Why am I so afraid?

[wearingtanpantyhose]

Friday, I'm stopping by Janet's Closet in Michigan, a retail and web store that caters to crossdressers. I really want to walk in the door wearing a skirt, pantyhose and flats and maybe a bra, too. My problem, I have facial hair and don't want to be seen as a freak. Then again, it's a crossdressing store! I feel so foolish that it would an issue of any kind, but I'm still stupid-scared of stepping out of my car near a really busy street in a skirt! I've thought about wearing pants and bringing my skirt with me to put on after I'm in the store. Any thoughts? Or should I just have some balls... even though they'll be in satin panties... and just go in? I hate to be so afraid, but it's scary. The facial hair may be an excuse, or perhaps I don't shave to make sure I don't step out while dressed. Regardless, it's not an option to shave this time. I'd love to hear from you ladies who have stepped out in a skirt and weren't stabbed, shot or struck by lightning! Thank you!

[Lana Mae]

OK,so I recently stepped out in a skirt for my first outing! It was not an issue for anyone! I was a little shaky but it worked out fine! I was however, clean shaven! I do not wear facial hair in male mode so for sure would not have it en femme! Only you can make the final decision and there are those here who wear facial hair en femme! I am sure they will comment for you! Like I said though, the final decision is yours! Best wishes! Hugs Lana Mae

[Eveva]

This is something I'm being faced with. I have usually worn a face hugging beard, but recently finally went clean shaven. I most definitely miss the beard while in male mode, but have the opposite issue while en femme. Sacrifices I suppose. As far as going out to say a dedicated cd shop like that, I would like to think would be very understanding. We are all in the same boat to some degree, and they are a business. Project confidence and a smile and just let it roll.

[Dana44]

Oh my, why are some of you so afraid. You are gong to a place that supports cross dressers and your are afraid to wear a skirt. Face hair, well then get the balls to do it. You are prancing your male self out there and that should not be a problem. I have been out as myself a couple times as a girl and never had anybody say anything to me. But with facial hair you are standing out and still that won't be a problem. Most of the time my SO is with me. So just do it.

[Aunt Kelly]

Stepping in female presentation, but with facial hair, will definitely get you noticed, will probably draw ridicule or worse. Going out with at least an honest attempt at female presentation will, as Lana Mae can tell you, probably be remarkable in how unremarkable will the response from those you encounter. Smile and be nice to people and most will return the gesture. Those that don't stand out as the outcasts they are. So don't hide behind the facial hair. Just lose it along with your fears.

Hugs,


Kelly Marie

[Lilly Diadem]

The first time I went out fully dressed I wore a light jacket and baggy trousers over my skirt and top, big shades to hide my eye makeup and kept my hands out of sight to hide my polished nails - all this for about a ten foot trip to my car.
Once on my way I broke my journey to remove the trousers and jacket, swapped the trainers for low heels, popped on my wig and earrings (I've had both ears pierced since I was in my late teens) and applied my lipstick.

I was absolutely petrified but also so high on adrenaline that I had a great experience.

The reason for the trip was to go to a CD/Tranny friendly wig supplier around 70 miles from home, now in the US that probably doesn't sound too far but in the UK that is a long journey with lots of stops and plenty of close traffic even 20 years ago when the journey was undertaken. I went dressed as when I made the appointment the lady said if I could go in the type of clothes I usually wore with my 'face' on it would give a better idea of what suited me. The wig was great and whilst costing quite a bit saw plenty of use and was kept on for the journey home.

When I stopped to put my disguise back on before the final couple of mile home I was genuinely sad and definitely considered what 'might have been' not so much from the perspective of being female but rather being able to dress this way outside the home.

This was the first of many trips over the next several years and even something as mundane as a trip to the atm is suddenly exciting in a skirt and heels with stocking clad shaven legs and taking your purse out of your handbag to get your card before keying in your details with long polished nails.

The 20 years seem like a lifetime ago and in being in my late 20's I was passable whereas now even if going out was an option I just wouldn't.

I'd say a certain amount of fear is healthy for self-preservation but if you have the chance to visit safe places dressed and overall you enjoy it then you go for it.

