torn back and forth between masculinity and femininity

[lucaluca]

hi

since i can remember i have the ffelings most of us have. and like most of us know, you can't just "turn" those feelings off. i would accept it, but i have the problem that the one day i want an extremely feminine figure, want to shave my legs, etc. and the other day i want to be very muscular, have a long beard, etc.
okay those cycle last longer than a day, mostly it lasts about 4 weeks. but still, it is very hard for me to be myself, when i don't even know what i really want :straightface:

do you also experience this? how do you handle this situatuion?

[Teresa]

Luca,
In male mode from the age of 8-9 I always had a gut feeling , the sensation of needing to fulfill a need. Almost sixty years on from that I'm finally putting that feeling to bed, I've totally accepted my need to dress and the reasons behind it . My male mode serves a purpose like it always has done but I prefer to be Teresa , that means whole body shaving everyday and no trying to prove the masculinity in me . All my family and friends have seen what the man in me can do now it's finally time to be open and show the female side of me.

OK I do accept if you have the need 24/7 and not an ebb and flow it can tear you apart sometimes, I consider myself lucky to have lived long enough to come to terms with my femme side .

[Stacy Darling]

It's an awkward situation you're in there! I have been flipping between stylish fit male with trimmed beard and my Female self for some time now.
I do believe what has kept me sane? and happily switching between modes is the fact that I have kept my body in a condition which would be between fit male and fit female.
You may find that keeping your body in good shape, shaving your legs and caring for your skin etc.. in both modes may help to blur the line between m / f and reduce the dramatic contrast between the two.
The main thing is that you love every part of yourself as that is who you are!

Some may describe it as gender blending, but I'm not good with terms.

Best of luck with sorting it!
Stacy!

[Teri Ray]

For me it took a long time to accept that I enjoy both sides of who I am. It remains difficult to understand much less explain why I have the feelings I do. I swing between two extremes feeling a strong desire to look and act as feminine as feasible to not caring a wit about anything female and feeling normal male feelings and thoughts. There is no logic that I can find why I (or anyone else for that matter) would have these feelings that come and go at such random intervals. It took me a long time (and I still struggle) to accept that I am not going to understand why I am the way I am, and accept my thoughts and feelings as just who I am.

I often make light of myself and others who share this desire, who try to put a cause and effect to why some men desire to feel feminine. Humor helps me deal with my mixed bag of feelings and desires. This rant probably doesn't come close to answering your question but it always helps to let out my thoughts to those in this forum who may or may not relate.

Have fun and stay safe.

Teri

[Micki_Finn]

Can't say I have this problem. There are days when I'm glad I'm not actually a woman (feeling lazy, thank god I don't have to deal with makeup and hair etc) but I've never been particularly "masculine" even in guy mode.

[Alice Torn]

I know the feeling. I am six foot six, always a blue collar , but very sensitive guy, but sometimes enjoyed playing basketball, baseball, some football, some hockey, fishing, working all greasy and dirty. But, the lack of a girlfriend or wife dogged me all my life, and the desire to look like a beautiful, very tall lady, the type i could never find, and were never interested in me. I have my guy side, and he is in fairly good shape for a 63 yo, but also looks great all dolled up. I guess i have the best of both, though the lady side is not accepted in society, family, church, especially in small town America. Gays are for more tolerated and accepted, but not men dressing as women, yet. Some tolerance, but little acceptance. I have called myself "Alice torn", as i am still torn between two genders.

[Dana44]

I am gender fluid. Yep a while ago that was the way it was about four weeks. Go with the flow is what I recommend. As you age it will change a bit and enjoy your feminine side when it is there. But yes we go back to male and well that is the way it is.

[gerri ray]

I have this issue all the time. It comes and goes. Sometimes I just wish my body would pick a side and stick to it, but alas, no such luck.

[Lana Mae]

I must be male much of the time but the femme side is right there waiting her turn! It is all me and I accept it! I was always secure in my masculinity now I need to be secure in my femininity! I am working on that one but it is all part of the journey that is life! Be the male you want to be and be the woman you want to be and accept it as who you are! IMHO Hugs Lana Mae (hope this helps!)

[Mickitv]

I must admit that I feel like you do very often. I have not found the right balance and keep bouncing back and forth but I keep trying. Hang in there and I hope you can find that balance.

