Wife found my stash

[Tiffany29]

Hello everyone,
So my wife finally found my pantyhose and panties stash that I have been hiding from her. Luckily I had the rest of my dress up stuff in a different location and she didn't find any of the dresses, heels, wigs and makeup.
Like any wife that finds stuff like that she jumped to conclusions. The first thing she asked me was if I was gay, of course I got upset at that comment and told her it was merely a fetish. She then just kind of avoided the topic all together for a few days and then one day at work I had to break the silence and asked her thoughts on the whole situation. She obviously had a lot of questions and she seemed pretty ok with the pantyhose but was still very unsure about the panties. I told her that I wear them most days to work because I love the feel and they are extremely comfortable and it isn't harming anyone and know one would ever know because they can't see them when I wear my clothes. Its just something I prefer. So she actually was somewhat ok with it and told me that it would take her a while but she thinks she can accept it. Of course me being me I wanted to try and push the envelope and see where her boundry was because I wanted to see if she would be ok with me actually dressing up and wearing heels and dresses around the house. so I asked her what she was unsure about with the panties. I said something along the lines of are you afraid that the panties could progress into something more. And her reply was if I ever progressed into wanting to try heels and or wearing dresses that she would be out and done.
So total bummer, looks like I won't be able to bring tiffany out and have to keep her in hiding. I guess its a win tho with the pantyhose and panties. Maybe one of these days Ill see if I can push the issue again.
Thanks for listening.

[redtea]

These stories make me feel so sad :sad:

But you might be able to push the envelope gradually over a couple years if you get her used to you in panties.

After all most crossdressers usually start out with 1 or 2 things then add more and more to it. having her go from 0-100 overnight would cause a break down.


I think your situation is very unique as you got the can of worms half opened.

But I can understand a womans perspective despite how cruel it seems. She wanted a fast sports car but married into a girly pink barbie mobile.

That's why I intend to be as fabulous as possible on my hypothetical first date, Because these situations that keep popping up look horrible. I will let her know she is getting a 2 for 1 special with me and if she runs for the hills at least I still have my time and money.

[Aemilie]

Tiffany my wife recently found out about my "desires", and her reaction it would seem is unusual (she accepted straight away and helps me pick clothes!!!) so I'm feeling quite sad at your predicament, but I don't think the "pushing" thing is a good idea but what do I know?.
Personally I don't get the boundary between knickers/tight's and progressing to dresses, but everyone's different.
All the best etc.

[Diane Taylor]

You can "push" the issue but push lightly. Most times it takes a spouse quite a while to digest all this new info.

[Krea]

Hi Tiffany,
As your wife sounds very much against the idea, it's probably best to take your time & not push the boundaries again for a quite a while.
It's a small consolation but at least you can still enjoy panties & pantyhose for now :)

[LeannS]

Tiffany
How long have you two been together?
Just like your my wife found my things we had sort of a talk so she felt like I lied to her not telling her everything.
So she know what I do but she doesn't ask and sure as hell I don't tell (dadt) you will see that a lot here.
would love to share my things with her but that won't happen.
oh well it is her loss.
Tiffany just be careful, pick up after yourself and after you have done that do one more check of the area that has saved me a couple of times
that second look.

Tiffany I would also like to welcome you to the forum this is a great place to be.

Leann

[Tiffany29]

My wife and I have been together for 10 years and married for 4 years.
Just to give you all some background information, I have obviously been wearing pantyhose since I was like 7. the panties started when I got into college and then it progressed into wearing heels and then the dresses and in the last 2 years it has turned into fully dressing at home when the wife is at work.
So I have been hiding all of it from her from the beginning. I think what hurt her the most is she feels like I was lying to her this whole time but In my defense it was something I never intended to tell her about so I don't feel like I was lying.
I'm just glad she didn't find all my dresses and heels and stuff. I have those hidden in the garage in a place she would never find them. But my collection of stuff is getting a little out of control and its getting to the point I need to find a new place to hide them. I even thought about a small storage locker to hide this stuff because in the last 6 months I have been addicted to buying dresses and heels. my wardrobe is getting extensive.
not sure what to do about all tiffany's clothes.

