Confronted

[deebra]

This is for those of us that have been out in public and dressed androgynous in one or several items of female clothing such as girl shoes or boots, jeans, belts, tees or tops, makeup, ear rings, jacket, etc. It is not for the CD dressed fully in women's clothing and presenting as a woman.

The question is have you ever had a stranger come up to you and ask, "is what you are wearing female". For example: Are you wearing girl jeans? Do you have makeup on? Why are you wearing a woman's top? Are you wearing a bra, I can see the straps?

Personally I dress this way when going shopping and I like the way female clothing look when wearing, how they feel on and how they make me feel and that's feminine. I have been out and started a conversation with women and SA's and they all are fine with what I am wearing. I have also had a few young women "get off" by laughing at me and what I was wearing. The question here is in paragraph 2, please don't try to mix it in with my experiences in this paragraph.

[Teresa]

Deebra,
Sorry if I missed it but are you wearing a wig in this situation or not ?

Also has it happened to you or are you asking others so you can find a way of dealing with it yourself ?

I can't answer this personally because I'm only out in full dressed mode, so obviously the question doesn't arise .

[Leslie Langford]

The best answer to those types of rude and intrusive questions is the stock response that Ann Landers popularized years ago in her advice column when asked how to deal with this type of boorish question: "Why do you want to know?"

This throws the embarrassment factor squarely back at the questioner, which is precisely where it belongs. Let them be on the spot here, not you.

[Allisa]

Have been and still do go out dressed androgynous and no one has asked but if they are rude enough to ask, my response will be "why? are you writing a book?"

[anna kate]

How about, No they are not girl clothes, they're mine!!!

[JenniferMBlack]

I have never been asked that question. I did have a S.A. come up to me once look me up and down ( I was wearing a skirt and heels as a male) she said your just doing you and dont care what anyone thinks, good for you. She then showed me some things she thought I might want. I didnt feel like there was any disrespect Mayne a little shock for her.

[Jodie_Lynn]

The only time was by my daughter when she was about 16. She said "Are those women's jeans?", and as anna kate posted, I replied "no, they're mine".

No stranger has ever approached me, and if they did, I would consider them to be very rude.

[Sami Brown]

I haven't received any questions, but I have received compliments on my rings and nail polish. I have been asked the color a couple of times.

[Aunt Kelly]

I have not been asked anything like that, nor would I expect a complete stranger to approach me, unbidden, and ask questions about my wardrobe. Why would they?

[Tracii G]

I have had people ask if the clothes I had on are womens clothes and I said yes and that was it.
They never said anything else about it during the conversation.I didn't know these people personally.
Just last Sunday I attended an even with my testosterone filled guy friends and had one of the guys say as I got out of my SUV said girl boots and wearing camo?
I said yeah so what? Nothing else was said and we all had a great time.
I think if you wear it own it and saying they are my clothes is the best answer.

[Tama]

I have a couple of neck scarves I wear, nothing too loud or over the top. Pretty much nothing much said to me but on one occasion at a Church of all places, I was playing in the music ministry band for a Christmas eve service, and one of the elders asked if I was wearing a scarf. I replied yes, I am. I have a dog named Scooby-do too!...anything else I can answer for you? thats kinda the only story I gotz... BTW, I was never asked about that again

[deebra]

Teresa, to answer your questions,
No I wasn't wearing and do not wear a wig. Dressed andro like this my appearance is male but I usually wear 2-3" heel boots, pretty tight boot cut jeans that are long and cover most of the boot; jeans have embellished rear pockets, girl belt and tee. I also enjoy hose, panties and bra with small forms with a jacket over, and so far I have blended I think. I know it's a lot of fem. but the jacket, upper body and face project male. But I have always wondered if mainly women with their keen eye would spot female clothing on me and come over and ask. Some people can be very pushy, mouthy and rude; they would have no reservation in doing this and I think with women more so than men they feel they are protected more because a man wouldn't dare hit a woman so they can be as mouthy as they want. As males know you confront another you just might end up with a fat lip. Isn't this one of the reasons we prefer femininity, it comes with little chance of violence.

