reveal to friend, being authentic, healthy...

[ginapoodle]

All,

I had lunch yesterday with a woman friend I met taking classes at our church. We connected in many ways during the classes, and she has bugged me to have lunch for months. So, we did that. The conversation was deep, intimate and when she revealed she is supportive of GLBT, and very knowledgeable of T people, and she is queer and has a sister transitioning F to M...well I decided to open up. Acceptance was total and we both had a few tears and laughs.

I sent her a few pictures and got rave reviews. She suggested: hey let's go together and get out nails done, maybe go shopping? Kind of blows my mind.

Makes me realize how little genuine authentic and fully open friendships I have. My wife is total DADT, do not want to see, etc. To encounter real acceptance touched me emotionally, mentally and spiritually. She is working on being a fully ordained minister, with a key interest in GLBT, and we have discussed spiritual aspects of gender fluidity, etc. Very healthy.

Anyway, the new moon brought some very welcome, and rare experiences.

On a less happy note, I found out this past week that one of my deep friends in the Portland, OR area, who also knows and supports and has seen Gina has uterine cancer. Very tragic, and I hope she makes it. She is a rare one, and she encouraged me to step out in public, helped me shop some, and even gave a makeup tutorial or two.

It has been an intense week.

I feel the Universal patterns moving to open my expression of Gina more. Gender issues remain one of my last major unresolved relationship and personal challenges: what to do with this gift? Should I reopen discussions with my wife to try and move past DADT and her extreme controlling style? Maybe tell my adult daughters? I believe when the time is right for major life changes, it is clear and the doors open. Maybe the pathway signs are emerging from the fog?

All familiar events on this forum, but for me pretty significant.

[Jaylyn]

Gina I read your comment but didn't know how to react to it.
I've had friends who have died of cancer thus I can pray for your friend in Portland Oregon.
Every ones situation is different and at the same time similar. Only you know when to talk to your wife about Gender Issues. You are also the only one that knows if you should tell your adult daughters, please consider what this news might have on them. Look at all sides from their perspective and how it could affect you and them.
I've always thought what happens will happen that way for a reason. Just tread lightly and think things thru.
We in a state of shock or intense moments say and react differently than when our minds are clear and a relaxed state.
You mentioned familiar events on the forum, read those events and see the pros and cons of the whole situation then let your thoughts on the subject settle for a few days before just jumping in a situation you didn't expect to be in. JMHO

[SharonDenise]

I came out to my wife while we were still dating. She accepted and supported my cross dressing for the forty years that we were married. Sadly, she passed three years ago. I came out to my grown up daughters after she passed. The house is full of my female clothing and I figured I should let them know if something happened to me. They were not happy with my revelation. My daughters want to see me as their Dad and they don't want me discussing that part of me with them. Its a DADT situation.

[Rogina B]

I came out to my wife while we were still dating. She accepted and supported my cross dressing for the forty years that we were married. Sadly, I came out to my grown up daughters after she passed. The house is full of my female clothing and I figured I should let them know if something happened to me. They were not happy with my revelation. My daughters want to see me as their Dad and they don't want me discussing that part of me with them.
That is a situation that you and your wife created ! It seems like you are "gender gifted" but never accepted it well enough to be honest with your daughters years ago. I bet you have not explained your feelings to them properly,so they are reacting like you have a perverted hobby. DADT is the ultimate putdown..

[Teresa]

Gina,
You have a similar situation to me, I'm out to so many people, obviously my social group dressed, and many who have seen my pictures. My wife knows I go out socially but isn't aware of me being out to others or about the pictures. My son and daughter do know , I came out to my daughter by accident , I was ironing a dress and forgot she was in the house, she also knew by the style of the dress it wasn't my wife's, so I told her everything and she's OK about it. My son doesn't push the issue apart from some mildly sarcastic comments, both of them have also told their married partners and they are also OK about it . I will point out that there is a big difference to being out to people and the reality of seeing you, so there are still some problems of being caught out but at least it won't be a total shock.

Sharon,
I'm not sure if Rogina is a little harsh, you are seventy and if you have the same time scale as me your daughters must be in their forties, possibly with their own families . Losing their mother has put the onus on you to be the parental support they may still need sometimes,and obviously they need you as the rock solid dad still . It is going to take some work to convince them that you can still give some support and seeing the family home turned into Sharons home is taking some swallowing. maybe the best solution is move and break that connection and make a fresh start with them .

I have a feeling my children might have very similar feelings I'm sure I would also have problems with my wife's side of the family .I would sell up and move anyway.

[docrobbysherry]

I see possible danger in this new relationship, Gina. A new female friend that is T friendly, sexually queer, (your words), and someone u communicate with on a "deep, intimate level". And, at a time u r having difficulties with your wife and with Gina wanting more freedom now?:straightface:

If there r sparks between u and your new "friend" I wouldn't be surprised! :hugs:
Be careful how u deal with all of this!:eek:

[Kelly DeWinter]

docrobbysherry has a very valid point, You owe it to your spouse and yourself to have some sort of conversation. Being able to talk to someone on friendship or professional level is one thing, but on a "deep and intimate" level is another. If she is working to be an ordained minister, would she truly talk to a member of her church knowing they were having problems at home ?

Ask yourself "are you willing to possibly lose your wife over this ?"

Kelly

[Tama]

Kelly and Sherry said it best...Please be very careful you don't transfer your affections over to someone else..this will take any problems to whole new levels!
I completely understand finding someone who gets us, but don't get caught up in it all...

[ginapoodle]

Some of you are over interpreting my words, and not understanding the reality and truth. No worries.

[sometimes_miss]

Makes me realize how little genuine authentic and fully open friendships I have.
I think few of us understand that we very, very rarely ever have 'genuine authentic and fully open' friendships. No one actually tells other everything about themselves. It's impossible; we'd have to review every moment of our past lives, and it would take enormous amounts of time, as well as discussion to explain everything. So, we reveal only truncated versions of ourselves, and often present only the best of who and what we are. And we have to live with that....especially with those of the opposite sex, who we are trying to impress enough in order to get them to mate with us. Over time, they will discover more and more about us, and we hope they will overlook our liabilities and failures, as we overlook theirs. Unfortunately, some things, are harder to overlook than others. Perhaps the hardest thing, is crossdressing. Neither men nor women look kindly upon us for that.

[Trione]

My wife is disceased, my kids would stop seeing me. I want to come out to one of two friends. One was a HS friend that is very active in LGBT. I believe she would keep it to herself and if she did tell anyone we went to school with, I would just denine it, as I don't see any of them. The second lady is the one who got all our lingerie when the wife passed. She knew I loved loved lingerie and she and the wife had a brief affair, we don't see each other except every few years. What does the group think