Honestly or a lie??

[Paula2]

I am sure this question has been asked over and over...

"Why are we so afraid to be ourselves"???

So many of us are "pinned up" Inside our little closet...Why???

[Tracii G]

For most I think its the fear of being called gay.
I'm not in a closet and never have been come to think about it.

[Becky Blue]

Paula, some of us are not at all afraid of being ourselves, but choose to stay undercover for a range of reasons that may include family or work,

[Teresa]

Paula,
Accepting ourselves as CDers, has to come before anyone will accept us, that takes some time we have guilt and shame to contend with. This is all before we can even begin to tell your closest partner. The fear of them finding out, when that hurdle has been jumped it's then how much the immediate family should know . Some may find a comfort zone in that situation but if you want to be totally out then you have to contend with what society thinks .

It has taken me far too long to get to that point, I've found now that society just gets on with their own thing, if you don't interfere with them they will accept you . The problem with me still comes with a DADT situation,that is dealt with by finding a compromise.

I use to call being in the closet solitary confinement, I couldn't go back to living with my Cding that way .

[Maria_mtf]

This is one of those questions that the answer will be unique to everyone. I am not afraid of being called gay, I have gay friends and people in the office doesn't seem to be a big deal. Understanding yourself first is the reason I believe, I still can't decide if I have a fetish or if I dress for other reasons. If it's a fetish then it would make no sense to tell people and be "myself" in public.

The fear for me though comes from worrying what other people think and say about you, as much as everyone says don't worry it's just not that easy.

I hope you find the answer you are looking for.

[DIANEF]

I have left the confines of the house, but it is only comparatively recently and I still have yet to interact with anyone while dressed.I think that day will come, when I don't know. Although I'm not gay, or even bi, being called gay wouldn't worry me in the slightest

[mechamoose]

I'm not a CD person, I'm a dual natured person trying to express both sides of me and I still run into this question. I wear some female clothing at all times, the line that I argue with is how obvious it is. I mean, I will go out on a regular basis with painted fingers & toes, earrings, and other jewelry, girl pants and top... (and a beard, and none of the right curvy bits) but that isn't the same as sauntering down to the supermarket in a skirt. I *am* bisexual, and I'm sure when I'm girled-out that I get considered a gay person rather than transgendered or gender-queer. Being thought of as gay doesn't mean a thing to me, other than I wish they considered the alternative explanations.

There seem to be two areas of concern. One is personal safety. This can be either from your family or from the public, depending on where you live. Nobody wants a fight, verbal or otherwise.

The second is a 'discomfort' factor.. either your own or to not make others uncomfortable. That is equal parts courage and consideration. I don't want to flip out some poor mundane any more than I have to.. I'm just trying to be myself.

The problem isn't *you*, sweetie. It is that the rest of the world thinks in binary terms, and folks like us do NOT fit that binary. The thing I'm working on (with help from my therapist) is how to achieve that balance. How to be myself without being overly threatening to people not equipped to handle it.

<3

- MM

[alwayshave]

Because society judges people who do not meet norms and CDing is not considered by most people to be in the norm. No one wants to be judged. That being said, I have gone out. I have never been confronted while dressed.

[Sandy Storm]

Being from the Deep South Louisiana, but not New Orleans, society would be hard to deal with..also I have worked hard as a successful business owner and made self a name in my city. Here in the South where I know others do coming out in public would destroy what I have done..have witnessed this first hand..and of course to protect my wife, people would think that she was not a wife that could not please her manand that's why he does this! Which is definitely not true😍

[Judy-Somthing]

As we all know there are people out there who are very non excepting of any behavior other than strait.

[Meghan4now]

Paranoid it just good thinking when they are out to get you!

There are lots of reasons, with Tracii ' s topping the list. But it comes down to either thinking it's wrong or dangerous. And most of these feelings come from experience and upbringing. If you are told it is bad, or wrong, or see how others are treated, what do you expect? The only way to get past it is to recognize it for what it is, and get some more confirming experience in your life.

