Acceptance vs Passing/Not Passing

[tamaralynn]

Looking at one of my favorite photos and one that I have posted here before, I hope I have realized something very important. I loved who I was that day because I was able to be me. I could critique so much in the picture that passes and does not pass and I am sure we all could give me some constructive criticism on my look. I can see the male features hinting out beyond the make up. I know there is not a lot of softness that many gg's have naturally. But when I look deeper, I see the eyes of someone who is happy with who they are. I see someone who out in public would blend but not pass. I also see someone who for that moment wouldn't care because I am confident, feminine, and proud to be Tami...if even for the day.
I don't know if this makes sense or not. It is not so much of an epiphany, as much as realizing that if I think I am rocking it, and I love the girl in the mirror, I am not really worried about passing and not passing.
Anyways,
Have a Great Night!
Tami

[Becky Blue]

Tamara not only does what you say make sense but you have put it really well...Many of us reach that happy spot when we realise that its how we feel we look, not how others judge us that is the most important part of being happy. Of course its lovely when we blend in and get great affirmation from others, but at the end of the day when we look in the mirror or at our pictures we are seeing the happy girl.

[Jaylyn]

Amen and you have aid what many of us feel deep down. No matter what we look like dressed, when it gets to the heart it's how we feel and we are the ones we have to please. Your words are well spoken here.

[Rachael Leigh]

Tami you got hon, passing is very much about attitude as anything else if you act the part and are dressed for the occasion
then your doing good.
I know just how you feel
Rachael Leigh

[Alice_2014_B]

I must say that is very well said Tami.
Confidence and attitude go beyond how we appear to others; it seems like it is more important how one sees themself.
:)

[Pat]

"Passing" is a false god. I think it starts out as every crossdresser's goal because it seems intuitively obvious that passing is success. But I think the real goal is self-acceptance -- that you can be living your life presenting in the way that makes you happy. Sounds like that's where you are and that's a good place to be. Congratulations.

[Stephanie Julianna]

There is nothing like getting out enfemme and passing but that just doesn't always happen for us. When I get read I just simply tell whoever that I am transitioning and all is well.

[Karen RHT]

It makes sense to me Tami. Like you, it's more the inner feeling than the outer expression that rewards me.


Karen

[phili]

For me passing is not the issue- it is being able to be genderfluid, rather than just joining the other team. I was surprised to find out that man in a dress works really well- people understand it- and I'm not 'trying' to get others to see me in a way that doesn't make sense to them.

If you're in SF area let's go out and enjoy being ourselves, and 'not pass' together!

[Tina Davis]

Tami, this is very well stated and should be a mantra for everyone, no matter where on the CD/TG/TS path each person is at the present time. Reaching that state of self-acceptance is not always easy, but when you do, it is confirmation that you are who you are meant to be.

[docrobbysherry]

Passing is the Golden Fleece of CDing. Most of us cannot and many of us have no interest in going out dressed for that reason.

However, TS's and some CD's get used to being out and not passing. Presenting as who u feel u r u must be very rewarding for u, TL. As it is for others happy with their look.:)

Sadly, some of us have no "inner woman" to let out and do not wish to be seen as men in dresses.:straightface:

I go to dramatic lengths not to see anything male in my mirror. Because looks is all I have!:daydreaming:

[Kate Simmons]

Being happy being ourselves is the biggest key to all of this. :battingeyelashes::)

[Paula_56]

In the transgender community, the use of the terms “pass” or “passing” is controversial. What’s ironic is that we all use it in one form or another, but camouflage it with politically correct language. What’s even more interesting is if you ever go to Reddit’s Transpassing or any one of the other related sub Reddits you would discover that the younger members of our community didn’t get the memo and talk about passing all day long.

I prefer to use the phrase “present as a woman." If I am looking for a comment, I’ll ask how was my presentation. With all that being said, we all have some very definite opinions about the issue. Before you click the comment link below, let me say a few things first.

What made the subject very clear and even defined for me the why we do this was something my wife said to me a few weeks ago. Having recently traded in her shoulder length hair for a pixie cut, she was still getting comfortable with such short hair. While we were getting ready for a Saturday morning of fellowship and brush-cutting at the church picnic grove, she put on blue jeans and a flannel shirt. I’ll admit discreetly to the 5000 or so readers of Femulate that she did look a bit boyish.

One look in the mirror brought about a shriek. Not expecting this response, I looked over and asked, “What’s the matter, honey?”

“Oh my gosh, I look like a man!” she blustered as she headed for her closet.

After 29 years of marriage, I came back with a practiced response that I learned before my first anniversary, “Sweetheart, you look beautiful.”

As she positioned herself in front of the mirror, this time in a jean skirt and scalloped linen top, she breathed a sigh of relief, “There, I at least want the people to know that I am a woman!”

Wow, Bam, Bazinga! Yes read it again ladies: “There, I at least want the people to know that I am a woman!”

Transgender women just want the human race to know that we are women!

The hair, the makeup, clothes, lingerie, voice lessons, and of course, shoes are all gestures to the world that we are women. Just like the jean skirt and scalloped top that was nowhere near as practical for clearing brush that morning, they served a vital purpose for my wife; they signaled the world that she was a woman and validated her identity. It brought her appearance more in line with who she felt she was.

Just like the cowboy who wears his hat, jeans and boots in the airport, he is saying to the world, "These clothes reflect who I am, a culture that I belong to, a philosophy that I adhere too, and a vocation that I perform."

The banker, the rocker, and the professor --- they all send a message with their clothes.
That is the reason we do this --- we want people to know who we are. That deep down, under the five o'clock shadow and receding hairline, we all have to some varying extent the hearts and souls of feminine beings.

That’s why we so often ask about passing, presenting or how do I look? It is the reason why in the transgender community, we take more pictures than most tourists. Ever notice that you are the only person at the family reunion that knows exactly how to work the self-timer on the camera! We want acknowledgement, we are sending radio waves out into the Universe and listening, searching, longing to know if we are being heard.

With that in mind, instead of asking “Do I pass?”

Let’s try asking, "Did you get my message?"

"Yes, Ma'am."