Secretly want to get caught

[Mtempel]

I've stayed dressed for nearly three straight days, except going out. The longer I stay dressed the more confident I feel and the urge to be seen en femme grows. I think deep down I want someone to catch me but get nervous at the thought. Any others feel similar?

[Jaylyn]

I don't want to ever get caught, but would enjoy maybe something like DLV or other meeting where CDs convene. If you ever get caught you have to own that for the rest of your life.

[AlissaMurray]

I was dress all day yesterday. Just after dusk I was crouched with the slider door open having a smoke and one of my neighbor lady's walked by with her dog. Now I am on the second floor and have chairs/plants ect. on the deck but she and I did make eye contact for a brief moment. I'm not sure what else she may or may not have seen but like I said, I was low in the doorway and it was a quick glance so I doubt she saw much more than my face. I think I know what apartment she is from but I do not know her at all so honestly I don't think I care. I go out on the deck all the time after dark in skirts, I really enjoy it.

[Tracii G]

Mtempel that is a very common thing around here.
The ones that do feel that way will never admit it tho'.
When a member calls them out on it they make up a lie trying to cover it up.
Some even have a fetish about it.

[Pat]

I've stayed dressed for nearly three straight days, except going out. [...] I think deep down I want someone to catch me but get nervous at the thought.

There's an easy solution to your problem: stay dressed when you go out. So I guess I don't really get it. Are you looking for a way to be "outed" so it's not your responsibility? From the stories on this forum from people who were found out instead of coming out, I think you probably are imagining that's cooler than it is. All the stories make me think you're much better off coming out, where you have control of the situation -- even that can be a little bumpy.

[SometimesKairi]

Found out - questions and the gossiping
Come out - questions and the gossiping.

It's down to you to what you went to do :)
But my question is, why do you want to be caught?

[Tracii G]

I would love to know what the draw is to getting caught or why some fantasize about it.
If you get caught you are out.
If you come out you are out. Not much difference IMO.

[JenniferMBlack]

I did have the desire to be caught but then got the nerve to just come out. I think that is what it comes down to really. You want to have poeple know but you are scared to actually tell them so you want to be caught. Yes the end result is the same but you dont have to actually say hey I am a crossdresser. Not much you can so to deny it if your caught dressed and not much doubt for the other person.

[kimdl93]

I think I understand the motivation. Coming out as an overt act requires a clear intention and action. "Being caught" doesn't imply intent. Of course, its a practice in self deception. And it means that instead of coming out to people who may need to know, your coming out haphazardly.

[Lana Mae]

If you are caught and have an SO, you have eroded trust in your relationship. If you confess to your SO, you are being truthful and seeking trust. Not having the "talk", can lead to problems when you are found out! Just my $.02! Hugs Lana Mae

[Sandin Meknickers]

It's not a secret anymore...
Do you think you can deny it if you get caught? claim you're ashamed of yourself? Talkdown how significant it is? Relieve yourself of responsibility for yourself?

If you get off on dangerous behaviour, I can dig that but can't really see that you've taken any risk. You sound like you just want to come out.

[NancySue]

Not me !! PERIOD !

[redtea]

Caught by who? strangers or people that know you?

I love being caught, Even though it would be really embarrassing and my natural instinct is to "don't do this".

I think one day I will just let myself get caught by my mom and sister just to reach the pinnacle of embarrassment and shock.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Mtempel,
I guess I was the same way years ago.
Wanting to be seen, but afraid to be seen at the same time.

I think what helped me with my interest in venturing out
was to stop thinking of it as being caught.

You may inadvertently be seen, but nobody is
setting a trap to catch you.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[7ftEmily]

I felt the same way, it just seemed like the easiest way to get out. And this is actually what happened for my outing with my fiancée... (full story in the introduce yourself section)
One thing i can say is during talking over the situation she brought up the question " if I hadn't found out when were you planning on telling me about this?" Truth is we've been together 8 1/2 years and as much as I would like to say I would have eventually (which is how I answered) I probably would have never had the nerves to bring it up. Being caught was just easier.

[CONSUELO]

Rather a sad reflection on us CDer's that we hide in the shadows and secretly wish we could be relieved of this burden of secrecy through some exterior agent.