[CD Tammy]

My girlfriend knows about my fetish for tights and pantyhose. Like yours, she accepted that far but also said she’s not comfortable with anything further. It pretty much means I clear my browser and dress further in my mind right now.

[Elizabeth G]

Hi Tiffany,

Your wife had just been dealt a huge shock and needs time to process all of this. The biggest issue for her will likely be the deceit and lack of you being forthcoming on this issue. This isn't what she signed up for. Now your secret is out and the closet for has opened a bit for you. She on the other hand has now been pulled into the closet and probably feels she has no one to talk to.

I agree with Diane - tread lightly when it comes to pushing. I am in a somewhat similar situation with my wife who found out about my dressing last October. At this time things look promising for us (she might even be ready to meet my other side) but I have been taking it very slowly. Also, therapy has been a huge help in getting us to where we are.

Good luck,
Elizabeth

[Gillian Gigs]

How do you eat an Elephant? One bite at a time! Too many try to push, and that usually ends up with her putting the brakes on. So you have to realize that this is a long haul run, and will take time, maybe a lot of time. Enjoy any progress and take you time.

[Tiffany29]

I will definitely take it slow, ill enjoy the pantyhose and panties for the time being and will keep the full dressing up a secret like I have been for the past few years. I appreciate everyone input and advice. its greatly appreciated. I just know deep down she won't ever accept it because she made it very clear that if I started wearing heels and dresses she would be completely done.

[Alice Torn]

It is sad, that the wives call all the shots, and have the authority over the husbands, so overwhelmingly today. I wonder if she is willing to wear dresses, and skirts more, and pants far less often, if you tell her you can't handle pants on her too often!?

[AngelaYVR]

At one time my wife told me that if I ever wore heels (beyond the stockings and panties she knew about) then it would be the final straw.
We are still together four years later and I go out on a regular basis. Most of the time, people are scared of the unknown. It's a lot to take in, have patience.

[Tracii G]

I find it incredibly funny that she found your panties and asked if you were gay LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.
FYI to your wife gay men wear guy underwear. I would love to know what she says about my comment.

[Sarah O]

I find it sad that some wives need to offer such ultimatums to their husbands. Granted, this may come as shock to her and may not exactly be what she signed on for, but none of us are perfect. Compromise is to be expected, but ultimatums such as this seem heavy handed to me.

[Tracii G]

Ultimatums shows she doesn't really care about what you want or need.
Marriage to her is all about her and what she will let you do and how far she can use you as a provider.
I was given an ultimatum once (1st marriage) and I put her out the front door with only a bag of clothes.True story

[Maria_mtf]

It is sad, that the wives call all the shots, and have the authority over the husbands, so overwhelmingly today. I wonder if she is willing to wear dresses, and skirts more, and pants far less often, if you tell her you can't handle pants on her too often!?

My wife watches a lot of junk TV, I considered telling her I don't like it as it's a waste of time, I would stop dresses if she watching stopped tv. Of course I never did, I am lucky we are working it out.

Tricky situation you are in, not pushing is the logical choice but means the lies continue. My wife said she wouldn't handle it if I wanted to dress as a women, 6 years later she is more accepting.

[Mollyanne]

I would really consider "pushing the envelop", it could come back and "bite you in the rear" Your wife has told you how she feels, why would you push it????? I have been in your shoes and it is NOT easy to do a balancing act between your desires and her limits. From what I have been reading from you, there is going to be a major brewha somewhere down the road.

Mollyanne

[Danitgirl1]

Ooof... This is always a bad situation. Yes it can get better, but it is usually far worse if your stash is discovered, than if you come clean yourself at the outset.
If that is not an option you need to make sure you don't get found... Tricky
We (my spouse and I) have started a service that helps TG and CD people in various ways... One of our services is that we offer reasonably priced storage (for wigs, clothes, shoes, forms etc) and a place for people to dress (a very nicely appointed studio apartment)...
I doubt we are the only people who have had this idea so why not look around and see if you can find a similar service in your area?