[Paigeturner71]

People don't consider alternative explanations bc they have no conception of what an alternative explanation might be. People are quick to label and mock that which they don't understand. Particularly in this country but I imagine it is pretty universal. ET didn't nor do CDers or really anything with initials...lol

[IleneD]

Face it, girls.
It's not you. It's not Us.
It's The World.

Were it not for the irrational misunderstanding, fear and loathing transmitted from others, including persons close to us, as negative feedback, all would be good. It's the open scornful opinions of others that have the greatest effect.

At some point in your gender fluid CD life there is a time when "I just don't give a damn about it anymore." It may come as a slow revelation or an epiphany. But it happens if you are going to be a healthy You.
It doesn't make public opinions go away, however.

[GeorgiaD]

277558 I struggled with my inner feelings for a decade or so before I found via the internet that I was not alone, and not weird or perverted. I visited a clinic and was told that I was almost certainly gender dysphoric but due to family circumstances I did nothing about it. I certainly don't think I'm gay and anyway that really wouldn't worry me. I think being gay is now not the problem it used to be, in most parts of the Uk certainly. My problem in coming out has been the response of my family to the LGBT community, and programmes, articles, etc. that have appeared in the press and on TV. This leads me to have serious doubts about what would happen should I emerge from my closet. I cannot risk losing my family. And so I do get out and about sometimes, and enjoy my freedom in that way, the best that I can. I am keen too share myself with others who accept and understand and this is why I am present on various sites. G x

[audreyinalbany]

I"ve got to say that just because we're not all out in the world al the time that doesn't mean we're 'afraid to be ourselves.' My self is a guy that enjoys dressing up and presenting as a woman from time to time. Sometimes I'm out in the world, sometimes I'm just at home. I'm not in all my friends faces about being a crossdresser and don't necessarily feel it's important that everyone know about it. I'm not that desperate about it that I feel like all of my friends need to accept the 'real' me. The real me IS the guy that they see : it's just that some things are better kept private. No one else needs to know that I prefer tighty-whiteys over boxers or that I sometimes think about old girlfriends when I'm with my wife and yet these are all aspects of 'the real me.' If everyone I know knew I was a crossdresser, I'd be embarrassed but it probably wouldn't be the end of the world, but I'm not gonna rush right out and share it with everyone.

[Stacy Darling]

I'm one of the some of ourselves, which is actually concerned about how I will/do treat the judgemental people in society when I am confronted by them. That's why I'm so afraid of being myself!

I don't mind being called gay either, at least I look good!

[Rachelle70]

Paula, I know for me it's mostly fear. On many levels, will I be treated as I treat others? What will family and friends think? How could it hurt my career? Unfortunately my thought is in the real world there are consequences to any of your actions wether it's dressing or anything else. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. For now I'm ok dressing in private or with a trusted friend someday.

[ginapoodle]

1) my wife hates seeing any female expression from me-- she is very controlling, very confrontational at times: and I do not want a divorce or for our already strained relationship to get worse
2) good friends are clearly anti T and also LGB
3) TX often is hostile, it can be simply dangerous to go out dressed
4) it takes high expenditure of time, energy, focus and emotional output for me to dress.

[Rachael Leigh]

Paula, it's really tough for most to come and accept oneself, there are many reasons and it took me a long time.
Now that I understand what this part of me is about I'm very comfortable going out and not really that concerned anymore
what someone will think. Yes it's not what some consider normal but for me it is my normal
Rachael Leigh

[Tracii G]

Basically my point is its the CD person that has the problem accepting themselves.
Thats why they make up all these excuses like " I live in the south and there are rednecks" thats BS and you know it.
All the excuses are made up because you don't have the will and desire to be yourself.
Ginapoodle reason number one is your problem so deal with that, the other 3 are reasons you have "made up" to justify why you can't go out.

I'm not trying to be mean here I am just telling the truth and I'm sure some of you will "get it" and most will post with all their reasons why I am wrong.
As the posts come in you will hear all their "reasons' why they are stuck where they are.

