and no worries!:D

[Jean 103]

Really for the last year I've been living in muggle land as Jean. I'm moving to be closer to work again. The town's are thirty miles apart. I'm interviewing to rent a room. I'm gender-fluid so I'm in my work truck guy mode. I waited till we were face-to-face to tell him I was transgender. I mention the bar in the town where I'm living in that I like to go to and that it's karaoke night. He tells me his very good friend sings karaoke,then tells me her name. It's a bit of an unusual name I recognize it and say I know her she knows me. Well he calls her up right there. And tells her that he's with me and keeps referring to me and as male . He's saying I'm here with Jean he ,seems like a nice guy. I Can Tell She's confused because at the bar I'm always represented as a girl. well the interview went well and we set up a time to call and check in the next day. Well he talk to his friend again who said very nice things about me. I have built a whole Community around me.in just a couple of years.

[Princess Chantal]

To stop smashing breakables in the house with my hoop skirts!

[Allisa]

Interesting analogy, I liken it to that Shakespeare saying about being actors upon a stage, I need to be in the spotlight for my soliloquy if only for a brief moment upon that stage. WOW got deep there it must be getting late.

[Pat]

For me it was a progression toward truth. At first I totally suppressed this truth even from myself. Then I started dressing in private barely allowing myself to know this truth about me. Then as I got able to accept this truth about myself I had to go out and let that truth be seen. Truth is a slippery slope -- each time I went out I felt the truth more and could stand going back to the lie less. Over time I came out completely. Be careful. ;)

[Sometimes Steffi]

When I was young and dressing in Mom's clothes, I thought that I was the only one in the world who did this.

I was over 50 when I first met another crossdresser FtF, and she was so intimidatingly passable that I was afraid to even talk to her.

Even though I met other crossdressers online, going out was the only way to meet them FtF. And it was the only way that I could prove to myself that I was (within the range of) normal.

Although there was this guy I knew who was joking once about how wearing pantihose would mat his leg hair down. How would he even know that if he'd never worn pantihose? I was afraid to ask, because I did have first hand knowledge that pantihose would mat your leg hair down. I didn't want to inadvertently out myself.

[Jaymees22]

Why be all dressed up with no place to go. I don't go out much, just enough to feel okay.

[IleneD]

I know I answered below; an answer off the top of my head.
I was sitting around the house (in a new long red dress), talking to the S.O. about "it" [the CD thing].
She finally got around to asking about details; and if I've ever gone out dressed as a woman. She knew the answer, of course.
I told her last summer about my bike trip adventure and going out to a restaurant. But she knew I did most of my dressing while she was gone from home on travel, and assumed I dressed at home. This was the first time in our DADT-style acceptance situation that she asked about me going out in public.
I'm not hiding anything about my CD Life, and frankly I've been wanting her to open the door to more detailed talk. I told her all about several excursions. Held nothing back.

After a while she asked the obvious question, "WHY?!" Why would I want to do that? What was the motivation? Showing off? Looking for trouble?

Despite my off the cuff reactive statement about enjoying the freedom to go about as Me, I didn't have a good answer as to WHY. Being free is good enough, but I don't have a reasonable idea of what might motivate a grown adult male to don a dress (and all the works) and put myself on public display (and be pleased and proud to do so).

I've had a lot to think about lately regarding my CD Life, my future of wanting to be a woman, dressing, where is this all going?.... etc.
Thank God I have a new dress (one that The Wife told me to buy today while we were out shopping. Beautiful red dress, clearance rack, irresistible price, and she said, "Get it".

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Helen,
I suppose I could invite the world over to my place,
but the parking is limited, and then where would everyone sit?
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Scarlett398]

Hi Helen...Very good question to start a thread with!

As most of the girls on here know, my first time out was only about 3 months ago. My reason to go out as Scarlett was to prove to myself and others I could go out in public and not be seen as a guy wearing girl's clothes. Just be seen as a cute, sexy, hot girl who knew how to throw an outfit together and also knew how to properly apply my makeup tastefully to pass totally as a girl instead of a guy trying to be a girl. And that was the main reason. On my first time out, all of the above was confirmed.

I will only be able to go out about 3 or 4 times a year because that is how infrequently my wife travels out of town on business.