[BrendaPDX]

Hi Deebra, No nobody has ever asked me about clothing or anything. But if I go out I am all or nothing. Brenda

[Stacy Darling]

I never get questioned. I do get a lot of looks. Guess that those questioning people don't have the confidence to ask the obvious!
"My nails didn't paint themselves"
Stacy

[Robertacd]

I can't say I have ever had a complete stranger ask me about what I was wearing. In fact a person would have to be a real a-hole to bother a complete stranger about what they are wearing, not that people like that don't exist but at least in my neck of the woods there aren't many.

Now I have had a coworker ask me why I wear girl jeans. I just said "My wife likes the way they make by butt look".

[Shely]

I was out, as male, with wife and friends, when my sisters said she liked the Jeans I had on. I told her they were women's jeans, and I liked them too.

[jessica33]

I wear plain female jeans/carpi pants all the time . The most I get from the lookers is a smile .

[Paula2]

I wear woman's boots and jeans occasionally and have never been asked by a stranger.. I only get looked at if the boots "click" when you walk..
One time I do remember was a hot summer day I was out mowing my lawn in only a pair of "her" shorts and flats when a guy from up the road stopped me and asked me to help him with his car..He looked at me and asked "Why are you wearing your girlfriends shoes??"
I just said they are comfortable and I like them..
All he said was "whatever" so I went to his place like that and fixed his car.

[Mickitv]

I have not been confronted mainly because I try to avoid many circumstances. People are generally oblivious of what you are wearing but teenagers are just mean and I really avoid them.

[charla42]

Here in Central Florida I wear women's shorts,Tunic's,blouse's and sandals. Keep my legs and arms shaved and my nails highly buffed. Have a great day. Charla

[IleneD]

Again, another very timely post, started by Deebra. Thank you dear (and I continue to thank you for your "Why I CrossDress" poem I copied from you long ago).

I am still in a time of "experimentation", having come-out about a year ago with The Wife. Since then I've let me Femme Flag fly in a number of ways. I've gone to full dress mode for the first time ever. My CD past was mostly under-dressing and periodic outer clothing, but nothing to the extent of a full ensemble.

I've tried a number of intermediary forms of dressing and adding more feminine items to my every day look. Got ears pierced, and hoops (etc) are 24/7, as is daily panty wear [love 'em; so comfortable]. I often sport a colorful headscarf, and through cooler months I'm commonly in leggings daily.
I've gotten to a point where I enjoy wearing lipstick in public. Nothing glaring, but a nice soft pink or almost nude color. Just enough to see and tell.
But those daily modes are not COMPLETE. I'm still in Guy Mode, but looking more pretty than a "normal guy".

I am having a terrible time being tugged along different paths when it comes to my feminization (which I want). I absolutely enjoy the little splashes of Femme I can wear in Guy Mode. I'm worried, however, that it comes off as just being "f-aggy" (can we say that politely here?), and not Woman-ish. But adding items to my look is interesting.
The other path is to head in a more Full Time dress mode, where I will only wear my Lady Clothes when I can put it ALL together with wig, makeup, stockings, dress, heels, etc. I am also looking for a more Every Day Woman look. My clothes buying habits have changed from glam to more practical Real Girl clothes.
In a couple weeks I will begin my summer of being home alone most of the time (for about 3-4 weeks at least). I anticipate going Femme almost every day, and in going about my ever day activities (working the garden, going to market, etc.) during this time. I want to see and feel what a more full transition would be like, as opposed to the few Day Going Outs.

[redtea]

Nope i live in a overly tolerant city.

I wish someone would call me out so i can experience the total shock and humiliation and come out ok in the end. I need it to grow as a person, like confronting my fears and overcoming them.

[Sandy Storm]

lets pretend i would geaux out in public, since I may be looked at like a female bodybuilder, i dont think no one would confront me

[Jennifer4cd]

I was fully dressed and had a full set of acrylics with OPI Big Apple Red. I realized that I did not have polish remover. I went into a Walgreens and picked up a bottle and went to check out. There was a guy there looking at me and asked "Are you a man or a woman?
I looked him straight in the eye and said this time last year I was a man"

[Taylor186]

Three or four times a week I go to the local health club wearing black leggings or black footless dance tights with tight shorts. Under the leggings or tights I wear tan colored hosiery and at least two inches of tan show between the bottom to the leggings/tights and my shoes. I also wear a racer back tank top under my shirt that prints as a sports bra. I see hundreds of people each week including old work colleagues, town acquaintances and neighbors.

