Thinking of telling someone

[jennigrace]

Since my wife died only 1 person knows that I dress (a former gf). I'm thinking about telling a friend in my condo bldg. Any advice?

[alwayshave]

My rule is that you only need to tell those who need to know. For example, my SO.

[Lana Mae]

Only those who need to know! Daughter, son, and sister in law have all seen pics of Lana Mae but not actually dressed! Not really out to anyone else! Oh, yeah! Jennifer and Hollie at JMB transformations naturally! Only you can decide who has a need to know! Hugs Lana Mae

[michelle.foster]

Jennigrace,
I would tend to agree with Lana Mae. Why would your neighbor need to know? That would depend on your relationship or closeness, also. I recently sent a pic of me to a friend who happened to come over while I was getting make up on. I sent her a finished picture, just because I thought she might be interested. She already knew my underwear drawer was full of panties and bras. She help my wife pack up our clothes during our last move. So now she's seen pictures. Her comment was "whatever make you happy, makes me happy" Nothing more has been said.

Good luck

[Sara Jessica]

Aside from the "why?" question (I agree that disclosure should be on a need-to-know basis in consideration of your degree of out-ness), you have a history of purging which suggests that no one outside of your wife really needs to know.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi JenniGrace:hugs:, My advice would be to read line #4 in my Signature. >Orchid

[Ally 2112]

If you truly think it will end in a positive way or it can somehow be worked out to where you can be happy then do it .Other than that think about it !long and hard
The excitement can overwhelm the reality

[paulaprimo]

first off, i'm sorry for the loss of your wife.
secondly, if you're totally comfortable telling a friend,
then by all means do it. the only pit fall could be that
the entire condo might know about it shortly after...

[sometimes_miss]

Consider the worst possible results of letting people know you are a crossdresser; and if you can accept that, only then, proceed. Most often, when we think about telling someone, we envision being accepted and even loved for who we are. That is NOT the usual response when we tell others that we are crossdressers. Most people think we are gay or transsexuals (or in denial about it), perverts, or child molesters, or all of the above. So I'd go easy before telling anyone. Better to bring up the subject in casual discussion somehow to feel out how they think about gender benders. It's usually not a positive experience.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Consider the worst possible results of letting people know you are a crossdresser

Or consider the best possible results: personal freedom to be completely who you want to be, and the removal of judgmental a-holes from your life.

[Princess29]

unless there is something to be realistically gained from it and that gain is not offset by a huge loss then like all the others have said, ask yourself if it's really worth it

[Fiona123]

I understand how difficult it is to keep crossdressing to yourself. I'm inclined to think that a gender therapist might be a better choice though.

[Rhonda Darling]

Jenniegrace:

First of all, WE ALL KNOW YOU CROSSDRESS. Isn't that enough? By the way, the fact that we can keep your secret doesn't mean that any of your neighbors can. Stick with need-to-know.

Second, I'm 66. I've fought the urge to tell others off and on through the years. I believe that the desire to reveal our true selves arises partly from our inate desire to be truthful to others and have them be truthful to us. But wanting it doesnt make it so. While I still would like to tell my closest cis friends, the desire is much weaker since I joined a community of trans ladies that is several hundred strong and that does community events together. Its also weaker since I've gained the confidence to go out and about in the world as Rhonda and am comfortable going most anywhere and mingling with the muggles. I'm out expressing myself and being me,, and they dont need to know any more than that.

So stiffle that urge and just enjoy being you.

[Jean 103]

I agree with everyone. If you are planning on coming out and living openly as a transgender person as I have done, then I would say yes.

[kimdl93]

My condolence for the loss of your wife.

Why is a fair question....might I add that its one part of several larger questions that only you can answer. How do you see yourself? Do you want to live more openly, regardless of if its to occasionally dress, part time or something approaching full time. Is there some particular reason that this particular person might need or want to know?

[Stephanie47]

Back in December you indicated the friend is a male with whom you go to dinner and other activities. If that is the person you wish to reveal your cross dressing you run the risk of losing or tempering a fine friendship if he is not accepting. Even if you were to test the waters to see what his opinion of cross dressing is that does not mean he will be comfortable with a close friend being a cross dresser. It may be the old "not in my backyard" response. As others have stated, tell one..tell all.

From you posts it appears you cross dressing has been limited to in-home dressing. I would suggest expanding your circle of friends for the cross dressing aspect of your life. Perhaps there is a social/supportive group in your area.

I certainly would not risk losing a good friendship because I feel the need to scream from the roof tops that I like wearing women's clothing.

[Melissa Rose]

One way to look at this situation is asking yourself "What are the potential risks versus the potential rewards?". Weighing those and deciding how to act is a decision only you can make.

Whenever you share a secret with someone, you are thrusting the burden of keeping your secret upon them. Is this something you want to do to your friend?

Why do you feel the need to tell your friend? As other have said, if you need share your story perhaps finding a trans group is a better way to fulfill that need.

[JenniferR771]

You do not want to lose that friend. So..I suggest telling some more distant acquaintances, or sales associates, or your salon girl, the girls at the thrift shop, your barber. People who are not essential to your social life. It will increase your confidence. If it goes badly--if you are met with disapproval--go to a different shop.

And so true, meeting the gurls at a local support group is lots of fun. I enjoy myself when I go to our local group. Almost guaranteed acceptance.