When life gives you lemons, make lemonade

[Lea]

I have an opportunity this summer that I have to take.

I retired last year with plans to travel with my wife. Unfortunately my mother, who is in assisted living, becomes so worried when we are gone that after a few days she becomes ill. I am her security blanket. My wife is spending three half months this summer with her family at their lake cottage several states away.

So what I have been doing is visiting mom in the morning three days a week. I visit Monday morning then come home pretty up and stay as Lea until I visit her Wednesdays morning. Then dressed Wednesday to Friday. After my Friday visit I am good till Monday morning.

I do have to take a little extra drab time for yard work or errands.

For the most part I am an all or nothing gal so when I dress it is the complete package with wig, makeup, forms etc. On Fridays I add press on nails.

I am going to see if I can do this till September.

The longest time I have dressed continuously was 10 days. My wife went and visited mom during this period. My wife is supportive of me and she knows what I am doing. The only negative is we agreed to not leaving the house dressed completely. Discrete under dressing is ok.

One week down.

[Jodie_Lynn]

Good for you Lea! Enjoy your girl time. :)

[Jean 103]

It is nice that you are there for your mom. Sounds like you have it all worked out. Enjoy your time.

[docrobbysherry]

So, what does your mom think of Lea?

[Stephanie47]

Happy it has worked out for you. Upon retirement many cross dressers run into the problem of a non supportive wife who is also retired. It really reduces the opportunity to express oneself while upping the potential for marital discord. The longest I've had to enjoy Stephanie has been ten days when my wife would visit our daughter in the mid west. It did not mean I was en femme 100% of the time, but, when the urge emerged it was easy to act upon it. Her trips did give me the opportunity to be out en femme for evening strolls in safe residential neighborhoods.

[Dana44]

Yeah moms are important.. I had to see my mom four times a week until she passed. It was the best I could do as I was working at the time. You are good to your mom Lea. But in time you will have the time to do those things you can't now.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

I'm not so rosy with this picture.

While you're making the best of it right now, how much longer are you going to be held hostage by your mother?

You said yourself that you retired with plans to travel with your wife. How long are you going to put those plans on hold? For the rest of your mothers life? How long is that going to be? Are you going to be able to integrate the travel as time goes on or is it all on hold until your mother passes?

My problem is that you're making the assumption she eventually pass on and "then" your wife and you can do the travel you'd planned on. That is assuming your health allows it and your wife's health allows it and your mother doesn't outlive both of you. Cruel assumptions, maybe but I know of this happening to a couple. Now he's dead and she's taking care of his mother. They never did enjoy that retirement.

I think you need to look at a plan "B"

[Teresa]

Linda,
It is a tough call and I can understand your comments. How long do we keep holding on until the the right time comes ? It's something that keeps going through my head over the separation that nearly happened, we compromised for the sake of the rest of the family , how long do we keep the compromise going ? I'm becoming less and less happy with being shackled hand and foot to a situation that is gradually destroying my life, I'd hate to think I have to do something drastic to finally find my share of happiness.

Lea,
The one thing holding you back is the promise to your wife that you don't leave the house dressed, what is the worse thing that can truly happen ?

[Debra Russell]

A welcomed opportunity no doubt .....I would really have a hard tome staying in all that time dressed with no place to go, really, get out if at all possible and at least make the most of your femme time - anyhow enjoy as much as you can...............................Debra

[Jenny22]

Is your mom's 'illness' confirmed by the caretakers, or is it something she may be 'creating' just to keep you from not being there? Old folks do such controlling things, you know.
Does she have a cell phone? If yes, for a week or two, tell her your gonna be unavailable for visits, but will call often to see how she's doing. If she doesn't have a cell phone, get one for her, but be prepared for her many calls.
Then you and your wife can travel. This suggestion might be worth your trying.

[Lana Mae]

I am a nurse in an assisted living facility. Believe what Jenny said! We have two in particular who get "sick" if the family does not come to see them in a certain period of time! You and your wife need some time away and Jenny's suggestions are right and be prepared for a lot of calls and they will include "oh, I am so sick and they will not do anything!" When she has not told any of the staff! It is a ploy used by many residents! Just saying! Hugs Lana Mae

[Lea]

Is your mom's 'illness' confirmed by the caretakers, or is it something she may be 'creating' just to keep you from not being there? Old folks do such controlling things, you know.
Does she have a cell phone? If yes, for a week or two, tell her your gonna be unavailable for visits, but will call often to see how she's doing. If she doesn't have a cell phone, get one for her, but be prepared for her many calls.
Then you and your wife can travel. This suggestion might be worth your trying.

She has a regular phone, the cell phones confuse her. You are right as we get calls for everything from I lost my tv remote to I need this. Unless it is something the caretakers tell us she needs we do not respond right away. We do not want her thinking we will drop what we are doing and rush over for every little thing as that would make the calls and request more frequent.

I have caught mom in "white lies" of complaining about things just to complain so we balance that into any issues that we deal with. We do not trust her statements and investigate things she says. In a way it is like having a small child in the terrible two's.

We still do short trips of about 5 or 6 days. Anything past that she seems to cause the issues. The caretakers know when we are gone and remind her of when we will be back . We call and talk to her while we are travelling and tell her what we are doing. The caretakers have called us while we have been travelling with concerns.

She has been evaluated and has memory issues worse than most people her age (90) but not a dementia diagnosis. One example she has issue telling the caretakers what season it is even when the facility was decorated for Christmas.

If her memory gets to the point that she does not remember us, as her mothers memory did, then we will go back to our original travel plan.

My wife is very understanding as we talk to each other about everything. We supported each other helping with her parents before they passed. They had medical issues not memory issues so that was easier for us to deal with.

We were both going to spend the summer at the lake. Some of her girlfriends do the same thing so they have a great summer together. I will either drive or fly to visit her once during the summer so we will have that time together.

The caretakers at her facility are wonderful and always keep us informed of what is occurring.

Thank you for the suggestions as I need them.