Please help tearful

[Megan.]

Please don't remove this thread I'm. It sure if I have covered this or not in may have I feel so down right now I suffer with depression and I cross dress but I don't know how to deal with it sometimes it just feels wrong please help any advise would be great thanks everyone so much xx

[AllieSF]

It is not bad, it just is. You are not bad, you just are. You are a good person and have the verbal and mental support of all of us here. Do the best you can and in the long run you will be rewarded.

[jennifer0918]

You have plenty of support from all of us on the forum. Many of have been in that same spot you are in right now. Many beautiful, wonderful woman started where you are at right now,you can overcome Megan has the power within to conquer mountains.
Love&hugs

[Samantha uk]

Hi Megan
It is a very difficult thing to come to terms with, but you will, it just takes time. My SO and I did a lot of research about this behaviour and the thing that helped us was reading that psychologists say it is well within the parameters of normal behaviour for men and women to enjoy crossdressing. The thing that makes it difficult is other peoples perception of it, but even thats getting better, especially amongst young people.
So don't worry about it, have a look through some of the old threads on this forum, theres 1000's of them! so your definitely not on your own

[mbmeen12]

I don't know how to deal with it

A plea for help is a start. Here your thread will be read and you get many replies of support. I will suggest special gender counseling. Support groups etc....

[Tamsin Secret]

Those feelings can be overwhelming I know.

I try to think of them as a way of my mind getting itself in order over it all and usually in time it subsides.

If you have the opportunity then being able to discuss is a great way to help unburden any pent up anxiety. And as said in a previous post there is so much support here if you are not able to physically reach out.

Keep strong,

MissS

[Fiona123]

I have depression too. You are not alone. You should consider a therapist. Preferably one with gender dysphoria experience.

[Curiosity666]

If you're dealing with depression then I can't stress this enough: Seek professional help.

I know it may feel like giving in, or that it may make you weak. That's not true.

[GretchenM]

I recommend finding either a gender therapist or a personal therapist with experience in helping people with gender identity issues. Depression sometimes accompanies gender issues, mostly because it is often a secret behavior. Eventually, that catches up with you and creates a depressive effect. I have no idea where I would be today without having seen a gender therapist. It helped immensely. If the depression has lasted more than 2 weeks it is often considered clinical depression and that is very difficult to correct by thinking your way out of it. A therapist provides guidance and support in seeking out the cause and finding a solution that works for you. But recognizing that you are depressed and crying for help is half the battle. Now you should act on that need and seek the help of a professional. It is all very confidential and your therapist will honor your desires to keep it quiet if that is what you want.

[Aunt Kelly]

The good news is the depression is treatable, very treatable. And there is no reason that crossdressing should be causing you misery. As Allie says, it just is. Professional help will make you feel better all the way around. Go get some sweetie. Trust me. You'll wonder why you waited so long.

[kimdl93]

Please remember that cross dressing does not cause depression. Depression has both physical and cognitive dimensions. Your body may be predisposed to depressive states and there are treatments for that. But at the same time, any depressive state is heavily influenced by how and what you are thinking. Negative thoughts, particularly hyper-critical self thoughts, black & white thinking, and many other habitually self defeating thought habits make these episodes worse.

I know. I go there more often than I should and I've been treated for depression off and on for more than 20 years. the surest things for me at least are 1) get up and do "something"....take a walk, watch a movie, visit a family member; 2) learn to say "stop" internally or even aloud when you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, and 3) challenge your negative thoughts...no, you are not bad, no, cross dressing doesn't hurt anyone, and 4) rephrase your mental narrative by acknowledging that while you're human and will make mistakes, at the same time remember the many good things you are, and good things you do.

[Barbara Black]

It's hard enough to get through the perception of others, but harder to relieve the guilt that you feel about yourself. As stated above, the self-guilt is unnecessary as you are as normal as anyone else even with this particular behavior. Stay with this forum.

[mykell]

unfortunately it sounds like you need a hug and we're only able to offer a virtual one, :bh:

Threads 187,173 Posts 3,581,887 Members 29,206 Active Members 3,552

so these numbers dont lie and this is but one outlet where WE congregate....

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Looks like you are 35, imagine the stigma and doubt when a lot of us old timers dressed back in the 60's and 70's? If I was just starting out right now and know what I now know hell I would become a full time crossdresser. It is not the shame we felt years ago so try not to overthink it and try not to stress. Good luck!!!!

[Pat]

I'll join the chorus and say Crossdressing is not a crime nor is it a moral failure.

