have U ever reached a "ceiling"

[kwebb]

What I mean is, you have dressed for so long and it does not seem to be anywhere else you can take it. No matter how many trappings (clothes, make up, etc)of womanhood you endulge yourself in, its just not the real thing.

Dressing becomes more frustrating than anything because you can't ever really be a real, live, breathing female. And this may be teetering on TS, but even as CD wishing you could flip a switch and really become female. But knowing that is no way you can really do that. Then seeing females around you and immediately starting to try and 'embody' the person, which can't be the most healthy thing mentally to do. Trying to imagine your self being inside of them looking out of their eyes. I find myself doing this more and more, and then when I do dress, it just does not seem to be bringing me any closer to this wanting of beingness of femaleness. Am I making any sense. Its like the clothing isn't enough anymore.
What do you do?

[TGMarla]

I think this is an issue that many CDs go through. As we all progress through stages, our goals change with us. What is the ultimate goal of crossdressing? For some it is a much more extreme emotional experience than it is for others. Some simply want to put on an article of feminine clothing and pleasure themselves. Others strive for an experience of complete womanhood, whatever that is, or whatever that entails.

The problem there is that this is an unattainable goal. Even post-op transexuals are not actual women (no offense intended), as they are still genetically men. They do not have female internal organs, or a lifetime of memories of growing up as a little girl. They have gained experience living in the world as females. But for some extensive cosmetic surgery, they would still be men.

So, sometimes, for some crossdressers, the experience rings a little hollow. They are striving for something that they cannot have. They wonder if there is more somewhere. They have a hunger for the feminine experience, and they become like Oliver asking the Beadle, "Please, sir, I want some more." But other than going out and congregating with other CDs, and going places while dressed, there is little more that the CD experience can offer. After all, it's just trappings....clothing and makeup, if you will....when you boil it all down.

That's the trouble with this whole CDing thing. It can take over one's life, and leave them feeling pretty empty until they learn to master it rather than allowing it to master them.

[Teresa Amina]

Trying to imagine your self being inside of them looking out of their eyes.

WOW! I've been doing that for as long I remember! I don't think it's that I[I]really[I] want to Be them, but it is perhaps one of the sources of my Inspiration. Dressing is the Expression of that and works for me, but then I've a lot of work to do before I'm "Complete".;)

[GypsyKaren]

I guess you could say that I've hit a ceiling of sorts, but that's okay with me. I'm happy with things and myself, so there's nothing to complain about. I love and accept myself for being a woman named Karen.

I'm happy with myself "as is", so I have no thoughts now or desires to have the surgery, that's something I used to devote a lot of time to. I'm content with my look, not to bad for an old broad, I think.


I already feel as feminine as I think is possible, so I don't want or need hormones. I see no reason for them, so I've turned them down. It would have been nice to have those lifetime memories of being a little girl, but that's just didn't get to be, and it's past and gone now, so I'm over it.


The bottom line for me is that I don't care or want to go anywhere else with things, this here is good enough for me. All things considered, I'm in a pretty good place now, so this gypsy has parked her wagon and is gonna stick around.

Karen

[ReginaK]

One thing i've learned in life in general is that most ceilings are self imposed. If you truly desire more, you can get it. It's just a matter of overcoming that little voice in your head that tells you, "Oohh. You shouldn't do that. That's going too far."

[Petrina CD]

To kwebb;

You ask "what do we do ?"

We find balance.

True , we can never be real women no matter how much surgery and clothing, and make-up, etc....that we indulge in. ( But a lot of us come damb close.) Some of us are happy to sit at home dressed and never go out and some of us like to go out and make the "scene".....live as a girl. Somewhere in the middle of all that one tries to find a balance between letting your self get carried away and meeting your obligations as a male .

Envying women is something I have allways had to deal with. I don't think that it's unique to CDers . I think all men envy women in one way or another. Part of what makes us human!

Yes , I do think there is a ceiling that can be reached. Some of us will reach a little higher however. Just how high you are going to reach is something you will have to work out on your own.

I find my balance by riding with a motorcycle club.(H.O.G.) When we are out on the road for days or weeks I can not dress or even talk about it. But when we get home I can't wait and all the excitment comes back. If I dress too much it becomes "normal" and the excitement wains. It's kind of like I need the contrast or something. Thats how I personally deal with the feeling that sometimes the clothes are not enough to make me feel the way I want to.

Petrina cd

[Julia Cross]

I used to feel this way, especially since I am 6'3" and 220 lbs. I never have been able to achieve a truly convincing look. At times it bothered me but I think as the years passed by and life experience came into play, I realized many things, among them was to be happy with what you have. Many, many GG's never achieve "the ideal" so how can I complain. Then there's all those unfortunate people born with disabilities, health issues, whatever that hinder their right to be "normal" or express themselves as they truly would. I guess I just came to the realization, I have my health and those in my life who love me. I am happy with my job, my home, and although things can always be better, they can also be a lot worse.

So I am happy with what I am.

Julia

[Annaliese]

To kwebb;

You ask "what do we do ?"

