Ceera
05-18-2017, 03:30 PM
I hadn't yet told any of my sister's family or her kids' families up in my home town of Portland, Oregon about Ceera yet, but I figured my sister had her suspicions. I've been waiting for some of the drama in my sister's life to calm down so I would not add to anything that might trouble her. But I've wanted to come out to her as soon as it was practical to do so.
A few days back, I posted to Ceera's FB page about coming out to a guy who has known me since just after high school. Yesterday I saw a 'like' on that post from a niece of mine, my sister's eldest daughter, who I had not told yet about Ceera. I figured my niece had gotten a 'people you may also know' link, because there are one or two people who are friends on both my male FB page and on Ceera's separate FB page. (This niece is an adult, married and with new twin daughters - the eldest of my sisters four kids, all of whom are adults.)
Well, this morning I saw there was also a pending message request from my niece to Ceera's FB Messenger account, dated about three weeks ago, in which she quietly offered, "Just wanted you to know that you can be yourself" around herself, her husband or their kids, and that, "We love you and support your happiness!".
So I replied via Messenger, and my niece and I had a nice chat. She made it clear she was fully supportive, and I thanked her for that. She asked if I wanted to transition to full time female, or if it was just a part time thing, and I told her that for now, I see myself as splitting about 50/50, and not doing a full transition. She also asked about my preferred pronouns and name to be called by, and I told her to base it on my presentation - if I have boobs and long hair, then female and Ceera, otherwise male and my birth name. And I was about to tell her I was fine with her telling all her siblings and their families, as long as I could tell her mom (my sister) myself.
And then she dropped the bomb that all of my family in Portland already knows! Apparently my sister found my FB page in mid-December - about 6 months ago. That was why the family Christmas dinner that I attended was held at my nieces home, and not my sister's. My niece said her mom was 'Still kind of in shock' about it, and that my sister's husband was, as I had predicted, the only non-accepting one. But he already hated me, so no big deal. All my nieces and my nephew and their spouses are fine with me. As for my sister, her daughter says it will probably help when I tell my sister that I don't intend to go for full transition - she will still have her big brother around. My sister explicitly asked her family not to tell me that they knew, as she felt I "needed to tell them myself" when I was ready to. Considerate of my sister, but that also gave her some time to process the information. My niece is certain my sister will be okay with me, once the shock wears off and she has had a chance to talk to me about it.
So, no more reason to delay that chat with my sister! I'll reach out to her soon and try to arrange a private one-on-one visit where we can chat, without my brother in law present. Maybe have her come down to my home for a day or to, so she can 'meet Ceera' if she wants to, as well as just talking it over. Or maybe I could meet her for lunch at a restaurant where she lives.
So once we have had that chat, that just leaves telling a handful of cousins my own age, scattered around the country, who generally should be no problem, and my two sisters in law from my late wife's family, and their families, and a handful of friends from back in Austin. Then I will be 100% out!
A few days back, I posted to Ceera's FB page about coming out to a guy who has known me since just after high school. Yesterday I saw a 'like' on that post from a niece of mine, my sister's eldest daughter, who I had not told yet about Ceera. I figured my niece had gotten a 'people you may also know' link, because there are one or two people who are friends on both my male FB page and on Ceera's separate FB page. (This niece is an adult, married and with new twin daughters - the eldest of my sisters four kids, all of whom are adults.)
Well, this morning I saw there was also a pending message request from my niece to Ceera's FB Messenger account, dated about three weeks ago, in which she quietly offered, "Just wanted you to know that you can be yourself" around herself, her husband or their kids, and that, "We love you and support your happiness!".
So I replied via Messenger, and my niece and I had a nice chat. She made it clear she was fully supportive, and I thanked her for that. She asked if I wanted to transition to full time female, or if it was just a part time thing, and I told her that for now, I see myself as splitting about 50/50, and not doing a full transition. She also asked about my preferred pronouns and name to be called by, and I told her to base it on my presentation - if I have boobs and long hair, then female and Ceera, otherwise male and my birth name. And I was about to tell her I was fine with her telling all her siblings and their families, as long as I could tell her mom (my sister) myself.
And then she dropped the bomb that all of my family in Portland already knows! Apparently my sister found my FB page in mid-December - about 6 months ago. That was why the family Christmas dinner that I attended was held at my nieces home, and not my sister's. My niece said her mom was 'Still kind of in shock' about it, and that my sister's husband was, as I had predicted, the only non-accepting one. But he already hated me, so no big deal. All my nieces and my nephew and their spouses are fine with me. As for my sister, her daughter says it will probably help when I tell my sister that I don't intend to go for full transition - she will still have her big brother around. My sister explicitly asked her family not to tell me that they knew, as she felt I "needed to tell them myself" when I was ready to. Considerate of my sister, but that also gave her some time to process the information. My niece is certain my sister will be okay with me, once the shock wears off and she has had a chance to talk to me about it.
So, no more reason to delay that chat with my sister! I'll reach out to her soon and try to arrange a private one-on-one visit where we can chat, without my brother in law present. Maybe have her come down to my home for a day or to, so she can 'meet Ceera' if she wants to, as well as just talking it over. Or maybe I could meet her for lunch at a restaurant where she lives.
So once we have had that chat, that just leaves telling a handful of cousins my own age, scattered around the country, who generally should be no problem, and my two sisters in law from my late wife's family, and their families, and a handful of friends from back in Austin. Then I will be 100% out!