Rule #1 is a double standard

[Silkydog]

Do not steal or borrow feminine clothing, buy your own. I have heard this statement from my wife, my therapist, and on the forums. Yet I was doing the laundry and noticed my favorite purple bra in the hamper. Hmm, I washed it, folded it and 3 days later it was in the hamper again. I finally asked my wife of she knew why it keeps ending up in the hamper. Her response, it's the most comfortable bra she had every worn. Double standards? She has clarified to buy my own clothes which I may wear when our kids are not home, just don't wear hers. I don't know whether to buy her own or borrow one of hers?

[kimdl93]

Rule #1 is intended to prevent you from needlessly annoying your partner. The reciprocal is irrelevant. What would be relevant...let's see. Your 3/8" to 1/2" drive is misplaced...

[Natalee]

Easy. Buy another. Give her the choice to keep the new or old one.

If I find shoes I know she'll like, I buy her a pair too.

[Maria_mtf]

Depends if it bothers you or not. I would love it if my wife borrowed my things as it's just showing acceptance in a different way.

[redtea]

It's because it's considered cute when a girl borrows a guys clothes but when a guy raids a girls panties it's creeper. Honestly if my biggest problem in my hypothetical relationship was my girlfriend borrowing my clothes, I think I could live with that.

There are too many wives that are anti Crossdressing for me to care about the accepting ones doing some double standard stuff to me.

[JustineFallow]

Honestly? A lot of CDs here and elsewhere would love to have that problem. Grin and bear it.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

It's very simple- you buy her 6 bras of the type in question, in every colour available. I think she'd be delighted. The knock-on benefit to you would be immeasurable.

[Rachelakld]

What is hers is hers, and what is mine is hers.
That reminds me, must raid her stuff to find my mascara before my next outing.

[Lacey New]

What a joyous problem! The solution? Take her shopping with you to the store where you found the purple bra.

[alwayshave]

Why are you surprised. Women don't want you stretching their clothes. The opposite, in most cases, is not going to occur. Give her the bra and buy yourself a replacement.

[SaraLin]

H-m-m-m. If she likes the fit of your bra, I'm assuming that the two of you must be somewhat close in size.

Now, I don't know your relationship with your wife, or if you even like stuff in her wardrobe, but you might have missed a chance to nudge the wall -just a tiny little bit.

How do you think it would have gone over if you'd humorously said something like "Well, if you're going to start borrowing my stuff..."

But yes, if she likes you bra, by all means go shopping -perhaps together, and buy her one of her own (and perhaps another one for yourself?)

Sara

[Lea]

I always ask to borrow my wife's skirts or tops. She just borrows mine.

I am just happy that I am in a relationship that we can share.

The only thing we do not share that we could are intimate apparel and makeup.

[7ftEmily]

My SO borrows every top that I buy. I love when she does makes me feel I have a good taste and just the thought of knowing I bought it lol. She's stated plenty her favorite part of me dressing is she gets more clothing out of it too haha.

[fashionisto]

I would like to add my 2p. What you describe is that your wife tells you not to borrow her clothes, but she does borrow yours without you agreeing that she can. That does sound like a double standard to me, although I don't consider this related to "rule #1" which is just a general rule of thumb.

I can understand you're upset. If I was in your place I would feel like I was treated with lack of respect. But it could just be thoughtlessness or lack of understanding of your position. I don't think it's a good idea to let her walk all over you just because she is an "accepting partner". Mutual respect and openness to each other's feelings is a cornerstone of a relationship, even if she's a proverbial unicorn. Being unassertive will in many cases lead to deterioration of relations. Refer to it in a polite but assertive manner. Likely you'll tease out what's on her mind soon enough. Like, could you please ask me next time you borrow my favourite bra? I did miss it. You can also be positive, but do remain assertive. Like, oooh, I see you stole my bra again! Perhaps you would like to go shopping with me to get one of your own?

[Laura912]

There is nothing wrong with a little kindness here. She likes the bra you have chosen. Get her one or several, as has been suggested. There is no need to turn this into a battle. The bees and honey analogy applies.

[Tracii G]

I would be pissed if she just took it with out asking and getting her sweat all over it ewwww.
Nothing wrong with telling her to get her own bra just like it.
The same goes for you wearing her stuff go get your own.
If you don't mind sharing its all good.

[Fiona123]

I would be really happy if my wife wore my fem clothes. Sounds like a non problem to me.

[BrendaPDX]

You have to ask yourself "Is the hill I really want to die on?" Of course not, suck it up Bud, if it really bothers you get her her own identical bra and don't say anything, it will clear paths down the road. I wish I had your problem, count yourself lucky! Brenda

[Stacy Darling]

Giving each other clothing or lipstick works in my home (it's practical), sharing or using each others clothing or make-up would "Never work", but that is in my home!

I just hope that your wife isn't Taunting you, as that is how I read it.

Stacy

[CassandraRae]

Rule #1 is intended to prevent you from needlessly annoying your partner. The reciprocal is irrelevant. What would be relevant...let's see. Your 3/8" to 1/2" drive is misplaced...

