First time Out and to A CD Bar

[Alana58]

Hello All:

I have been a closet CD for quite some time, the urge to go out in public is over whelming.

I travel a lot for business, next week I will be away and after doing some research found that I will be staying close to a CD club.

I have decided to take my first step in coming out and attend the club in fully clothed.

I am reading here a lot about being "safe"

Three part question:

1.0 Does being a CD lend to being unsafe?
2.0 What tips can you provide for out for the first time dressed?
3.0 Should I maybe ease into it as opposed to going to a club? I thought going to a CD club would be a safer avenue

[Dana44]

Safe for means I would not go to or do things that a woman won't do because when we are out, we ar looking like one. A CD club should be safe for you. You are not unsafe as a woman isn't either but do scan around and know that when you are out as a woman do like them. So for example they would not walk down a dark alley.. LOL

[Julie MA]

Haters like easy targets. Don't be one. Go with a friend. Be prepared for rude and unaccepting behaviors. All that said I've been out alone and with a friend and have never felt unsafe. I have only been to gay, and gay friendly places.

[TrishaLake]

to me the world is an unsafe place, I never let fear stop me, so go out have a great time and enjoy yourself.

[Tracii G]

You should be fine just keep an eye out for things going on around you.
Don't drink too much and keep your wits about you.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Don't list.
Don't do anything a GG wouldn't do, like walk down a dark street alone.
Don't go home with anyone, or bring anyone home with you.
Don't drink or at least don't drink to excess.
Don't lock yourself out of your car.
Keep track of your handbag.
Guard your drink so no one drops a roofie in it.
Kissing is OK; sex is not.

Do list.
Dance
Have fun.

[Becky Blue]

Re safety as others have said above think like a GG would and don't take chances and don't drink.
What could work is reaching out to the community on here or any other social media that Alana is on to see if there are other girls in the area that you could meet and go with. It makes your first outing so much more fun if you have company and its obviously less scary to be with others. Best of luck... going out is such an amazing experience.

[Jaylyn]

I'm not out and probably never will be but one thing for me even in drab is that I'm always aware of my surroundings.

[Lydianne]

Hi Alana,

I am one of those that mentioned safety in your intro thread. What I was referring to was just from the standpoint of being in a minority group - as you would be as a CDer out en femme. You need to think about where you go and when; especially if you are alone. There are intolerant groups out there waiting for an opportunity to hit back against being forced every day to show tolerance.

If you are blessed enough to pass, then you would not be in danger of being identified as trans, but, as the previous posts have mentioned, there would be other things you would need to be careful about in terms of where you go, and when, whom you mix with, and what you get involved in.

It's unfortunate that we need to think about these things, but it's actually unfortunate that they exist. If they didn't exist, then we wouldn't need to think about them :straightface:.

But once you have maximised your safety, from the reports of others, I have read that going out is a lot of fun :)

[NicoleScott]

I found a tg-friendly bar that I wanted to go to, something I never did before. I had fears and questions, so I went there in early afternoon in guy mode to check it out. I asked a few questions (are CDers welcome? yes, Which restroom? either......etc.). I went back that evening in my over-the-top best with great excitement and my fears somewhat lessened. I had a fun time, no problems.

[Mollyanne]

If you show fear, it will be picked up!!!!!! If you don't show confidence that will be picked up!!!!!! Stand straight, walk proudly and be observant.

Enjoy the moment.

Mollyanne

[Ressie]

Probably the scariest part will be walking from your car to the front door of the club. Try to park close as possible especially if you dress like a hooker! Relax and have fun. You'll be fine.

[Alice B]

I have one in San Diego that I go to all the time. Totally accepting to lots of dressers. I first asked on this site for suggestions for where I live. Got lots of responses naming several places and saying that this club (SRO) was very safe. Then called the place and asked what their response was. Also very good. Have been there twice in the past two weeks and will go again next week. Many of the previous suggestions are on point. Especially parking close, or taking Lift or Uber

[Helen_Highwater]

Alana,
You asked three questions;
1.0 Does being a CD lend to being unsafe?
2.0 What tips can you provide for out for the first time dressed?
3.0 Should I maybe ease into it as opposed to going to a club? I thought going to a CD club would be a safer avenue

1. Being a CD and out does carry a level of risk but that level is subjective. The fact that the club is CD friendly suggests that it's in a location that's in itself relatively safe for CD'ers to be. If it was a dangerous area then it wouldn't be doing business as no-one would attend. That said just stay aware while out on the street, don't skulk but act with confidence.

