Coming up with a way to tell my Mother, Brothers and the rest of my family

[jhasmine]

I have been trying to think of a way to tell my family that I like to CD and would like their support trying to go out in public dressed up. While on lunch break, I thought of something. Let me know what you think?

Thinking about asking my wife and kids to the nail salon to get all of our hair an nails done. yes all of us get done up. including my makeup. Then slipping into my nice new dress and taking photos.

After getting all dolled up, I want to post it on facebook. because they all hang out in facebook and dont know how to come visit people. ROFL.
Possible words to use to tell them with that photo:
Hi all, I just wanted to share my joy with you. I am not gay, I just prefer to appear feminine. I like to wear womens clothing as it makes me feel good. I would like to see or hear your comments. To my mom, I would like you to give my fem look a name as you have always been their for me and I will accept is as you provided me with my male name.
*****************************

I hope I didn't offend anyone with my choice of words here and please feel free to thow in a comment or suggestion of text. I am hoping to do this after my next paycheck which is in 7 more days. I will of course speak with my wife about this decision and explain to her that this would make me happy. I am a bit anxious and scared but, no time like the present.

Wish me luck and I wish all of you the best on your journeys.

Thank you

I know my name says Jhasmine but that may change :)

[Nikki1983]

Be prepared for negative reactions. I think you're doing this a little "too in their face", but only you know your family well enough. Think about it carefully.

[jhasmine]

Be prepared for negative reactions. I think you're doing this a little "too in their face", but only you know your family well enough. Think about it carefully.

My family is a straight to the point cut you off in mid sentence kind of family. I also have about 260 old High School classmates on my Facebook page and some old friends. I expect that number to drop after the post but never thought about it being too "in the face". I am sure it will be ok though.

[Amy Lynn3]

As for myself and only me, I think I would attempt to talk to my Mother and brothers in person first. I feel they might think I did not care enough about them to know first, before being lumped into a group of high school people.:2c:

[DIANEF]

I'm with Amy Lynn on this one, I'd discuss it with my nearest and dearest before announcing it to the world, but just my opinion. Good luck with whatever you do.

[jhasmine]

As for myself and only me, I think I would attempt to talk to my Mother and brothers in person first. I feel they might think I did not care enough about them to know first, before being lumped into a group of high school people.:2c:

Good point. Good point. Maybe my prior post was a way out of having to physically face them for fear of the unknown. Perhaps a gathering at my house with a reveal and a talk. Its extremely hard to get them all in the same place at 1 time but I have to do it right, for them, and myself x2. At least my mom, my brothers can find out later. My father has not really been their for us in the past but is in the area now. I will ask my wife once I get out of work.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Hello Jhasmine, a belated welcome to the forum.

You are wise to tell your wife first, but how will you react, how will you feel, if she rejects your idea?

This is just my opinion, but I think the nail salon idea is a bad idea. It puts your children 'on the spot' in a highly public place. Children are incredibly easily embarrassed, already struggling to find their place in a confusing world, and what you propose could be traumatic for them- and I use the word in its truest sense.

If you and your wife decide to tell your children, it should be done in privacy. This is your wife's joint responsibility, not yours alone- I hope you understand that.

Of course it's up to you to tell your parents, or any other adults you choose, but again it should be your wife who learns the news first, if you give a darn about her feelings.

Right now I feel you need to think very seriously about the impact on your family. It's not that I think you shouldn't tell them, but at least first read about other members' experiences of outing themselves- just because you've embraced your inner femme does not mean those around you will be pleased about it.

Be cautious, be prudent, be respectful to their feelings. What you are talking about is detonating a bomb in their lives.

Or there again they may be fine with it - who knows.

Either way, tread very carefully, high heels can do a lot of damage.

Hugs and best wishes,

Nikki

[jhasmine]

Hello Jhasmine, a belated welcome to the forum.

You are wise to tell your wife first, but how will you react, how will you feel, if she rejects your idea?

This is just my opinion, but I think the nail salon idea is a bad idea. It puts your children 'on the spot' in a highly public place. Children are incredibly easily embarrassed, already struggling to find their place in a confusing world, and what you propose could be traumatic for them- and I use the word in its truest sense.

If you and your wife decide to tell your children, it should be done in privacy. This is your wife's joint responsibility, not yours alone- I hope you understand that.

Of course it's up to you to tell your parents, or any other adults you choose, but again it should be your wife who learns the news first, if you give a darn about her feelings.