I was exciting and exhilarating and also very nerve raking right after I got out of the car out in the mall parking lot as Scarlett for the first time and that walk to the door entering by the food court. Very scary! If not for the girls who I met in the first store I walked into (Sephora), I would still be shaking in by booties!

Thanks for the question, Helen....XOXOXO Scarlett :2c:

[Sandin Meknickers]

Sun.
Natural beauty unfound in mirrors.
Mental health.

Why on earth stay in?

[Cheryl T]

For me it's not about showing off, or the "risk" of it all it's about just being me.
I love shopping, dining out, movies and all and why not do all these things as I feel most comfortable. We are social beings and as such crave contact with others even if we don't interact with them when we go out. Just being a part of society in public is so much better than being hermits. I fought so long just to get out of the closet, I'm not staying in the house and allowing it to be just a bigger closet.

[kelliT]

I was thinking about this a few days ago. I have to travel an hour to the city but it's well worth not knowing people , for me that is. I don't fully dress to pass any more and my new natural look, I would hope is just as good. There's something about being called ma am at the hardware store. Something freeing about taking my time in kohls shopping. Being seen and just being me.

[Stacy Darling]

Can't stay in!

May not be able to jump the net at present but I do have the goal!

[kimdl93]

What Cheryl T said. Its certainly not showing off for me...more like saying, I am real, and its OK

[Sarah Doepner]

For me it's not about showing off, or the "risk" of it all it's about just being me.
I love shopping, dining out, movies and all and why not do all these things as I feel most comfortable. We are social beings and as such crave contact with others even if we don't interact with them when we go out. Just being a part of society in public is so much better than being hermits. I fought so long just to get out of the closet, I'm not staying in the house and allowing it to be just a bigger closet.

Cheryl has her finger on a key point here; we are social creatures. There is only so much that self-validation and self-acceptance and self-approval can do for us. For me there was always that question about how much of this was a reflection of me rather than really an aspect of me. Being able to step out the door validated my gender identity as something in and of itself. It was proof of concept that I wasn't out for the thrill (although it was thrilling), I wasn't out to show off and I wasn't attempting to prove anything to anyone but myself.

Waiting with my hand on the door knob, wondering if I could actually leave the room and feeling excited about being exposed to other people is pretty much in the past now. That I am comfortable when i go out now tells me I'm out because I enjoy experiencing the world from a definitely non-male perspective. It gives me the opportunity to satisfy that need for some level of social contact and it feels good to do so as Sarah.

[carhill2mn]

Why go out? I suspect that there are many reasons and vary by person.

I have been out in public en femme thousands of times over the years. At first it was an exciting challenge. Then, as I got better at my presentation, it became more of a pleasure. I found that I really liked being treated as a woman, acting like a lady and interacting with other people. These are in addition to the pleasure that I experience as a result of wearing pretty clothes, jewelry, makeup and having hair! Now, when I am contemplating going somewhere, my first thought is"Can I go en femme?".

[Amelie]

To get food.

[SHINY-J]

I think it's just impossible to ever explain "why" about ANY of the aspects of crossdressing... it's almost indescribable and the levels, experiences, and feelings are so varied and different for everyone who does it!

However, it's pretty much inevitable that others that you share your cd'ing with want to know and have TONS of questions... as much as I hated trying to describe it and explain to the select few women that I have, my answers and explanations never really satisfied them... and even though I've dealt with my desire to dress every day for most of my life, eve I can't explain it and wish I could have an answer as to why "I have this desire and urge to dress and nobody else does".., I know there are obviously others who dress in the world, but it seems like all of the guys I know and/or know of, don't...


As afar as going out in public for me... it's more of a "thrill" or a "challenge" for myself.. even though I only go out alone... very late at night... in deserted places... it's still me out there completely exposed and vulnerable... for lack of a better description... I keep it so deep inside and fiercely hide it from the outside world, that when I go out, even if it's in the middle of a deserted parking lot in the middle of nowhere with nobody for miles around, it still feels like I'm releasing all of that pent up emotion and stress about keeping it secret from the outside world.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I have another answer why I go out. Because I can't dress at home.

Wife doesn't want to see me dressed.

My daughter moved back a couple of years ago and is living in the basement.

