First time out at the mall!

[Lana Mae]

This is to address feelings and what I am taking away from my mall experience! This is not about the MAC counter! Let me address the smile thing first! I have very few and rotten teeth and that will be my next big adventure-dentures! I told a few of you that I was down and i was and did not know why! Confidence or rather the lack thereof! I was fine until I was told the makeover would be at the other MAC counter in Belks! Down the escalator and do a 180 and trudge to Belks! No confidence! It like went up in smoke! Worried walking past all those people and glancing at each expecting something! But nothing! One person asked if it was thrilling, scary, not up to expectations, or too nervous to tell! all of those and too down to tell! Another asked if I was comfortable and I was not! Those awful pics remind me of how I felt! I did not put my glasses on and the bags under my eyes are so very noticeable!
What do I take away from all this?
Do not try too much on a trip out! It was the first time in public in a skirt and I should have worn jeans or pants! (Uncomfortable!) I need a shorter wig and a new wig cap! Not only did my wig slip but the wig cap was visible through my entire makeover! LOL I bought 5 items! I budgeted for more but had eye make up at home! I was trying to get the foundation right!
Big point: plan better! Had no hours on my Tracphone! Did not call my daughter who was sitting on the sofa when I came in the front door! She who does not want to see daddy in a dress! She says, that is alright dad, I thought I might see you like that today! (Acceptance?)
In summary, I will put this one behind me and hope I can get the money together to go to Keystone 2018! Thanks to everyone! Hugs Lana Mae

[BettyMorgan]

Everyone has different confidence levels, and different environments, family, etc. Keep moving forward, as long as it feels good, then you are on the right path. If it doesn't, then change directions. You are at the wheel and know what's best for you. Navigate yourself and worry less about presentation. That will come.

And forget the pants, even if you think it will help you blend in. Skirts and dresses all the time! ; )

[Lana Mae]

Please respond if you read this as I need your comments to get over this! Thanks Hugs Lana Mae

[Kandi Robbins]

Lana,

I am going to contradict myself a bit here. Think things through BEFORE you head out the door. Logistics are the keys to being comfortable.

Once you have done that, don't overthink things. Soak it all in. Enjoy the experience. Just relax!

Listen, I know I photograph fairly well (most here do), but I am fooling no one when I am out. But that doesn't stop me from confidently going out and enjoying myself. I understand your smile issues, but hold yourself confidently (even if you are all nervous inside). People are too wrapped up with themselves to pay much notice to anyone else. You went out, you were successful in navigating your way around and nothing bad happened.

We are all so proud of you!! You did it!! You have more guts than most. You should be damn proud of yourself.

Always here if you need.

Kandi

[Teresa]

Lana,
I'm so sorry it went like that when you had waited for so many weeks and pinned so much on the outcome and the next step.

There was nothing wrong with your plan, you were so excited to go through a transformation and find a higher level of acceptance , I'm afraid it's just a job to those girls, they won't see it like that.

If I can give you one tip , try Olay Firm and Lift cream , it does really work round the eyes, I wear it everyday even if I don't dress . I don't know how much better their product just for eyes is but I know the cream works all day . I can't say for certain if your glasses are male or female ones ? That was one aspect I sorted straight away, when I had my eyes checked I asked for a deal on a third pair in a female style, that can make so much difference when dressed.

So where do you go from here ? Well I know you won't give up, as I said in my PM we're both the same age and we've both arrived at this point after so many years of trying to deny it. You have to find ways to be comfortable with it and enjoy it. As I also said social groups do work, and you don't have to worry about how good your wig is , in fact most will let you attend in drab. OK that's not for me and I don't think it would work for you, just getting out there and talking face to face will boost your confidence. We often get people selling off items and a SA comes along from M&Co. with clothes for sale , in fact that is where I bought my wig from another member, I'm told it would have cost in excess of £100.00 and I bought it for £10.00 and I've been out in public wearing it.

I'm sorry I should have asked the question did you learn anything from the MAC makeover, can you confidently do it yourself now ? If you need to do it again do as I did and go in drab , all I asked for in Boots was a colour check for foundation , she found the colour and showed me how to apply it as she did with the powder. As I needed to know before I went out for the first time socially, I wasn't nervous , I didn't have to worry about what outfit to wear and I thoroughly enjoyed it even though I was seen by passing customers . I would probably do it dressed now if I wanted an update to get my colour checked again.