Right now I feel you need to think very seriously about the impact on your family. It's not that I think you shouldn't tell them, but at least first read about other members' experiences of outing themselves- just because you've embraced your inner femme does not mean those around you will be pleased about it.

Be cautious, be prudent, be respectful to their feelings. What you are talking about is detonating a bomb in their lives.

Or there again they may be fine with it - who knows.

Either way, tread very carefully, high heels can do a lot of damage.

Hugs and best wishes,

Nikki

My wife and oldest child already know. My little one is, in my opinion old enough. The only reason my wife did not want to tell her is because my mother doesn't know. when I refered to, i will talk to my wife, I mean have a conversation with her letting her know that I would like her support in telling my family and ask if she would back up a certain idea or if she had any ideas. I should have clerified this prior. sorry.

[AllieSF]

Jasmine,

Old words of wisdom on this site regarding telling others is to only tell first those that "need to know". If you want to come out to everyone at the same time, that is fine, noble and probably a good practice for others to follow to help others to understand that we really are everywhere. However, where you might get mostly support from those that need to know, does one want to test the friendship/acquaintance connection with everyone else at the very beginning of coming out? Maybe verbally (face to face or by telephone call) tell your family and really close friends and see what happens. Then if all that works out tell others. If you want to tell everyone, by all means do. But us regulars here have read all the stories, good and bad, about losing family and friends and of sometimes unnecessarily burdening or shocking others that didn't really need to know.

As for how, I always believe that for the most important people in your life that face to face is much better using words and good communication before showing up "all dolled up". Later for a larger broadcast of your new self, handle that how you like, especially when you have over 260 others to tell. My recommendations are made not to say do it my or our way but to make your coming out as successful as possible. Too much too soon can be offending to some, and experience from this site and my own coming out (still in process) experiences says slower and more personal is better. As for your naming yourself, talk with Mom personally unless you want everyone to offer suggestions. As for how it will turn out, that is always the big question. Sometimes initial joy and acceptance is later met with a reversal of feelings and attitudes.

All food for thought. Good luck, have fun and please let us know what you end up doing and how it goes, as it goes.

[jhasmine]

these replies have opened my eyes wider and I have texted my wife whom suggests that I have a conversation with my mom only at first and move more slowly. I will listen to you vets and my wife and take a step back myself and see where I truly am. the other 200+ people in facebook can wait. they are not truly my friends anyway so it does not matter what they think, only those who are closest to me. and if i care about those close to me, i should tell the face to face. it shows that I respect them and value their opinion. I was a fool to post this the way i did. I am hitting the breaks before I run into traffic. Thank you everyone for your support.

[Tina_gm]

I would slow it down. Telling them is fine but I would be more personal about it. You are really going for maximum shock value here. I am thinking that the elders especially are not going to be prepared for this. And there really isn't any way to do it other than to do it. Then you can have your big facebook coming out party.

[NicoleScott]

Keeping Allie's "need to know" words of wisdom in mind, tell if you must, but don't show unless and until they want to see, and that goes for pics or in-person. As with some wives or GFs, they may accept but don't want to see.

[AllieSF]

Another interesting part of "coming out" is that it is a process and not necessarily a single event. For me it was and is, first telling them, second showing them a picture or more, and thirdly asking them if they want to see me as me and then following through with that. Another part of that last one is to actually go out with them into the public somewhere for an extended period of time. Each step lets them get used to this newy obtained information and lets them move along that path to final coming out and being out of the house. I am out to most, verbally to my brother just yesterday, and have only been out into the real world with a few of those. However, those that know and haven't been out with me yet also know that the day will come whether they are ready or not when I will be more than ready to be myself all the time.

Thanks for listening to our opinions.

[Dana44]

I agree with others here that you need to tread carefully and talk to who you want to come out to first. Posting a picture on face book may be daunting and you may get a lot of bad remarks.

[Alice Torn]

Pink fog, can get us to do things we regret later. i have made mistake of telling some of the wrong folks. When the cat is out of the bag, you cannot put it back in. It is out, and negative repurcussions, often result. Better to stop, and write down the negatives and positives of letting the cat out of the bag now.

[Rachael Leigh]

My advice don't do it not likely to end well.
Voice of experience just so you know

[Danitgirl1]

I always ask 'does this person NEED to know?'
Basically if they need to know then tell them. If mot, don't
If you need to tell your daughter AND she may tekl your mom, then your mom needs to know.
Otherwise why would you mom need to know?
Probably just cause more harm than good.
Your 250 odd school froends definitely do NOT need to know!