There's really no time that I can dress at home safely, especially if I want to do makeup.

[Ceera]

For me, its to get out of the house and enjoy life as myself.

I do find it personally validating and emotionally satisfying when I go out as a woman and I am accepted at face value, and treated as if the people I am dealing with either can't tell that I wasn't born female, or as if they at least fully accept that regardless of how I was born and raised, what I am now, at that moment, is a person who should be accepted as a valid female.

A while back I went to an LGBTQ nightclub for a dance. As I often do, I was on my own, with no particular plans to meet up with anyone else. While waiting for the dance to begin, I was called over to join a group of four other girls who all knew me, seated at a sidewalk table in front of the club. Three of them were GG lesbians. The fourth was an MtF trans-woman, who is far enough along on her own journey that it's seriously hard to imagine that she was ever perceived as male. From the first time I had met her, several months earlier, if she hadn't stated she was trans, I wouldn't have suspected at all that she wasn't a GG. Anyway, we were having a pretty open and frank discussion on several topics, and she happened to choose to show us a picture on her phone of what she had looked like prior to her transition. It was quite a change, and we all complemented her on how far she had come. I was not at all in the habit of letting any of Ceera's friends see anything about my male side, but in the spirit of the open conversation, I also shared my 'before' picture - though in my case, the pic was only a month or so old, just without any makeup or breast forms or my wig, and dressed fully male. They all asked how many years I had been on hormones, and they could hardly believe that I wasn't on hormones at all, and that I had accomplished my gender transformation entirely by cosmetics and voice training.

But then one of the GG's asked me a question that sort of stumped me. "What is it you like about being female?"

She got the same silent pause that most GG's would respond with if asked that question, or that a male would respond with if asked, "What do you like about being male?" After a moment I said, "It isn't so much 'what I like', as it is that I enjoy simply being free to be 'myself', and to enjoy all life has to offer. For most of my life I repressed my feminine side. It's been like 'she' was shut up in a small room and never got to go out and make friends or enjoy herself. Now, that side of me is as free as my male aspect, and can make friends and enjoy life like anyone else."

That sort of sums it up. My 'girl side' wants to enjoy life as much as my male side has been allowed to do. She has some catching up to do, and she's enjoying every chance she gets to do so. It doesn't matter if its social nightclubbing or taking the car in for a lube and oil. Just getting out and experiencing life 'first hand' is a pleasure in itself.

[Tracii G]

My first time out was to conquer fear.
Second time was to see if the first time was a fluke.
Its just a extension of who I am

[XemmaX]

staying in maybe safer but it's BORING.

[Rachael Leigh]

To be able to express a part of myself and not to hide it. It's a part of me why not express myself in public.
Not to mention it's boring just dressing and staying home

[Jeri Ann]

Why go out?

I go out to just do life. Today it was to meet Kelly Marie in Houston so we could get pedicures, do lunch and go shopping. She'll have the details in another post.

[Salina]

I just recently went out for the first time and it was wonderful. I went to a mall about 40 miles from home, had a makeover at Sephora then tried on clothes for 3 hours at Nordstrom's. I was probably overly cautious but called both places ahead of time to let them know a CD was coming ( I received very positive and welcoming responses) and went a few days ahead in guy mode to scout the best place to park. I wore women's jeans and a top but no wig to Sephora then put my wig on for Nordstrom's. The SA's at both places were so nice, encouraging, and complimentary.

Like Ceera, I had repressed and kept Salina locked up and now she has been let out and wants to enjoy life the same as my male side has been able to. Salina will definitely be making return visits to both places and other outings as well. My why is because she is a big part of who I am and needs to be expressed. Dressing in private is not enough anymore. Salina wants to do life as Jeri Ann said.

[Tracii G]

I would think if dressing is part of your personality (TG) going out is a natural progression.
I couldn't imagine not going out in girl mode.
If CDing is more of a hobby then going out is not necessary because validation isn't a factor.

[Cheryl T]

Well said Tracii.
And this is most certainly a huge part of my personality.

[Paula2]

I have to go out now.. Its all about taking chances and new experiences for me.. You never know until you try..

[mechamoose]

I was having thoughts about explaining to someone, even on this forum, why some of us choose to go out and about.