Happily married with a kind, understanding and supportive wife means that I am not likely to got out dressed again, I lost the wig in a purge (before I met my wife) I no longer own or even do make up and my upper body structure has developed to such a point through manual labor that passing is not an option. Yes there is a slight pang of regret when I recall those buried memories but as I can dress freely in the house whenever I like and have girly night with my wife anytime I'll take that as a fair exchange :daydreaming:

[Jean 103]

I have met two men wearing skirts. Different places and times It's really no big deal. Yes i was dressed both times. I'm so jelly , as my littlest friend would say. I would love to go there.

[Tracii G]

One thing you need to understand is nobody is paying attention to what you are doing or what you are wearing.
So you think CD ers are freaks? That is kind of the pot calling the kettle black isn't it?
Just grow some stones and do it because nobody cares what you have on.

[Micki_Finn]

I'll be honest, I'd be WAY more nervous about going in a place like that than going shopping in a regular store! OMG these people are PROFESSIONALS. They do this EVERY DAY. What are they going to think of my amateur butt?

[Alice_2014_B]

I really cannot speak on doing such an androgynous look in public, it is just not my thing.

That being said, you can tell by my YouTube videos that I don't care much for what others think, unless it's flattering comments, LOL, I'll take those all day everyday.

I get looks and compliments when I'm out in a Utilikilt (of which I only wear in drab).
:)

[MelanieAnne]

Facial hair and fem attire don't mix.

[michelleddg]

The question is basically around the trip from your car to the door of Janets Closet, right? Once your inside your among friends. Give them a call and ask, they've encountered your situation many many times. My guess is they'll share some similar amusing but reassuring situations. Good luck, have fun! Hugs, Michelle

[Ineke Vashon]

I'd disregard most of the advice given and visit Janet's store dressed in what makes you most relaxed and comfortable. Like you said, you can take a skirt etc with you into the store and change inside. Let the store people set the pace. Make it an enjoyable experience.

That's what I would do. Enjoy your visit and let us know how it went.

Ineke

[Jaymees22]

Hi, You have nothing to fear but fear itself. I don't understand why shaving's not an option. It looks like you're a cautious person you've been a member here for almost ten years it might be time to take a step out. I'm cautious too, but willing to go out a little. So good luck on whatever you decide to do. Hugs Jaymee

[Lindajane]

Seriously, Who cant respect a guy who has the COURAGE to sport facial hair AND a skirt ? I mean thats REAL stuff right there. I wish i could be there, if anyone said anything bad i would have to punch em in the junk.

[Tahoegurl]

I can't speak on the facial hair topic as I am closely shaved for my work...but I also have to shave very close to get my make up on and have it come out ok. I think I might still be self consicence if I were to go out to a public place that is not TG friendly. if it is a store that caters to us...I would embrace that opportunity. but for me it is baby steps in being public. keep charging along and be who you are - others be dammed.

[RylieCD]

I stopped in there last week completely in male mode, since coming from work trip. And I have been enfem. Thetreatment was the same positive experiance. They have a great staff

[Nikkilovesdresses]

it's not an option to shave this time.

...because?

[Fiona123]

I completely understand the fear, I have it too. Michelle's advice is great. Call them first. Maybe set an appointment. I can't think of a safer place to go en femme.

[Teresa]

Apart from a wig I couldn't step out with any hair, as for facial hair it would be a total none starter . It is only my opinion but to me dressing as a woman and facial hair are a contradiction, a mixed message which is going to attract more attention than going out looking totally like a woman . If for any reason I couldn't shave my facial hair I would definitely shop in drab, I have never had any facial hair and do have a lot of fun with SAs when shopping in drab so why put yourself through that agony .

I can't see the logic in changing in the store, all you're going to do is take off the clothes you arrived in to try on some different ones , the SAs aren't going to bother and it means you are carting unnecessary clothes about.

[NancySue]

I sense you "want your cake..and eat it too". I think you will be much, much happier sans the facial hair. It may take a little time, but for me, a close shave is always #1...always....then moisturizer. Remove facial hair and your trepidations of "stabbed, shot, or ⚡️" will disappear and you'll be free to shop wherever. ps..great name...me too...Hanes Silk Reflections Barely There. 😌 Good luck.