[Dee Baker]

I experienced that when I was younger ~ 14-35 years. I think my reasons were due to guilt feelings after dressing.
After I learned to accept that it was ok for me to have a feminine side and that I could enjoy both my feminine side and my masculine side I was finally able to fully embrace both sides

[Brandy Mathews]

Luca,
I understand completely how you feel. I had a mustache years ago and shaved it off. Even when I am in male mode I have heard my friends say that I am a pretty boy. I do talk with a low voice but just because I am clean shaven and keep to myself, people still make their comments. But.....my computer was hacked years ago and pictures got out that shouldn't have, so trying to live that down is close to impossible. So all I do is...ignore them when I can, and when I can't, I fire back at them and just tell them that I am not perfect and ask them....are you perfect? And I am sorry, a lot of this is caused by technology, facebook, twitter, all of them. Seems like everybody is so worried about everybody else but themselves. Everybody has their faults. So I just think that these people love to push their problems off on someone else and try to take the attention off of themselves when in reality, they have their own faults too. It's crazy.
Bree;)

[Ally 2112]

Went through this for years .For the most part have it figured out although there is still the odd day where i still have a hard time

[Barbara Jo]

FWIW....

Even GGs do not want to wear make up 365 or, when just around the house etc .
Also most have days where the just want to wear pants, etc and actual look a bit dowdy.

[Aunt Kelly]

Hi, Lula.

Yes, I experience this. Sometimes the swings are subtle, sometimes huge (Pink Fog). Sometimes they are frequent, sometimes it might be months, or years. One thing that I have learned over those years, and from my wonder friends here, is that all of that is "normal". The word's in quotes be cause on the big picture, those of us in the TG corner defy most definition of normal, but that "normal" is the space between two arbitrary lines on a curve or spectrum. But I digress... somewhere on that spectrum is that group of us who shift back and forth from time to time.

How do I handle it? It starts with embracing and accepting that about myself. It's not good or bad, it just is. I'm not out to anyone but my SO and a few local friends, so my day to day feminine expression is limited, but I allow myself to enjoy those things I can. I won't make a list because those are just things that work for me, day to day. You will want to find your own. When the fog is especially thick, my expression is as complete as I can make it.
Yes, it's more complicated than inhabiting one particular spot on the spectrum, but it can be managed just fine if you give yourself permission to be who you feel like at the time.

Hugs,


Kelly Marie

[atxpantyboy]

hi

since i can remember i have the ffelings most of us have. and like most of us know, you can't just "turn" those feelings off. i would accept it, but i have the problem that the one day i want an extremely feminine figure, want to shave my legs, etc. and the other day i want to be very muscular, have a long beard, etc.
okay those cycle last longer than a day, mostly it lasts about 4 weeks. but still, it is very hard for me to be myself, when i don't even know what i really want :straightface:

do you also experience this? how do you handle this situatuion?

I'm somewhere in the bi-gender/androgynous range of the spectrum and feel very in touch with both my feminine and masculine sides. I don't find them to be mutually exclusive, despite society's mostly binary view of gender. I'm very open and honest with most people, even strangers, about my gender bending, so I just tell them that I have both a strong masculine and strong feminine side. I think it's basically the same kind of thing as a GG who is stereotypically feminine but also a tomboy or comfortable doing things traditionally defined by society as more masculine.

As for appearance, I virtually always have completely waxed or shaved legs/body, usually toenails painted, girly lotion or scent, occasionally some lip gloss and mascara, but always presenting as a male. I ride motorcycles and love shooting sports, outdoor adventures, etc. I don't dress to pass, save for 2 or 3 times in my entire life. I dress to show that I am a male with a strong feminine side and also to make it pretty obvious I am bi and submissive, too. I've had several girlfriends and partners who were very attracted to an otherwise masculine man in panties, or some stockings and heels, etc. At least 2 of my gfs were the first to bring up cd'ing in our relationship.

Society seems to be moving more towards acceptance of blurring gender lines (or tearing them down) so I'd say there's no reason you can enjoy a little bit of both sides of the spectrum if you feel so inclined.

[Tracii G]

I think many feel just like you do so you are not alone in that feeling.
Its only a problem if YOU let it be one.
You know you don't have to be all woman or all man and there are areas in the middle where you might be happy.
What you need to do first is learn to accept that you have two sides and that its OK.
Finding a way to let each side come out to satisfy your needs is a start.

