Is there life after crossdressing

[sheena]

This is Sheena's wife- not Sheena asking this question. Is there life beyond crossdressing or is crossdressing the ultimate goal of life?
Bewildered
p.s it really is my wife asking the question. I can't convice her to join the forum yet but she's been reading with me.

[Kimberley]

Hi Sheena's SO.

It is not a choice for us. To stop (purge) usually causes huge mental problems. The need never goes away.

Having said that here are a few other tidbits.

1) We are generally heterosexual. Bi sexuality and homosexuality among us is no different than the population at large.

2) We are fiercely devoted to our wives and families particularly if they know of our CDing.

3) Being a CD is an internal need of expression for our feminine side and is not in any way a replacement for our wives and girlfriends. There is no threat.

4) There is mounting scientific evidence that being transgendered has genetic roots. It is not a psychological deviation.

There is a lot for you to read and understand on this site. You should register and get to know the other genetic women who can give you a unique perspective of us and their struggles to come to grips with it.

Hope this helps.

Kimberley.

[Barb Valentine]

Hi Sheena's wife
crossdressing there is no goal (at least for me)
It's just something we enjoy doing

[Julie Avery]

Sheena's wife, if I'm reading between the lines correctly here, you're upset about something specific, or some specific things. With more detail, I'd bet the folks here could engage in a fruitful give-and-take with you.

Wishing you both the best.

[DonnaT]

If crossdressing was the ultimate goal of life, most of us acheived that goal at a very young age. If it was my goal, I achieved it in 1965.

CDing is not something we have chosen, it has chose us.
We are born with a transgendered condition that leaves us with an unexplainable urge to dress in the attire of the opposite sex. Crossdressing satisfies that urge for many of us. There is no cure for being transgendered.

So, no, it isn't the ultimate goal. Everyone's goal varies as much as each individual varies. Some have the goal to be rich, some to be happy, some have other goals.

[PTPJen]

Crossdressing is something you do in life, some people sew, some people play sports, some people crossdress. I know some guys that spend the life on Sunady's, and Saturday's watching playing sports and taking away time from their family, If you crossdress in moderation (To be discussed with yuou wife who SHOULD have imput into this) its your sport or item. I know that I occationally shop with my wife and I go to things that one would think are girl type things because she wants to buit I do, because as acrossdresser i understand the needs she has.

[kwebb]

Maybe for some and maybe for many at certain times in life CDing has occupied a fairly high rank on a list of potential priorities in life. Some look at the state of being CD as more important than other things. This varies throughout the "CD" world.

To some its the most important issue in life. Others not so much so. For those like me it just goes up and down all the time. Some days its more important than others.

[Ipexx2]

Hi Sheena's SO.

It is not a choice for us. To stop (purge) usually causes huge mental problems. The need never goes away.

Having said that here are a few other tidbits.

1) We are generally heterosexual. Bi sexuality and homosexuality among us is no different than the population at large.

2) We are fiercely devoted to our wives and families particularly if they know of our CDing.

3) Being a CD is an internal need of expression for our feminine side and is not in any way a replacement for our wives and girlfriends. There is no threat.

4) There is mounting scientific evidence that being transgendered has genetic roots. It is not a psychological deviation.

There is a lot for you to read and understand on this site. You should register and get to know the other genetic women who can give you a unique perspective of us and their struggles to come to grips with it.

Hope this helps.

Kimberley.

I agree. Plus I love of being a women and need more thing to become a full woman. My wife love to paint my nails.

[GypsyKaren]

The number one priority in my life has always been the welfare and happiness of my wife and kids, everything else takes a back seat to that.

Karen

[sheena]

Sheena's wife, if I'm reading between the lines correctly here, you're upset about something specific, or some specific things. With more detail, I'd bet the folks here could engage in a fruitful give-and-take with you.

Wishing you both the best.

Something more specific: I miss my husband. I was raised in an all girl family and when I got married I wanted a real male. I thought I had the best out there. The crossdressing seems to be taking over. I miss our spontaneous outings. I like the windows open to the outside world. My husband is extremely handsome and I miss seeing him. He on the other hand is really happy when he is dressed and I like to see him happy.