[Rachael Leigh]

Lana confidance is something you have to build to, it won't happen overnight. For me I probably went out more then a dozen times before it became comfortable, and even now there are days I go out and look in a mirror as I shop and I think
oh my what people who see me must be thinking. Even though on those days I just move on and own it I go forward and think hey I'm out here in a skirt or sundress and I'm going to enjoy it.
I'm glad your daughter didn't just yell at you and hope you will find your joy and confidence in going out.
Hugs Rachael Leigh

[Tina June]

Lana -
It took a HECK of a lot of courage to do what you did! and we all know how difficult the first few outings can be - weather we have been out many times or still working up the nerve for the first! I still look back at my first time and think of what I should have done differently, but I have used it as a learning experience and I like to think that every time I go out I do better, and with more confidence.

Think Forward, Think Growth, Think Positive! ALL of us are with you!

[Helen_Highwater]

Lana Mae,

You wrote; Worried walking past all those people and glancing at each expecting something! But nothing! So if nothing else, despite all the issues youthink you have, you went out and interacted with the muggles and came back in one piece, not a scratch.

Okay, you were thrown by your plan going somewhat awry but you coped with the changes. Please don't look upon this as a failure. Not perfect I'll grant you but be proud of your achievement. You took that all important step. Use it as a learning experience and build on it.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Lana,
You had a simple plan, and carried it through.
I don't see where you lost confidence? I can understand
the being scared part, but remember this...
It was you that took that escalator ride, spun that 180,
and found a seat at the Mac counter!
It does get easier. Relax and have fun being yourself.

And yes, I believe that was acceptance from your daughter!
But please get some more hours on that tracphone.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Maria 60]

WOW! WOW! WOW! You must be still asking yourself if you really went out in public wearing a skirt and presented yourself as Lana Mae. That must have taking so much courage, you are being very hard on yourself, no matter how wrong it may have went, there must have been some learning experience you learned from all of this.
When I read your thread on the weekend I felt your nerves threw my I Pad and I believed you weren't going to go threw with it, but you surprised me and trust me I would have had the same experience. I believe when you found out about the change of location you got to nervous that threw you off and you forgot about everything else, sounds like your nerves made you lose your focus. I for one am very proud of you for even walking out the door, now you tasted the waters and next time you will be more prepared and know what to expect. Instead of being so hard on yourself, give yourself some credit and pat yourself on the back. Looking forward to reading about your next outing and yes I believe it will happen. Thanks for sharing your experience.

[greeneyes]

Lana! I hear you saying...what went wrong...but look what went right!!! You did it! you went out. you handled a change of plan! you didn't just cut and run! You went through with your appointment, you got new make-up! and walked back out! you went back home..and may Isay IT IS YOUR HOUSE! Your daughter saw you.....she had mentally prepared herself to see you (what a great blessing!)

I think this is a WIN!!! don't be so hard on yourself chica! You did good!!! hugs back at cha! Greeneyes!

[Tracii G]

Why are you down is my question you did everything you set out to do. Mission accomplished soldier !!
Outings never seem to go exactly as planned for me anyway there is always something I didn't expect to happen.
I'm really proud of you Lana Mae so just keep that thought in your head.
You have had 2 pro makeovers I have had 0 so you are way ahead of me.
We all love you here Lana Mae never forget that.
Sounds like your Daughter is coming around too and I think that is awesome so it actually was a good day.

[kimdl93]

Seems like you did what you set out to do. Nerves are just part of the process. Next time wil be just a tad easier.

Very great that your daughter responded so well. that bodes well for the future too!

[Aunt Kelly]

Oh, Lana Mae. I wish I could hug you right now. I'm so proud of you and so sorry for you at the same time. Yes, proud. You got out there and did what you set out to do, and as unrewarding as it might have been, mission accomplished. And then that moment with your daughter. Yes, maybe just a first step, but in the right direction Those things are huge.

It gets easier from here. You know it will, so take your time. In a few days, you'll be able to look at things more dispassionately. From what I know of you, you may already be planning improvements for the next outing.


Hugs,


Kelly Marie

[OCCarly]

If you got the right color foundation, learned how to use concealer on the eye bags, and made it through a makeover at the mall, those are three huge victories! High fives all the way around and do the happy dance!