[Sheila11]

I accept that every time I go out I am outside the norm.
This will always cause question for someone.
When you CD with a beard in public you cause question for everyone.

[Bobbi46]

You should not be afraid at all . as for facial hair and dressing NO the two should not go together. In drab? facial hair no problem, en femm definitely clean shaven. If your avatar is anything to go by then going to Janet's Closet dressed holds no problems for you. What could be a nicer experience than to go to a shop that is accepting and sympathetic to our community.
Just go for it that's my advice.

[Stephanie47]

I don't know how much facial hair you have on your face. Your avatar picture does not indicate you're too hirsute. If it is a case of the growth of hair during the day would a rechargeable electric razor and a quick shave in the car work? Also, if you wear a wig as long as the hair style shown in your avatar you should be able to place the tresses to at least obscure your cheeks. If you truly are in a situation where you have grown a beard, then maybe just suck it up and wear a pair of loose fitting sweat pants and change in the store. It should take more than a few seconds.

[Ressie]

Some CDs walk in to Janet's as a man and walk out a woman. It could be that you're afraid of shaving?

[Pat]

Why are you afraid? Simple -you're worried that something will happen that will harm you in some way. The actual question is what are you afraid of? It seems unlikely that if you get out of your car in a skirt all traffic on the street is going to come to a screeching halt, so that's probably not it. I'd say the two biggest problems are inexperience (you don't know what will happen, so you start thinking anything might happen.) Or internally you think you're doing something wrong and you're expecting divine lightning (or an agent of the divine) to strike you down. Technically that's called internalized transphobia and it's a product of your upbringing. You have to learn that you're OK and the people you trusted to help you form opinions while growing up, though perhaps loving, were wrong. That's why gender therapists are so popular -- you have to work your way out of that. ;)

Best answer is do what makes you feel comfortable. If what's comfortable is not what makes you happy, figure out why and correct it. It's a life-long process.

[Joan58]

Why is shaving off the beard not an option? I had a long full beard for over 30 years, My wife freaked a little when i came home one day with it gone,

but she got over it. Have never looked back. Opened so many opportunity's for me to dress and go out. I do not miss the beard at all.

[~Joanne~]

I had one really bed experience at janet's, and one really great trip to janet's. the difference between the two? The bad one , janet was there and I was full on drab, the second I was full on femme and she wasn't there. take it for what it is and I have posted the experience here some where.

You can park right next to the front door, there is a parking space right there, it will make your exposure to those around very limited. The people that will probably see you are the Rally's workers but from that distance, who cares. The people driving up fort street will not have enough time to see you.

[Ressie]

Yes Joanne, it's not an area with pedestrian traffic. Vehicular traffic probably depends on the time of day, but I wouldn't worry since there's only a few steps from the parking lot to the front door. Looks like there are even parking spaces right in front of the entrance.

[suzanne]

At one time or another, everyone in this forum has felt as you do now. The solution is nothing more than experience. Get out there. Own who you are. And greet the first sales person you meet with a smile and a request to see "that dress in my size". The first time is always the hardest, but also the most rewarding. Once you know what to expect, you will realize that your fears are groundless and you can enjoy the outing. But no amount of forum posts can substitute for your own first hand experience. Just, as they say, "just do it"

[Maria 60]

I bought my first pair of heels in a crosssdressing store, when I was asked if I wanted to try them on I refused, the owner of the store told me not to worry and this is a place that I could be myself, anyone else who walks threw that door has the same interest as myself. It was very hard to remove my socks to expose my pantyhosed feet to a stranger for the first time but I tried the shoes on and the owner was so incouraging he had me try on a skirt also just so I could break the fear. I went back a few more times and everytime I went it was great experience. It really depends on how you wish to present yourself, if you like facial hair, well it's good to go, for myself when I do for my drives I like to present myself as close as possible to a women so I shave. Do what every make you happy, after all that's what it all about.

[Kandi Robbins]

Been to Janet's and you can park right next to the door and have a very short walk into the store. Park on the side of the building, to the right of the door and you should be able to slip in unnoticed. I've stepped out frequently in a skirt, dress, blouse, etc.....not yet shot or struck by lightning.

[MelanieAnne]

The store has been there for many years. Everyone in the surrounding stores and neighborhood knows what it is and is accustomed to seeing the customers come and go.