Do they notice? Of course.

Have they said anything? Not once.

One day I walked in and a neighbor was sitting there waiting for a trainer and I stopped (standing) for a moment to catch up on the neighborhood gossip. He couldn't take his eye off my glossy black tights. But he said nothing about them then or since.

[Allison Chaynes]

My boss told me that my panties were showing a couple weeks ago when I was on the floor repairing a clothing fixture. I just said, Oh", pulled my shirt down and went back to work. She's cool about it.

[Nikki A.]

If people notice, most would be too polite to say anything.

[Pumped]

I wear woman's boots in public. I have a few pair anything from a 3" to 4" heel. I have had people ask about them and I just ask them if they want to get a pair too. That pretty much ends the conversation.

[lingerieLiz]

I only own women's jeans. Was at lunch with a friend and she pointed out a guy wearing women's jeans. They were the same make as hers. He was very obvious, showing a lot of skin on the backside. I expected to see his thong at any moment. Funny part was it was a red neck place.

I've worn bras for years. I like silk blouses/shirts and wear them often. I've been in situations that my bra was obvious and no one said anything. EXCEPT, for one woman years ago. Back in the 60s I did get into a situation that could have gone bad with two guys.They saw my panties and began harassing me. They found out that was a bad idea.

[ReineD]

I get very confused when I read members describe going out as "androgynous". Does it mean a male who does not hide maleness but who wears women’s clothes?

These are my observations:

I’ve seen only one or two androgynous-looking people in my lifetime. It is rare, not many people can pull this off. Younger people or people who are very old can pull it off better than people in the middle. These were people that I could not tell were male or female. There was some softness to the face, but some angularity too, no beard shadow, and I couldn't tell by their hair whether they were male or female. Their clothes were unisex (items that both men and women wear). The body was androgynous - no wide shoulders/slim hips, no large breasts and hourglass figure.

The definition of androgyny is, "having the characteristics or nature of both male and female; neither specifically feminine nor masculine". This describes their entire being, not just their clothes.

I have seen males who look like males wear some items of women’s clothing, and although they may have identified as androgynous or non-binary, they didn’t look androgynous. They looked like birth-males who wore women’s clothing, which made them look effeminate. This is not a bad thing. This is also not a comment on how they identified, just how they looked. And I’ve seen some females wear distinct men’s clothing (not just jeans and a Tshirt), but they didn’t look androgynous either. They looked like birth females who wore men’s clothing.

The way that people dress does not give a clue to their gender identity, even if they are wearing a little makeup, unless they go all out and present completely, or as convincingly as possible, as the opposite sex - in which case it can be assumed they are either transgender or a crossdresser. Or, if they are masters at finding the right outfit that is neither feminine nor masculine and they have an ambiguous body and facial features, then they will look androgynous. Again, this is hard to pull off for most people.

But, if the items worn are a mixture of both male and female items, and the TG or CD’s facial and body features (height, shoulder width, neck size, etc) visibly conform to their birth-sex, people will simply assume they are their birth-sex who is wearing items of the opposite-sex clothing. They won’t look androgynous.

So, if you look like a male and are wearing some items of women’s clothing, you will run across some people who will wonder why you are doing this (the questions in your second paragraph). Other people will look at you and notice that you are a male wearing these things and they will think it is fine, as you said. But, no one will think you are androgynous unless you tell them (if this is how you identify), unless they cannot tell by your face and body whether you are a male or female.

In any case, I seriously doubt that people will ask you why you are wearing these things. The vast majority will just go on about their day.

[deebra]

So ReineD thanks for letting us know the true meaning of androgyny. From now on I'll try to identify as a birth male wearing several items of women's clothing. Glad to hear you say it's not a bad thing. So I can take that to mean men wearing women's clothes can be a good thing, right. If it makes you happy and it's in good taste when getting dressed then just step into those flimsy, sexy little things, pull them up and tuck, hook the eye and adjust the straps, button the shirt on the wrong side, exert a little more effort when pulling on tight form fitting jeans, etc. Also my feeling is it's all just clothing and our personal choice what we like to wear and how it makes us feel, wish society could understand this. There is society and there is us (CD), they think they are right but we know we are right; why can't they understand that????