[Becky Blue]

I too think of myself as gender fluid in kind, but my swings are from very female feeling to almost neutral. I have never experienced LucaLuca's extreme maleness side ever. I deal with my variations by enjoying the fact that I am different and love it when Becky is very prominent in my mind

[Fiona123]

Even though I present as male. I consider myself female. I'm never torn between the two. My preference would be to safely present as female all the time. Its my own inhibitions, fear shame, etc. that hold me back.

[Kate Simmons]

I really don't have a problem with it anymore. Since I've accepted and taken ownership of all of my feelings, I can be whoever I want pretty much whenever I want. Self acceptance in either mode is the biggest hurdle to enjoying being who we are the way I see it. :battingeyelashes::)

[Lacey CD]

I love expressing both my feminine and masculine sides. As others have expressed on this forum, my fem side seems to be growing the older I get. Maybe it's nature's way of balancing out all the years I forced myself into a masculine box.

[Angie G]

I'm not a muscular hunk 5'7'' 155 lbs I am fit for my age.. I've always ben more to the fem minded way. When I'm outside I'm a man in side with just my wife here I'm 905 of the time Angie. I dress as a man only when I have to.:hugs:
Angie

[Nikkilovesdresses]

It sounds like you are equal parts masc and fem - no wonder you're confused - it's simpler when the balance is tipped more one way than the other (which isn't to say that makes life any easier).

What can you do but compromise? Everything boils down to self acceptance anyway.

[sometimes_miss]

I dress as a man only when I have to.
^this basically is how I feel as well. I only feel normal when dressed as a girl. But it just isn't suitable for daily living out in the real world.
The problem comes when the only two options of how to look are either great big homely guy, or great big homely girl. Even as a kid, I couldn't look exactly good as either. At least as a guy, I can take some consolation in knowing that being handsome isn't as important as being pretty is for a girl. Basically,whenever I've been dressed as a girl, I'm in fantasyland, because there's no way I could ever look even remotely like I'd like to, as a girl.

[Alice Torn]

SM, I agree, that handsomeness in a man, is not that important as attractiveness is for a woman. i am also very tall, six foot five, and athletic a bit, and considered fairly handsome, BUT, I am still single at 63 yo. Never had a good career, but always worked, even two jobs. I dated a lot in my 30's but never had a chance for marriage. No sex. I finally realized the price for a quality lady was way too high. i could not meet their high requirements. My parents did not want any of their kids to marry, either. I had two strikes against me, form the start. I do like to dress decent as a male, too. i refuse to keep hating my male side, despite the decline of the American male, and that "men are not needed anymore". But, as Alice, i play the tall, sexy older lady i wish i had found and married. Sad thing is, all a GG needs is nice looks, to attract many, many men. But even a handsome man, can only just "be a friend", if he does not have macho maleness, lots of financial success, "no baggage." Alice fis a coping mechanism, and fills the "wife" void in me.

[DIANEF]

I am male and to everyone I know that is obvious, but sometimes it feels like an act, and I'm just passing time until I get another chance to be Diane. I'm not effeminate in any way as a guy, but far from macho either. Given the choice, (though I don't seek transition) I know which role I would prefer long term.

[Barbara Jo]

What's wrong with just being one's self?

Like I said, even GGs have days where they do not feel or dress particularly feminine.

Even males are encouraged to embrace a softer, somewhat "feminine" side on occasion.

So, let's not perpetuate stereotypes. :)

[CynthiaD]

I dress every day, but a lot of times I don't feel particularly feminine. When this happens, I sometimes think to myself "I might as well be wearing male clothing." But the instant that thought hits me I recoil with horror: "Male clothing. Ugh! Why would I want to do that?"

Sometimes I think that my desire to wear female clothing isn't so much a desire to be feminine as it is a desire not to be wearing weird clothing all the time. To me male clothing is weird clothing and female clothing is normal. I can still do drab when necessary, but it's never what I prefer, and my "masculine persona" is an act and nothing more.

[ginapoodle]

For myself the balance between M and F is more an identity issue, and not just clothing. The issue is not sexuality either, again my self identity is a hybrid with variable M and F energies.

[ash246]

I like the way my feminine and masculine sides are blending recently, but it is definitely interesting watching how they each play out in my clothing, movement, and even behavior. Just gotta watch and see what happens, I guess.