I am here in Central Kentucky home of horses and rednecks and they seem OK with me.
Up in the mountains of Rural Eastern Kentucky (coal country) where it is full of redneck country folks I have been treated far better than I expected.
I went to do a CD/trans group meeting in a really small town and had a great time went to dinner with the trans group and played miniature golf at the local hangout even had a few men chat me up which I was not expecting and they were gentlemen and very nice.

[Dana44]

I am not closeted but don't stuff it in their faces, well maybe a little bit. as I wear my hair down more an more. My hair stylist always puts my hair in a braid. once in a french braid. And it is always a girly braid. Went to yoga yesterday and she told me my hair was awesome with my white hair and blonde. As MY SO and I go out. She has told me that they see a girl and register that in their head,. So if you pass at all that's what people will think. I am fairly comfortable on going out and defiantly not in the closet. But during my working years I have been in the closet as it sure seemed better that way.

[Tamsin Secret]

Audrey's point reflects very much how I would feel.

[Teresa]

Tracii,
I'm with you totally on this one now I've experienced being out for just over a year . You have to accept yourself and understand why you need to dress , as you gradually build your confidence, you find many of the fears are in your head . I admit there are set backs and maybe some bad reactions , but that's life and they can happen to anyone, Cder or not.

If you have to escape the closet the next step for me was trying to get out the door, so you take the obstacles and deal with them, once out most of them gradually fade away .

Reading some of the replies I can't help feeling we have it easier in the UK than the US, I have been surprised by this in the past . When I first joined I did expect the reverse but us Brits appear to accept things and don't make much of a fuss about it .

Instead of looking for excuses not to go out find good reasons to do it, I have no regrets at all, it just gets better.

[Micki_Finn]

I would like to make a counterpoint to Tracii with the following from the Human Rights Campaign:

In 2016, advocates tracked at least 22 deaths of transgender people in the United States due to fatal violence, the most ever recorded. These victims were killed by acquaintances, partners and strangers, some of whom have been arrested and charged, while others have yet to be identified. Some of these cases involve clear anti-transgender bias.

Sometimes there is a very real reason to keep your secret.

[Teresa]

Micki,
Maybe my point is a valid one we do have it easier in the UK, but I can't quote any statistics to back it up .

[Tracii G]

I think Audrey has a good outlook on her situation and for her thats a great way to look at it.
I don't throw it up being trans to certain friends and demand they accept me that would be rude on my part so I don't discuss what I do.
That way I don't put them on the spot. Its obvious I am not like them but they accept me for who I am because we are friends first.
Another factor is some are trans and some are just CDers as a hobby thats where a lot of the discrepancies come from on this site.
For me personally I'm trans and I dress the way that makes me feel more in line with my brain.
Because I am male by birth that tosses me into the CD category which is kind of a bummer because being gay kind of works against me.
A CD and trans +gay Straight/gay men have no interest in people like me and women keep me in the "friend zone" which is fine with me.
So none of us have it easy and we have to deal with our own situation the best we can.

[Lana Mae]

Micki, sorry but more people are killed in car wrecks and other factors! I agree it is horrible but should not be used as an excuse for not going out! If that is so, you would not go by plane anywhere as terrorists may hijack it! Do not let them make you paranoid! IMHO Hugs Lana Mae

[ginapoodle]

Just a lovely conversation...you would think I would learn not to respond...

[Alice Torn]

Ginapoodle, Like you, it takes me, everytime i plan to go out in public, a LOT of planning, wrestling with fear, and paranoia, and nerve, to go out. Religious, and societal teaching against it all, is still in my mind some, and i remain quite conflicted, and only come out to rare people. I know some guys who say they will"deck" a man dresses as a woman.

[Emeraude]

It's fascinating to see how many different answers we have. I'm sure it has to do with the many different experiences we are all having. I'm "out" to my close friends and family, but I don't dress in front of most of them. I've been out in public presenting as a woman a number of times, and it was a rush! Fortunately, I got no negative reactions (hardly any reactions at all, truth be told, except for a few "nice dress" comments.) On the other hand, there are periods when I have no interest in CD'ing at all. (Not right now, of course, as you might have seen from my thread!) So, I'm not in the closet, but when I was it was because of fear of rejection from my wife and others close to me, more than worrying about public reaction.