[sheena]

Maybe for some and maybe for many at certain times in life CDing has occupied a fairly high rank on a list of potential priorities in life. Some look at the state of being CD as more important than other things. This varies throughout the "CD" world.

To some its the most important issue in life. Others not so much so. For those like me it just goes up and down all the time. Some days its more important than others.

This was the answer I was looking for. Thank-you very much.

[Jodi Lynn]

All I tell you from my own life. For me there are times when crossdressing does take more time in my life. Tghese times seem to have to do with how much stress I am under. Dressing make me feel better and yes happy at the time. I can understand how you feel about missing your husband. Just remember he is still there, he is still the same person you married. His fem side was allways and still is a big part of the man you fell in love with. Right now he just may feel like showing it a little more that at other times.

[sheena]

All I tell you from my own life. For me there are times when crossdressing does take more time in my life. Tghese times seem to have to do with how much stress I am under. Dressing make me feel better and yes happy at the time. I can understand how you feel about missing your husband. Just remember he is still there, he is still the same person you married. His fem side was allways and still is a big part of the man you fell in love with. Right now he just may feel like showing it a little more that at other times.


I appreciate your comments, thank-you very much.

[Dragster]

Sheena's wife,
I've yet to have the "Big Chat" with my wife (she knows, but has taken a long time to want to try and undestand), but if the outcome is that she wants the "Man" in her life 6 days out of 7, but one day a week, she'd be happy to help me look female, and go out with me, I'd treat that as Utopia! And if she'd dress herself and me for sex occasionally, that would be the icing on the cake. I appreciate that she wants the man she married most of the time, and she has a right to that.

I hear that the GG section on this forum would give you answers to most of your questions, and I aim to get my wife on there if I can get her sufficiently interested.

Tony

[Jennaie]

I would love to offer some advice here but I am single. I will say that I do not allow my dressing to take over my life. I have a life as a male and I have obligations that I must meet.

So what I like to do is reserve a special time that I can dress and enjoy it and then put it up until my special time rolls around again. Dressing urges come over me all the time, but I have learned to put limits on it in order to enjoy the other parts of my life that deserve attentions as well.

[AprilCD]

Yes there is life after cross dressing. The biggest problem is not being a CD but lying about. This ultimately was my biggest downfall to my relationship with my wife. I resisted urges for months at a time. My attitude became of resentment. I lacked support to my wife and her needs. When I did dress it was using her clothes, one very bad taboo thing to do. I lied to her and to myself for years.
Things are different now. I fully accept myself for who I am. I have my own wardrobe. Some of it is her hand me downs which she willfully had given me. Our marriage is over but we still live together. We actually give each other more support now then ever before. She with my desires of expressing my feminine side and I with her education on being a nurse. Soon when time permits she stated she will help me reeducate myself so that maybe I can live as April on a more frequent basis. In the meantime I work very hard in maintaining our household together so we both may have future that we each deserve.
Honesty to yourself is one of the most basic concepts you have to live with. Once that issue is set to rest then the every thing else in life fall right in place where they need to be.

[Phoebe Reece]

Sheena's wife,

Yes, there is life after crossdressing. It does not have to be the thing your family life totally revolves around.

I think that we males of the species have a tendency to focus on a single important thing in our lives (such as crossdressing) and focus almost all our energy pursuing that, often without seeing the big picture. Perhaps that is an inherited trait from successful hunters and warrior ancestors. When we CD's have been restricted from crossdressing for long periods of our lives, we often overdo it when the chance comes along. It takes awhile to learn that responsibility needs to go along with freedom.

As for myself, it took awhile to develop that balance. I currently have great freedom to dress almost anytime I want. However, dressing up and just sitting around at home no longer appeals to me - I did that for too many years. On average, I do dress about 3 or 4 days (for the entire day) each month and go out and have great adventures in the world enfemme. The rest of the month, I am just a regular guy and am there for my family. This works for me and my wife.

