Selective purging & becoming less "girly"

[ellbee]

Recently I've gotten rid of some stuff, whether donated or tossed in the trash, depending. :confused3:

Why? Because I realized it's not for me anymore. Perhaps it was in the past, but these days I've discovered that it's no longer what I want/need out of all this.


Some items on the bye-bye list?

Makeup. Owned just a handful of "essentials," like foundation, eyeliner & lipstick, etc. I only wore it a few times this go-around. I've had it for a while, and it was just sitting there. While I guess it was fun to temporarily alter my appearance, I've come to find out that I really don't have the urge/desire/need to look/present as female.

Heels. Only owned one pair, purchased early on in this latest phase. Too girly for me. Hurt my feet (correct size, but aggravated a pre-existing condition). Hardly ever wore them. Gone.

Add-a-cup boobs & a couple bras. Tried, but no longer for me. Again, too girly for me. Felt fake -- and pointless & silly. Hardly ever wore them.
Various tops. Too femmy. Not really my style anymore. Hardly ever wore them. Buh-bye! :wave:


There were some other things, but just wanted to share the basic idea, as they all seemed to follow a similar theme.



Bottom line: About a year ago I got back into this stuff, after a several-year hiatus. What happened was that I automatically reverted a bit to my past default, when purchasing these types of things. I thought this was what I was "supposed" to do, since I used to genuinely enjoy & wear this kind of stuff a lot. Well, lo & behold, I come to find out that it's not really "me" anymore. I guess what this all means to me & how it fits into my current life (and foreseeable future), has simply shifted.

I realize that some here have experienced the opposite, but I've found that as I've gotten older, I'm not quite as "traditionally girly" anymore, at least when it comes to outer appearance. I no longer want to look like a GG, or present as one, or be perceived as one, as I once did years ago. I sort of already knew that in the back of my mind when I started back up again about a year ago... But I guess I wasn't entirely sure & was just going through the motions?

And luckily for my wallet, I didn't push on with the whole thing, regardless, and dive head-first even deeper.



Of course, this *doesn't* mean I've stopped dressing. Heck, no! But unfortunately, summer is here, so it's a bit too warm to be wearing my usual hoodie & leggings in guy-mode, which I still absolutely love. So until it becomes somewhat colder again, I'll just continue to wear some women's tees & shorts. :D


Anyway, I dunno. Anyone else ever go through something similar? :strugglin

[Teresa]

Laura,
I'm one going the opposite way, it's all just coming together for me after too many years being in the closet. Things too girly, heels too high, hem lines a little too short , maybe but none of this is going away any time soon. I love being out there dressed and being seen as the person I prefer to be .

[Maria_mtf]

In regards to styles changing I have definelty read on here how many as they got older switch to more "sensible" clothes.

I myself have only being buying clothes for just over a year so not long enough to have a dramatic change. But that being said my favourite style of clothes is tight bodycon dresses, my last shopping trip where I searched for them ended with me buying a loose summer dress. I now love this more than my tight dresses. So mini change I guess.

I personally love to be as girly as possible but when my big super soft pink tutu arrived a while back I didn't like it and returned it, still doesn't make sense to me as to why.

[Jennifer W]

Never got into makeup or heels. I do however like to "mix and match" clothes. I wear women's or men's shoes or sneakers.
Women's or men's shorts, t-shirts, and tank tops. I wear a bra or bralette every day regardless. I haven't worn a dress in years. I too also prefer leggings and a sweatshirt or hoodie. I don't do wigs. I only own panties.
I have a mustache and goatee that my wife loves and wants me to keep so I do.
I had errands to do today and it was hot so I wore a girl tank, bralette, panties, cargo shorts ( I needed pockets) girl socks and sneakers. I body shave so no hair below my neck. I interacted with a few people and no one said anything.
I don't feel girly nor do I want to be.
As Popeye would say "I yam what I yam"

[Robertacd]

Everyone has their own style. GG's are not always dressed "to the nine's".

I know I used to think that I had to be in full makup, forms, hose, heals to "be feminine". But as I got older. I realized that I always feel feminine, even in drab. So for quite a few years now, I have been trying to buy more casual everyday female clothes and only bother with makup if I am going out.

I guess what I'm trying to say is do whatever makes you happy, and don't worry about what anyone here thinks.

[Pat]

I thought this was what I was "supposed" to do, since I used to genuinely enjoy & wear this kind of stuff a lot. Well, lo & behold, I come to find out that it's not really "me" anymore.

Sounds perfectly valid. I don't think refining your style and figuring out what's you versus what's just doing what you think others expect of you is just plain ol' personal growth. Certainly I went through that (and continue to) as I've come to understand myself better. I say congratulations to you. Refining your style isn't purging. ;)

[Tracii G]

I have never bought into the "its what I am supposed to do" line of reasoning.
Everyone has their own style and it usually changes with fashion trends but then again you have your June Cleaver pointy bra wearing crowd that never got out of the late 50's fashion wise.

[Nikki A.]

Whatever makes you happy and comfortable. There is no handbook on what is right or wrong.
I enjoy the make-up and the transformation, but I'll either go with flats or minimal heels and nothing too short. That's my comfort zone

[ellbee]

Please don't focus on that perhaps somewhat-ambiguous phrase. :)


Here it is, in its entirety: I thought this was what I was "supposed" to do, since I used to genuinely enjoy & wear this kind of stuff a lot.



What I was trying to get at, is that when I felt things about a year ago starting to shift yet again more towards the feminine, and that dressing would inevitably be coming back into my life, I was like, "Welp, might as well grab a pair of basic black heels, cuz a gal always needs a pair of those."