I think it's a mistake to try to analyze or judge us as a group, "Crossdressers" since we are all in such different places emotionally. I'd certainly be reluctant to judge someone else's reasons for coming out or not.

[leannejacobs]

For me I'd say it's for my son's, I couldn't care less about anyone else, though there is the stigma that a crossdresser must be gay or it's perverted in some way, personally I'm 100% heterosexual and there is no sexual element to my dressing at all, thats not to say I don't like to look sexy but that's not the same.
I'm sure many of you will be the same and it goes without saying I mean no disrespect to those of you who are gay or bisexual or indeed if it is sexual for you, each to their own

[mechamoose]

I"ve got to say that just because we're not all out in the world all the time that doesn't mean we're 'afraid to be ourselves.' My self is a guy that enjoys dressing up and presenting as a woman from time to time. >>snip<< and don't necessarily feel it's important that everyone know about it.

Please pardon me if I gave the impression that I thought people were afraid to be themselves. I don't believe that. My intention was simply to point out that fear is part of the decision making process as to when and how we dress. If it were not part of the process, we would all be out there whenever we wanted.

<3

- MM

[ginapoodle]

I will add that when out of town, away from wife, friends, TEXAS and such...I have dressed fearlessly. And gone out in public. And had a fantastic time with confidence and poise.

And yes, Houston has had a lot of violence against T and CD M to F people, and gays. Houston is a HUGE city, with sections very LGBT friendly like Montrose, and more like a war zone (Sugar Land, Stafford, others). Our current political climate is well known to be very conservative. Note bathroom bill resurrecting again in a modified format.

Some are way too judgmental in this conversation. Perhaps they are just looking to flame honest responses or troll.

[Tracii G]

And there are some that get offended by someone telling the truth too.

[JaytoJillian]

simply fear of losing the keys to the kingdom i. e., male privilege

[Tracii G]

Good point Jillian

[Ressie]

"Why are we so afraid to be ourselves"???

So many of us are "pinned up" Inside our little closet...Why???

So, what you're saying is that if we don't come out of the closet we aren't being ourselves? Maybe I am being myself in the closet or part way out of it. People in general have all kinds of fears and phobias that they can't overcome easily. It's not just CDs, transgenders etc. Being withdrawn, inhibited, and afraid are personality traits that millions of people have.

There has been some thought provoking questions on this board lately, which is good IMO. But I don't think I have to go out dressed all the time because someone is daring me to be myself. I don't have any reason to come out as a transgender to the world. Any fear regarding being out of the closet goes back nearly 50 years in my case. I'm comfortable where I'm at.

[Aunt Kelly]

I don't hate myself. When I'm in girl mode I usually like myself much better. I am not ashamed of who, or what, I am. Yes, I keep my nature private to a large degree because of the impact it might have on my livelihood. I am also considerate of my wife's discomfort with anyone knowing. Don't get me wrong, she's understanding and supportive but not keen on having the neighbors seeing Kelly driving my truck. I don't much care what the neighbors might think, but it matters to her and I respect that. Absent those very pragmatic considerations, I just don't have any reservations about enjoying who I am.

In a way, Traci is correct. There are practical considerations, but I wonder if some of us don't hide behind that to avoid facing ourselves. I did, for a long time, so I am not judging. Coming to the point I am took time, and courage. No, not courage to come out. I mean the courage to drag all that baggage out and really sort through it.

Hugs,

Kelly Marie

[mechamoose]

"Yes, I keep my nature private to a large degree because of the impact it might have on my livelihood."

Yes, the ability to provide for your family is important... among other things, such as safety and security.

I wear these ugly slacks and button down shirts to work for the same reasons as I would as waitperson at a theme restaurant. It is the required uniform. It is not me.

Pardon me, but it is NOT about male privilege. Any of us who have even *considered* wearing 'girl' clothing have a limited investment in the 'male' part of that privilege. We are already looking for the exits.

"I wonder if some of us don't hide behind that to avoid facing ourselves"

That is a very valid question.

It is ok that you are private or 'hide'.. but you damn well better reflect on *why* that situation exists and understand it, or you will never get beyond it.

<3

- MM

[ginapoodle]

Pretty circular discussion here. Not sure where it is going.

I think we all are different.

Live and let live.

[mechamoose]

Ok, I'll bite..

"1) my wife hates seeing any female expression from me-- she is very controlling, very confrontational at times: and I do not want a divorce or for our already strained relationship to get worse"

My first wife made it a point to ridicule me, publicly, for my LGBT self. To family, friends, and to anyone she had the excuse to speak to. I wasn't even crossdressing yet. I was just Bi. She was an (explicative) bigot.

"2) good friends are clearly anti T and also LGB"

I'm up here in Librul New England and my best friends for over 20 years flipped out when I showed up to a gathering in a skirt.

"3) TX often is hostile, it can be simply dangerous to go out dressed"

A few years ago I went to TX with my Mom to see my new baby grand-daughter. Due to the stupid roadways in TX, we got in a car accident. The cops who showed up to help us looked at me.. then looked at my feet (sandals, metallic green toes) looked at me.. then my feet, then at me. Then they saw my license.. "Oh, you are from *Massachusetts*...". Dismissive after that. It was ruled as my fault, even though the fine 17 year-old Texan with a two month old license was going 20 over the limit in the wrong lane.

"4) it takes high expenditure of time, energy, focus and emotional output for me to dress."

"Pink Tax". Ask any XX, it is real.

Ginapoodle *and* Traci G, there is more than one side to a story. Your experience is not their experience. We all have our own burden to bear.

<3

- MM

[ginapoodle]

Sounds difficult. You have my empathy.

[TheHiddenMe]

I am sure this question has been asked over and over...

"Why are we so afraid to be ourselves"???

So many of us are "pinned up" Inside our little closet...Why???

Most simply, it's fear of the unknown.

1. How will our spouse/girl friend/partner/significant other react when we do the big reveal? Based on many posters on this board, many fear the answer, and don't tell.

2. What happens if my employer finds out (only a minority of states have LGBT protections)?

3. What happens if friends/family find out?

4. If I go out, will I be the subject of ridicule?

5. Will I make other people uncomfortable?

Being considered gay? Not in the top 100.

My wife feels that if people find out I CD people will feel sorry for her. She hates that idea; hates the idea I would go out dressed. She's told me; "lie to me". So I do.

As I've gone out more often over the last 6 months, and found a core of accepting people, the fear of the unknown lessens. The wife issue remains in full.

[Laura28]

It is simple for me. I don't want to put my family friends thru it. Why should I. This is my thing and I know it would make many many people uncomfortable. My wife knows and one other person knows both are fine with it. But if I came full out my wife and kids would have to deal with questions etc etc. it would not be fair to them.

[Stephanie47]

I can only speak for myself. However, I'm confident there are many who share the same feelings. I totally operate in my comfort zone. I've taking the drive at night. I've fabricated a need to get put of my car or take a stroll. I did enjoy those times of feeling the cool night's air caressing my legs as the breeze played with the skirt of my dress. In the end...boring. Or, I can say "I did it!" I've read the threads about underdressing. I gave it a try. It did nothing for me. Am I suppose to don one of my dresses when I go to a model train show? Why?

I sort of accept the premise of a counselor I see for war related PTSD. She believe each person has some degree of the opposite sex in his or her genes. The pull is greater in some than others. I figured out a long time ago wearing women's clothing brings me a sense of peace and tranquility. Wearing women's clothing gives me an escape. Over the years I've stated Stephanie comes out to assert herself when the going gets rough for her "twin brother." Stephanie calms her "brother" down. I do not need to venture forth and upset that balance between man and inner woman I have achieved. I have not dressed for over a year, and, I am not climbing the walls out of frustration. The male components of my DNA are dominant right now.

There was another thread within the last two weeks concerning what may motivate or be the reason for a man to want to wear the clothing of a woman. Past lives? Nurturing? It really does not matter although I do have a personal opinion. What matters is whether or not your needs have been met by the degree of your indulgence. So, if you need to get fully dressed up and dance all night at a club...go for it. If you want to just sit quietly on your patio reading a good book and sipping a beverage..go for it. Sometimes I believe some people want to drag others along with themselves because they are not comfortable with themselves and they need the support of others.

