Intuition?

[Lana Mae]

My daughter and I were discussing crossdressing(do not remember the context) and she revealed something to me I did not know! She said, my wife had said to her that she thought I felt that I would have been better off if I had been born a girl! My wife (bless her soul) never mentioned this to me at all, ever in our 34+ years together! Only once before we got married, I asked her if it would be alright if I wore panties and she said there was only going to be one woman in this relationship! The subject never came up again in all of those 34+ years! Now my daughter reveals this! Woman's intuition? I don't know. I am still kind of in shock! I was not even sure if this was the case until lately and was not even then as sure as she was! As my wife believed in discussing things, but this one she never brought up! The 3-4 pairs of panties I wore those 3-4 times once married were worn and immediately purged! I know she did not see anything! I wonder what she is saying now! Probably laughing her ass off up in Heaven! LOL Please feedback and shared experiences that are similar! Hugs Lana Mae

[Jane G]

My wife knows I cross dress, but it's not something we often share. She has made a point, in the past, of pointing out news paper articles, were a man has transitioned after his wife has died. Her point being that he/she had been living a lie for all their married years. I no longer feel I fall into that situation and would not change much if my wife were not at my side. but it does present an interesting question.

[Stephanie47]

I read your bio where you state your wife passed away in 2015. I hope if she is looking down from heaven she realizes she made a terrible mistake telling you there would be only one woman in the marriage. Obviously, if your desires were hidden from her there was a part of you that she did not get to enjoy. Why would your wife open up a Pandora's box if she was getting her way. I truly hope you did not feel any angst or depression if you could not wear panties or other feminine garb over 35 years.

The only shared experience I have is the fact my wife and I have not discussed my desire to wear women clothing since about 1983. It has been a true DADT.

[Lana Mae]

OK, some explanations seem in order to keep this honest! Until my wife passed away and I got on this form(lurking), I had no idea what was going on with me except i liked to wear panties! I did not feel angst or depression as I had no idea what all this was about! I took on the masculine daddy/husband role and went on with my life! i am glad since I have two wonderful adult children who accept daddy is a crossdresser and just want daddy to be happy! I have accepted my self and am guilt and shame free at this time and don't see that changing! I have a mild gender dysphoria but no plans for hormones or surgery in the near future! Hope that clears up a few things!
My daughter stated another fact to me! Some of my gestures tend to be feminine naturally! Like when I put my hands on my hips and talk with(I believe they call it) mimicry or with my hands!
Hugs Lana Mae

[Teresa]

Lana,
We talk about women's intuition , it sounds like you proved it ! Now your daughter has approached the subject is she any more amenable to you dressing ?

[Kate Simmons]

Your wife no doubt knew you well and probably guessed your feelings on things even if she never expressed that to you. Women "know" believe me my friend. :battingeyelashes::)

[Lana Mae]

Teresa, she still says she does not want to see daddy in a dress! That said, however she has seen daddy in his sleep/night shirt about 4 times as I sometimes forget to take my night time pills and must go to the kitchen to get them and it is down the hall past her bedroom! Once she hugged me good night and said she did not care if I had my "nightgown" on! Her resolve seems to be softening but is not melted!
Kate, I know about women's intuition and I think this helps prove it!
Hugs Lana Mae

[Salina]

Since I have come back from a 6 year hiatus from dressing my wife has told me she believes that I want to dress fulltime. I've told her that isn't what I want, just to have some freedom to express myself as Salina from time to time. Her response is I am not being honest with myself. I have admittedly thought about what living life dressed fulltime would be like, but always come to the conclusion that my family (two teenage daughters plus my wife) outweighs any desire I have. I have pondered whether she sees something in me I'm either unable or unwilling to see or if it's her fears getting the best of her.

[Pat]

She said, my wife had said to her that she thought I felt that I would have been better off if I had been born a girl!

To be fair, it just says that she thought *you* thought you would have been better off as a girl. Stated that way it doesn't imply agreement or support, it's just an observation. You don't say how long into the relationship it happened, but since she was talking to your daughter about the subject presumably she had known you a long time by then. You probably each knew a lot about the other's druthers at that point. ;)

[Tracii G]

I have to agree that from speaking with you your wife felt that YOU thought you should have been female.
Thats different than her actually saying it as an observation on her part.
Thats just the way I read into it

[Lana Mae]

I did not even know I felt that way! Naive or whatever! She would never have accepted it even though most of her friends were gay both female and male! I was the macho man for her through our marriage as this is what she wanted! I did not seek acceptance as I did not know what it was I wanted her to be accepting about! We had a good life together despite everything and I think she realized I loved her more than anything in the world! Hugs Lana Mae

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lana Mae :hugs:, I read your original post about asking about wearing panties before your marriage
I believe that may have never left your wife's memory.