Ain't that the truth. Thought I'd lost my Vice-grips when the wife decided to try to fix something while I was away. Who doesn't put their tools away? I don't touch anything of hers when I'm dressing, no matter how pretty it is, for that same reason. If she every borrows something of mine to wear I might faint with joy.

[Lana Mae]

Strange that you find this unacceptable! You are married to the woman! My wife used to use my shirts and jackets without permission! As has been said give it to her or buy her one of her own! I am sure you share more than sweat if you are together! LOL Hugs Lana Mae

[IleneD]

I would be so stoked if my Wife wore one of my femme items or asked to wear some of my girl clothes.
It would be like crossing a bridge of acceptance.

[Silkydog]

I apologize! I was just referring to rule#1 in crossdressing is buy your own items. I am not mad at my wife for borrowing my items. I just find it funny the double standard of don't wear my stuff, but if she likes something of yours it's free game. She has donated me some of her items as we are very close to the same size. I am extremely thankful I am one of the lucky ones that can share this part of my life with my S/O.

[Stephanie47]

I do agree there may be a double standard going on. As many of stated they wish they had this problem. Me too! You may also want to suggest your wife go in for a proper bra fitting, if your bra is the most comfortable bra she has ever worn. It may be just how the bra is constructed and the material. Perfect opportunity to open a dialogue.

[Gillian Gigs]

So buy her a bra in the same size. Now thank your lucky stars that you have a wife with this level of acceptance!

[DIANEF]

As my wife and I are totally different sizes there would never be that problem.

[sometimes_miss]

She's OK with your crossdressing and your complaining about something? My god, thank your lucky stars! You've won the crossdresser lottery! There are millions of men just waiting to take your place if you decide to do things to screw up your relationship. Buy her whatever you can afford. But don't under any circumstances, lose her. Because you're not likely to find another one.

[Tracii G]

Reading your last post I have to agree with SM what in the world are you complaining about? Just go buy another one and let her have yours.
Relationships are about compromise are they not? Its just a bra so not a huge deal unless its a huge bra.

[tbryant2k16]

I think the issue is if she says not to wear any of her stuff and gets mad if you do, yet it's OK for her to take your stuff to wear. That's where the double standard lies.

[Invisible Emily]

I would let it go and buy another one.

[Sarah O]

One night when we were getting ready to go out, my wife appeared wearing one of my skirts. The expression on her face was priceless, a little bit cheeky and a little hesitant, as if she had overstepped the bounds by borrowing it. I took it as a huge compliment and was quite touched that she would want to wear it.

My advice, take it as a compliment! :)

[Rachel05]

personally I would welcome my partner sharing my bras, she says it is okay for me to borrow hers whenever I want, but she has never shown any interest in borrowing mine but she is more than welcome

[Cheryl T]

Buy her one and be glad she's accepting..

[Majella St Gerard]

With women there is ALWAYS a double standard, you better get used to it.

[greeneyes]

Joni and I share...but I almost always ask first...One time I did not (she was not home and I needed something to wear and did not have anything I thought suitable clean). We were going to church with her Mother, it was kinda funny. I apologized for not asking first. Since she really liked the dress..she didn't mind seeing me in it!!! She was slightly distracted at church though! LOL

[mechamoose]

My wife likes my taste in clothes, and she has 'borrowed' things more than once. (Can you have that embroidered black top at least call home once in a while?)

On the other end of it, she loans me jewelry and other stuff. I do her nails, she helps me with my eyes.

As for bras, check out Ewa Michalak (https://www.ewa-michalak.pl/main-eng.html). Just don't go there if you are flat like I am. (She won't do stuff for males. Pity.) She does boobs. Industrial, nuclear strength boobs... and does it well. Buy your mate something custom.. her stuff is surprisingly inexpensive!

Then she might leave yours alone :)

- MM

[Krisi]

My wife wearing my bra (it wouldn't fit so let's just say wearing my skirt or blouse) would be a big thrill for me and I would take it as a sign of acceptance. She did wear one of my blouses once, out to dinner with another couple. The other woman complimented her on it and I was afraid she would say "Oh, it's Homer's." but she didn't.

She recently bought a couple dresses (she usually doesn't wear dresses). I'm wearing one of them as I sit here and she doesn't know it yet but it is going to become my dress. I love it.

[~Joanne~]

Life is nothing BUT double standards.

[Dana44]

What hers is hers and what your is hers also. I wold buy her a new bra that just lie it and give it to here and nicely tell her when she wants something, you will get it for her. But I would then tell her not to wear your stuff and if you like something You would get it for her.

[Krea]

I would have no problems if my wife wanted to borrow something of mine, even tho she wouldn't like me using her things. Ok, it may be a slight double standard, but the fact that she tolerates my (limited) dressing is far more important to me.
Last week she said that she had no tights left in her drawer, so without thinking i told her to use a new pair of mine. She smiled nicely (but said she would wear something else) and i think we both realised that this was a sign of the progress we have made over the last few months. :yippee: