Hubby in a funk

[Nikki1983]

My hubby has been a bit grumpy the last couple days. He hasn't had time to dress as I've had company and been very busy myself. But he puts me off when I ask what's wrong..... What should or could I do?

[7ftEmily]

Lol I was like this a few days ago, my fiancée laid out an outfit for me on our bed. I told her I wasn't in the mood because I'd only be able to wear it for an hour or so (don't remember exact time.) after walking past our room and thinking about having it on I caved and wore the outfit. I felt much better afterwards. He might just need a bit of time to relax and unwind as I did?

[Nikki1983]

That's what I'm thinking. He's so happy when he dresses. I've found myself missing him doing it. I think if he was more comfortable with it and not afraid to come out, he would dress all the time except at work. The only reasoning for not doing it at work would be that he is a construction worker.

[Dakota1981]

Nikki, I am so happy to see not only a supportive SO, but someone who is concerned and willing to help her husband through a funk. You're a rare breed, much like my own wife who supports me 100%.

Indeed, if I were you I'd follow Emily's advice. I know many times when I don't dress I get in a hole and the only thing that will get me out of it is finding the time to dress in something. Even if it's just an hour. Lay something out for him to wear, maybe accompany that with a special dinner and just make that one evening all about him/her. Can't say it's fool proof but it's worth a shot. Some guys who crossdress, including myself, sometimes forget how amazing it is to have a spouse who cares and supports them in this. It's not extremely common to have it and maybe if he sees this for an evening, it could bring him out of slumpsville.

No matter what you decide, just take it easy and don't force the issue. It could push him farther in that hole. Hope it works out well. :)

[Allisa]

As a construction worker myself we walk a fine line between both worlds, we must be strong and masculine yet there is that soft somewhat vulnerable side. Once I accepted my CDing and grew with it and found myself, I do dress all the time mostly androgynous but femme non the less and weekends full on femme expression. It's difficult to give in to our "quirk" when for at least 8 hours or so 5 days a week testosterone rules. I have found that if I watch fashion shows on the shopping networks they put me in the mind set to get comfy and dress sometimes totally en-femme. Sometimes we are just to tired and honestly we can become lazy, we are men after all. Good luck and just "grin and bear it", this too shall pass.

[Rhonda Jean]

You shouldn't do anything. He's an adult. Just because he likes to dress up doesn't mean you need to coddle him. Wearing women's clothes is not a disability.

[Lana Mae]

Funny, I was there yesterday! Making plans to dress in my room tomorrow, maybe a one person fashion show-me! LOL It usually helps! I have had to force myself in the past to dress and felt much better afterwards! Give him a chance to dress and see if it doesn't help! Hugs Lana Mae

[Fiona123]

Show him you care. Buy him (when you have more time) some lingerie, or a skirt, anything feminine really.

[Nikki1983]

He is still very insecure about his cd'ing. The last month he has gone out for the first time fully dressed. He is In the stage now, I believe, that he's not sure how far to go with it. I want to reassure him beyond words alone. He doesn't know how to tell me that he wants to dress all the time.... Or as much as possible anyways.

[Fiona123]

Nikki you sound like a wonderful person.

[Nikki1983]

Actually this man has saved me from a lifetime of abuse and drugs. I owe him my life. BUT I also love him for who he is and I couldn't ask for a sweeter kinder man. He is also my best friend/wife. He helped me create a life that I never thought possible. Before I found his clothes, we struggled and I had no clue that it was because of his femme side. Once it was in the open, it took a year and a half for us to both come around to the fact that it was there and for us to figure out how to explore it. I was ok from the beginning. He was terrified I'd get tired of it and leave. I love it though, and I don't want him to stop unless he wants to.

[Lisa85]

Don't ask what's wrong. It would take a long time before you receive a real response.

Best guess is he still has some doubts about dressing in front of you. Find a safe time and use your code words, such as, why don't you relax a bit, put on at least a skirt and have a beer/glass of wine. Or, look what I found on line, this would really look cute on you. If I ordered it, would you try wearing it... still baby steps... even something like here's a mauvish lipstick I found that just enhances and doesn't look like bright red lipstick. If you let me put it on lightly with perhaps some light mascura, it would be our secret.... or we could play a game, put it on as light as possible, and every couple of days increase the dosage. They would never never never ever admit it, but husbands are like dogs, if there aren't some daily pets, they fall down the rabbit hole.

[Nikki1983]

I got it out of him. He wanted to shave his legs to wear a mini skirt and had no idea how I'd react. So I grabbed the shaver and started shaving for him. He was so excited!

[Rachael Leigh]

Nikki, for the CD that's a big step, it's just not done and we all think our wives will hate us for having no hair on our legs
but most once they do it love it and many will do it for a lifetime as I've done so just be ready for that and well sounds like
you are

[suzanne]

Every entry you've made so far makes you seem more and more wonderful. I don't understand how it is he won't take your words of support and encouragement in the loving way you intend them. My only guess is that he hasn't really accepted himself fully. He's had a lifetime of indoctrination in a world that rejects femininity in males and that's a hard thing to reverse.

Patience. If you consistently continue to give him the same messages, both verbal and nonverbal, shop with him, help him pick outfits and go on dates with him dressed, he'll eventually get the message and become more comfortable with himself. Good luck. A lot of people are rooting for you.