[Alice Torn]

The only ones i would not mind being caught by, are total strangers! I do not want to be purposely deceiving people, and "bearing false witness". However, i always have liked dressing in any costume, as i dressed as a scarecrow, and the Pope, before, with costumes i made. When out at times, I have not fooled very many people, so i am not really deceiving people, just dressing as a very tall woman occasionally. i just enjoy the risk, and excitement, and joy, or presenting as a lady now and then, not meaning any harm. If i get "caught" by a family member, or someone who recognizes me, it will be no fun, not even a little.

[XemmaX]

Coming out is better than being caught as at the very least you get to do it on your own terms. As Pat said just stay dressed when you go outside. Im not sure what you mean, do mean getting in like some sort of a fantasy situation? or do you really mean someone catching you? tbh when my mum caught me doing it as a kid all i got was a feeling of mega embarrassment, shame and all sorts of negative emotions. Be careful what you wish for.

[sometimes_miss]

Wanting to 'get caught' could just be a desire to be loved for who you are. The getting caught part relieves you of the responsibility of making the declaration to those who you want to be 'out' to.
The problem is, when we dream of 'getting caught', it's always with a positive result. Reality is usually the reverse; there aren't a whole lot of crossdressers who 'get caught' that get to tell the world how wonderful that experience was for them. Mostly it ends up in disaster.
So before you go hunting for someone to 'catch you in the act', be aware that the chances of it turning out well are pretty slim.
Unless, of course, you really want to be out, and understand all the potential ramifications of what happens once you're out to the world....because you probably will be. People love to gossip, and the news that someone is a crossdresser is juicy gossip pretty much everywhere. Anyone who's ever suspected you might be gay will be: "SEE! I knew it! He's gay!". Won't matter what you tell them, because they've already made up their mind.

[Alice Torn]

Sadly, Sometimes, Miiss, that is all too true. Human nature can be very cruel.

[Tracii G]

Common thing about all this is not taking responsibility and thats what is wrong with a lot of people these days.
Things are never their fault its always society or family members causing them issues.
Case it point at pride last year one trans activist type kid pushed a straight guy for being straight at a pride parade.
I tried to separate them but they went at it so I had to take the trans kid down and explain where he was wrong.
Of course he was yelling that the straight guy was a homophobe and "looked at him funny" and thats what started the fight.
The police rolled up so I told them what happened.
The trans kid got taken to jail and the straight guy did too.I hope they both learned a lesson.
We all have to take responsibility for our actions and not blame others for our shortcomings.

[docrobbysherry]

This is NOT a game. :Angry3:

If u r TS and want/need to come out? Talk with professionals, love ones, friends, and then do what works for u and them.:straightface:

If u r a CD, like me? If u r seen and do NOT need/want to "come out" u mite find your professional/personal life, and that of your loved ones, damaged beyond repair!:doh:

I told an old girlfriend I'd been close to for 35+ years because she was supportive at first. We haven't communicated in over 10 now!:sad:

[suzanne]

The only difference between the two kinds of OUT is who is in control of the conversation. Ifor you are caught out and questioned, you are likely caught off guard and may have to answer a lot of questions you didn't plan for and answer them awkwardly. If you have come out on your own and are then met by an acquaintance, most of the questions have been dispensed with an a normal conversation can develop. It's no different from the politician who makes his admission public before the media can spin it into a scandal.

[lingerieLiz]

Had a few times that I was "caught" and didn't want to be. In all situations it was unexpected and beyond my control. On the other hand I have gone out dressed to various degrees and accepted that people will notice. If I'm wearing a blouse and someone sees my projection or bra-lines so be it. I don't consider that being caught.

[Tracii G]

If you get "caught" own it and act like its no big deal.
The more you try to explain the deeper the hole you dig for yourself.
I had this happen last summer with a person I went to high school with.
I was eating dinner with a GG friend and he walked up and said my last name is that you?Are you a woman now?
I just owned it and said Oh you didn't know? Introduced my friend and acted like it was no big deal.
In the end he said good to see you its been a long time and off he went back to his seat.
My point is I never admitted that I had transitioned or had SRS. He was left thinking what he wanted.