[susan54]

I love the clothes but it has nothing to do with identity - I am a man. I go out dressed but not openly - I leave the house as a man. My friends and colleagues would be fine with it but I have done something with my life and that is what I want people to relate to and remember - not as the guy who wears dresses and bras. Also I have lots of women friends and like being perceived by them as masculine. They don't know about my other wardrobe.

[LaurenS]

Ok, I'll bite..

My first wife made it a point to ridicule me, publicly, for my LGBT self. To family, friends, and to anyone she had the excuse to speak to. I wasn't even crossdressing yet. I was just Bi. She was an (explicative) bigot.

- MM

my gosh. Glad you are no longer in that relationship. That's just hateful.

and some wonder why we come out at all...

[Angie G]

:Becky got it family and work. so many don't understand why we dress. Hell most of us don't understand why we do it.:hugs:
Angie

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Peer pressure is the glue which holds society together. The problem with glue is that if you don't apply it carefully, things get very messy.

Crossdressing is an example of messy gluing, at least when observed by the vanilla crowd, and let's face it- who likes getting glue on their fingers?

On the other hand, look at all the fun little kids have with glue.

So who would you rather be? A prim, self-righteous narrow minded bore with perfect creases, or a happy little kid?

[Ressie]

"Why are we so afraid to be ourselves"???
So many of us are "pinned up" Inside our little closet...Why???

The premise of this is the problem. We are all different and we aren't all afraid to be ourselves. The clothing that we wear is only something we all do as CDs. It doesn't define who anyone is. There are so many other important aspects that make up a personality. Maybe the questions should be, "why are so many CDs afraid to crossdress in public"?

Secondly, only those that feel they are "pinned up" in the closet can really answer why. There have been some good answers posted here. Answers that are sensible reasons, not excuses. Maybe some of us just don't have a strong desire to dress in public.

[Veronica53]

Paula it feels so good to open that damn closet door and step out into the world, but I know exactly what you mean. I came home from work today and put makeup on and dressed, then my wife and I flung that bloody door open and went for a drive that included me gassing up the car in a skirt and heels,not even a blink. We followed that up by going through the drive thru at DQ again not a reaction of any kind aside from my heart wanting to jump out of my chest.

[Paula2]

My whole reason in asking this question is trying to help the people who still have a chance to make there life better by learning from our mistakes!! I did write it in an inflammatory way..I am sorry..But what I feel is true..

"Why are we afraid to be ourselves??" Fine.. Maybe not for us established peoples..But the next gen of us!!

I have been given too many "numbered" (IE..#1 excuse/reason) responses to let this go anymore without explaining my position better!! Some of these things I have done well.. Some of them I have not.. I have lost friends!! I have gained friends.. My family loves me.. My mother hates me.. It took years to accept myself for nothing more than stepping outside social norms..

This does not apply to everyone I know!! Its just "my" experiences.. Take it for what its worth.. I am sorry if I come across stern... but I have to say this!!

Reason #1 (the wife) If you were honest in the beginning of your relationship and told her this is a part of you!! Maybe you could have married someone who accepts you and you never would have been in a "DADT" situation.. I told my first wife when we were still teenagers.. We divorced after 17yrs of marriage.. It had nothing to do with my dressing!!! I have a new fiancee and I told her in the early beginning too.. We do many things together now.. She is more comfortable with "Paula" than I am!! I am very lucky!!

Or was I honest up front and found a woman who loves me for who I really am ??? You decide

Reason #2 (friends) "This is were I failed"..It took me 20yrs.. But I am glad I did!!
I cheated..I went to a work Halloween party dresses as Paula..Everyone said I looked too good.. "my profile pic" I learned who my good friends are.. And the ones that could not accept me.. "I did lose some friends!!" It will happen.. I kept my best ones!! And I gained better ones who help me and support me...