2. Tips certainly. Dress to blend; while it's a club and may well be full of party animals dressed to the nines for a first foray it's better to be a little on the conservative side. If possible look on Google earth and scope out the general area. Knowing the roads and streets, being familiar with the surroundings helps with the comfort factor. Also as suggested, work out where you'd like to park and keep and an alternative so you're not thrown if the first choice is unavailable. Shoes, the heels you wear that are fine around the house will feel totally different walking on hard sidewalks and dance floors. A pair of flat(er)s in the handbag can be a life saver. Moderate your drinking. You need to keep a clear head. If you feel you're being hit on, someone is looking for shall we say L'ammore, to hook up and you're not comfortable with that just say so or make your excuses and either leave or find someone else to talk to.

3. A CD club is really likely not to be the sole domain of CD'ers but a more gay/CD/trans friendly venue. To be the sole preserve of CD'ers it's more likely to be more of a support/social gathering which is about the best option you can get as somewhere for a first adventure. If it it such a venue then that's another reason to dress a bit on the conservative side as being the only pole dancer there does make you stand out!

Final bit of advice. If at any time things feel wrong then trust your senses as they probably are. There's always another time, another place. I've spent many hours out and about, true not nearly as many as some here but having done my homework scoping out locations, parking etc. I've not had a bad experience, far from it.

I hope you have a lovely time and look forward to reading about your exploits.

[Kate Jennings]

I agree with so much of what has been said but I would also add...

Be careful about cell phones...I've found men that try to snap pictures or other gals and if you are not "out" you don't want those pics on the net. Be careful!

[KristyPa]

The first time I went out to a CD friendly bar I went first not dressed to get the feel for the place. When I did a mistake I made was I was wayyyy over dressed. Wore a dress for one and it was also a dress you would wear to a wedding.

My main advice is don't overdress. I was so scared about finally going in. Once I went in and sat down I noticed no one cared or paid attention they see it all the time. Go and enjoy yourself. Every time you do it becomes much more easier and you will be so glad you did.

[Marie Boisvert]

Great luck Alana, I went to my first drag show fully fem about a month ago, when away on business.
I finally managed to get past that steel curtain. I did the drive earlier in the day. Then when ready took
a deep breath steeped out the hotel, in my car a drove to the club. Loved that i was able to get out there.
Have a great time. Marie

[faltenrock]

For your first time out I would recommend to do the following:

- you may go to small shops for women's clothes, such as a medium or small size shopping plaza
- you can go to shopping malls, I feel it's very safe there
- go to CD or GLBT bars
- go to a cafe for a coffee

Good luck

[Ressie]

When I did a mistake I made was I was wayyyy over dressed.

I was under dressed at my first CD bar event. At became clear later at night, when the makeup and outfits of those arriving got more outrageous! But since I arrived early afternoon I'm glad I was dressed more conservatively.

[Teresa]

Alana,
It's a pity you didn't find any contacts on the forum to meet up with, who knows you may find a member at the club.

After the events in London and Manchester is anywhere safe ?

I would say a CD bar should be OK, maybe don't dress too OTT for the first time, even if you feel slightly frumpy, I would also suggest you stick to no alcohol until you find out what sort of venue it is.

I have no regrets about going out socially most are fun to be with , OK some could do better and maybe stop talking about every nut and bolt on the car , the other plus point is you may find many GGs accompany their CDing partners which gives a balanced atmosphere, I spend as much time talking with them .

[donnalee]

As I've stressed here so many times before, learn how to read the street. You can often see trouble coming and step out of it's way before it shows up. Anyone you see should have a logical reason for doing what they do, so keep an eye open for anomalies; someone who reverses course for no apparent reason, one person that magically turns into 2 or more (thugs tend to hunt in packs). Stay close to others if possible, and if not, always look for walls you can put you're back to. Pepper spray or something more potent is a good idea too. Forewarned is forearmed.

[Ashlee]

i went out to a TG club in London back in Dec.when I was there, I had an ok time. I was professionally made over and escorted there. It was interesting. THere was CD's and trans-women, drag queen types and men who were chasing. I got no male attention insofar as physical contact and 1 guy said hello as I walked by. I'm pretty sure I was the only American there too. It was cool to be dressed driving the streets of London, walking en femme to the club from the car and being in there fully made up and dressed. I'm not someone that likes to stay out late so that wasn't fun. Meh, i'd give it a 6/10. When I go back...not sure that I'd go again.