Interesting Dilemma

[Michelle Crossfire]

Hello all,

I hope everyone is well. Today, i was presented with an interesting dilemma. I have been locked in a custody battle over my daughter for nearly 12 years. It is quite sad, my daughter is feeling the effects of living with her mother. She has stated she hates going home to her mother, her mother bitches all the time about everything, etc. etc. etc. Well, the situation has prompted the court to appoint a guardian ad litem, who has spent extensive time meeting with me and my current spouse. If everything falls into place, i could be getting custody of my daughter, which would be awesome. Now unlike alot of gurls on this site, i never had to tell my parents about my dressing, since my father passed away in '13 and my mother is in a long term care facility with Alzheimers. So that was never even a possible issue. Tonight my wife and I were discussing the situation, and she asked about my "hobby" My daughter knows nothing about my dressing. I have no idea how i would even approach this even if i had to. I have read where the younger generation of today is more open minded, but still, i am unsure how to handle such a dilemma. It would certainly be interesting how others in a similar situation handled this. What can everyone offer in the way of how to handle this potential dilemma?

[giuseppina]

Hello Michelle,

Your daughter is old enough where I live that she would have some say in who she prefers as the custodial parent. While they may not have the necessary vocabulary to express themselves, children know what`s going on and are fully capable of forming their own opinion.

Divorce is very hard on children at the best of times. My father spent most of his career in teaching in charge of his school's guidance department until he retired; he said teenagers often have to repeat a school year because of the upset caused by relationship breakdown. Acrimonious breakups generally worsen the outcomes. It stands to reason the same applies to younger children.

The court appointed guardian's role is advocacy in the best interest of the child, not the parents. I'm guessing here, but chances are the guardian's background is social work or another regulated mental health profession. As a rule, the court relies heavily on the guardian`s professional opinion.

I don't think it is a good idea to share the crossdressing with your daughter at this time, intentionally or otherwise. She has more than enough on her plate right now. I do think it is a good idea to discreetly discuss tolerance for harmless differences from the norm once things settle down. Counselling with a regulated mental health professional is a good idea for her especially if she shows signs of depression or anxiety. A cause-and-effect relationship has been found between unhealthy drama in childhood and mental health issues as an adult.

My comments are meant for anyone who may read this, not just you, Michelle. I wish for the best possible outcome in your situation and others like it.