[Teresa]

Mtempel,
The thought of being caught is partly out of the rush and partly a need to move on, just another stepping stone.

I still don't like the guy in a dress situation at home, but DADT just makes it a pain to go the whole hog. Besides now I go out socially it feels slightly pointless . The thought of being caught may have passed but I've found I've moved on to sometimes having some fun by wearing something a little more risque at the right occasion .

Tracci,
That's a good point , you shouldn't have to explain the reason, it's as it is . Your friend used the right term by saying woman rather than saying I didn't realise you were a "trannie", or "one of them !" What ever that is supposed to mean .

Alice,
Good to see you back, I hope things are good for you , sadly I get the feeling family is a cross you still have to carry.

[Beverley Sims]

When I went out dressed reguarly I felt more confident each time.

Getting caught was not on the list anywhere.

I was sprung once outside a hospital and explained that I had been diagnosed as transgendered and was having treatment.

He seemed sympathetic as if I had an incurable condition that was terminal.

Yep! he was right on that count anyway.

It was a past workmate, whatever he told others I do not know as nothing has ever filtered back to me.

[wantstocrossdress]

For a closet queen like me, there are times that dressing up does get exhilarating specially when you're all dolled and locked up in your room late at night then someone knocks on your door only to find out that its a petty issue that you can solve in the morning or through shouting back and never opening the door. A brief tingle of panic is fun on what would usually be a routine nightly dress up session but I always make sure that all windows are closed, my door is locked, and no traces of what I've put on will be left after I get out of femme mode. In general, I don't want any to get caught; an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

[Shelly Preston]

I have a question.

Why you want to get caught.

Depending on circumstances this could be fun or cause a lot of heartache, be careful what you wish for.

[Mtempel]

Because secrets weigh heavily on the soul

[robbieatbest]

There are a lot of people who know I cross dress but some who don't. One who doesn't is the window cleaner who collects his money on a Monday night every fortnight. Sometimes I am dressed when he calls and each time my SO has been there to open the door and pay. One day she won't be, I will be "dressed" and the window cleaner will know I am in the house (window in door). I have decided to answer the door if and when this happens. At least I won't have to try and remember which week it is.

[Stephanie47]

My wife knows I wear women's clothing on occasion. It's DADT. She is not aware of the extent of my wardrobe. I suspect sometime in the future she will find out I have way too much clothing for any woman to wear. So be it.

As to getting "caught" I have gone out for evening strolls so I may enjoy the cool air caressing my legs and gently playing with the skirt of my dress and slip. If I were to be identified as a man when I am en femme it would be meaningless UNLESS I am identified by someone who actually knows me. There is the question..always the question..how will there person react. As a married person I do have to deal with any negativity that results because it will also affect my wife. Will neighbors shun me? And, also shun my wife? Unfortunately, people have prejudices based on ignorance. I've listened to tirades by people against all sorts of people who are not of their flock.

I was "caught" once by a nosy neighboring family in the house next to me. Actually, looking over the fence is really a violation of privacy. They would line up on their patio and wait to see if I would venture out into my backyard where I would take my coffee in the morning and read the newspaper. They were nosy. They always ran up and down the street chatting up every one. I am sure they told some of the other neighbors. Maybe not, because nobody changed how they interact with me or my wife. Maybe they just do not care. Maybe they just put on a good false front.

There is a world of difference between a stranger identifying you as a man in a dress than a family member, close friend, coworker finding out. My recommendation has always been to enjoy being en femme where you are either welcome en femme or there is no fall out if you are identified as a man wearing women's clothing. Once the genie is out of the bottle, she is not going back in.

[docrobbysherry]

Because secrets weigh heavily on the soul

Which is why u need to be careful who u tell. Your secret weighs heavy on THEM!:sad:

[Paula2]

I was "caught" one night by a group of friends.
I got the courage one night to visit a local establishment and see what might happen. I walked up to the bar and sat down and ordered a drink. Immediately got a reaction from the other guests.
I never could change my voice.
Some negative but more positive. Eventually everything settled and I was enjoying my evening with new people. Then 6 of my friends walked out of the dining room and sat down! ! None of them recognized me.. After about 2 hrs I was introduced to my friends and they were surprised but ok with it. I told them it was just something I enjoyed doing. After that I never really worried about being "caught" again!
My situation is not always the normal.
I will say it did relieve alot of stress associated with my dressing.
I won't say it was the right way.. I am glad that it did happen. It was something I never would have found the courage to do myself.

