I want to start cross dressing but am scared to tell my girlfriend

[war]

I have always loved the feel and look of women's clothes and I have always wanted to wear them while at home or while clubbing but I joked about the idea with my gf and she seemed to be off put but said she was fine

[Dana44]

I would start small and get her to help you. Like makeup, painting each others nails. Fun stuff that lead on to other stuff. I am sure she would like a bit of that.

[Amy Lynn3]

You will find few ladies who like their man to dress in female attire. You will see many members here who have wives who help them dress and shop for and with them, but that is not the norm for most women. You will see crossdressing had lead to many divorces.

Now back to you and your situation. The most important thing you must ask yourself, is.... Am I willing to loose her, if I tell her about my dressing. I might add that the desire to dress never goes away for ever, so room must be made in any relationship for it to be a part of said relationship for BOTH parties. Cding is a part of you and it will be hard for most women, but finding one without having a problem with you doing it will be harder.

BEWARE: Many women talk in code. It takes a understanding man to understand these codes. I wrote my above advise, because what your GF said has been used for code many times by women. "It will be fine" decoded means if you do it I will never speak to you again. Tread very soft my friend.

[oh to be rachel]

Halloween. You can stretch that holiday (find a party!) into a lot of fun, with the potential to go further in the future.

[kimdl93]

maybe think a bit about it, and if you really want to explore this, you need clearance from your GF. Why get into either CDing or your relationship if the two are mutually exclusive.

[Tracii G]

If she said it was ok that could mean OK for someone else and not her man or the old "not in my backyard" term.
You are 25 so not totally experienced in what the "code" women speak in is all about.
I would say tell her straight out about yourself and your CDing.
Sure she may not like it and walk off but you will be far better off single than you would be with her if she can't deal with who you are.
Remember she is in the getting to know you phase right now and actually you both are so now is the time to be honest and tell her everything.
If you don't she will use it against you at a later date.
Please don't get married and then tell her because at that point you are screwed legally and 1/2 of what you own is hers.

[LeannS]

Be very careful of that word "fine" oh it can mean so many things get a better definition from her before you proceed if you want to stay with her.


Leann

[Jodie_Lynn]

To quote Marvin the Paranoid Android:

"This is all going to end in tears."

[StephanieM]

I'm almost 45 and been married twice and still don't totally understand the women's code. lol

Seriously though Traci is 100% right.

[TrishaTX]

I would have to agree...what Traci said!

[greeneyes]

277836

LOL...you need to talk to her and get the definition of "fine"

[Dakota1981]

greeneyes, the 2 Broke Girls reference made my day. Thank you! Loved that show.

But to the OP, the picture is exactly right. I've been married for almost 6 years and been with the same woman for over 19 years. "Fine" usually doesn't mean what the word implies. It means something is not right and don't you dare proceed further through the field without sweeping for land mines. One wrong move and it could all blow up in your face. I would sit down with her and discuss this much deeper. But do not accept "fine" as an answer.

[Aunt Kelly]

I have always loved the feel and look of women's clothes and I have always wanted to wear them while at home or while clubbing but I joked about the idea with my gf and she seemed to be off put but said she was fine

I think Max pretty well covered the meaning of "fine" (thanks for that, Greeneyes :) )
Believing that she really is "fine", without asking multiple times, thus giving her the opportunity to make you crawl a bit before she shares how she really feels? Rookie mistake, my friend.

Seriously though, you want to communicate clearly on this. None of us knows you or your GF, so it's impossible to tell you how to do that, but do it you should, for your sake and for hers. It's a big deal. Possibly the biggest that your relationship will ever encounter. So talk. Don't push. Make it safe for her to air her concerns. Do not surprise her by showing up en femme one day. You need to find out what she's going to be comfortable with at the start. Where it goes from there, not even she will be able to predict (most likely), so take your time.

Good luck to you.

Hugs,


Kelly Marie

[Lindajane]

Ok, you think you want to dress, ok.
Most of us here have been dealing with these feelings most of our lives, im 50, mine started when i was 4. It took me decades to come to terms with the fact that Linda is a part of me, i cant just pick her up take her for a spin then just put her away, its not a hobby or a day trip for me. My current wife of 16 years does not know. I have gone to great lengths to not hurt her with this or force her to make a decision we will both regret later. Linda has been with me all my life, she is not going away. So, I have learned to give her a place in my life, time to be her. I dress her with style and class, once i understood that this is not about sex things became much easier.
Be careful my friend. I know i dont know your full back story, but, this could turn out to be something bigger than you can imagine.
Be thougtful of the feelings of those who love you. At the same time dont be afraid to love yourself.

[Jaylyn]

What every one has already said, the word fine is different for every one. It's more the tone that the word was spoken in than the Websters definition.

