Advice To A GG

[deebra]

As CD's we know GG's prefer non CD males over us. They want masculine males, the opposite of feminine. If you had a GG friend and knew she was starting to become interested in starting a relationship with a male that you knew was a CD and she did or didn't know he was a CD, would you suggest to her that she move on to a non CD? She may not know CD's can come with problems for a GG.

[Stacy Darling]

Never!

If the GG was a friend of mine she would be capable of assessing the situation once given the facts.

A Beautiful lady friend of mine would marry a nice CD without a doubt!

CD!

[Laura912]

Sorry, but you are imposing your beliefs on another person about how you think a GG would behave. More simply put, NYOB. If, however, you are asked, then giving your opinion would be understandable.

[Kate Simmons]

I would not interfere. :)

[Tracii G]

OK so are you asking this question for a reason?
Did the GG get pissed at you for getting all up in her business?
Ii sounds like a loaded question and you are trying to find a way to justify what you did?

[Cheryl T]

Firstly, unless I knew something really bad about someone AND was good friends with this theoretical woman I would Never give advice on who to date or not to date.
Just because someone is CD doesn't make them bad and maybe this "woman" would enjoy her partner expressing his femininity.
You never know...so just let it take it's course.

[Stephanie47]

If she knew the guy was a cross dresser then I would not offer any advice or opinion.

If she did not know if the guy was a cross dresser then it gets more complicated. If she had really strong objections to cross dressing would it be fair to just let her proceed blissfully along until every thing blew up? Months or years wasted on a relationship that would ultimately be doomed? I think back to the numerous posts on this site where the members and the GG's have encountered a lot of turmoil in their relationships because a material fact had not been known.

I really don't know. If I knew the guy was a cross dresser I may ask him if he has revealed that aspect to his friend.

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.
Just because someone is CD doesn't make them bad and maybe this "woman" would enjoy her partner expressing his femininity.
You never know...so just let it take it's course.

And, five years into a marriage with three kids and house payments she finds out a material fact that for some reason she cannot stomach cross dressing. What then?

[Ressie]

I avoid getting involved in such matters. First of all, you would be outing a sister CD which is equal to ratting on someone. 2nd, not all women are opposed to being in a relationship with a CD. Mind your own business.

[Jaylyn]

As a crossdressers since I was basically a very young child and having periods were I stopped started and stopped to never return and then again started again I'd say let it run its course. First off I try to mind my own business. Secondly it has worked out great for me. My one and only darling wife accepted me and I never told her. She did say she knew I had an affection for gals all prettied up to the max when I finally told her. We can't see what the furure holds. In my own defense also I fell in love with my soul mate and at the time I was never going to have anything todo with dressing again. What's that old staying don't be meddling where your not asked to meddle, just like if it ain't yours leave it alone. There's hundreds of sayings but my opion is let them work it out. Besides if it' should turn serious and works out you might still have the friendship of two instead of just the GG. Now if it is your kinfolk then it might be a whole other issue. Just my opinion.

[Lana Mae]

I would consider it none of my business! Hugs Lana Mae

[Dana44]

That is not right Debra, There are many GG's that accept us and we are good to them. I don't know of any problems that you have said.. MY SO loves me dearly either dressed or in male mode. We have compassion and empathy for our girls that some men don't show them as well as other traits. So, life can be great with a GG.

[docrobbysherry]

"CD's come with problems for GG's"? R u kidding? :eek:

Have u ever dated a GG, Deebra? Or, read ANY posts here from married dressers? :brolleyes:

If u have, you'd know the reverse is also quite likely!

[Mark/Rebecca]

Sooo, you are the polar opposite of his or her wingman. Making sure he never gets to feel the gift of love. What a horrible proposition. Telling him to tell her is much more compassionate.

[Robertacd]

I am not sure what would give you or I the right to interfere in anyone's relationship.

If the GG asked me "Do you think he is a crossdresser?" I would answer honestly.

BTW: What do you mean by:


She may not know CD's can come with problems for a GG.

What "problems" do CD's come with?

[greeneyes]

As a married GG.....I might share with her the benefits, but I would not steer her away!!! If she did not know I would encourage him to tell her!!

[ash246]

Your first statement is a generalization, not a fact. Some GG's do prefer masculine men, some don't. Some prefer feminine men, some don't. Using a false statement as the foundation for your argument substantially weakens your overall point.

[Rachelakld]

Love happens, we should all enjoy it while it's available.
The future is a set of random events, sometimes created by random feelings
Not manly enough might over time become too manly.
I knew a manly man, who at the age of 55 with wife and 3 kids "dicovered" he was gay, even saw on X-Factor how 2 women doing the same thing.