While I'm not suggesting we go out as a way of competing, there is perhaps the desire to belong at least socially to the tennis club.

Why go out? As you say, "the desire to belong". You just have to decide what it is you want to belong to.


"There's safety in numbers
When you learn to divide
How can we be in
If there is no outside?" - Peter Gabriel

The very idea that we need to think about this, and ask ourselves if it is 'safe', means we are different. It is (sadly) a natural human instinct to shun the different. That does not mean that you should hide. Use caution? Yes. But hide? No.

- MM

[Teresa]

Helen,
To me there isn't a single answer, if you put it all together it was the inevitable conclusion it had to happen .Living hidden in the closet had to change, it wasn't dealing with all my needs. Maybe in a DADT situation some of us do it to prove a point, our Cding is deeper than our partners realise . I feel now my wife has more respect for me, possibly she hoped I wouldn't need to go out so she could still control it , underneath I'm sure she believes she will have to let go and allow whatever is going to happen do so .

I'm not sure if I see it as a competition, some choose to go it alone but belonging to a group or club has so many benefits , many of the things I share with the group can't be shared with my wife, I definitely need that outlet.

[daenna]

I also feel "why get dressed with no where to go?" Going out and doing life are reason enough!

[Jenny22]

Others have said 'why' so nicely and fittingly for me that I can't really add more. Since I realized I was really TG, I knew I had to express my inner femininity as a validation of my true me, and not just in my car. I was scared to death at the thought until I found a forum sister to guide me and show me the way. Since those beginnings, my outings have been care free and just so enjoyable. As the song goes, "I gotta be me ,,, "

[Shelly Preston]

Going out was just part of my evolution. A natural progression in some ways.

I had to get out much like a beautiful butterfly when it emerges it has to fly. This was not a quick process but now there is no turning back.

Now for me being out is just normal part of daily living.

[Amelie]

Going out was just part of my evolution. A natural progression in some ways.

I had to get out much like a beautiful butterfly when it emerges it has to fly. This was not a quick process but now there is no turning back.

Now for me being out is just normal part of daily living.

Exactly. Going out is just part of the normal daily/nightly routine. That's why my first response was "to get food", something done for daily living.

[Jenn A116]

Why not go out? As Stana says in her Femulate blog, staying in the house is just trading a closet for a slightly larger closet.

[Crissy Kay]

While I do enjoy visiting here, the one thing that does kind of get on my nerves is the constant put down of closet dressers. I have no reason to "go out". There is nothing out there for me. I like what I like, and thats pretty much it.

[Becky Blue]

Why go out? Good question. For me it was obvious it was just the next natural step in Becky's progression, it was just something I had to do. I think my reasons are complicated and are a combination of factors. One big one was the affirmation that I get being seen by people outside of our community. Its not relevant to me whether I pass or not but more that people are seeing me for who I am at that time. Other factors are its a huge thrill, a lot of fun and deeply meaningful.

Whether I am dressed to go partying with the girls or to blend at a shopping centre, the feeling of going out is the same and more than anything its expressing my 'girl' side in the most real way possible.

[Ceera]

And that's perfectly fine too, Crissy Kay! If dressing only in the privacy of your home fulfills your personal needs, then that's great! We all have different needs and different levels that we get into cross dressing or gender changing. It's certainly not a one-size-fits-all situation, nor should it ever be! For some of us, all we need is to enjoy the experience of wearing the clothes and seeing ourselves in the mirror. Others need to dress up and go out into the world, even though they may make no attempt at passing (have a beard, no wig or makeup, male voice, whatever). Still others, like me, do their best to appear and sound feminine, and love to go out and about and be accepted as female, but are unlikely to ever medically change their birth gender. And finally, some need to 'go all the way', and do everything possible to attain the gender identity that their mind says is right for them, including surgical changes. No one of those is "The only right way". And no one should be faulted for 'not going far enough'. Only you can decide what aspects of this spectrum of behavior are right for you.

[DIANEF]

Just to add to what Ceera has said Crissy, I am a closet dresser (as in my wife knowing, but I do go out) but I don't think anyone on the Forum has ever put me down over it, in fact I have had some private messages of support over my situation.