[jessica33]

Tiffany , You know soon or later your wife is going find other stuffs and then what? You might as well come clean to her right now . Tell her this is who you are and there is no harm done to anyone while dressed in your own home . It looks like its her way or the highway . What kind of marriage is this if there is no compromise from her .

[Tracii G]

It really gets me how some of the men here are such babies and afraid of their wives.
I've said it before but my God grow a pair and tell her your happiness matters too and you won't be treated like you don't matter in the relationship.
If she has a hissy fit well so what she will at least respect you for standing up for yourself because its obvious she doesn't respect you right now.

[Jaylyn]

Tiffany my wife wa quite the opposite. She tarted out with being most acceptable, 100% on board, after twenty plus years she has seemed to not find it as the acceptable thing she once thought. It seemed that the older she has gotten the less she want another woman in the house. I have went from her buying Jaylyn things when she bought clothes to more like she thought I'd out grow this phase in my life. She still onetimes ask if I still do that dressing thing. I tell her yes but have slowed down. It's the truth with us both being together now that she ha retired also. I got all my things back in a hidden place again. I'm like you omewhat in that I still wear my panties and my hose in the winter under my jeans n hunting clothes. She evens ok with that.
I'd say get what you can and make sure you clean up everything when you do get a chance to dress. Your wife might after a time come around and the comment about her being out and done could be her bluff. You are the only one that can judge how far and the speed at which you need to progress with her. I consider panty hose and panties a good start, at least that's two things you don't have to hide.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I have those hidden in the garage in a place she would never find them.

Oh really?

Methinks you underestimate the lady. Seriously, it isn't a case of if, it's a case of when.

If you rent a storage locker you'd better figure out a way to pay cash- unless your line of work requires multiple storage lockers. Credit card bills are very easy to read.

Welcome to the forum Tiffany, I look forward to further instalments.

[Stephanie47]

So, Tiffany's stash or at least the panties and pantyhose has been revealed. Tiffany should be braced for a serious round of discussion since deceit has now entered the picture. What will happen when she puts two and two together when the dresses, heels, makeup and wig finally get discovered? Big premature discussion on whether or not Tiffany's wife has given an ultimatum. Tiffany asked a "what if?" question, and, received an answer. Tiffany's wife has been presented with most women are going to view this discovery as a material distortion of the facts. Being the 'devil's advocate' here, if Tiffany's ultimate aim is to wear heels and dresses around the house would that also be construed as an ultimatum? This is what I am going to do, so suck it up and deal with it? That seems to be the outcome of "growing a pair." Tiffany will not actually know her wife's reaction until the issue is brought out of the closet or in this case, the garage. All these arguments that a woman gets to wear "men's" clothing has been beat to death. You all know that argument does not hold water at all.

Tiffany, I hope you and your wife can ultimately reach an accommodation of respecting each others needs and limitations. Just remember, whatever you do and how you present it, the only persons dealing with this is you and your wife...not us.

[Joni T]

And another reason to come clean to your SO before a LTR or marriage.
Jon

[Lacey CD]

It really gets me how some of the men here are such babies and afraid of their wives.
I've said it before but my God grow a pair and tell her your happiness matters too and you won't be treated like you don't matter in the relationship.
If she has a hissy fit well so what she will at least respect you for standing up for yourself because its obvious she doesn't respect you right now.

Ah Tracii, staying true to form today are we? Always full of helpful well thought out advice spoken with love! I like your new avatar btw....

[Jenny22]

Angela, what happened in the intervening four years that enabled you to now go out on a regular basis? Maybe the process you and your wife went through could benefit others.



At one time my wife told me that if I ever wore heels (beyond the stockings and panties she knew about) then it would be the final straw.
We are still together four years later and I go out on a regular basis. Most of the time, people are scared of the unknown. It's a lot to take in, have patience.

[Tracii G]

Lacey some may not like the way I word things and may think I am too brash but I have lived thru that situation twice and I know what they are going thru.
I know how men are afraid to make waves in a marriage I totally get that.
If they don't stand up and speak their mind to their wives then its on them.
But I sure don't want to hear them on here complaining about how bad their situation is because its their fault for letting it happen or for it to continue.