Finally honest to my friends and found some true ones??? You decide

I have told you too much about me!!
I could go thru Reason 3 thru 5 but it all comes down to this...

Problems that could have been avoided by just being honest???

[Tama]

"To thine own self be true" Thank you, Polonius
If it be honesty we seek, then I say start with myself.
After 50+ years on this planet, I'm not certain I know who or even what I am. I'm not unhappy, or ashamed, just uncertain.
Therefore, If I cannot be certain I know anything absolute about me, how can I be truly honest with anyone else? I'd be lying to everyone to say for sure what my stance or position actually is, if I cannot say in fact about myself.
I have come clean to the wife, and a handful of others but if they were asked what I am, you would get 1000 different answers. All wrong too I'd wager.
It's with that I give the best answer I can. I spend my life's time searching for my internal truth, and maybe only to find in the end it wasn't really important to know...
I Thank you Paula for the thought provoking thread!

[sometimes_miss]

For most I think its the fear of being called gay.

If 'being myself' means chanting to the world that I'm a crossdresser, I think I'll pass. I work in a predominantly female workplace. I simply didn't want to support the stereotype that we're all gay or TS. There was a huge increase in that sentiment after Caitlyn came out. I don't want to have to make it my life's work, trying to educate all the bigots out there, in a fruitless attempt to bring them into the 21st century. I grew up being made fun of. I don't need to relive that again. Just look at all the hate going around since last year. There are a lot of people out there who hate us just for being who we are.

So no thanks, I'll stay in the closet, thank you.

[Tracii G]

SM I think being seen as less masculine is hard for some here so I agree with that.

[Devi SM]

Honestly or Lie?

That's a good question.

"The ends justify the means." – Niccolò Machiavelli.
Just for fear so many people find themselves trapped living a life of lies without looking for.
In our case is different.
We don't plan to be what we are.
Remember that crossdressing has a medical definition that doesn't explain anything. Gender dysphoria.

It's not from night to morning that we realize who we are.
For most of us it begins when kids. How can a child explain that he is different?
Even thought we all have different backgrounds I've heard the words shame, blame, fear.
etc.
So we grew up slowly hidding what we know is different from others.

The other huge element that brings us to hide it is the connection or confussion with sex.
Now we know that gender orientation is different from sexual orientation and sex historically has been seen as a sin.

Please don't tell me that the last is not true. If it weren't true why we dress and hide what everybody knows is there? Why we don't want to think in or visualize our parents having sex if everybody knows that dad and mom had sex so we could exist?

So a distortion of your sexuality is a huge sin
that you must conceal.

My own experience was one day to realize that it wasn't a sin, (I was a Christian pastor) that it wasn't a sexual issue (I was in bisexual activity but now I know that crossdressing is not connected with ) and the more important thing was the I want to be honest and not keep lying to the people I love.

So then the mixtures of past fears, shame, blame and guilty come to join with the fear to loose the loved ones and so many decide to keep it in the closet.

"The ends justify the means." – Niccolò Machiavelli.

Now we have to carry another burden, be liars, not be honest.

But if my experience can help others let me tell you that our brain is very plastic, moldeable and transformable but just you can change it.
Just you can do it.

Be openly talking about it with a therapist helps a lot because you can release, vent your blame, guilty, shame and fear so your brain get used to your reality.

It takes courage but after saying the true the release and liberation is huge.
There is no more huge satisfaction that going for life with peace and not fear they can catch you.
I prefer being called gay and not a liar.
Now I understand the "gay pride"

I keep the original questions below so we don't loose the purpose of this thread that for sure are queations that every of us had had in a moment of our life.



"Why are we so afraid to be ourselves"???

So many of us are "pinned up" Inside our little closet...Why???[/QUOTE]

[mechamoose]

What on earth is so bad about being thought of as 'gay'?

What does it matter who you are interested in? Did *you* get to pick your gender? Did they? Quick fact: Gay couple divorce rates are HALF that of straight ones.

I have known more big-burly-biker type gay men than I can count. They are big ol' teddy bears in the romance department. It has **nothing** to do with being effeminate.

Please don't confuse presentation with orientation.

- MM