You list your location as UK, which I gather means it will take a while to get to see a gender therapist even if you rush out and start the process now. By all means start the process now. And if you can get depression treatment faster than gender counseling, absolutely get the depression treatment started right away. Crossdressing is harmless, depression kills.

In the mean time, read around on this site. Read people's stories and find the ones most like yourself. You'll find comfort and support just from knowing you're not alone. And you may get insight into how to handle your own inner guilt and shame.

Most of all, good luck.

[LeannS]

Megan
Oh dear you are not alone in this please don't do anything that will hurt you !!

Do a search on depression on this site you will find 332 threads that will be about depression I am sure that it will help you gain some insight and possibly help

hugs

Leann

[DIANEF]

Good advice so far so I won't add but my thoughts are with you. I'm sure you'll get through this.

[Teresa]

Megan,
Your profile page doesn't give much away, so we don't know if you are married with children or single .

I never really suffered from depression until I came out to my wife, but through circumstances I had to take Prozac long term. It helped with the depression but wasn't good in my wife's eyes because I felt easier with my dressing , eventually I had to come off them through my GP and wife's intervention. I recently saw a gender counsellor and again it was suggested anti depressants might help, this time I took them for a short while but found the side effects too difficult t live with. The point was I didn't need them I wasn't depressed, I was struggling with my CDing and the acceptance level of my wife and family .

If you can come to terms with accepting we are born like it and finally accept it, we don't need medication to deal with it , it's not an illness but handled the wrong way it can lead to depression and mental illness.

Most of us have been through this problem, you are among friends , we may have a different story to tell but they all help to come to terms with how you feel .

[Tracii G]

A little more info on your situation would help.
We have all wondered at one time why we CD but some of us just get over the stigma and continue on with out lives.
Some don't and fixate on all the negative connotations and worry too much about everything.
Its not against the law for a man to wear womens clothes so you aren't a bad person for doing it.
Many people here have been where you are now so hopefully you will get some quality advice.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Depression can be caused by many things;
. Changes in the season
. Chemical imbalance (saratonin levels)
. Life stress (marriage,divorce,death of a loved one , buying or selling a home) are the biggest
Its important do see a doctor or therapist first to be properly evaluated.

I work with veterans who suffer from major depression and by far the most effective tool used is H.A.L.T. As someone who has major PTSD I use HALT to help deal with the stress and anxiety of sudden bouts of depression. Basicly you ask yourfelf 3-4 times a day 4 simple questions.
. Am I hungry - if yes get something to eat . Usually a snack will do it.
. Am I angry - If yes , talk it out with someone separate from the situation that makes me angry.
. Am I lonely - If yes, get out and around people for a bit, sometimes just walking in a mall or sitting in a coffee shop will do the trick
. Am I tired - If yes, I'll take a quick 15 minute power nap or go to bed early.


Hunger can be physical or emotional need. Understanding the need to eat is fairly straightforward. However, we should remind ourselves not just to eat, but to eat well. find something wholesome to eat with a good friend or loved one.

Anger is a normal, healthy emotion to experience. The important thing is to HALT, and take time to understand what is causing your anger, and know how to properly express it. Perhaps you are angry with a situation, a person, or maybe yourself.
Calmly talk to the person you have an issue with or a friend who is a good listener.
Exercising, punching a pillow, or even cleaning are active ways to get rid of the excess energy anger brings with it.
Regardless of how you expel your anger, make sure you acknowledge it and reflect upon its causes so you can then release it in constructive, not destructive, ways.

Loneliness can occur when we are by ourselves or when surrounded by many people.
We isolate ourselves when we don’t feel like others can understand us, withdrawing into ourselves out of fear or doubt.
Being alone is a self-imposed situation. If you’re feeling lonely,
Going to a meeting, calling a friend, or visiting a loved one might be just what you need. You can also simply go out in the world by taking a walk, running errands, or going to a coffee shop.

Tiredness takes a toll on our bodies, mind, and spirit. When our days are filled with errands, meetings, and activities it is easy to ignore how tired we become. However, running on low energy compromises our ability to think and our capacity to cope.
A good night’s sleep or a leisurely nap may be all you need to change your outlook for the day.Recharging your body, mind, and spirit will help you get through tough moments and maintain your health.

HALT can serve as a reminder to all of us that we need to take care of our basic needs every day. For those recovering from addiction, paying closer attention to your feelings will help you prevent relapse. Take a moment each day to check in with yourself. Ask, “Am I hungry, angry, lonely, or tired?” Honestly assessing how you feel takes only a minute. Doing so will make the everyday stress of life easier to deal with and help you maintain sobriety.