This was based on *past* preference & experience. I figured since years ago I used to like & wear them a lot, that I automatically (and erroneously) assumed that nothing had changed, and that I still would like & wear them a lot today.

Wrong. :o


However, to be fair to myself, I probably wouldn't have truly known that, *until* I picked up that pair of black heels, for example. And once in-hand (on-feet? :strugglin ), it wasn't until then that I gradually realized that this aspect really wasn't for me anymore.


This had nothing to do with others, per se, but with assumptions & expectations only of & from myself.

Hope that makes, cuz it does in my mind, anyway! :)



But yeah, things can sometimes definitely change over one's lifetime when it comes to all this.

And not just in terms of fashion/style, but going deeper than that, as a core shift in male-vs.-female appearance & presentation...

[Leelou]

Laura, I find your story interesting. Thanks for sharing. Cross dressing really is a spectrum. There are those that just like wear panties or other lingerie all the way to those that get fully dressed girlie, as you describe, and every where in between.

One of the things I find interesting about your experience is that one time you did enjoy some of the more feminine things like makeup, bras and more feminine outerwear. Your tastes and interests have changed and that's obviously perfectly OK.

As others have mentioned, I'm headed the other direction. Thanks again for sharing!

[Stephanie47]

People change. What you are saying makes perfect sense. It would even make sense if you felt crossdressing was of no interest. I still enjoy the dresses, heels & hosiery, and undergarments. On the male side until I retired I enjoyed the dress shoes, slacks, dress shirts and ties I wore to work. Now? I've been retired for nine full years and have worn a dress shirt less than ten times. It's shorts, sweat socks, tee shirts, and, maybe shaving every four days. The big issue is always going to be why anyone feels the necessity of wearing women's clothes. If you ever figure it out for yourself, then you'll know what and when to where whatever you need.

[DIANEF]

Add me to those going in the opposite direction. I want to do what I do more and more, not less. More time, more clothes, more.....everything.

[Lacey CD]

I'm with ya! Last year my wife had a grand epiphany and we went from a modified DADT to me being able to dress every night....with limits. Nothing overtly frilly, no pink, no baby blue(that's a weird one but ok)...you get the picture. Dressing within those boundaries hasn't been difficult at all as I realized while I do enjoy getting all pinked out on occasion, a more androgynous look appealed to me on many levels. It's more congruent with my spirituality and more socially acceptable. I've become much more comfortable expressing my femininity and incorporating it into my every day life as a result. Except for a brief period of mass confusion in my 20's, I never had aspirations to transition. I dressed to the nines because that's what I thought I was supposed to do as that's what all of my friends were doing. It was a lot of fun mind you, but a lot of hard work too! Today, I've got nothing to prove and just enjoy being the most authentic person I can be; a male with a strong feminine side and damn good fashion sense!!

[GretchenM]

Laura,

Sounds like you have thought this out quite nicely. I know exactly what you are talking about. It comes and goes, but each time it comes it is a little different than before. For me, it is never as strong as it was a few years ago. And I understand your mix and match approach. I do that as well, but not quite as much feminine items as you do. It works fine for me and keeps the dysphoria monster at bay.

This behavior pattern seems to have a dynamic characteristic. Some go all out; others go all out for awhile, but then move back toward various degrees of androgynous expression. I like your idea of the partial purge. The all or nothing approach seems to be too severe considering the volatility of this behavior. I am quite happy for you that you are finding that new pattern and embracing it honestly rather than forcing that which may not really want to happen. It will change again, but the direction or its characteristics seems to be unpredictable. There are usual patterns, but those are based on a compilation of the way most people are. It is statistical. That is all fine and good, but within that population individuals often vary widely. So what is usual is not necessarily what is applicable to any particular individual. Follow your feelings, think about what you are doing, and enjoy the journey. Not a lot of people have the kinds of personal adventures we have. They may be trying at times, but they are really a blessing. We understand things a lot better than those who do not have this characteristic.

Gretchen

[Lana Mae]

Everyone's journey is different! It is your journey relax and enjoy! Not a purge just a modification! Best wishes! Hugs Lana Mae

[Nikki A.]

The big issue is always going to be why anyone feels the necessity of wearing women's clothes. If you ever figure it out for yourself, then you'll know what and when to where whatever you need.

Stephanie this is not a need (such as food or air), but rather a desire or want that makes us feel better or satisfy some inner need. You wear what brings you comfort.

[Bobbi46]

Lana Mae, You are so right it is a journey, to be enjoyed.
But as fashions change so do we, getting older, and reassessing what looks good on oneself and what does not. I did the same with a couple of skirts I came to realise were in fact too short and when in the beginning I thought I looked right in later I did not. So selective purging is a good thing. It gives one the excuse to go out and get more! but better things.

[Teresa]

Bobbi,
Maybe it's only too short when somebody tells you , or you find you have goose pimples where you don't normally get them !

[NikkiS]

Reading the title of this thread and I thought this was a one-way street! ;-)

[Rhonda Jean]

I go through a lot of clothes. I keep a "donate" bag going all the time, and I fill one up every few weeks or so. Over the past year or two a lot of my sexier and dressier stuff has gone in the donate bag. I'm getting to old, frankly, and just don't have it in me anymore (or the body or the hair!). Still go out frequently, but it's finally time to face the fact that I'm not 30 anymore. Oh, I've saved a couple of totally inappropriate things back, just in case the urge strikes, but I'm just not doing that stuff anymore. Wish I could, but it's getting to where I'd probably make a spectacle of myself, and I'm not into that. My makeup is more subdued, I'm more likely to be in shorts or jeans and a tunic top than a short skirt. I'm more casual, more blendable, yet don't think for a second I'm giving it up! Just coming to my senses.