So let love happen and HOPE the relationship is honest.

[Micki_Finn]

100% with Greeneyes here and would also like to add that making those kinds of general statements about a group is the very definition of prejudice. There is nothing to be learned there, and no, it's never ok to out another person ever.

[jennifer0918]

WOW! Not only am I a cd but I'm a bag of problems to a gg. I would mind my own business, and never out a sister
CD!

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I agree with Sherry

[RADER]

I would only hope that the two of them could work it out.
But I would stay out of it unless asked to give an opinion.
Rader

[Jodie_Lynn]

I'm with majority here: Mind Your Own Business, unless asked. And IF asked by the woman, before throwing a fellow CD under the bus, speak with your CD friend and ASK what they would like you to do.

Not knowing all the details of this scenario, I have to wonder about the motives of the OP. Why do you feel the need to speak out against the CD-er? My suspicious nature is whispering in my ear that someone may be suffering either envy, or is just being malicious.

[Teresa]

Deebra,
It's not strictly true that all GGs hate Cding males some do embrace the female side and actually enjoy it , some also like the sexual component and of course some actually like to play the dominant mistress.

So no you can't assume the advice would be to move on, it's up to the individuals and really none of your business .

[Aunt Kelly]

Oh, dear...
Over-generalize much? And why would you, a) presume to get in the middle of other people's relationship, or b) out a crossdresser by doing that?

[Brookf89]

Hi Deebra,

I think the key word here is "friend" when it comes to the GG. If she was a close friend of mine, I'd talk to the CD and make sure that part of his life is communicated to her. I don't think it's fair to assume she'll be ok with it bc I personally know a lot of women who love to make friends with CD's but might not want to be in a relationship with one. I probably wouldn't mention it to her right away unless the CD refuses to say anything IF I knew for certain she would not be ok with it.

[Leslie Langford]

deebra, one point which hasn't been addressed here yet is that as a CDer yourself, you have inside knowledge (so to speak), of what we generally are and what makes us tick...unlike the average "muggle" who doesn't "get" us and automatically assumes that we are just another form of homosexual.

GG's who have never met a transgender person can easily fall prey to the same misconception, and reject us out of hand as a possible mate because they would doubt our otherwise inherent masculinity if influenced by these fallacies.

If the woman you are referring to knows that the person she is interested in starting a relationship with is a crossdresser but is spooked by the implications of that situation, you owe it to her, the CDer in question, and our community at large to educate her on these false assumptions so that this doesn't become an automatic and unreasonable turn-off.

If the relationship doesn't take off for other reasons, well then - it is what it is. And if the crossdressing becomes a deal-breaker at a later date despite all the cards being on the table from the git-go, that, too, can become an unfortunate outcome.

But to reject a person out of hand for being a CDer because of societal biases against us even if everything else lines up favorably...that is both shallow and sad if done in the absence of the right information about this complex subject. Her having access to such information might otherwise put a whole different spin on the matter, and here is where your knowledge and experience with your own crossdressing could prove to be invaluable to all concerned.

[deebra]

To Leslie Langford, great response, loved and agreed with every word you said. You are a pretty smart bra and panty wearer.

To Brook89, if that pic is you, we definitely want to see more, if it is how could you ever put on another piece of male clothing.

To Tracii G, wrong assumption, I was not the person in the post; it was just a topic that came into my brain based on a lot we hear on here.

I had a great response to many of the threads but somehow it got lost when I hit send and it didn't make it to print, to long to re-write.

[ReineD]

As CD's we know GG's prefer non CD males over us.

That’s an oversimplification. While it is true that some GGs will leave a guy when they find out he crossdresses, a fair number of GGs will stay, even if they like to hang out with him more when he is in guy mode than when he is in girl mode. If she is open-minded and she loves him, then her feelings for him will trump any ambivalence she may have about the crossdressing. So, when GGs do stay (and lots of GGs do), this means that they do prefer their partner more than someone who does not crossdress.


She may not know CD's can come with problems for a GG.

I don't understand. If she is a GG who knows about the crossdressing and whatever issues she may have with it is not enough to leave him, then how can anyone tell her anything she does not know already.

But, if she doesn’t know about the crossdressing then the question of whether or not to tell is exactly the same as whether or not to tell any friend that his/her girlfriend or boyfriend is cheating. There are lots of factors to consider.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

That's a really tricky question, as while you'd like to help your friend avoid a huge mistake, who wants to be seen as a busybody?

There's no right answer, other than go with your gut.

Mind you, I often wish my gut were smaller.

[Alice Torn]

I would not tell her. It is not my business. They will need to work it out themsellves. But, if the lady sensed her friend may be a cd or gay, i would give her my input, that very few cds are gays. And tell her he is still a straight man, but just has this thing once in a while. Compromise can make it work out.