Skirts are a learning curve item and dresses are even tougher. Figure out jeans and tops first.

Wigs are also a learning curve. It is one thing to pose in one at home, entirely another to wear one in everyday life. To be honest, living out there as a woman is like owning a race car. You are going to have a lot of failures and a lot of fun while you figure out what works. Enjoy!

[TheHiddenMe]

You know what is going to happen.

The sun is going to come out tomorrow.

You went out, like you have been thinking of doing for many a year, if you are like many others on this board.

And the world didn't end, did it?

We move on, we try to get better.

I will bet you are already planning the second time out.

It gets easier.

Your daughter didn't freak out.

Life is good, right?

[Becky Blue]

Lana, I say You Go Girl, you did it your first mall outing and very little went right, but not only did you survive but nobody seemed to have made anything of seeing you so most of your discomfort was self imposed.

I am sure that now you have gotten that out of the way your next outing will be much better planned and hopefully a lot of fun too!!

Be proud of what you achieved today!!

[sweetdreams]

Hi Lana.

I applaud your courage. Walking through a mall is one of the toughest challenges in my opinion. It sounds like it went off OK. There wasn't a mob with pitchforks and torches ready to burn you at the stake. I think this is pretty good. Maybe in a few days you'll feel differently. And your daughters reaction, how good is that?

I did the same thing about three weeks ago. I had the advantage of just coming from a makeover, so when I hit the mall I was looking pretty much as good as I'm ever going to. I also had a skirt on and I still think that's pretty cool. This was my first outing in public en femme. I got clocked by a couple of ladies once I entered the first store. I almost chickened out but regained my courage. I started thinking about how women compose themselves. I don't know if you've ever noticed, but they seem to have a certain attitude about them. They tend to display confidence and just keep looking straight ahead. Once I started carrying my self this way it helped a lot. It boosted my confidence too. It's a carefree kind of attitude.

I do know what you mean about bad teeth. Mine are bad too. Discolored. Jagged. My smile is definitely not my best feature. In looking back at my pictures from that day I've come up with what I call my Mona Lisa smile. In male mode I tend to frown and this shows up in my mouth, cheeks, and forehead. It takes away from the feminine features that are in my face. I've attached a picture of what I call my Mona Lisa smile, this is the facial expression I'm going to try and maintain as a default when in girly mode. A smile is of course better, but how do you maintain a smile without looking a little goofy (smiling picture attached too).

[jennifer0918]

Awww Lana Mae ,darling I think you did great very brave of you. With the time your outing will get better,practice to and you will see it will get more easier with time. When of my last outing went like I didn't plan it my makeup up was awful my wig looked messy but I learned there will be rainy days,and to keep moving forward.

[Tamsin Secret]

Lana Mae,

Please try not be to down about your experience. Not to long ago I was away for work and had the chance to dress/make up to levels I have never achieved before.
I was on a high and contemplated making the step outside in a place where I was pretty safe from being recognised.

I didn't/couldn't.

It was a confidence thing with regards to reactions from anyone should I come into contact with them and lack of confidence in my presentation.

I wish I had taken my opportunity as I don't know when it will present itself again next.

What you did was take a big step and big steps often come along with all sorts of things to process afterwards. I, like you, have read many different people's accounts of all varieties regarding 'stepping out' the front door but now you have experienced this and many many other related things. You have lived it!
You have made documented accounts - REALITY!

For that alone you should feel immense proudness.

The question is what do you do with all the emotions this event may have caused.

Really only you can answer this but as this forum keeps proving there is so much support from others living the same realities as you.

Don't panic about your feelings right now, reflect on them and perhaps tackle one at a time. You might find that over the coming weeks some of those doubts and angst subsides without any need to examine them further.

Lastly I would like to state the obvious, do what makes you happy, learn from your experiences but I do hope you continue your journey as from the little I know you seem to have a beautiful soul which will see you through to the next chapter.:^5:

[Leslie Mary S]

Hi Lana I think congrads are in order.
I have done that three times ( Not in my home town) but with the aid of a couple support girls who had me in tow in Atlanta GA.

[Alice_2014_B]

It is definitely a learning experience (I'm still learning), but it does get more and more fun.
:)

[CarlaWestin]

Don't feel like the lone ranger, Lana Mae. I was so nervous for my first makeover that I was sick to my stomach for days. The private session with Amy was marvelous and I looked great! I had such great plans for afterward but, I just didn't feel up to it and I completely removed everything after a couple of hours. That's when I got this image. One of my favorites. I've never been able to duplicate that look.