Thanks for all the input and I may not admit it but you do change my mind, "sometimes". So keep on throwing your opinions at me, I can handle it.

[GeorgiaD]

Amazingly not until a few weeks ago when I was wearing lingerie and stockings under my suit and sitting down one could just see my suspender clip bumps. nobody has ever noticed or at least nobody has ever said anything before then. On that occasion the woman I was talking to whilst sitting at a table with her simply put her hand on my leg and felt the bump. I nearly had a heart attack and blushed profusely but nothing was said. It was a business meting and she did give me her card afterwards. G x

[Jaylyn]

I wear my nylon panties almost daily. They are really very comfortable. I also have been walking a lot tearing down an old house. I'm constantly bending over picking up the old siding and nails etc from the sight. I know my pants slip down and my panties might show from the lace around the top. I'm constantly pulling up my pants. Only one that has ever said anything to me has been my wife. She says " Honey if you are losing weight we need to get you some smaller waisted jeans. You are mooning the neighbors and showing your purple panties. I've stared wearing my belt to keep my pants up. West Texas, small rural town, this would probably be put in the county paper with a picture. Answer to your original question though no never a stranger has ask me if I was wearing female clothes. I'm thinking it's only a matter of time though till I show some of my panty tops to the guys that I sometimes hire to help.... Don't know what I'll say back to them. You have me thinking though. Good post.

[ReineD]

So ReineD thanks for letting us know the true meaning of androgyny.

Well, since there have been many discussions here disagreeing about definitions, I'm sure that many people will disagree with me. :)



From now on I'll try to identify as a birth male wearing several items of women's clothing. Glad to hear you say it's not a bad thing.


Of course, it's not a bad thing! And you don't have to identify as anything other than who you feel you are, whatever that may be. Pick any label you like, and define it any way you want to. The word "androgynous" though, if it is to be used as a gender-identity, is also a description of someone who neither looks male nor female. You can use that label if you want to, but it sort of defeats the purpose if you look male. That's all I was saying.

I've noticed though, that you spend a lot of time worrying about how others might think of you. I suggest you stop worrying about that. Just dress how you want to dress and go out there and enjoy life. If someone asks you a specific question about your motives and you're of a mind to discuss it with them, do your best to answer. That's all. Don't worry so much about the conversations you might have, until they actually happen, although the majority of people won't ask you anything.

[docrobbysherry]

So ReineD thanks for letting us know the true meaning of androgyny. From now on I'll try to identify as a birth male wearing several items of women's clothing. Glad to hear you say it's not a bad thing. So I can take that to mean men wearing women's clothes can be a good thing, right. If it makes you happy and it's in good taste when getting dressed then just step into those flimsy, sexy little things, pull them up and tuck, hook the eye and adjust the straps, button the shirt on the wrong side, exert a little more effort when pulling on tight form fitting jeans, etc. Also my feeling is it's all just clothing and our personal choice what we like to wear and how it makes us feel, wish society could understand this. There is society and there is us (CD), they think they are right but we know we are right; why can't they understand that????

Thanks for all the input and I may not admit it but you do change my mind, "sometimes". So keep on throwing your opinions at me, I can handle it.
Your post clearly defines those of us that r confrontational and those that aren't, Deebra. U and others like u, wish to challenge society with your appearance and u have to consider other folks opinions when out. I find this stressful and do not enjoy being judged and compromising my looks when out.:sad:

Closet dressers like me never worry about what others think. Our only dressing limitation is our imagination. We dress completely free and stressless!:D

[Sissy_Michelle]

Deebra,

Only a few times, when I wore contrasting colors (black or red bra under a white shirt) or someone noticed he bands or straps of my bra through my shirt. So far I haven't received any negativity or anyone laughing at me. One kind older lady asked if I was wearing matching panties once. Which I told her that I was if she wanted to see... We did both laugh about it but I could tell that she was only laughing because I was.

When shopping or browsing around for sales, I have always had good support with sales associates. They were very helpful so far, and had only had one instance where the sales assistance didn't want to help me because I was male. So when her manager showed up I asked her why my money wasn't good enough at this store? Because the sales associate was so loud and drawing attention to me I told the manager that I would have to shop someplace else. It was all about being comfortable and I didn't feel like a valued customer. Most understand it, but sadly not all. You can tell the ones that don't want to assist or wouldn't understand...