[Aunt Kelly]

Nikki,
You sweet, wonderful person. As you learned today, communication is so important. You're both feeling your way right now and, ironically, it's your spouse who seems less sure of where to go next. The best thing that you can do is make it OK for him to be who he needs to be. Keep in mind, that may mean being a guy from time to time too. I wouldn't pretend to know what path your spouse is on, but for some of us in the "gender fluid" box, that path wanders all over the place. Maybe she's at the start of a long path with a specific destination. It sounds like you've signed on for the ride though, so just hold on tight. And keep talking.

Hugs,


Kelly Marie

[Sami Brown]

Having been on the receiving end of a supportive spouse, I felt uncomfortable dressing in front of her for quite a while, despite her reassurances. It was entirely due to my own insecurities. It just took me some time to come to terms that another person could be completely okay with my behavior. It still seems too good to be true!

Your open attitude is a precious gift!

Sami

[Kelly DeWinter]

Only a couple of days ?, knowing Jeannie, she would smack me upside of the head.LOL

[Nikki1983]

Shaving his legs was followed by a shopping trip and several new items. He needed femme therapy! Nothing but smiles since we shaved his legs. New wig, and a nice dress and he even went for some skinny jeans!

[Lisa85]

I don't understand how it is he won't take your words of support and encouragement in the loving way you intend them.

Simply because women have a range of feelings and expressions. A sensitive man will pick that one. Probably was thinking: you just say that but not really mean it.

In HS, a girl taught me it was silly to assume anything a girl says in passion will stick when the passion drops off. It's not just insecurity it's also the range of non-verbal clues.

OP- glad it is working out. Like I said, scared/apprehensive and needed pets....

[Alice B]

You are a very, very special woman and wife. You have taken the time to learn, understand and accept his female side. To come here and explain the problem and ask for advise takes special strength. Keep the lines of communication always open and be proud of yourself and your husband.

[7ftEmily]

Nikki it's awesome to hear he's out of his funk! Shaved legs are AMAZING, I just did it for the first time last week and I'm loving it! You're awesome for supporting him in this.

[mbmeen12]

Nikki good for you, maybe it's time both just take a time out. A date night! Then talk about some group counseling at a local chapter for gurls and supportive GGs.

x Kara

[Kate Simmons]

Good communication is the key with a couple. He needs to realize that. :)

[Angie G]

Get your man some me time so he can dress I'm sure it will help pick him out of his funk. It works for me.:hugs:
Angie

[Stephanie47]

Shaving his legs was followed by a shopping trip and several new items. He needed femme therapy! Nothing but smiles since we shaved his legs. New wig, and a nice dress and he even went for some skinny jeans!

It does not matter if it cross dressing or something else, open lines of communication are always needed in a marriage. Sulking or stewing in one's own juices solves nothing. Glad you took the initiative.

[char GG]

Niikki, you sound like a very sweet and supportive person. It's nice that you care so much about your spouse.

That said, I would tread carefully about catering to grumpy and pouty moods. My husband does not go out an buy me new clothes (or whatever) when I'm in a funk. And my husband is a great guy! What I'm trying to say is that your husband needs to learn to deal with his moods without the superficial crutches.

Just make sure that you are getting a similar response when you are feeling down.

Hugs to you both!

[nikkiwindsor]

My gender dysphoria gets the best of me from time to time. For the past several weeks, I haven't been very happy and feeling sorry for myself. But, my wife allows me to dress and it gently lifts my mood. A supportive spouse or significant other is so very special and not to be taken for granted. Nikki

[Stephanie47]

On this thread, it is "my wife allows me to dress and it gently lifts my mood." Many other have stated on various threads there wives "encourage" their husbands to dress/be enfemme when they are in a funk or depressed. Your choice of words expresses too much "controlling" behavior and an acquiescence to it. I totally agree "a supportive spouse is so very special and not be to taken for granted." However, I question whether it is supportive if a wife metes out how and when that support is shown.

[Dana44]

I would tell him to dress for you and Give him any help he needs. That would be very acceptance and give him the happiness to be himself, It also might open up communication. between you two.

[nikkiwindsor]

I'll further explain the relationship between my wife and I regarding my feminine spirit. She's always known that I have gender fluid ways but it wasn't until about 2-3 years ago that she became a bit more comfortable with this part of me and shared that she'd be ok with me dressing up whenever I desired. She'll even buy me things if I ask her to but usually I just order on-line using her name. For many years, she wasn't comfortable with me expressing my femininity so I honored that and didn't dress. But, she observed that I was continually miserable and angry and she was right in realizing it was my gender dysphoria. She was empathetic to how I felt and has expressed her support for me although it isn't without limits. I never have to ask her "permission" when I desire to dress up. But, she doesn't want me to shave my legs during the Spring and Summer when I wear shorts. Everyone's relationship with their family, friends and others is different. We've found an approach that works for us. Sure, if I could easily go further with who I am deep inside I would. But, it's not so easy. We've found a way of living, while not ideal, certainly works for me and my wife. Nikki

[Jenny22]

Surprise him! One day, tell him you'd love to help him dress pretty, and be very feminine. Select the nicest lingerie, outer wear, shoes and hosiery. Do his make up and style his wig or hair. Add pretty jewelry. Take photos of him and selfies of both of you. He will be in dreamland, and the funks will end!