I wish you and your husband luck in finding what will work for you.

[Cathy Anderson]

Hi Sheena,

Your wife might want to look at a couple of articles on my website, "Help! My Husband is a Crossdresser!" and "Is Crossdressing Incurable?"

http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/cathytg/help3.htm
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/cathytg/cure.htm

My hypothesis is that wearing women's clothes is partly symbolic and an attempt by a man to meet other psychological needs. These include (1) the need to get in touch with his "feminine side" and (2) in general to correct or compensate for emotional and other restrictions he feels connected with being male.

If the hypothesis is correct, the more a man can integrate these things into his male personality, the less he will need to crossdress.


I miss my husband. I was raised in an all girl family and when I got married I wanted a real male.
Being a CD does not make a man not a "real male." When he's not crossdressed, he's like any other man.

I thought I had the best out there.
Maybe you do. Would you prefer some swaggering, cocky, caricature of a macho male?

It should be pointed out that women have an inner male, just as men have an inner female. Your comment about an all-girl family suggests that maybe you've haven't gotten in touch with your own inner male and seek too much to project it onto your husband (that is very common, actually). This might be a problem for a man, just as it might be a burden for a woman if a man expects his wife to either be a mother or ultra-feminine all the time.

You might also want to consider what it is you really feel here, and try to separate that from any considerations of "what will others think?"


The crossdressing seems to be taking over.
I think this can be a problem. When a man has kept his feminine side locked up for years, once it is released, naturally it is like a "kid in a candy store." But it doesn't have to take over.

I miss our spontaneous outings. I like the windows open to the outside world. My husband is extremely handsome and I miss seeing him.
Why make an either-or situation here? Could he do these other things, and then crossdress, say, only some of the time?


He on the other hand is really happy when he is dressed and I like to see him happy.
Could he learn how to be happy without crossdressing? That is the basic question. Hopefully the answer is yes. But, to do this he must first experience the happiness. And, at present, it seems perhaps he must crossdress to do that.

So the trick might be to experiment with the crossdressing enough to experience the happiness and other suppressed, hidden, or otherwise inaccessible feelings. Then, once they are familiar to him again, to find ways to feel these things as male.

Maybe if you thought about it, you could see parts of his male personality that are problem areas, and you might see how his CD personality are in some ways a compensation for these problems.

Cathy

[Bliss GG]

I think that we males of the species have a tendency to focus on a single important thing in our lives (such as crossdressing) and focus almost all our energy pursuing that, often without seeing the big picture. Perhaps that is an inherited trait from successful hunters and warrior ancestors. When we CD's have been restricted from crossdressing for long periods of our lives, we often overdo it when the chance comes along. It takes awhile to learn that responsibility needs to go along with freedom.


Thanks for pointing this out. I was concerned for a while, early in my relationship with my cd boyfriend, that crossdressing was all he ever wanted to talk about. I really didn't care that he wore dresses, but it bothered me that he wanted to talk about it every day! He found a way to work the subject into every conversation! It helps me to be reminded that males tend to focus on one thing at a time that is important to them. What may have looked like an obsession to me (talking about the crossdressing) may have just been a guy thing. Anyway, he stopped bringing the subject up after I started rolling my eyes whenever he brought the same subject up more than twice. (Mind you, he wears dresses every day, I just don't want to talk about why he wears dresses every day.)

[Fallen Angel]

Is there life after crossdressing? Its the begining of life.To be able to connect to a special side of us.One of love,and careing a softer side.Its a specail gift that was given to us. We are able to see a world of wounder that only true genetic females take so much for granted.You havent lost youve gained !! Not only do you have a husband but a very special freind.

[kwebb]

CDing can take some people completely over. If you have trouble managing it, there can be trouble. I've been there and wrecked one truly meaningful relationship with a long time girlfriend in my 20s because of an obsession with it. I made up in my mind to try and get some measure of control over it.