[deebra]

Reply to ReineD:
I'm speaking of all females on the planet, 99% or more want a man to dress and act masculine. This statement was not ment for just CD relationships.

Let me clarify, the GG starting to date a CD might think she is O.K. with him wearing a few items of female clothing or dressed more at home. This is all new to her, she doesn't know the long time baggage that comes with a life time of having a CD mate such as when out in public having to avoid friends and family, outed and made fun of, possible physical harm, non acceptance by most, job security, etc. This can get old as time goes on and can put a strain on a relationship. If she had ended the relationship with the CD early on and went on to marry a non CD she wouldn't have these problems. And there are thousands of people you can mate with, CD's aren't the only ones.

[Lisa Gerrie]

> I'm speaking of all females on the planet
> 99% or more want a man to dress and act masculine

Nope, not even close. Some women (15%?) are attracted exclusively to other women (some to feminine women and some to masculine women). Another group of women is bisexual, liking masculine and/or feminine traits; another group likes macho men, another sensitive men, another group is asexual... and LOTS of people straddle the lines, either in practice or in the privacy of their thoughts, at some point in their lives. It's a spectrum.

> would you suggest to her that she move on

Nope, it's none of my business.

If you somehow found out that a guy was into something "kinky" (S&M or whatever) would you assume that 99% of all women aren't into that, and you should warn her off?

[greeneyes]

"CD's come with problems for GG's"? R u kidding? :eek:

Have u ever dated a GG, Deebra? Or, read ANY posts here from married dressers? :brolleyes:

If u have, you'd know the reverse is also quite likely!

DAMN..we need a like button around this here Joint!!!

[ReineD]

Reply to ReineD:
I'm speaking of all females on the planet, 99% or more want a man to dress and act masculine. This statement was not ment for just CD relationships.

So you're saying that 99 out of 100 girlfriends/wives will leave their boyfriend/husband when they find out he dresses? This is simply not true. I don't know exactly what percentage do stay (there's no one keeping tabs on all the couples whose husbands crossdress), but one study about 20 years ago was at least 40%. It's more out in the open now and so it is likely that at least more than half of women do stay with partners who crossdress. This in itself tells you they prefer their partners who do crossdress, over men that don't, even if the CDing is not their favorite thing. Gosh, Deebra, every couple out there has things they like and don't like so much about their partners, without feeling the need to leave them just because not everything is perfect.

For a while on this site, I kept tabs of all the threads that spoke of accepting wives/supportive partners. I haven't been keeping up to date with the tagging - if I had there would be more threads in the list below - but have a read through these pages and pages of members here whose wives/girlfriends not only stayed, but who are supportive:

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/tags.php?tag=accepting+wives%2C+supportive+so%2C+

[Tracii G]

Deebra I give up I never assumed anything thats why I asked the questions that way.
Used to be you could ask questions but I guess those day are over.

[deebra]

O.K., to all those that disagree with me and if you are right that women are so accepting of having CD mates then, Why Don't We See More CD Couples (man dressed as a woman) In Public????

[Ressie]

I see couples like this once in a while, but many CDs don't want to dress in public, or their wives don't want them to. Just because you haven't seen it in your area doesn't mean it isn't happening.

[Lisa Gerrie]

Deebra, spousal approval is not nearly the only factor. Boss, clients, church, family...

Plus, how do you know that you're not seeing CD couples or CDs in general? From looking at the Gallery, some of us are really good at it! :)

[ReineD]

O.K., to all those that disagree with me and if you are right that women are so accepting of having CD mates then, Why Don't We See More CD Couples (man dressed as a woman) In Public????


It's because the CDers themselves don't want everyone to know. Not just their wives. Also, I'm guessing that many men who crossdress don't feel they can pull it off in public. And so they stay home, or they limit their outings to CD-safe venues.

[CherylFlint]

When I read your post to my wife she said, "Horse hockey".

[Paige Dehart]

O.K., to all those that disagree with me and if you are right that women are so accepting of having CD mates then, Why Don't We See More CD Couples (man dressed as a woman) In Public????

Well Deebra that may be because some of the Cd's are not ready to go out in public yet or have no wish to do so.

[Paigeturner71]

I have not been out in public and I'm fairly passable. Just fearful of the initial gauntlet of neighbors friends or whoever may see me in my car which they may recognize etc. I am straining at the leash to go out! Just can't get the heeled foot out the door!

[Ressie]

Paige, there are ways around being seen by your neighbors/friends/coworkers etc. Going out dressed in another town is better than walking out the front door en femme if you want to be discreet ;) You'll find lots of tips here, enjoy.