278688

But, the first adventure out for a pro makeover is in the bag and I know what to expect next time. And, these opportunities are extremely rare.
I can't imagine being dressed and in a mall for the first time, achieving your destination and then being told to go somewhere else.
Can you find a more personal and relaxed experience in your area?

[Elizabeth G]

Hi Lana Mae,

I'm Not due I can add anything that hasn't already been said.

You did it girl! It would have been so easy to just turn around at the first setback. The fact that you are already planning to try again says a lot - I admire you for that!

Also, your daughter had now seen you and seems to have reacted well and that's great.

This was a learning experience, not a setback. You did very well.

Elizabeth

[Pat]

Lana -- As everyone else is saying, you did a remarkable thing and shouldn't be feeling bad about it. But perhaps packed too many firsts in one day. It's hard to maintain confidence when you're doing something for the first time -- you're hyper-vigilant of others and hyper-critical of yourself when you're doing something for the first time. It's easy to overload your coping mechanism so a small event cascades and knocks you down. So relax. Look at that list of stuff you did. Forgive yourself that it wasn't perfect and just recognize that all things get better with practice. You did great.

[Eveva]

We were all born noobies without experience. The unknown and plethora of possibilities for things to go wrong when we step outside of our comfort zone and do new things. I think even with my wife by my side it will be a monumental task. I guess this is Murphy's part in all our lives esp for cd/ts/tg's. No battle plan survives battle and no meritorious inspection unit was ever ready for combat. I take great inspiration in your story esp since I have never left the confines of my home. So I suppose what doesn't kill us makes us stronger or stranger depending on what you prefer. :) Experience itself can be a confidence builder. Hopefully that is the case here.

[Sarah Louise]

Congratulations for getting out there. The more you do it, the more you'll learn about what makes you more comfortable and the more your confidence will build.

My first time out shopping was just over a year ago and I lasted about 20 minutes before I lost my nerve and scuttled off to the safety of my car.

Last Saturday I spent the whole day dressed and spent a very happy 7 hours shopping.

[Tina Davis]

Lana Mae, you should be proud of your accomplishments at the mall! Maybe too many firsts, but you adapted to change and went through with the makeover. And then to be greeted by your daughter expecting to see you dressed, not yelling or upset? Take this day as the win it really is! Learn from the experience, apply the makeup lessons from MAC, and go out again to enjoy your life and journey.

And you know that we are all here to support you, just as you have supported us! :hugs:

[Helen_Highwater]

Lana Mae,

Before I forget, I've told the large unpleasant men to leave your heels alone as you fulfilled your challenge. (You need to have read a previous thread to understand)

[Debra Russell]

First time out, mall walk, wrong makeup counter, out to daughter, faulty wig experience, ect...ect.......... and you survived!!! you just jumped a leap year into a crossdressers hurdles :hugs: Don't wait too long to go out again and learn from this experience - plan it out and correct those things that you were unhappy with. Things will be better and much more satisfying ......remember don't wait too long and we are with you.................................Debra

[Lana Mae]

Thanks everyone for your responses, tips and help! Presently processing all this and for sure will go out again! Thanks so very much! You are all true friends! hugs Lana Mae

[Laura912]

Just picked this up. Wow. But you went, you saw, and you conquered. The step you made was Herculean. Or more like Wonder Woman. Now, you needn't worry about your daughter. Keep going. All the best.

[CynthiaD]

Attitude makes all the difference in the world. Almost all of my outings have been great. Those few (really, only two I can remember out of hundreds) that have been unpleasant have been due to loss of confidence. When I walk through a crowd of people, I tell myself how great it is that all these people can see the real me. If I get clocked, so what? This is still the real me. And I'm proud of it. Clothing failures, wig failures, shoe failures, and so forth don't matter. It's gonna happen sooner or later, so learn to shrug it off. If somebody looks at you and laughs, (not very likely, but it's happened to me) look them dead in the eye and smile. Or laugh back. Don't be self conscious. Just enjoy being you and don't worry about what others think.