[Genny B]

My dysphoria isn't about dressing, it's about being fem and to settle that means being fem and enjoying life. Those short excursions into the world as the real me means so much to me. They never last long enough and the hardest part is always going home and putting myself away.

Genny B

[S. Lisa Smith]

It's better to try on clothes before you buy them!!!! I just love being out as the female me!!!

[barbara gordon]

why go out?

there are a bunch of reasons , like the tennis analogy from Helen Highwater, the point of using all of the fun items and equipment is definitely a good reason .
Its also more fun to interact with live people for sure. And its great to put all of the pretty things to good practical use .

One thing that has occurred to me lately in going out is the privilege of being able to see the world from the eyes of presenting as a female .
dressing up and interacting with people is very different if I am presenting in female mode vs male mode . people treat me very differently depending how I am dressed. I am fascinated with this difference . It feels like an exclusive view of the world for me when I go out dressed enfemme .

[mechamoose]

While I do enjoy visiting here, the one thing that does kind of get on my nerves is the constant put down of closet dressers. I have no reason to "go out". There is nothing out there for me. I like what I like, and thats pretty much it.

Crissy, I'm sorry you feel that way. Nobody should feel marginalized here :/

For people who fit the term 'closet dressers', you kind of already know where you fit in your world and in your life. You have identified the limits you face, and have worked out what you can work out to give yourself what you need. I'm an advocate of 'letting it all hang out' in the safest way possible. (Sometimes to the extreme) While that is fine for me in my living situation and up here in libruul Massachusetts, it does not work the same for everyone.

Perhaps you don't have some of the gender identity issues that some members express. Great. However, I can't just sit idle and NOT respond to people wanting something more. I don't think you would want me to do that either.

Having said that, a lot of people here are trying to work out how they can get a bigger acceptance level into their lives. Advocating for 'courage' to those people should in no way demean you or any other member who has achieved a stable situation. This isn't an eyelash measuring contest. I can see where you could feel like it is. You and others like you have every right to be here, and should not feel shamed for doing so.

I would wager good money that every single one of us who dares to wear cross-gendered clothing started out doing it privately, in a safe and quiet place when nobody else was around. There is *nothing* wrong with that. There is NO expectation for anyone to 'progress', whatever that means. We each want peace and stability, and if you can get that, then you are where you need to be.

<3

- MM

[Teresa]

Crissy,
I asked the question a while ago, and the percentage who were out or wanted to be was about 65%, of the total only six said they prefered to be in the closet.
At the time I said it was an individual choice what ever you're happy with. I personally called it solitary confinement, I desperately needed to share it with people,I wanted to be seen and and accepted as a woman, which couldn't happen in the closet. The important point is most of us need the closet to learn how to dress and do makeup before venturing out if that's what you need . I admit if I still wore my maid dress it would be at home, it would have to be a special social event to venture out in it.
As long as you're happy what does it matter.

[Crissy Kay]

Very true Teresa.

[LaurenDeHart]

My very first public outing is in less than two weeks so this is a timely question that made me turn a bit introspective. With so many good responses it's difficult to come up with something that hasn't already been said so all I can do is say it in what I think is my own way.

I guess, for me, it is part naughty, part revolution, part in-your-face, part expression of what I feel inside. Most of all it is the girl wanting to be perceived as a woman by others whether they are in the community or not.

Those thing may not happen at all but they're definitely not going to happen if I stay home. I'm ready for the "may not" versus the "definitely not".

Lauren

[Shelly Preston]

While I do enjoy visiting here, the one thing that does kind of get on my nerves is the constant put down of closet dressers. I have no reason to "go out". There is nothing out there for me. I like what I like, and thats pretty much it.

Crissy Its all a matter of personal choice. I gave my reasons why I go out.

Its not compulsory. Also no one should be made to feel put down here for any reason.

[ellbee]

Why go out?

Because from a psychological & sociological perspective, it was a total mind-trip.


"See how the other half lives" is an expression typically reserved for the wealth/class divide. For me, it was regarding gender.

[StephanieM]

Why not go out? I've only been out a couple of times and it's been a positive experience. No one pointed and laughed, didn't get any dirty looks. Most people didn't seem to even notice.