IMHO, I think alot of it has to do with timing and the induvidual. When someone is at a point where they feel they can finally have some measure of freedom within the behavior, they will often 'go for broke ' with it and come off as being quite self-serving in the relationship. But as time went on, and I attended a few gender events/support group meetings in the late 90s, it seemed like some of the 'edge' was taken off of it and I seemed to mellow with it.

I was no longer "pushed around" by the urge to do it. Mostly now I do it when I want to do it. I say mostly because there are rare times when it becons to me, and I come to it.

Initially, my wife seemed to have more acceptance of it than I did, and I did not know how to/or have the necessary strategies and resources to deal with it and the social ostracism that comes with it. She knew before we were married.

And that GF I lost over it. She accepted it at first, but then I lacked understanding to deal with it constructively in a relationship. Had I known what I know now, we could have worked it out. Give it time.

[Amanduhrob]

Something more specific: I miss my husband. I was raised in an all girl family and when I got married I wanted a real male. I thought I had the best out there. The crossdressing seems to be taking over. I miss our spontaneous outings. I like the windows open to the outside world. My husband is extremely handsome and I miss seeing him. He on the other hand is really happy when he is dressed and I like to see him happy.

"I wanted a real male"... Ouch, are you saying your husband isn't a "real male"? Just because he wears a dress doesn't make him less of a man, but it does make him more loyal, loving, abd understanding.

You say you want the "windows open to the world", and why can't you do this now? Last time I looked CDing isn't a crime, nor should it be a dirty little secret. I personally don't give a care about what others think of me, and fortunately, I've met a GG who feels the same way, and loves me for who I am, and not for what she see's.

I for the life of me can't understand why GG's always pick the "bad boys", and cry about the nice guys when you get hurt by the bad boys. Most crossdressers are "the good guys".

[BethGG]

Sheena's wife, why don't you join and then come to the GG(Genetic Girls) section? I'm sure many of us can try to help!

[Dana]

Something more specific: I miss my husband. I was raised in an all girl family and when I got married I wanted a real male. I thought I had the best out there. The crossdressing seems to be taking over. I miss our spontaneous outings. I like the windows open to the outside world. My husband is extremely handsome and I miss seeing him. He on the other hand is really happy when he is dressed and I like to see him happy.


There are A LOT of things that are going on when it comes to crossdressing ~ and I do mean a lot. I mean, (and I could go on and on and on for hours) who needs drugs or alcohol if you're a cross dresser?

I mean on its face, the vast majority of CD's are hetro, just plain and simple fact? The first time a GG asked me, "Why would a man want to wear a dress?" I couldn't answer the question ~ and still can't. Not in the way that I would like to, want to, need to. Its extremely hard for me to articulate~!

Is their life after crossdressing ~ yes! Too much of even a good thing is not necessarly good. The key is in finding a balance in all things and with all things. There in and of itself nothing wrong with crossdressing ~ there really isn't!

And, for you as a wife ~ if doesn't necessarly have to be crossdressing per say ~ so much as it could be any other radom thing ~ golf, sports, football, cars, racing, NASCAR, bowling, etc ad nausem!

One of the things that I've learned about GG is that they want and need to be put up on an "emotional" pedestal by the men that they love and that love them! When a GG asks, "Is my a$% getting big~!" They're NOT asking if they're A^T^% is getting too big, they're asking ~ "Do you still love me? Do you still care about me? Do you still want me? Do you still need me? Do you still find me desirable? Do you still find me attractive? Do you still find me interesting? Do you still find me fun?"

Me? I have NO problem playing the male role! None! Ziltch! I can be and am all about playing my assigned role in life! 100%~ Down the line! But, if I were your SO, all I'm asking for is a little time to get "girly" ~ I don't even expect you to understand that, comprehend that! I just want that time and space? And, if you can join in on that ~ that's even the more better!

The problem is ~ is that most of us have had to SO much repress our "girly" sides for most of our life ~ it just about drives us bonkers! Live it down? We've lived it down! Suppress it? We've suppressed it! Denied it! Refused it! Cursed it (some of us) gone to extremese (and I do mean EXTREMES) to deny and suppress it!

