Room mate caught me crossdressing.

[Jessicaa]

I bought a house a few years ago and have a room mate to help split the bills since I'm single. He has been a friend for years and is a great room mate because he is generally pretty quiet.

So here's how it happened, My room mate had been taking a nap in his room most of the afternoon so I decided it would be a good idea to leave my room "en femme" and make a fresh pitcher of lemonade. Just as I was moving to put it into the fridge I dropped the whole freakin' pitcher all over my kitchen floor. I was furious!! I then went to the laundry room to grab a few towels to clean it up. As I was laying the towels down I heard the floor creaking (my room mates bedroom is above the kitchen). I instantly sprang up and started running for the staircase, I was in a mad panic. I reach the top of the stairs, he exits his room and out of instinct I let out an "Oh Shit!" we lock eyes for a brief second as I'm dashing to my bedroom door. That's it. He saw me. I know he saw me.

I was wearing VS Pink sweatpants and a white racerback tank top with pink and blue graphics. Luckily I was just relaxing, no wig, no makeup. But still, he saw me! What can I do?! It's so awkward!!

I don't even want to leave my room now. Not even in guy mode :(

[Tracii G]

You knew the risk was there yet you did it anyway.
To me that means you wanted to get caught.
You feel getting caught is a way to "come out" without starting the conversation yourself.
Sooo its out what are you going to do now?

[Jessicaa]

That makes sense Tracii, maybe you're right. I have been a lot more open about dressing lately. I just wish it wasn't so difficult and stressful :(

[BrendaPDX]

Yikes! I feel for you Bud. But now that the cat's out of the bag, might take advantage of it and come out, or if needed ask him to keep your secret, which he may not be able to do. Could be nothing to him but you do need to talk to him. Good luck. Brenda

[Jodie_Lynn]

You are going to have to leave your room eventually......

And you do need to face the music with your roomie. Better sooner than later, before you build it up to disaster level in your head.

And who knows? This might be the "Start of a beautiful friendship, Frenchie" :)

[Phoebe Reece]

Since you own the house, it's not like he can kick you out. Talk to him. If it's a big problem for him then he has to decide if he wants to stay or not.

[DIANEF]

I assume you are quite young, (well, compared to me..) as is your friend. People are more tolerating of alternative lifestyles nowadays, and if he is really a friend what you wear shouldn't be a major issue. Best to just talk about it. If it's any help my son came out as gay to his friends recently, the difference it made? zero.

[Tracii G]

If he goes off and asks you all the usual questions like are you gay? or if you want to get a sex change.
If you aren't gay then say so and you could tell him 90% of CDers are straight married men if that would help.
Let him know gender expression and sexual preference are not the same thing,one has nothing to do with the other.
Just because you like to wear womens clothes does not mean you want to have sex with him or any other guy for that matter.
Dispel all the usual misconceptions about CDers.
You need to be ready to answer his questions honestly. If he is a friend he will stay if not he will leave end of story.
One thing is for certain the cat is out of the bag and you are going to have to deal with it.
If he gets mad and moves out there is a good chance he will tell a friend and they will tell a friend and so on.

[Tama]

Yes, you have been snagged! Now is the time to do damage control. or maybe, it won't be bad at all. The ONLY way to know is go start talking...good luck!

[Jenna Stunned]

I agree with everything Tracii said.
You knew the risk, so I'm assuming you wernt all that terrified of getting caught in the first place. So now that it's happened, it's time to be honest and clear the air.
Good luck, let us know how it goes.

[Krea]

Hi Jessicaa,
I reckon the best thing to do is to tackle the subject as quickly as possible.
If you just leave things, it will not go away & you will simply spend a lot of time worrying about what might happen next.
If you discuss the subject openly & honestly, whether he is fine with it or not, at least you will know where you stand and you won't have to worry about "what ifs" anymore.
It may turn out really well. Good luck!
Nic :)

[Leslie Mary S]

You do have one thing going for you. You were not fully dolled up. You roomer might just think that you like some woman relaxing cloths.

[Mollyanne]

At this point maybe you should just have a "heart to heart" with him. Be honest, you really can't lose anything. If he "pulls the plug" on you then he wasn't a true friend.

Mollyanne

[CarlaWestin]

Well that's out of the way. You can either stay in your room and starve or, get completely dressed and go make more lemonade. Then offer him some lemonade with a request for a sit down.
Maybe a little bit of, "This is something I enjoy and it's not up for discussion. I'm sure you can find another place to live that suits your liking if this bothers you.
This is part of the reason I bought my own home. Oh, and how about you making some lemonade instead of drinking all of mine!"

[Dana44]

I would make a more lemonade and have a sit down with him and a nice talk. It is your house and I bet he would listen to you. at least and may be acceptable to you. being you.