[Lucy23]

Saying all will be well at this point will fall upon deaf ears. However, it will, eventually, when you are ready to see it.

Please, don't think I'm talking some new-age mumbo-jumbo of the secret sort. I've suffered from depression since I was 17 and it's been tough. I'm not going to pretend to know what you experience since you haven't provided any description as to what you experience.

However, there are still a few things you can do. First of all, allow yourself to feel that way. Don't be hard on yourself even though it is waaay too easy to reprimand yourself. If you can, try to eliminate every should, must or obliged from your mind, at least for some time. Why? My doctor told me that there are so many constraints that drive us to be hard on ourselves it is unbelievable.

If you can and feel like it, do some soul searching - what comes to your mind when you think of what drives you? What you like? Can you do some small steps that will bring you to that goal? Or at least a little closer? Are there any tiny snippets that for some reason give you spark? Let me give you an example. Last year I told a friend that I have depression, and he told me about a videogame called Dark Souls (please bear with me, this has a point). I had tried playing the game several times before that but I couldn't get into it. For several months I couldn't shake the feeling that I wanto to try it. I bought the game again and it was a transforming experience because in many ways it resembled what I experienced in depression, Funnily enough, the game in a nutshell is about constant dying and from your mistakes and trying to do differently next time. What I'm trying to say here, is there something that in spite of everything you are drawn to? I think there is something within us that knows more than our conscious minds and this can lead you to help.

But most of all, is there anyone in your life you can confide in? It doesn't have to be a therapist necessarily, though it is highly recommended, especially if you want to talk about gender issues. I for one have been through therapy and it helped in the way that I could for the first time in my life come to terms with certain aspects of my life that had tortured me before. The therapis created a safezone, an environment where I didn't feel judged in any way for the first time in my life.

I didn't tell him about crossdressing, but the fact that I could unload everything I had buried before was of tremendous relief, and in the process helped me come to terms with dressing. In fact, I later came out to two female friends (one of them was my first girlfriend to which my crossdressing could be tracked back) and both accept me like this. Yes, I know that I may be lucky this way.

Anyway, the poing is talk, talk, talk about it. At first, it will be unbelievably difficult thing to do, but the more you do it, the easier it gets and slowly you realize that by transforming both your inner world and feelings into words gives you a new perspective, maybe a way of accepting it, or even controlling it.

Stay strong. And to borrow a quote from Dark Souls, don't you dare go hollow.

[Megan.]

thanks everyone for your kind words i don't have any friends i can talk to about this i feel so lonely. I am single i live alone i have family but only my mum knows about my dressing i don't have any female friends at all :sad:

[Salina]

Hi Megan, I too suffer from depression. As many others have said, seek help. There is absolutely nothing wrong with crossdressing although I did feel there was for many years. This is a great place to get understanding and support so please continue to post. I hope things get better for you.

[Lana Mae]

It has mostly been said! A lot of experience and knowledge here for the reading! I agree getting a therapist might be a great idea at this point! Best wishes Hugs Lana Mae and keep us up to date!

[mykell]

thanks everyone for your kind words i don't have any friends i can talk to about this i feel so lonely. I am single i live alone i have family but only my mum knows about my dressing i don't have any female friends at all :sad:

try some volunteering Megan, dont know what kind of venues are about for you in your neck of the woods but nothing ventured nothing gained.

i do some time here with a LGBT club and meet lots o girls from university, old enough to be granddad, they still chat it up with me though, i even met some lesbians who take a shine to me....all in fun for me though, and i even get to meet peers, talking to someone who gets "you" is priceless....

[sometimes_miss]

Kelly mentioned some, but I'll add in more.

If you have the opportunity then being able to discuss is a great way to help unburden any pent up anxiety.
^this. Often, we are able to control our feelings, until something else stresses us out. Was there some recent change in your life? Something that got you upset? Or do you just feel like this has kept building over time?

If you're dealing with depression then I can't stress this enough: Seek professional help.
Qualifier here, you need to seek out someone who deals with gender identity issues. Many regular therapists can actually make you feel worse. I've been through that.