We find balance.

True , we can never be real women no matter how much surgery and clothing, and make-up, etc....that we indulge in. ( But a lot of us come damb close.) Some of us are happy to sit at home dressed and never go out and some of us like to go out and make the "scene".....live as a girl. Somewhere in the middle of all that one tries to find a balance between letting your self get carried away and meeting your obligations as a male .

Envying women is something I have allways had to deal with. I don't think that it's unique to CDers . I think all men envy women in one way or another. Part of what makes us human!

Yes , I do think there is a ceiling that can be reached. Some of us will reach a little higher however. Just how high you are going to reach is something you will have to work out on your own.

I find my balance by riding with a motorcycle club.(H.O.G.) When we are out on the road for days or weeks I can not dress or even talk about it. But when we get home I can't wait and all the excitment comes back. If I dress too much it becomes "normal" and the excitement wains. It's kind of like I need the contrast or something. Thats how I personally deal with the feeling that sometimes the clothes are not enough to make me feel the way I want to.

Petrina cd

And for some normal ( or contentment) is ok I don't get excited any more about dressing it is part of my live I am happy. When I go out, in jeans or a skirt it is the same, and I am happy. Dressing is is what I am not what I do.
I am a person that like a style of clothes and likes to ware them. I ware a bra or a cami and panties it is what makes me happy and whole. I know that the range of dressing for every one in this forum is different what should be every ones goal is to be happy with one self.

Anna

[christine55]

As far as my dressing goes there is not much more I can do without becoming obvious when in male mode.
Becoming more feminine is as much a mental thing as physical. Because I have no plans to go full time or become transsexual the problem I am seeing is that I do not pay enough attention to enriching the male side of things.
By neglecting things I need to do for my male side I have degraded the general quality of my life, both male and female. (money, friends, relationships etc.) In myself anyway, I see that all the energy I spend trying to push that ceiling 1/10 of an inch higher I lose energy to really improve my life.
Hugs, Christine

[Butterfly Bill]

Since my goal has never been to pass, but to be able to wear skirts and dresses as freely as I want even tho people know I am a man, I have acheived that goal long ago. So you could say I can go no further, since I have arrived at the destination that I want and don't need to go on.

[jo_ann]

thats why I always back off for a while.. I usually have waves of desire. I'll do it for a while, peak out, then not dress up for at least a month. everytime you go back, it feels so good again. it's pretty much like that for anything that's pleasurable. imagine not having sex for a month, not having sugar for a month, not watching anything comedic for a month, then all of the sudden flooding yourself with it. I think everything needs moderation and if your hitting a ceiling then you need to give yourself a break. My problem is that I get too defocused wanting to do too many things at once.

[Julie Avery]

As a non-passable CD (who never says never), age 51, I've become quite content just dressing the way I like in private, and not giving a hoot what the public thinks about my nails, brows, and shaved legs. I like cross-dressing, and I'm at peace with that.

[Marla S]

What do you do?
I try to accept the facts and myself.
There is no way to become a genetic female, there is no way that I could pass (maybe I don't want to pass anyway. Don't know ), and even if I would be a girl it is likely that I'd wish to 'embody' other girls that are more beautiful (so I do with other girls here in the forum). This is sometimes (often) really frustrating.
On the other side women are not only beauty and clothes. There is more and more to learn, as I can learn more about myself while crossdressing.

My ceiling would be when crossdressing becomes dressing and normal, even if it has to be in the closet.
Sometimes I force me to crossdress if I'm not in the mood to. If it then feels good, looks kinda good, then it is good (most of the time it does). This helped me a lot to find a suitable balance and to avoid deep frustrations.

[Jacqui]

Kwebb, think of CD'ing as a sport.

I am a weekend golfer and there are times when I go to sleep dreaming about how I'm going to par 4 or 5 consecutive holes, throw in a birdie, and shoot the lowest score of my life. I can't sleep the night before I play because I'm totally psyched up. Then I wake up and it's raining! Sh*t! Have to wait for next week...and who knows what the weather will be like then!

There are other similarities:

They're both individual sports, although you can play with partners.

They each need expensive equipment to do well.

They both require alot of time and alot of practice to get really good. It helps to get lessons from a pro, or at least someone who know's what they're doing.

The better you get, the more you notice those who are not as good as you...the more you try to emulate the ones who are better than you.

As you become better, your goals become loftier.

There are good days and bad days. Some days you look and play great, some days you feel like giving up.

There are days when you're playing so well that you actually fool people into believing that you're better than you really are!

You go through peaks and valleys and sometimes end up on a plateau (ceiling). You think of what you can do to be better.

I guess the only real difference is that in CD'ing you would really like to lose your balls. In Golf, you don't.

Hope this helps,

Jacqui

[christine55]

your little dissertation put a smile on my face.
Hugs, Christine

[Deborah]

I think i'm in a lull right now also. I don't have time to go out buying more clothes at this time. I have plenty of makeup so i don't need any of that. I think the next step for me if i'm to advance is to actually go out dressed up and finally get it over with.