[Majella St Gerard]

I go out dressed because I can and I want to. I am a crossdresser, it's what I am, I can't change that. To not go out as me would be unacceptable. Granted it was not so easy at first, I fell prey to the same insecurities and shame as others here. But each time out got easier and also showed me that people don't really care that you are dressed in women's clothes. I used to attract a lot of attention when I presented as a man in a dress, now that I've embraced wearing a wig I just blend in more. I don't "pass" on close examination but that doesn't matter. I present as a woman except at work. I am separated so I don't have to worry what the wife thinks, she was very accepting anyway, my son knows and is accepting also as are my siblings. I don't care what the neighbors think or anyone else does. I enjoy going out to bars and clubs and being sociable and I receive many compliments and I can tell you it is an mega ego boost. Some here are content just dressing in the home and that is cool for them but this genie is out of the bottle and going back in is not an option.

[Diane Taylor]

Why go out? Why stay home???? When you go out, you can breathe, staying home is stifling.

[Aunt Kelly]

Crissy,
While it's true that there is the occasional catty put-down of this or that group that is considered "less than" by another, I wouldn't call it "constant" by any stretch. I wonder if you mistake the encouragement of others to let go of their fear and venture out as something other than that. I do that for the girls here who need it, for those who want to do more than dress at home. Please don't think that we think any less of someone who does not want that. Honest, sweetie. You are just fine the way you are and you should not let anyone here make you feel otherwise, intentionally or not.

Hugs,


Kelly Marie

[suzanne]

I go out because, Why should I be restricted? I'm not trying to prove anything, or put on a show. As for statements, the only one I'm trying to make is "This is me, and I'm no threat to you."

[Princess Chantal]

Being involved with a crossdressing social group for nearly 15 years, I could tell you that I have listened to more reasons for crossdressers to not go out than the common assumptions like the fear factor. Like one reason already expressed within this thread where there is nothing in the interest of the person to do out of the house. Perhaps people should start listening to all voices in the community.

[Princess zelia prime]

Hey another princess. Hi princess chantal. I love going out. I love feeling cute. I always make sure to smile and be social like i normally am. Its not as scary once you get used to it

[audreyinalbany]

basically the whole concept of 'boys clothes' and 'girl clothes ' is a social construct`. I guess it's kind of like 'if a tree falls in the forrest with no one around to hear it, does it make a sound?" or...If you lived in a society of one, there'd be no male/female distinction concerning clothes. So the whole point of crossdressing is to present as what our culture has decided women 'should ' wear. When you sit at home it's not really 'crossdressing', it's just 'dressing'

[gokatiegirl]

I'm not in the closet and go out socially a few times a month. I don't see any reason to criticize someone that doesn't go out because there isn't any kind of hierarchy like some here like to think. Some live in the closet their whole life.. not by their choice. And those that don't have a reason to go out, stay home to avoid the stress... I totally get that.

[Dana44]

Why go out? AS being a non-binary most of the time. It is so nice to be fem and out and about. Why, Can't really answer that but the freedom to be yourself is liberating. There is a theater here and I never been there as a male. So nice to be in a skirt, heels and being part of the ladies that are out there.

[gender_blender]

Because we are members of society! Also, what's Self Expression without an audience?

[Princess Chantal]

Hey another princess. Hi princess chantal. I love going out. I love feeling cute. I always make sure to smile and be social like i normally am. Its not as scary once you get used to it

Hiya Princess Zelia Prime! I love going out as well. Matter of fact the majority of my dressing is to socialize out. However, I do respect those that don't go out and tend to try my hardest to not make assumptions on why they don't.

[Helen_Highwater]

While I do enjoy visiting here, the one thing that does kind of get on my nerves is the constant put down of closet dressers. I have no reason to "go out". There is nothing out there for me. I like what I like, and thats pretty much it.

Crissy,

I hope any post I make never implies that anyone who chooses to stay within their own four walls is in some way wrong. As in my original question let me try to use another metaphor to explain why those of us who have been out wax lyrical about it.

You've been around the supermarket many times and each time walked past a particular brand of biscuits without ever a thought of buying a packet. Then at a friends house, over coffee you're offered one with the proviso, "Try one of these but I warn you they're more'ish". You try one and next thing you know you want another, more'ish.