I think that is the allure of "being caught" Its kinda an easy way out for some.. But not all!!

[sometimes_miss]

Because secrets weigh heavily on the soul
Why? There are plenty of things we don't tell everyone, or anyone for that matter. It's only the things that we don't want to be known, that we worry about. Still, I steal extra mayonnaise packets from fast food restaurants. Do I tell anyone? No. Does it bother me? No. I sometimes wonder why so many people feel the need to tell the world about every little thing. Maybe it's from the 'Mommy, look at what I can do!' phase little kids go through, hoping for some type of positive reinforcement from someone who they need acceptance from.

[Georgina]

Not really wanting to get caught but would care less now than I used to.

[Paula2]

I do agree we only hide things that we worry about.. But why do we worry about them?? Fear of rejection, lost of loved ones, major disruptions in our lives, maybe even divorce or loss of a job.. These are major issues that weigh heavy on the mind..

All for something as simple as clothing style choices :(

I personally like the piece of mind of being honest with people now.. I kept my dressing a secret from everyone but my Ex-wife for too many years!!! Always worrying if someone stopped over what might happen.. If someone saw me outside the house.. If I left some item laying somewhere..

I don't worry about those things now!! My friends know and accept it.. My family knows and they still love me!! My neighbors know and we still talk with each other..

There is a piece of mind that is associated with honesty!!

Its taken my whole life to get here.. I am happier now than I have ever been!!

It's not about "Hey mommy look at me"

It is all about being honest with people and finding acceptance for who we really are!!

[Lacey New]

I don't think I want to get caught - that is having someone who I know but I do not want them to know that I crossdress. However, I have been tempted to confidentially share my crossdressing with a female friend that I trust and respect.

[Bruce64]

I have a couple of Garters and stay up I love wearing these Days, Yesterday I was at Yorkdale Mall wearing a Brassiere, it felt great this is something I had wanted to do a long time ago, not easy but not as hard as it seems. Get caught or not I just don't care if I do.

[Allison Chaynes]

I have tested the waters with telling my mom about Allison. Part of me would be ok with her seeing/finding things in my house that pretty much answer all questions concerning this side of me. Then again, I know she cannot keep her mouth shut, so I don't really want the whole family to know.

[Brandy Fromdaburg]

I got caught within minutes the very first time I ever crossdressed.
I was about 6 and my parents had just moved into a new apartment complex. There were carports with storage units in front of each parking space. I was exploring our locker because the previous tenant left some boxes behind. I found a padded training brain one of the boxes. I tried it on just out of curiosity. I put my shirt back on over the bra to see how I looked. For some reason I don't remember I walked out of the storage unit into the carport area. Just then a middle aged man came out to get in his car and he spotted me. It was pretty obvious i had titties and 6 year old boys usually don't have titties lol. He didn't say anything and I don't think I ever saw him again because we moved out after a month or so.
The second time I got caught was by my parents when I was about 12. They came home early from a movie and dinner with friends and they caught me watching TV while wearing my mom's wig and lipstick. They just told me to take it off and don't do it again. I never heard anything about it again. The third and last time was about ten years ago when my wife told me to buy my own bras because i was stretching hers out from wearing them lol.
These are true stories. You can tell they are true because they are boring. My parents didn't force me to dress and go to school that way. The neighbor didn't blackmail me for sex, my wife didnt force me to get ****ed with a strap on (although that did happen later)etc.

[Sissy_in_pink]

I have answered the door to delivery guys a few times, the first time I did it I was fully dressed I thought what the heck, I don't think the guy realized until he was leaving that I was male.
I have a male neighbour across the street that use to come over quite often before I started to dress on a regular basis, I have expected him to come over whilst I'm dressed, so far it hasn't happened and I don't know how I will be when and if it does, but I am looking forward to the time it does.