[Aunt Kelly]

You want to share something as personal and profound as this ...on Facebook? Bad idea. Just because it's an extremely effective and easy to use medium does not mean it's appropriate for the communication of every subject.

[Princess29]

I recently ended up telling my mother and father about it out of nowhere. I didn't think I'd ever tell them as they don't really need to know. I don't wish to dress as melissa around them and I am strictly a part time girl.
I gave mum the chance not to know as I said "I can't un-say it once it's out there" and she said to go ahead.
In the end, I think it's ended up okay and have cleared the air on various issues but it hasn't really achieved anything but caused some stress. Nothing really has been gained by them knowing. Nothing!
So just be careful, once it is out there, it's out there and can't be taken back

[Lindajane]

Jhasmine,
I love your idea.
I thought of coming out by just doing it, no dramatic, crushing talks, no crying or apologizing, just going ahead on with it like its so completly natural no need to ask permission.
As far as putting the brakes on, why? The ones who really love you will be the last ones standing.
But i do get it, sometimes i want to come out so bad, then like most i pull back.

[Jodie_Lynn]

All I can add is: One step (or person) at a time.

You say that your family is blunt & to-the-point; How will YOU react if they are not full of happiness and joy at the reveal? How will your children react?

Only you know your family, what are their thoughts and opinions regarding LGBT issues? What was the reaction to Caitlyn Jenner? What do they think about crossdressers?

You may be setting yourself up for failure here, so I suggest one at a time, starting with Mom. Good luck

- - - Updated - - -


Jhasmine,
As far as putting the brakes on, why? The ones who really love you will be the last ones standing.
But i do get it, sometimes i want to come out so bad, then like most i pull back.

If you are sure that loved ones will be the 'last ones standing', why not come out? Not as easy as it sounds, now is it?

[alwayshave]

I will add to the porous of those who would not post and only tell those that need to know.

[Melissa73]

As a fellow Crossdresser whom has recently came me out I recommend coming out alot! it helps with your r inner you. As with how.... I did it facebook (as i live across​ the country from family. I had just split from my wife, whom came out as a lesbian. later I confessed my crossdressing. well months after, I was alone at home (as usual) drinking and Facebooking. I told my sister about how we split and I let it be known about me. she didn't remember me ever dressing as a kid, even though I was "caught" multiple of times. then later my sister helped encourage me to tell Mom (ho we surprised, yet still supportive). Know my sister live me, and I dress 90% of the time. so yes I say tell them... and do it quick! it is abig weight of one chest.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Thanks for the extra info Jhasmine, I didn't realise you were already out to your wife and eldest child. That changes everything, though I still think the nail bar idea is throwing your youngest in at the deep end.

Good luck!

[Bobbi46]

Facebook is all very good but with what you intend to do I would go face to face with your closest, nearest and dearest ones first, going on Facebook and then telling the others could be counter productive, they may feel betrayed in that you had not told them first before going on Facebook.
Just another thought.

[jhasmine]

Jhasmine,
I love your idea.
I thought of coming out by just doing it, no dramatic, crushing talks, no crying or apologizing, just going ahead on with it like its so completly natural no need to ask permission.
As far as putting the brakes on, why? The ones who really love you will be the last ones standing.
But i do get it, sometimes i want to come out so bad, then like most i pull back.


The idea was good but thinking back on how me and my mom are close, she should be the one to know person to person. If she was not here today, I probably wouldn't be in these forums and it would already be on facebook a long time ago. Its not like I have any real friends. just all old classmates who never really liked me anyway. I call facebook fakebook or jokebook cuz well, most of it is a joke. lol

[Joni T]

Why does this sound like a Monty Python skit?
Jon

[Micki_Finn]

I wouldn't go that route at all. Especially coming out to close family. They may be shocked and have a lot of questions and emotional reactions that they would like to express to you but don't feel like doing so in a public setting like Facebook. You're obviously very comfortable coming out if you're just going to splash it all over Facebook, so your primary concern should be easing their shock. Also, remember that there's no putting that beanie back in the bottle so would you still be ok if all your Facebook friends told 3 of their Facebook friends about you? Are you ready for it to get back to your boss/priest/etc? Oh and asking your mother to "rename" you probably isn't great until you know how she's going to react. She may not want to have anything to do with your dressing.

[Jenny22]

Why does this sound like a Monty Python skit?
Jon

I agree. It sounds too convoluted and keeps changing based on replies.

[Ozark]

putting stuff on facebook is like getting a tattoo,, it never goes away. be careful.