[Bobbi46]

Nervousness is a big hold back in wanting to do something but seeing as you are going to a gender friendly shop in a safe place where other sisters have been to as well must give you the needed impetus to dress, go there, park up, if you need to park as close as you can, but then be yourself create the courage that you know you have deep inside yourself, get out of your car and walk into the shop. I would go in there dressed. Nobody is going to look at you oddly or why are you in there. You will be in an environment of help and understanding.

[steffigirl37]

I've walked into Janet's Closet in male mode one time. Browsed, looked at many items, talk to the sale girl. It was a nice experience. No problems.

[kimdl93]

Ive been out many times, in skirts, dresses (maxi and pencil, etc) as well as shorts and tank tops... Never once been stabbed, and the lightning strike just barely singed my wig. Nothin to worry about

[haylee_burnett]

Been to that place in male mode, when i was out that way on business. janet is great you will have a blast.
If I didn't have to work the next morning I would have let them make me up n go out on the town. I did take a bunch of stuff home.

[wearingtanpantyhose]

Update:

First of all, thanks for many supportive comments. Yet, some weren't so supportive, either. All of us have different circumstances, desires and needs. Many of us are so deep in the closet that they can't share their secrets with their wives or close family. Luckily, that's not my case. That said, the truth is I don't want to shave off my facial hair. As a male, I look better with it.

Not all of us can shave our legs, but I do. My legs look much better smooth and my wife is OK with it. Yet, I don't think I've ever read a post here that chastised anyone for NOT shaving their legs.

My desire isn't to go out to clubs, pick up men or other crossdressers or even go shopping at the mall. Nothing wrong with any of that; it's just not my thing. In fact, I only get dressed completely (no facial hair, wig, bra, nails, jewelry and makeup) just a couple of times a year, and always in the winter months. Yet I wear a skirt, panties, pantyhose and (usually) flats every single day, mostly at home but occasionally when on the road (driving and always in my hotel room). I don't get out of the car, but have often gone though the drive-thru and through toll booths sporting a skirt. And I kind of get a kick out of truckers I pass looking down when I pass them. After all, I do have really pretty legs!

That said and after considerable consternation, I decided not to even go to Janet's Closet today even though I was only about 20 miles away. My plans were to buy a pocket bra, forms, nails, a padded panty girdle and a gaff... all of those things necessary to attempt to pass in public as a woman. And I think THAT was the source of my fear...way more than walking into Janet's in a skirt and a goatee. At least, that's my self analysis after thinking quite a bit about it.

Obviously, a store that caters to crossdressers sees all varieties of us every day and even if some stranger driving by saw me, not a soul who could have clocked me in the 10 seconds it would take to walk from my car to the door would have any idea who I was. I just decided I didn't need that stuff, at least not now.

I'm pretty happy working from home wearing a skirt, and occasionally slip into a bra and a dress with heels. I think my crossdressing wish list is more focused on clothing equality, yet I'm pretty sure it's not going to happen in my lifetime. I hate taking off my skirt I've been wearing all day because I have to go to the bank or the grocery. I HATE the panic when the doorbell rings. I don't understand why it's not culturally OK...but it's not. And I look fantastic in a skirt if I do say so myself. My wife tells me all the time my legs are prettier than most real girls. Oddly, it would be WAY more culturally accepted if I was transgendered. A lowly crossdresser? Not so much.

The only way I could really go out in public would be if I completely presented as a women. The times I've ventured out completely dressed from wig to heels (and no face fuzz), I've had a blast but it's not a motivating desire for me to be fully dressed on a frequent basis. But it IS a motivating factor to wear a pretty pair of panties, hose and a cute skirt just about every day. It's relaxing and it's who I am. So for now, I guess I'll just be happy with being me, facial hair in the summer and all, wearing what I want to wear in my own world.

May all of us find peace and happiness in whereever their crossdressing journey leads. I guess I really don't need a girly ass and giggly boobs at this point in my journey, but recognize many of us do. For me, I need to change my pantyhose before my wife gets home. Damn runner! And these were brand new.

Thanks again for listening.

[Angie G]

Given where your going I say just do it come on girl up hun.:hugs:
Angie