That's as well as I can explain why I would encourage someone contemplating going out to do it. It may well leave a "bad taste" to continue the metaphor or it could become a regular purchase. You won't know until you try one. But if biscuits aren't your thing that's fine. Doughnut anyone?

[Swish]

basically the whole concept of 'boys clothes' and 'girl clothes ' is a social construct`. I guess it's kind of like 'if a tree falls in the forrest with no one around to hear it, does it make a sound?" or...If you lived in a society of one, there'd be no male/female distinction concerning clothes. So the whole point of crossdressing is to present as what our culture has decided women 'should ' wear. When you sit at home it's not really 'crossdressing', it's just 'dressing'

If that were true and/or you actually believed it, you (we) wouldn't derive such a distinct and profound preference for the 'other half's' singularly different attire. It is a social construct - one whose violation gives us our oxygen. Don't be trying to boil out and sanitize the feminine pleasures out of crossing over or the beautiful differences that make it so sweet and tart. They're the very spice of the escapade!

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basically the whole concept of 'boys clothes' and 'girl clothes ' is a social construct`. I guess it's kind of like 'if a tree falls in the forrest with no one around to hear it, does it make a sound?" or...If you lived in a society of one, there'd be no male/female distinction concerning clothes. So the whole point of crossdressing is to present as what our culture has decided women 'should ' wear. When you sit at home it's not really 'crossdressing', it's just 'dressing'

Sorry, forgot to add that that's so whether we do it in private or not. In public it's another thing altogether. It's misguided to want to be accepted for our sameness which is a fallacy, but being treated kindly instead of with fear and hate for our differences and aberrations would make the world better. I'll stay in thank you, it's too much to hope for unless you can really blend.

[lucy_miller]

Interesting question. I go out because I want to and have the confidence to do so. Like many on this site it was baby steps starting with drinks in a hotel bar through to dinner, to travelling to a hotel, to walking around a town, to going out for dinner. Yet to come is trying on a dress, traveling by train / plane and maybe one day (though unlikely) walking around my own neighborhood! I find it interesting that I am happy to show myself to those I don't know (judge all you like) but am not being honest about who i am with those i know. This is based to some extent on the reaction of those I have shown.

Now when we the older generation started we didn't have the affirmation of a community on the www so we didn't share experiences or learn from others. If i was starting over now I'd be out more and more open from a young age. It would allow others to see who I was and I'd get to know those who liked me as i was.

[Barbara Black]

Steffi, maybe that's a part of it too, verifying to yourself that you are not the only person who does this? That last bit of knowledge of seeing someone face to face.

[Karen RHT]

I simply want to go about my business. I don't need a reason to go out wearing jeans and a T-shirt, why should I need a reason to go out wearing a skirt and blouse??


Karen

[Stephanie Julianna]

It makes it so much easier to try on and buy clothes. You get first hand feed back from SA's and it allows you to go where men are not allowed.

[Cheryl James]

This is a thread that I found to be very thought provoking. I found myself agreeing with something that just about everyone said. For me I guess it that going out gives me a sense of freedom at being the real me. The real me has been hidden so long. The sunshine feels good.

[Sallee]

Don't think I have chimed in on this yet
Well to me the obvious reason is its fun to go out and do things sitting at home in front of a mirror looking at a TV gets really boring after a while no matter how good the show is. The other reasons are we, humans, are social animals so we want to interact. We, has CD's, at least this one wants to see how well we "pass" Social interaction is fun

[NicoleScott]

I go out because that's where the "and about" is.

[Maria Blackwood]

While I do enjoy visiting here, the one thing that does kind of get on my nerves is the constant put down of closet dressers. I have no reason to "go out". There is nothing out there for me. I like what I like, and thats pretty much it.

I'm the same, sugar. You have my support.

[jennifer0918]

I don't play tennis, but would love to play in heels ;)

[Princess zelia prime]

When you ladies do go out where do you like to go? I have read a lot about cross dressers going to gay bars or places like that but im an alchoholic and have been sober for 6 months now so i cant really hang out at bars or clubs anymore. Theres really only one place i go out crossdressed and thats my local comic book store but i know mostly everyone there. Just wondering where people go or what they like to do when crossdressed out of the house.