Please remember that cross dressing does not cause depression.
Well, not directly, but because of the associated problems that go along with it. Feelings of isolation, feelings of being inadequate as a man are VERY common, as we're expected to maintain self control, and to the world, not giving in to our desire to dress up as a girl is something we're expected to keep under control. So when we do it, we usually feel at least a little like a failure in that regard. Then add in the social problems of dealing with being suspected of being gay, the general feeling that no woman ever wants us, and you have the situational depression which is hard to overcome, because as long as you can still think, and know what's causing you to be unhappy, you'll still be unhappy. This is a flaw in the mental health professions; if there's a good reason that you're depressed, simply trying to correct a chemical imbalance won't necessarily help at all. They can relieve some of the anxiety, but the depression? That may stay. So you need to seek out a therapist to talk with regularly, not just give you a prescription for medications. Sometimes you may need to see someone every day for a while. If they aren't willing to do that to get you over the immediate overwhelming problem, you'll need to find someone else. I've always found it odd that the 12 step programs which are so successful, and suggest something about 100 meetings in 100 days, are ignored by the so called professionals who think a once a week 50 minute discussion and a bottle of pills is all that is needed. Then the poor person shows up in my e.r. that night. So make sure your therapist is there when you need them.

unfortunately it sounds like you need a hug and we're only able to offer a virtual one
While the thought behind a virtual hug is nice, it doesn't provide the actual affection needed to make someone feel much better. I solve that by 'renting' a five minute hug at my local gogo bar. Once I let the dancer know I'm not there for sexual kicks, but simply need to hold her close for a little while, they almost always comply happily. I know it's $20 out the window, but it's worth every penny to me. I just tell them I haven't had a girlfriend for quite a while, and miss the affection more than I miss the sex. Women understand that. Men don't. But DON'T touch them anywhere you shouldn't, and don't try to kiss them. AND, don't mistake they're being nice to you for actual interest in you. Take it for what it is, nothing more. For while she might not actually feel anything emotional towards you, the physical contact is the important thing. It's odd, that our mental health professionals acknowledge the need for physical affection for infants, but for some reason think we out grow it. Nothing could be further from the truth. A big problem is, men don't get it; we usually think all we want is sex. We get a little affection during that, but not enough. So we walk away the next morning, and gradually get that empty feeling, and so pursue another sexual escapade in the belief that is what we need. And the cycle repeats. Men almost all prefer to believe that any need for affection is a failing as a man, that only sex should count. That's wrong, but practically no guy will ever admit they need hugs more than they need sex. Yet, you can satisfy your sexual needs by yourself. You can't give yourself a hug when you really need one. Yet, this need is almost always ignored by our mental health professionals. Adolescents, the elderly, prisoners, any group of people without regular affectionate physical contact of others can suffer from depression resulting from that lack of any source for affection.

[Helena]

Megan, i can only echo the suggestions to seek out professional help, will be a waiting list NHS, but in the meantime is there a support or social group near you, there at least there would be others to talk to.

There is nothing wrong with what we do, like many of us i suffered from the guilt and shame, but whilst yet singing from the roof tops, i have reached a level of inner peace.

[Judy-Somthing]

It's not wrong it's just not excepted from some. When I was younger I would purged and hate what I was doing, I would rip up all my fem clothes.
Now at 60 I'm glad I have the so called Judy side of me, It's so cool.

Good luck on life's roller coster they'll be other concerns besides Cross-dressing.

[OCCarly]

Hi Megan. Please recognize that gender related emotional issues are a medical situation requiring therapy. I suffered massive, debilitating panic attacks for ten years before realizing this and learning the hard way that the only thing that would ever stop them was a full, medical gender transition. Now I have no testosterone in me and the estrogen levels of a teenage girl and I am happy as can be -- but if I let my estrogen levels decline, the panic attacks come back.

It really is a medical thing. So please arrange to see a therapist who has experience and training with gender related issues.

[Lindajane]

A great deal of sound advice given by those before. Through all this remember two things,
You are not alone, and, you are loved.
Linda.

[Dana44]

Really good answers here Megan, I would see a gender therapist that can work with you and find the answers you need. We are all here to help you so keep posting. I have had depression before but I get out of it quickly as I am a very stable person. On croosdressing there is nothing at all wrong with it.

[Hell on Heels]

Mom knows? She more than likely can be considered a friend,
and more than likely a female. Give her a call, or even better...
give her a visit!

CDing can be confusing (to say the least!), but for some reason
or another it makes us happy. Why not be happy?
Give yourself a break, CDing does not make you a bad person!
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Alice Torn]

I can certainly relate to you. i suffer similarly.

