opportunity costs, obsessions, energy expended...

[ginapoodle]

All,

Ok, here is a question for you, if so inclined.

For myself, I find the opportunity costs (trade off in time/energy/focus/peace/balance) of dressing; and particularly the phenomena of going out in public, and telling others, to be extremely high. At times I have been obsessed with all the facets of gender fluid and dysphoric behavior. Fetish behavior also occurs.

Trade offs: hobbies ignored, friends put off, negatives for key relationships in family, even loss of sleep. The really big cost for me: harmony, balance and peace.
There is so much internal conflict that engaging in being "Gina" can be simply exhausting.

We all have our own personalities, relationship web, dynamics and backgrounds and baggage. Yet, for me those tradeoffs are immense.

Even CD friends, on a casual basis --can be huge energy drains. Why is that? The human tendency to want to share common experiences and group peer pressure ignites. Egos can get involved: you "should", you "could"-- (fill in the blank) in other words: be like me. It can be a throw back to Junior High: conform to the group. I have been around CD/TG "bullies" on occasion, really intimidating others past reasonable bounds. So much judgement.

Well enough for today. Time for a nap for me. I just finished volunteer dog walking, a truly worthy expenditure of my time and energy and focus.

[Micki_Finn]

If cross dressing is such a chore for you and causing "internal conflict", why do you do it? Just judging from your post it sounds like you hate it. So stop and do something you DO enjoy with people you enjoy doing it with.

[Kelly DeWinter]

I'm kind of confused as to what your question is ?

I've never found more then one of the issues you describe other then hiding in my early days. These past years have been stress free because I have learned to choose not to let other opinions rule my life when and where possible.

[Dana44]

I never saw my Fem side as an energy drain. I cherish my CD friends and communicate with them on a regular basis. Never met CD bullies. Don't quite know what you question is?

[Teresa]

Gina,
I guess you feel like you do because either you can't fully come to terms with it you haven't found a way of combining it in your life. To you it's more of a chore than something you need to do to satisfy an inner need .

Living with the need 24/7 is draining , disrupts sleep , but if it's not going away you have to try and integrate it. OK that is also easier said than done if you're in a DADT situation , that is the real body blow for CDing . That is what tires me out and depresses me at times, sharing with others is enjoyable but to do that means living a double life , not being allowed to be open and honest with everyone is the downer.

[ginapoodle]

Gina,
I guess you feel like you do because either you can't fully come to terms with it you haven't found a way of combining it in your life. To you it's more of a chore than something you need to do to satisfy an inner need .

Living with the need 24/7 is draining , disrupts sleep , but if it's not going away you have to try and integrate it. OK that is also easier said than done if you're in a DADT situation , that is the real body blow for CDing . That is what tires me out and depresses me at times, sharing with others is enjoyable but to do that means living a double life , not being allowed to be open and honest with everyone is the downer.

Teresa,

Bless you. Thank you for understanding. After 51 years of this issue, I still have no resolution, peace or direction. I have done my best, and had reactions from incredibly positive to being spit on and friendships ended.

Thanks for being kind. I really appreciate that gesture.

On to my list of distractions.

[LizL]

Gina,

I totally get what you are saying.

The pink fog can have far reaching consequences.

It takes over the brain, and makes a gigantic dent in the bank account.

Self-doubt for me always rears its ugly head - I'm a late 40s, slighty overweight balding man - even the most gorgeous clothes and Hollywood-level wig & makeup are not going to transform me into a beautiful woman.

But I keep trying to improve. And yes, wanting to go out in public and meet other like minded CDs.

I recently signed up for a local group, and the first welcome mail recommended two high priced transformation makeup specialists. That put me off a bit.

While I understand not wanting a crass, beer-guzzling hairy bearded guy in a dress showing up to meetings and ruining the decorum of men trying to appear as women, it did seem like a push towards "Hey, if you aren't passable - don't come."

I don't think that was the intention, and I would like to check out an event. But yes, I assume that I'll be judged and I'm petrified of dressing too up or too down.

There was a forum post a week or so ago from someone that went to a CD/TG event that they had previously had a great time, but this time they only made small talk with a few other gals and it was a big disappointment. I can see that happening for me - I'm a bit introverted.

While it isn't possible to break down the cost/benefit analysis of cross dressing to pleasure gained, I guess that is what we need to do to a certain extent.

Focus on the elements that are pleasurable. Minimize the negative aspects as much as possible.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Gina :hugs:, It sounds like you need a new HOBBY ...:daydreaming:...

[ginapoodle]

Hi Gina :hugs:, It sounds like you need a new HOBBY ...:daydreaming:...

Orchid,

Honestly I cannot interpret your response. Not sure if you are being supportive, or just showing recognition, or if its humor, or something else.
No context equals puzzled.

[Lana Mae]

Hi, Gina! Ride your own ride. Find your unique path. Look far down the road. Do not ignore your hobbies! Why are friends "put off"? Were they really friends? Not sure of relationships in family and what is involved! Loss of sleep could be worrying about the other things! You need to relax and enjoy the journey! No one else is on your journey and can tell you how it should or could be! It is unique to you! If you relax and enjoy the journey maybe you can at least enjoy some peace! Hope this helps at least a little bit! Hugs Lana Mae

[ginapoodle]

Hi, Gina! Ride your own ride. Find your unique path. Look far down the road. Do not ignore your hobbies! Why are friends "put off"? Were they really friends? Not sure of relationships in family and what is involved! Loss of sleep could be worrying about the other things! You need to relax and enjoy the journey! No one else is on your journey and can tell you how it should or could be! It is unique to you! If you relax and enjoy the journey maybe you can at least enjoy some peace! Hope this helps at least a little bit! Hugs Lana Mae

Lana Mae,

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your understanding and encouragement. I just had a very emotional experience, a surrender to Spirit event...cant discuss here though.

blessings,
Gina