[Aunt Kelly]

Princess,
First of all, congratulations on your 6 months sobriety. :)
Broadly speaking, you have two choices, "safe" and accepting venues or everywhere else. Safe and accepting would include (as you've noted) most gay bars, some lesbian bars, and any other venue that has been noted by the community for their embracing diversity. Depending on where you live, that might include a restaurant or two, a shop or two, a whole neighborhood, or most of the city. How do you find these places? Networking, girl. Here (the forum) is a good start, but most cities of any size will have LGBTQ resources that can steer you in the right direction.
Then there's "everywhere else". My first time out en femme was in Las Vegas. I don't recommend it as a first-time-out venue because the tourists tend to gape and point at all the unusual sights. Once I got past that, though, I was able to smile back at them and enjoy my evening anyway, and that's my point - if you can let go of the terror and just smile and be pleasant, almost anyplace is OK. Sure, you'll encounter bigots here and there, the frequency of that depending again on where you live, but your behavior will dictate how people respond. Act normal and pleasant, and most of the time the worst treatment you will encounter is the occasional double-take.

Hugs,


Kelly Marie

[Princess zelia prime]

if you can let go of the terror and just smile and be pleasant, almost anyplace is OK. Sure, you'll encounter bigots here and there, the frequency of that depending again on where you live, but your behavior will dictate how people respond. Act normal and pleasant, and most of the time the worst treatment you will encounter is the occasional double-take.


I completely agree i with you there. Im never really afraid to approach or talk to people and i always smile and have a lot of personality. I like to have fun with it and i think that helps people who might not understand why we crossdress to see that we really arent anything to be afraid of. I live in Denver which is a very LGBT friendly city. Ill take your advice and look some stuff up. Maybe i can find something on meetups or something

[Pat]

Just wondering where people go or what they like to do when crossdressed out of the house.

All the normal places, really -- the grocery store, the sub shop, CVS, the gas station, etc. Just live the life you normally live. If you're looking for places with the highest probability of acceptance while you build confidence... probably libraries and book stores, any events happening on a University campus, theatrical and live music venues, coffee shops, museums -- these are all places that, around Boston anyway, attract a pretty reliably liberal clientele.

[NicoleScott]

Crissy Kay, there are lots of put-downs here on the forum besides those directed at closet dressers. Men with beards in dresses, OTT dressers, etc. Sometimes I ignore, sometimes I push back.
So, here's what we should do: put on our maid's outfits and go out. Pass/blend crossdressers will tell us we are setting a bad example for the community and tell us to get back into the closet. OK, if you insist, but make up your mind, will ya?

[Helen_Highwater]

The very first group meeting I attended, remember it well, there was someone there dressed in the full maids outfit right down to frilly ankle socks. Out and about this was someone you would notice as she was over 6' tall. Oh and did I mention the curly shock of blond hair and red eye shadow. This didn't stop her from stopping off at the fish and chip shop on the way home for supper. I would loved to have been a fly on that wall!

Again I reiterate, if going out isn't for you, that's fine. My question was aimed at those that do and to describe how you would explain that which drives you to do so.

It's a fact that the CD/trans world is, albeit slowly, coming out of the shadows. More of us it seems are crossing that threshold and presenting ourselves to the world. I'm looking to find out what initially carried you over that doorstep.

[Sami Brown]

I have been a big chicken all of my life. My first time out was to prove that I could put my fear to the side, pull up my "big boy pants," and be myself without regard to what others think. For me it was one of the high points in my life, because I had finally decided to set myself free, using the keys I always had in my hand.

[Stephanie47]

Decades ago I took the plunge and went out several times for an evening drive. I wanted to experience life as more than a shut in. It took awhile to intentionally interact with other humans. I did that on two Halloweens. I sort of got the urge out of my system for a long time. When our daughter went to school in the mid west my wife visited her for seven to ten days every year. Her absence gave me a lot of time to hang many of my dresses in the closet and trade my male underwear for my women's attire in my armoire. Then the urge came back and I started taking longer strolls almost every night. I enjoyed the cool breezes caressing my legs and playing with the skirt of my dresses and slips.

Yes, I did chicken out and did not interact with humans out of fear that I would be shunned or worse. I would be very comfortable being among like minded individuals who are truly accepting of men who like to wear women's clothing. If I could only knock about six inches off my six foot height I think I would go further.