[valerie anne]

She found my breast pumps as well

[Tracii G]

Sooo we are a fetish dresser huh?
Thats great one more thing to make it even worse.
Good luck, you are toast at this point.

[Ally 2112]

I have to agree with Tracii G on this one .I basically let my x wife control the situation and called it a compromise it was not .I finally just said i cannot live this way were done .Did it hurt yes, did it cost me money yes, in the end and after a 3 year relationship with a GF i am single and plan on staying that way .for me it just makes sense i will not let someone else control my situation .I do realise this is not for everyone for me it is the only way .I wish you all the best !

[Helen Waite]

You can be certain, if something triggers her suspicions, she will turn the house upside down until she finds something. Then all hell will break loose. I had some nice dresses I found shredded to pieces in the middle of the dining room, and a very enraged wife. Be prepared.

[Stephanie47]

Ally's solution was fine for Ally. I may be viewed sometimes as a Debbie Downer when it comes to some issues. I've always considered any decision I make as having consequences to not only I, but, others too. It's risk vs reward. If you "let" someone take control then that is really not a compromise. What's the wife's viewpoint if the husband is adamant about doing something she does not agree with? It does not have to be cross dressing, does it? If both parties are in total disagreement and cannot arrive an amicable arrangement, then yes of course get a divorce or don't get married at all. Fifty plus percent of marriages fail, and, it's not always cross dressing. If your wife does not want to go in debt for that $150,000 cabin cruiser, then just shed her too.

[Brandy Mathews]

Tiffany,
I am glad that you made it out alive, sounds like. Good luck with everything. She will really be on the prowl from now on though.
Hugs,
Brandy ;)

[SharonDenise]

As I've stated in some of my previous posts on this subject, I came out to my wife before we were married. She accepted and supported my cross dressing activities for the 40 years of our marriage. Unfortunately, she passed several years ago. I've done a little dating and have told some of my dates if I felt that the relationship might continue. Two were okay and one wasn't. I'm not going to give up or hide something that I've been doing all of my life. Thank heaven for a supporting wife.

[Tracii G]

The biggest thing as you will find out its your lying to her and that will hurt the most she will feel betrayed.
I can't say I blame her really.
If you don't tell her everything she will eventually find your other stuff and poo will hit the fan again and the flames will get higher.
Women are nosy almost too nosy for their own good so she will have that house torn apart looking for anything.

[jennifer0918]

I think about this all the time,that day,uffff I think I would have taken the plunge. Come clean and tell her everything, now if she were to tell me she is done then she was never ment to be yes I am lying but I'm not betraying her,? how. I don't know maybe iam a coward who knows . It's only cloths ,c'mon gg's of the world give us a break.

[Tracii G]

Jennifer in your mind you are not betraying her but remember her mind works differently and she may be totally devastated finding out.
She has an image of you as a man not anything else. Crush that image well what could happen?

[5150 Girl]

Hello everyone,
So my wife finally found my pantyhose and panties stash that I have been hiding from her. Luckily I had the rest of my dress up stuff in a different location and she didn't find any of the dresses, heels, wigs and makeup.
Like any wife that finds stuff like that she jumped to conclusions. The first thing she asked me was if I was gay, of course I got upset at that comment and told her it was merely a fetish.
I said something along the lines of are you afraid that the panties could progress into something more. And her reply was if I ever progressed into wanting to try heels and or wearing dresses that she would be out and done. .

If she found the pantyhose she will eventually find the rest!!! In fact, she will probably be on the hunt to see if there is more! Come clean now or you'll be in even more trouble for hiding / lying about what you have. At this point an omission is will equate to a lie :(
When you do come clean, talk about "full disclosure" and offer a DADT policy. Do not say "hey, I managed to hide it this long," but rather something more like, "This is cross I have carried silently for X years." Another good quote to follow with, "so I'm still the same person, it's just now you know my secrete."