@--}-----
Michelle

[Teresa]

Reine,
This is the point I raised, having just been totally out in a busy hotel fully dressed, I didn't appear to cause any problems , no adverse reactions at all. If I had dressed in an in between look I'm sure it would have raised far more eyebrows . I'm sure more people now will think I'm TS if they actually take the time to read me , so in that context people maybe more inclined to accept and not comment or make a scene .

[MadiCD]

Yesterday at the post office the woman at the counter noticed the strap of my bralette peeking out from the neck of my t-shirt. I couldn't tell if she could tell what it was or not, but she said "she's showing a little bit." The fact that she said "she" made me think maybe she did know...but she didn't say anything else about it. In the future when I pick up packages from places like Victoria's Secret or Adore Me, if she remembers me she might put 2 and 2 together...oh well, I guess. There are worse things that could happen.

[Dana44]

I have long hair.I do dress non binary and also been out and about but no one has said anything. Even with my hair down. Hoop earrings. Except at one VA clinic, I got mam'd and i looked up at him and he said sorry sir. That is the only time.

[AlanaG]

I'm a big guy at 6 ft and 270 lbs, I regularly go out in public dressed in womens clothing; sometimes a dress but usually in a skirt with hosiery and a mans shirt or womens top. I often wear womens shoes with a heel too. I also often times wear a little makeup, but have never worn a wig or bra out in public. I have never had anyone say anything negative to me. Oh, and my nails are always acrylic extensions and gel polish.

Next month my wife and I are going to Vegas and I have an appointment with Amy at Just You for a makeup session and wig styling. I then plan on going out in public for the first time fully dressed as a woman. I'm excited and nervous.

[Jodie_Lynn]

At 6' & 270, who is going to challenge you? :)

[Beverley Sims]

My most memorable experience was at Pearl Harbor wearing skinny jeans and a close fitting top.


I was complimented by the staff at one concession for my dress sense.

Yes you look sharp and not many men look as good as you do in your jeans.

It was androgynous and a male look... of sorts.

[deebra]

Has anyone noticed how males on T.V. are wearing their pants and jeans tight and form fitting just like women's skinny jeans? Are they wearing girl jeans or male jeans that look like girl jeans? Are they dressing like girls in pants ???? Is unisex pants starting to creep in? Are these males wearing panties under their tight jeans or is that the next thing? Is acceptance starting to come?

[Robertacd]

deebra, men's skinny jeans have been available for quite sometime and they are popular with the younger crowd.

I am far too old to pull that off in menswear.

[Periwinkle]

My 'drab' style is actually very gender neutral. But whenever I wear something a little too bright and colorful, people just tend to assume I'm a girl. And when they find out I'm a guy they don't really say anything about it. Not to my face, anyway. Oh jeez... Now I'm worried about it. T_T

[Mgreenva]

I wear heels and hose with my work clothes ( pants and polo shirt) almost daily. Last week I found myself in a 20 minute conversation with an SA at Catherine's. There was also a new SA that was in her early 20s that has never seen me. It was so cool to stand there and have a conservation not has a man shopping for a dress but as a customer. The young girl was checking my shoes out so I complimented her on her wedges and the older SA chimed right in explaining that I was a regular and she looked forward to my visits. As far as confrontations I have had some double takes and heard a few comments. I was coming out of bass pro recently wearing male jeans but Nine West wedges and walked by a couple and heard her say that man is wearing ladies shoes I simply said good evening as I walked by. Incidents like this have happened a few times but no actual confrontation. I also have a conviencebstore where I have to pull my pants leg up a little so the clerk can see my shoes of the day. She also has told me she looks forward to my daily visits. It makes my day too

[Stephanie Julianna]

The thing that seems to get noticed most often is my shoes. I actually have a problem finding men's shoes in my size of 7 to 7 1/2. I easily can find women's shoes in their size of 8 to 8 1/2 and regularly buy androgenous boat shoes, sneakers, or loafers. My sister-in-law always remarks on how small my feet are. Even my nursing white sneakers are women's and a few CNA's and RN's have noticed it and have put their identical sneaker next to mine and laughingly note that theirs are bigger than mine. When I point out that I can't find men's shoes in my size they accept that explanation, which is mostly true, and life goes on.