[Lana Mae]

Cynthia, thanks for your response! This was my first time out and is a learning experience and Lana Mae will grow from here! Again thanks! Hugs Lana Mae

[mykell]

hindsight right....like listening to all the monday morning quarterbacks, woulda, coulda, and shoulda....

this has bothered me since yesterday when i read it. im one of the bad teeth peeps, i get that, but im subconscious of them always....even wearing my guy costume, yet i continue to function....would love that gleaming girl smile with my red lipstick on....not gonna happen, but i got over it and just go out and and act respectful and get that back in return, was overly sensitive of many things my first few times, but after a while you build a DGAS attitude (dont give a hoot)

at my p-flag meetings its a mix of family members and friends as well as LGBT folks, i felt it slowly helped me gain confidence being dressed with a mix of folks i would eventually see in the "wild".
they also told me i looked good and when in the restroom checking out my look a few times i was mortified when i clearly saw flaws, would fix them and carry on.

main thing to share is that no matter how well i plan their is invariably something you had not considered.....life keeps getting in the way.

keep your chin up....dont let this keep you indoors....hope we can meet at keystone, plan to be there myself.

[Lana Mae]

Mikell, no plans to stay indoors! If life does not send me too many curves, I plan to be at Keystone 2018! I think it is something I really need! Plan on more rides and walks just not as large as going to the mall! Thanks for your comments! Wish I could attend one of your meetings but it is a little far to drive! LOL Hugs Lana Mae

[Sheila11]

Way to go. Chalk everything up to a learning experience. Both delight and defeated feelings.

I am not out, but have been going out for years. I like my look but anyone who cares to more than glance in my direction can figure me out. I am a pretty man in a dress. I go out to restaurants, shopping (groceries, clothes, and household repair), movies, the library, and occasionally out with the local TG group.

That being said, just this last week I sat for 20 minutes in my car before gathering the courage to go into a restaurant I have been in before, with positive experience. Occasional waves of self doubt stop me in my tracks and change my plans. But I'll go back out today and enjoy the look and feel once again.

I'm OK. You are OK. Just have fun. If not this time, then next.

[Lana Mae]

Sheila, it was a learning experience to be sure! A good experience upon reflection! I am happy with it! I will move on from here! Thanks for your comments! Hugs Lana Mae

[Alice K]

Lana Mae, comparison to others probably has no value but I for one envy your strength and will. I for one have never crossed the threshold and so much wish I could. Your courage is inspirational. Alice

[Lana Mae]

Thanks, Alice! I am glad I was an inspiration for some one! I was out the door before but more androgenous as I did not have a wig or any make up skills at all! If you want to go across that threshold, you will-when you are ready to do it! I actually was very concerned about the neighbors seeing me and what that might entail! No nothing! Either no one saw me or they do not care! (Even the nosey neighbor across the street was home!) No pitchforks, no tar, no feathers, and no burning at the stake! Facing your own fears is what it is mostly about! You will know when and will just do it! Best wishes! Hugs Lana Mae

[Suzie Petersen]

You did good! I knew you could do it.

Of course you have to remember that while MAC is a reasonably T* friendly business, they are not a transformation service. Their efforts are solely for the purpose of selling their products.

Good advise and suggestions have already been offered and I agree with those.
A couple of things I would add are:
- Avoid checking if people clock you. First of all, if you dont look for it, you wont know to be bothered by it if someone does figure you out. Second, the act of checking people actually makes it more likely that they will read you! It is the good old: If you seem nervous, people will pay much more attention to you and will start putting all the small clues together.

- The other thing, and in my opinion this is a big one, is to go with a friend! I know, it is not easy to find someone, but I can tell you from personal experience that all of this is so much easier if you are not out alone. If you are out with someone else, all the little problems, such as finding out you are in the wrong location, become funny little things to laugh about together. Find a Wing-Girl!
An additional comment to that is that more T* girls together does increase the chance of being read, but in my experience being read actually matters less because you are with others.
Also, a good trick is to go out taking turns at being dressed and being in drab! A "couple" is much less likely to attract attention than a lone "female".

All in all, Well done! Next time will be even better!

Hugs
Suzie

[Lana Mae]

Thanks, Suzie! Sounds like sound advise! I wish I could find a "wing girl" to go out with! I will probably visit a museum or an art gallery next or just window shop locally! Looking ahead to Keystone 2018! Again thanks! Hugs Lana Mae