I Got Caught...Not What You Think

[Lacey CD]

I don't know if this is the right place for this so my apologies if it's not.

I'll cut to the chase. I got caught watching porn today. Tranny porn no less. I came home from work early with a screamer of a headache after a very stressful week. The like of which I care to never repeat. Took some Ibu, got in my jammies and started to do the most relaxing thing I know of...lingerie shopping!! I was starting to feel better and decided a little "stress relief" was in order so I did something I rarely do and guess who came home early and got an eyeful. Ok, so here we are. I'm not a habitual porn watcher and honestly can't remember the last time I did. I generally don't watch tranny porn but was in the mood. So....anyone have any experience with this and what's the best course of action to assure my wife that I love her dearly,and find her incredibly desirable and sexy.

A bit of back story. She went through menopause about 7 years ago and ever since then sex is painful. We've been able to work with it for the most part but frequency has dropped dramatically. I have no desire to cheat on her, she is all I've ever wanted. But I do get weak sometimes. Over the past year she has become much more accepting of my fem side and has been ok with me dressing for bed every night, which has been awesome. My biggest fear is that she will equate this incident with the increased dressing and will change her thoughts on the matter. In all honesty though, the increased dressing has actually decreased my desire to watch porn and has somewhat decreased my sex drive to boot. Any thoughts are most appreciated!

[Tracii G]

Tell her the truth thats all you have to do.
She may not believe you but then its up to you to prove it by not watching porn.

[docrobbysherry]

My ex and I had a similar conversation long ago. She was a very attractive woman. But, because of her dating history, a bit insecure.

She noticed me looking at pretty women when we were out and called me on it. So, I explained it to her:

I told her I loved and was completely satisfied with her. But, that I look at women I find attractive the same way I look at food after I've eaten. The same way I admire art in a museum. The same way I stare at collector cars. Not because I want all or any of them. I just like to look at pretty things. Women among them. We had no problems with my looking after that! :daydreaming:

[Dana44]

I used to watch some of that porn. But I was very careful about it. So getting caught. I would tell her that you just felt like watching one and why like you were so stressed with a headache and and that you love her unconditionally. Just tell her it was something you thought you needed to do. But her love is the best thing for you. And tell her your very sorry..

[DIANEF]

I got caught looking at a porn magazine many years ago, I think I did it more out of curiosity than anything else and to be honest it didn't do much for me (I'm straight and this was male-female stuff). Needless to say my wife was furious, but after much talking she accepted my promises of not doing it again and I have stuck to that. I would tell your wife pretty much what you have told us, just reassure her of your love for her, give her some pampering, and don't get caught again!

[Nikkilovesdresses]

If she's anything like my wife she feels deeply guilty about the sex. She feels undesirable, old, inadequate. She seems permanently surprised that I haven't left her, yet nothing could be further from my mind. For such a hugely capable, creative woman, she can be strangely insecure. I curse menopause - not because of what it did to our sex life, but for what it did to my wonderful wife. I've suggested HRT but she's afraid of the chemicals, and I don't blame her.

All you can do is offer endless reassurance and love. She knows you're going to jerk off, but the tranny element is what may be more significant. Do what you can to make her feel desired and desirable and try to get her to talk and to let the feelings out.

It sounds cliched, but I send you (both) hugs.

[Lacey CD]

Thanks for all of the helpful replies. We just went through some pretty intense processing. Lots of tears on both sides. A good round of reflective listening and some deep insights into the underlying issues that led to this. Being married to a marriage therapist has it's advantages. We've gotten so accustomed to using the tools she teaches couples every day, that we are able to get to the nitty gritty quickly and without much drama.

A big part of my dressing is tied up in the tween and early teen years. My mother passed away suddenly when I was 12. I had been dressing a bit before her death but it really took off after. My father was left high and dry with 2 teenage boys and no way to cope except with the bottle. He was mad at the world and took it out on us. My dressing became some weird distorted way to win his approval even though he didn't know I did it. I started seeking the approval through older men who enjoyed the company of skinny teens in cute lingerie. That world is far behind me but I still have some thoughts and desires hidden in there somewhere.
This week I was severely berated by my boss and was somewhat traumatized for a few days. Follow that by a hellish 3 day production and blammo! The unconscious kicks in and I'm watching some old fart and a tranny tart. Trying in some twisted way to win my boss's(father figure) approval. I had minimized my occasional foray into the darker side of this world and justified it because of the infrequency. She caught me one time 15 years ago and I promised not to do it again and to talk with her if I felt tempted, which I did for many years. When the sex fell off I allowed it to creep back in. It became an option again. One with perfectly logical rationalizations. Except, I had broken my promise and therefore broken her trust.
We're over the hard part. She doesn't equate this with the dressing in the least thank God! My justifications have been trampled and the little(BIG) secret isn't a secret anymore. It's been a shit week but I've grown a bunch because of it. I'm a bit stronger on the backside than I was going in. And with that, I'm going to take my incredible wife sailing!!

[Teresa]

Lacey,
Setting aside the porn aspect, my wife went through the change over ten years and all intimate contact stopped, my wife now accepts my dressing has substituted her, I'm not 100% happy about the situation but I respect her decision . She lives with it , but I do feel hurt at times that as a fully functioning male my needs are being totally ignored.

It has been discussed in the past but we both accept that if it wasn't for my dressing I may have had affairs ,so there is a plus side to dressing.
As for the porn aspect, your wife has the same choice as mine, but she obviously chooses to ignore it.