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Maria 60
06-16-2017, 05:11 PM
A few Fridays back we went for dinner, during dinner my wife told me she put my Maria travel bag in the truck and after dinner to drive her home and she will tell the kids I meet up with some friends so I could have some time to myself.
My wife bought me a big Coach bag a few years back so I could keep some stuff for a fast pick up if I want to go for a drive or if we are going somewhere that Maria can dress.
I told her I was trying to cut back on my driving dressed because it's to big of a risk and I'm getting to addicted and I was planning on dismantling that bag to discourage myself.
She explained to me that she knows that I didn't ask for Maria and knows that the feelings are real and knows that I need time to myself to express that side even if it's only a few hours a week and it's very difficult in our home. She said with stress from work and not having sometime to myself that I'm Mr Grumpy and notices a big difference when I get my Maria time that I'm much more calm, and that I should go for the drive because I work hard a deserve some alone time.
That night I took her advice and went, because I was tierd I didn't stay out long, but it felt great. The next morning I was up early as usual and my wife again pushed me to go for a early morning Maria drive because she felt as if I didn't enjoy the night before because I was to tierd, again I thanked her a took her advice and went.
On my way back home around 9am, I called my wife and told her because she has been so understanding that I would like to take her out for breakfast.
While at breakfast she told me she knows how much I love my kids but all I would need is a few hour a week and I would be content, I told her it seems like it doesn't click, someones always home. She laughted and said that she can't believe I can't see why I don't have time. She said my oldest son is a Maria Bomb, he is unpredictable and a home body. He capable of coming home on Friday from work and not leaving the house till Monday morning when he goes back to work. He says he's going out for a hour and then comes home 9 hours later and then tells me he's going out for the night and then he's home an hour later. He has very few friends and seems like when I want to do something he's always in my way. She said the other kids are barely home on the weekends and are pretty predictable, they tell us where they are going and message and call if there plans change, but our oldest is unpredictable and is a Maria Bomb and that's why I need to take the risk and go for a drive once a week to get some time to myself.
I'm only writing this today because my oldest was going to Jake and Jill party and was planning on spending the weekend there, my wife called me today and told me I should get some Maria time coming my way, I told her I won't get my hopes high.
Well I got home and my sons car was in the driving and one step in the door there he was watching TV on the couch, I asked him what's going on. He said he didn't feel like going anymore something about he was tierd and sent his girlfriend on her own.
My wife came home and couldn't believe he sent his girlfriend on her own and told him to get a life, she then went to our room and got the Maria travel bag and put it in the trunk of her car and told me to go. I really don't like taking chances but it seems like it's all I have, I don't know what to do. Thanks for listening to me venting, your all very patient.

CONSUELO
06-16-2017, 05:44 PM
I understand your frustration. Yet with a very supportive spouse, you have to consider yourself fortunate.
I would be very frustrated with a son like yours who just hangs out at the house.

Dana44
06-16-2017, 05:53 PM
Maria, you have a wonderful supporting wife. Yeah kids are a problem but that goes away also in time. Yeah she has you out driving and that all you get to do. I guess it gets old But she would let you dress at home. Sounds like your kid will get married someday. And then you will have the house. I am retired and my kids are long gone. So enjoy your kid while you have him. They grow fast and then you will have all he time in the world and your beautiful wife to enjoy life together. Also what stops you from going to a theater or a restaurant and spending a bit of time like that. Think of things to do as yourself. One theater here I have only been there en fem. The other one in a nearby town about 50//50 percent of the time. But in our town I run around en fem. With or without my SO who give me an approval to go to the theater by myself sometimes. So go do something.

Rhonda Jean
06-16-2017, 06:02 PM
Back when I was married with kids at home I would take a weekend or so and go 150 miles out of town, get a hotel room, and spend a couple of days doing my girl thing. Nothing wild. I wasn't going to bars. Just shopping, restaurants, that kind of thing. Once every 3-5 weeks did me a lot of good.

DIANEF
06-16-2017, 07:56 PM
Maria, I understand your predicament completely. My son is also an unpredictable so and so when it comes to going out, he'll make plans and then cancel them, go out without saying a thing and be home the next day. The only time I can be sure of him being out is when he is at work, and even then he has cut one of his days, meaning I also lose a possible day for dressing. Much as I love him I am increasingly agitated at his lack of 'get up and go'. I left home when I was 17, he is approaching 27 and showing no signs of wanting to make his own way in the world. At the moment I get one day a week for myself, well its not really a day, more like 6 or 7 hours, and I really want more.

Tracii G
06-16-2017, 08:09 PM
I may be off base here but this seems odd.
What is the motive for your wife wanting you to go out more? Packing your Maria bag and suggesting you go out for a drive and do more Maria stuff alone?
Is she seeing or talking to another man and want you out of the house so she can talk with him on the phone and not have to hide from you.
Does she ever take calls and walk out of the room if you are there?
I really hate to ask but that was my gut feeling about half way thru your thread.

Diane maybe its time for tough love with your son.
Does he help with anything around the house or does he sit in the basement and play video games?
27 is way to old to be living at home IMO.
I left at 17 and have been on my own ever since.

DIANEF
06-16-2017, 08:31 PM
Tracii, my son is actually really good around the house, he can fix just about anything, TV, computer, the car, you name it. You are probably right about the tough love thing, I just wish it wasn't necessary. There is a ray of hope actually, he has a new boyfriend and they have become quite close, maybe they might set up home together in the near future.......

Tracii G
06-16-2017, 08:57 PM
Thats good he helps out because some kids don't and feel they don't have to.
We can blame the parents for that of course so those kind need tough love for sure both the parent and the kid LOL.
Awesome he has a new boyfriend I hope it turns into a lasting relationship.
I'm sure he will do fine on his own just getting the motivation to do it is the key.

paulaprimo
06-16-2017, 11:22 PM
we are here to support you so it's okay to vent!
i do feel your pain and wish you the very best! :)

Nikkilovesdresses
06-17-2017, 01:27 AM
Have you thought of tracking your son's phone? You have to access it to enable that function, but you may be willing to cross that line. You could do it while wearing a long ratty blonde wig, bulging your eyes a lot and pretending you're Carrie Mathison...

IleneD
06-17-2017, 01:41 AM
What a wonderful story, Maria.
I may keep it in mind as a reference for where I'd like my own beloved wife to be as a supportive spouse. You sound like you've made the decision, like the wise decision, to not advertise your Inner Maria to your children. Interesting, and encouraging.