What you're talking about isn't about crossdressing, what you're talking about is "balance" between what "YOU" want and need as a person, individual, and a woman, and what "He" needs as an individual, person, man, and yes, as a crossdresser.

What he needs to comprehend and understand is that YOU ~ want and need a man, as a man, being a man ~ and not as a woman. Hairy legs and all!

Me? I don't find anything attractive about men ~ AND its just incomprensiable to me what women even see in men!

I'm glad they do! But, I just don't get it! I just don't!

At any rate, I really recommend this site!

http://www.lightyourfire.com/index.cfm?source=OVER&ovmkt=L44KKHCIU2Q7DDBR56T32472PO&OVRAW=Light%20Her%20Fire&OVKEY=light%20her%20fire&OVMTC=standard

Just about the communication between a man and a woman!

I ordered it! I paid the bucks, and it was worth every bit!

[kathy gg]

Sheenas wife....if you are looking for opinions about what other crossdresssers have experienced and their feelings you are for sure coming to the right place. Their is a huge wide variety of crossdressers/transexuals/ and everything in between here. But ultimatly...only your own husband is the best guide to who he is. Ultimatly he is the expert on Sheena. Not any other person here. Seeing how other couples keep their relationships healthy and happy can be something to learn from, and think reading here is a good start to the leraning process. BUT in the end, only your husband can tell you if this is "his goal in life".

We do have a gg only area here that might be a better place to get a woman's view on things. If you decide to become a member it is a good place to read up on things from a wive's POV. Although no one discourgaes us gg's from posting I do find that sometimes when very sensative/hard/challening issues come up some guys tend to get a bit harsh with their relpies and take comments and feelings very personally. And how can they not really? I think for alot of guys they come to places like this for full support and when they see someone {like a wife} struggeling their only response is to lash out because they thought this was "their safe haven". So sometimes I can see how they let their emtoins cloud their response. As we know many on here do not have accepting wives and this is their one place to be "free" to express who they are. Sometimes the most simple of questions will generate very harsh replies. I woudl hate those more negative responses to drive a wife away from trying to find her own road to acceptance.

I also run a yahoo group that is ONLY for wives/girlfriends of cds. Since it is yahoo based and a private forum, you would have to have your own email account that only you have access to. No sharing of joint accounts. ANyway, if that sounds like something you might like to do while waiting for aproval into the gg area here let me know by sending me a private message or email. Our group requires a phone call confirmation as well, just like they do here. That is to keep our list safe from men joining.

Good luck on finding the answers to the questions in your relationship.

most sincerely



This is Sheena's wife- not Sheena asking this question. Is there life beyond crossdressing or is crossdressing the ultimate goal of life?
Bewildered
p.s it really is my wife asking the question. I can't convice her to join the forum yet but she's been reading with me.

[Julie Avery]

Something more specific: I miss my husband. I was raised in an all girl family and when I got married I wanted a real male. I thought I had the best out there. The crossdressing seems to be taking over. I miss our spontaneous outings. I like the windows open to the outside world. My husband is extremely handsome and I miss seeing him. He on the other hand is really happy when he is dressed and I like to see him happy.

Backtracking through Sheena's posts, I take it that your husband just "came out" to you about 2 months ago, at age 46. After probably 30 some years of repressing and hiding this deeply felt side of his personality, suddenly, for the first time in his life, he had acceptance from someone who means more to him than anyone else. I remember when this happened in my life, and for quite a while afterward I spent a great deal of time exploring and expressing what I had so long repressed and so often denied.

How long this goes on in an upward trajectory in Sheena's case, and whether it eventually cools down, I can't say. I would think that what will be critical for both of you during these months will be finding a way to agree upon limits - not from the perspective that you have to "police" your husband, but from the perspective that he needs to lovingly understand and address your own needs and deepest feelings, if he is to be able to continue to enjoy your loving acceptance of his crossdressing.

Just my $0.02 , and again I wish you both the very best.