Your daughter will probably completely come around some day...:daydreaming:...

[Tracii G]

I too think your daughter will come around because its obvious you mean a lot to her.

[ginapoodle]

Lana Mae,

Very interesting and it is wonderful you have a good communication relationship with your daughter. I just had coffee alone with my oldest daughter. She gave me some really valuable insights on where my wife is emotionally, and mental health wise, and relationships. Amazing.

Related perhaps to your comment: my very first girlfriend in college commented: "I hope you only have daughters as I think you would struggle with sons". Very perceptive from a 18 year old young woman.

[Alice Torn]

I don't know. Women seem to hafve a power we males lack. But we have pwers they lack.

[Leslie Langford]

Lana, I guess that in order to make an informed comment about your late wife's alleged statement regarding you potentially having been better off had you been born a girl, we would need to know the context around when and how it was made.

First of all, you are hearing this comment second-hand from your daughter based on a conversation that she had with your wife years ago. Was she actually quoting your wife here, or paraphrasing that statement instead with perhaps a bit of her own spin attached to it? Also, was the comment made wistfully and sympathetically, or sarcastically with a dollop of judgement thrown in as well? From all you have written here, your wife was clearly no fan of your crossdressing and shut you down right away when you first broached the subject years ago, so odds are that this statement falls into the second category. Furthermore, if that comment did not lead to a more in-depth discussion between your wife and your daughter, then likely it was just a throw-away line uttered in a moment of annoyance and frustration, so how much importance can you actually attach to it in that case?. But then again, we will never know as your wife is no longer around to fully explain what she actually meant with that observation.

If, on the other hand - long shot here - your wife expressed that comment in a moment of rare empathy and understanding, this begs the question as to why she was not more sympathetic to your needs while she was still alive and willing to meet you halfway here...if not accepting, then at least grudgingly tolerant - even under a DADT scenario.

I can understand your mixed feelings here, knowing what you now know as it leaves too many unanswered questions. Looking back, maybe it would have been better if your daughter hadn't brought up this remark altogether. She probably meant well, but sometimes certain things are best left unsaid, particularly if they dredge up so many painful memories considering the emotional baggage you carry over all this.

[IleneD]

Of course she knew, Lana. Women are powerful that way.
And no, you were NOT living a lie. You were living as You, as best you could. Now you can be more of You.

[Lana Mae]

BLUE and Tracii: I hope my daughter comes around and the sooner the better! LOL
Gina: I am close to my daughter and my wife was close to my son! I guess opposites attract(male-female) or not, son was like wife daughter more like me!)
Alice: You are right!
Leslie: Good breakdown on this. Probably the secondary as you said probably a moment of frustration!
Ilene: Yes, I am already much more me!
Thanks everyone for your input!
Hugs Lana Mae

[sometimes_miss]

It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with our crossdressing. How we live our lives can easily give the impression that we would have been better off as girls. Guys who are not good athletically, or good a what are considered more appropriate for women (cooking, cleaning, being supportive, enjoying stereotypically 'female' jobs/behaviors/roles, being comfortable and appearing to enjoy discussions that women do, etc., basically anything that might be more likely to be done by a woman), will be commonly considered 'lesser' men by a lot of women. It's not that they don't appreciate have a less macho guy as a mate, because it usually makes her life easier, but it's more that they might see in us the same qualities they see in their girlfriends. Overhearing so many women's discussions over the years, it's been pretty common for women to refer to this type of man as 'If he had been a girl, he would make a wonderful wife', or mother, or nurse, whatever. Over the years, I've tried to be very careful NOT to display this behavior. Way back when I was seventeen, when at a superbowl party, one of the guys (who wasn't the host) was frequently bringing out more snacks, picking up the empty beer bottles, cleaning up, and one of the girls remarked, 'He would have made a excellent maid'; as he was out of the room, everybody laughed at the remark, and a few other people made some snide comments about his ease of behaving in what was considered a female role. At the same time, I was jealous, and yet embarrassed for him, because I knew it hadn't been said as a compliment.