[Kate Simmons]

Sometimes we want to tell others but don't know quite how to go about it. Looks like this experience worked for you in that respect. :)

[Sissy_in_pink]

If he has a problem with it and since it is your house show him how to use the front door and tell him to not let it hit him on the bum on the way out.

[Ressie]

First, I would ask him what he saw before assuming that he saw you. Once confirmed, just tell him you wear women's clothes sometimes and it's no big deal. From there you could follow Tracii's advice.

[Stephanie Julianna]

Most psychiatrists would agree that you wanted to get caught. That being said, it is also his home and has some rights as well. You need to sit down with him. Open the conversation simply by saying, "I know you have a lot of questions and concerns and I will answer you as honestly as I can." What happens after that is anyone's guess but neither of you can live there comfortably until it is all put out there. Good luck.

[phili]

I don't think you have to say anything. It was what it was, and he knows, and he also knows you haven't been trying to seduce him, that you are embarrassed, that you are in the closet, and that life will go on, as he won't expect to see you again except in some mishap.

Of course, it is an opportunity to say- "Hi Joe, uh - I'm sorry to have surprised you when wearing my feminine clothes. I have to laugh-that was a scene right out of sitcom." See what he says and go from there. He may very well want to be modern and cool and have a tg roommate, or just be a nice guy, or may be shy and just want to know it is safe for him, ...

I was discovered by every roommate at some point, and we all just went on as if nothing had happened. That is the worst case. Very unlikely he will want to leave since you were obviously not trying to exit the closet on purpose.

[Jenny22]

If he's been a friend for years, you should have some feeling or knowledge as to how he thinks, in general, as such things that are LGBT related. Kinda let that be your guide in your decision making. If I were you, I'd probably have the talk. Good luck, what ever you decide.

[Jessicaa]

Thank you for all of your replies and advice, I have been feeling weird all night and barely slept. No one has ever caught me dressed before. Months ago I told my girlfriend and she was not very accepting which is understandable but no one has ever seen me dressed. I have been struggling with my identity for a long time, I'm still young (23) but I'm so worrried about what my life will become. I'm honestly not sure what I want, I don't know if I'm transgender or just a feminine man. This event has opened my eyes to what has probably been feelings I've kept to myself for years. I just don't know what to do next :(

[Alice Torn]

I feel for you! Hoping you wil tell him, it is a private thing for you, and everyone has something they keep to themselves, and that things will remain like they were.

[Ressie]

Oh Jessica, don't worry too much. You don't have to know yourself that well right away. I'm still not sure of everything and I'm 40 years older than you. But then again, the answers might be right in front of you. :)

[mykell]

hi Jessicaa,

enjoy your youth, (its always wasted on the young) at my ripe age i have finally discovered that i would have perhaps been androgynous, this is someone who i think i could have been if i was 23 today......

http://androgynousguy.blogspot.com/2013/03/michael-nowlan.html

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/332844228694118075/

enjoy it, own it.....

[Brandy Fromdaburg]

Since I've gotten older I just don't give a darn what people think of me, YMMV. If I was in your position I would just act like nothing happened, because nothing really happened other than some lemonade got spilled. It's not like you were drunk on tequila riding a donkey in your living room while blindfolded and stark naked trying to hit a piñata that's hanging from a spinning ceiling fan. Something like that would require some explaining. Wearing what you are comfortable wearing in the privacy of your own home requires no up-front explanation from you. Relax, it's going to be all right.
If your roomy is concerned about your dressing let them be the one to bring it up. Then you can answer any questions they have.

[Leelou]

Jessica, I'll echo the support already given to enjoy your youth. I think you're doing awesome! You own your own home at your age and are starting to come out already.

The time in my life when I was most out in the open started when I was younger than you and lasted several years. I came out to my girlfriend, and the experience sounded similar to yours. She was accepting, but didn't really know what to think about it. She very innocently outed me to a girlfriend because she just didn't know what to make of it, and just wanted to talk to somebody about it. Well of course this led to me being out to our whole group of friends, and it was totally OK. Mostly the guys just didn't say anything, and her girlfriends loved me!

So sorry, enough about me. Again, I think you're doing great. My advice would be to see if he brings it up. My experience says that he may not. Give it a little time. If he doesn't bring it up, just know that he knows and is at least OK with it enough to be your friend and stay there. If you'd like to feel free to dress around the house when he's home, then I think you should bring it up.

Best wishes, hope you give us an update!
Leelou

[faltenrock]

I wouldn't worry too much. It would be a great situation to come out to him and explain. Perhaps you actually wanted him to see you???

[Beverley Sims]

Ah! well the embarrassment moment has still to come.

Get it over with and maybe life will improve for you.

Unlike others I don't think you wanted to get caught, I have taken similar risks myself over the years.