- - - Updated - - -

Well said, SM! Thoreau said, "The masses of men lead lives of quiet desperation." Another reason we die sooner. Lack of love, and loving touch, is a huge reason. What do the masses of women lead lives of? Tons of hugs, tons of attention, tons of being wanted. Tons of social needs met, longer lives, and fun, fun, fun. Not in every case, i realize. I have two cats i touch uch, and that is all the physical love i experience, outside of self stimulating, if you know what i mean.

[Pat]

What do the masses of women lead lives of? Tons of hugs, tons of attention, tons of being wanted. Tons of social needs met, longer lives, and fun, fun, fun. Not in every case, i realize.

What I see is that women initiate tons of hugs, etc. Men generally don't although there's no reason they can't. I think we all probably know "that guy" who is amazingly friendly, who hugs everyone he meets, who meets the social needs of others and because of that is highly valued by everyone he meets. When I thought I was a crossdresser, I noticed my crossdressing self was a lot more social than my male self. I started wondering why she had permission to do those things and he didn't. You know what? There's no reason. I started initiating social contact and social interactions and suddenly I was receiving them as well. Do you initiate hugs? Do you express the behaviors you wish to experience?

Just my two cents.

[Ressie]

Don't forget to forgive yourself if you feel that this is wrong. One contributing factor of depression is staying home too much. And for closet dressers this can become a habit, dressing but staying at home. Positive social interaction always makes me feel better because I don't get out much and I live alone. for those that don't have friends, it would be very helpful to find some. Find a group to get together with that shares the same hobby or interest that you have, whether it's CDing or something else.

Exercise 10 minutes or more a day too. I like aerobic dancing or just being a dancing fool! Also change negative thoughts into more positive ones. Of course, if it's clinical depression a therapist is in your future.

[Rachel05]

You are definitely not alone, many of us on the forum have been where you are, I know I have during my teen years it was very hard to try and understand what I was and why was I like that

For all the feelings way back then, I am now way past that and at one with my crossdressing, once you find a way to accept that you enjoy cross dressing, it becomes a wonderful thing or at leat it did for me

I now embrace it and fully accept that it is part of me, you are not alone and I definitely do not think it is wrong, for me it is 100% right, part of who I am

I hope you can find your way and enjoy

[SaraLin]

I feel so down right now I suffer with depression and I cross dress but I don't know how to deal with it sometimes it just feels wrong please help

First off - like the the other girls have said, you are NOT alone - but if the depression gets to be more than you can handle, by all means seek help.
Counselling isn't because you're weak (or whatever!), it's a TOOL that you can use to fix a problem. Why wouldn't anyone use the best tools available for the job?

Does your cross dressing ease the depression? If so then it's another useful tool in your fight against depression. go for it.

You say that sometimes it feels wrong. It this because it feels wrong to you? If so, then don't continue. More likely, it feels wrong because of what you've been told all your life - right? If that's the case, that's just too bad for "them", isn't it? As long as your actions don't hurt others, or break the law, you're free to do what you want. Just be cautious. There are those out there who could/would cause you harm.

One last thought, and I know this is going to sound weird, but it works for me... try eating Bananas.
Years ago, I was suffering weird, uncontrollable mood swings (such as bursting into tears over a Taco Bell commercial). I thought I was losing my mind. My wife at the time was taking nursing courses and thought it might be a potassium imbalance and had me eat several bananas. WOW! My moods stabilized within an hour!
I still get "strange" from time to time, and I run out and get more 'magic fruit' Better to eat bananas than to GO bananas.
Like i said before, It may be just me, but what can it hurt?

[Angie G]

Is it just the dressing thing or everything getting you down. If it the dressing you are not doing anything wrong Megan We are not bad people We Are different then others and thank God for that , We are special. You are special. Now put on a BIG SMILE. Flip the world the bird. And just be your beautiful self we are with you girl.:hugs:
Angie
I thing you need another :hugs: or two :hugs:

[Sami Brown]

i don't have any friends i can talk to about this i feel so lonely. I am single i live alone i have family but only my mum knows about my dressing i don't have any female friends at all :sad:

Megan, is your lack of friends because you are shy? I have that same struggle too. For myself, I found that speaking to the checkout clerk is a way to build confidence. You can talk about anything, such as the weather. It really doesn't matter what the conversation is about. The key thing is that 1) you are getting practice, and 2) you discover that other people don't bite when you talk to them. It is a real confidence builder that will eventually help you to find new friends.

Also remember that we on this forum can be your friends too. If you find a few with whom you relate, you can send a personal message to them. That also gives you a chance to practice overcoming shyness.

Hugs, Sami