[Stephanie Julianna]

I am a strong proponent of telling your girlfriend, SO or future wife. AND the sooner the better. You need to come clean early in a relationship to be fair to the one you hope to have a relationship with. There is an endless variety of ways this can end or continue but it is the only way to be fair to the one you supposedly care about. We have heard all the stories here from the dreamed of "total acceptance" to breakups and even divorce. I told my wife while we were dating 2 years before we married and almost broke up over it. To her credit she tried very hard to accept it and after years of effort, finally ended up in a DADT compromise. It's not what I had hoped for but I love her that much to keep the dressing under these limits. We just celebrated our 46th Anniversary and I still dress when I can. The percentage of bad outcomes after a wife or girlfriend is told goes up exponentially the longer you wait to tell them because it helps support an arguement that are not the erson they thought you were. The stress of sneaking around will also drive you crazy. Do what you think is best. Honesty is always the best policy. For those of you that have been married for a long time without telling her, that ship has sailed and I don't recommend telling her now. If your wife is like mine, they tend to get more conservative with age.

[war]

So update: I was talking to my girlfriend again and we decided to go shopping when we got to the store she suggested that we go shopping in the women's department for "her" I got a little nervous she said stop that she picked out 3 pairs and I picked out 3 pairs of panties she asked are these the one you want to start with then we looked at dresses I found 3 I really liked she forced me to try them on when they didn't fit she said don't worry we will find you a pretty dress and as I asked about makeup she said not yet that stuff you want to be able to try so you get the right colors she has been forcing me to do this doesn't want me to not do something I want

[phili]

Sounds to me like she is going for it now to see what its all about, as that will help her know whether to continue with you or not, given this bombshell. Could be she is a closet genderfuid herself, but crucial advice in any case is to make sure you aren't more excited about getting to dress up than to be with her and attentive to her needs.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

When I see the word 'forcing' it makes me think War is simply expressing a fantasy. Or perhaps War's g/f is so large and powerful that he genuinely has no choice but to obey...

[sometimes_miss]

My experience has been that whenever a woman says something is 'fine', it's definitely NOT fine. JMHO.

[Dana44]

When a girl says fine. Watch out and do not proceed., Yet that said. did you and her talk any farther and what was the result.

[NancySue]

War, lots of great comments/advice in threads, so I won't repeat any, other than, as mentioned, when a female says "fine", it's important to see the body language at the moment "fine" is said. It's their code. "Fine" with a smile can be positive, but many times a straight face "fine", usually means "whatever". I, too, am a proponent of honesty, before things get serious. Tell her and let the pieces fall where they may. I told my wife before we wed, betting she'd run, but she didn't primarily because of my honesty. Fortunately for me, she's totally supportive. Go slowly.

[BettyMorgan]

Read this article. She has a male image of you and it will change.

http://repartee.tv/en/features1/lifestyle/item/229-wifes-view

[IleneD]

Just start wearing the clothes. There won't be any need to tell her.
Let the clothes speak.

..... (no, please. Don't actually do that. It may end unpredictably and badly.)

Good luck. Just talk.

[nikkiwindsor]

I am a strong proponent of telling your girlfriend, SO or future wife. AND the sooner the better. You need to come clean early in a relationship to be fair to the one you hope to have a relationship with. There is an endless variety of ways this can end or continue but it is the only way to be fair to the one you supposedly care about. We have heard all the stories here from the dreamed of "total acceptance" to breakups and even divorce. I told my wife while we were dating 2 years before we married and almost broke up over it. To her credit she tried very hard to accept it and after years of effort, finally ended up in a DADT compromise. It's not what I had hoped for but I love her that much to keep the dressing under these limits. We just celebrated our 46th Anniversary and I still dress when I can. The percentage of bad outcomes after a wife or girlfriend is told goes up exponentially the longer you wait to tell them because it helps support an arguement that are not the erson they thought you were. The stress of sneaking around will also drive you crazy. Do what you think is best. Honesty is always the best policy. For those of you that have been married for a long time without telling her, that ship has sailed and I don't recommend telling her now. If your wife is like mine, they tend to get more conservative with age.

Stephanie, I'm very fortunate that my wife has become more liberal with age...:) Nikki

[CONSUELO]

I see two issues for you. First you do not seem very sure about your desire to cross dress and it would help to be more certain about that.
Second you want to introduce it into your relationship with your girlfriend.
My experience has been that it is better to be honest in the early stages of a relationship. Letting it mature while circling the baby elephant that will only keep growing until it has to be acknowledged is not a good path.

Perhaps you should be completely open with your girlfriend and ask if she would be willing to explore cross dressing with you.
After writing the above I see you are already on a path of exploration. Look online for good articles about cross dressing and print them off for her so you can read and discuss together. It might seem scary but trying to hide and evade will only make things worse later.

[nikkiwindsor]

I've explained through other threads that I'm so thankful that I shared my femininity with my wife before we were married. It hasn't always been easy over our plus 25 years of marriage. But, true love loves unconditionally! Love you all, Nikki

[Lindajane]

I just hit the like button...