I simply chickened out

[Jenny22]

In the past I've twice posted how much fun I had on two evening outings for dinner, en femme. Today, I had another chance to go out, dinner and then Hamburger Mary's in Long Beach. Docrobisherry had welcomed me to do it, and boy was I gonna do it..... NOT!! I simply chickened out! My ever so logical thinking of walking alone two + blocks (did I say alone?) in broad daylight on a city street, fear of safety considerations, etc. just wouldn't let my gazillion butterflies get into formation. I now feel that I've let a friend down, as well as myself, and I'm a bit ashamed for having done so.

Am I the only one who's ever been in this boat?

[Jodie_Lynn]

I have, but I handled it a bit differently.

It was my very first "all girl" venture out of the house. I had agreed to meet a friend, but as I was reaching for the door, my fears broke loose & I spent a few moments envisioning the worst possible scenarios. Then, I realized that I owed it to my friend to keep our date. That thought, of not disappointing a friend, gave me the courage and determination to carry on.

Annnnnd, of course, while I was dithering, the neighbor arrived home and I ran right into her as I was exiting the building. Her, her husband, and their 2 little girls... Grin & bear it, bee-line to the car, drive away. That was over 2 months ago and I haven't had any fallout. And I've been out a half dozen times since.

[Diane Taylor]

Personally, I'm proud to say that I've never chickened out but I've had a couple of gals chicken out on me. Don't feel so bad though because you aren't the only one who's ever chickened out. In time you'll gather the courage to be out there.....

[Jaylyn]

At least you planned and have been out a couple of evenings and had fun, I can't say that so you are definitely not a chicken. You just let your mind get the what if's a I call them. Sometimes I just want to throw logical thinking and the ifs away and go for it.
The boat you are in has many in it I bet.

[kimdl93]

Oh yea, and there were times when I didn't chicken out and in retrospect, wish I had. Very few of the latter, but as a friend of mine used to say, 'you miss all the shots you don't take"

[Lana Mae]

So you chickened out! You won't be the first or last! Put it behind you and move on! There can just about always be a next time! Chin up and carry on! Hugs Lana Mae

[docrobbysherry]

We've almost ALL done that early on. Some just don't remember it.

U haven't let anyone down, Jenny. U simply missed an opportunity to meet lots of girls. But, that comes again every month. Maybe you'd be more comfortable just coming to Mary's and skip our dinners? The parking building is just a safe, well lited 100' +/- walk out their front door!:thumbsup:

Gotta start getting ready now. Maybe next time?:battingeyelashes:

[CynthiaD]

Don't worry about it. Next time you won't chicken out. Or the time after that.

I've done a lot of scary things by telling myself that I'd only do part of it:

1. I'll just step out the door and then come back in.
2. Well, as long as i'm out, I'll just walk over to the corner of the house and then go back inside.
3. Well, I got that far and it was fine. I might as well get in the car.
...
Tell yourself you're just going to drive to the place and then drive home.
Well, now that you're here, you might as well park.
Well, now that you're parked you can just get out of the car and then jump back in.
Well, now that you're out of the car, you can at least walk to the corner and come back ...

You get the idea.

[DIANEF]

It's happened to me, and probably many others. Don't fret over it too much.

[Sami Brown]

I chickened out the first time I went out en femme, which was to Ulta when visiting Las Vegas. I was so nervous that I thought I was going to barf. I ended up returning to my hotel, composing myself, and doing something a little easier: going through the drive thru for Popeye's Chicken!

So don't feel bad. There is always the next day to try again. My next day went very well, spending several hours in a food court while working on my computer.

Regards, Sami

[fashionisto]

Oh, don't get me started on how often I chickened out. Dressing up, and thinking yes I want to be seen like this, then not going outside. Doesn't help that I don't pass. My worst fear is running into colleagues, which is quite probable.

[Princess29]

it doesn't matter whether or not someone else would have done it. If you are on your own and have to overcome an obstacle, if you are not ready, you are not ready.
Ultimately, if it's something you want to do then yes, you'll have to figure out how to overcome it but until then, if you are left to overcome this on your own, then it's up to you to know when you're ready.

[Jean 103]

It is hard to get to the place where you can go anywhere anytime. Don't beat your self up. Everyone is different, it takes time.

[leannejacobs]

Just this week I had a trip planned to the city, I dressed for my 5hr drive and stopped in a couple of smaller town on route, my plan for this trip was to boldly walk up the high street, I'd spent a long time getting an outfit together that I felt was comfortable, smart and passable for a city during the day time.
However, just as what happened to you, I chickened out at the last minute, the pink fog just wasn't doing it for me, I'm very disappointed also, but there will be plenty other opportunities.

[Sara Jessica]

Jenny, as Sherry says...there is always a next time.

I've been to this (not-so-new-anymore) location of HM's once and found it to be in a nice part of LB when compared with the old location. Granted there is no adjacent parking lot but that old one filled up so quickly which made parking along the nearby streets a dicey affair. Sherry is correct, the parking garage is a short hop to HM's.

Not sure where they ate dinner (venue nearby???) but if you are sketchy about walking along the streets all dolled up (and assuming this includes heels), you might get some flats for the journey and swap them for heels in the club. That'll make your walking more nimble and in turn should make you a bit less self-conscious if you remain nervous.

Hope to get out to one of those events again soon. Rarely does a first Saturday of the month pass by without me thinking of it. Life just conspires against my attending these days.

[Aunt Kelly]

Jenny,
First of all, I understand that the fear you felt, while not completely rational, is very real. You're anticipating doing something very new, something that in some respects can not be undone, presenting yourself to "the world" as a woman. That alone is daunting and it will seek out the most tenuous rationale to avoid that conflict. I believe that if you dispassionately ask yourself what you are really afraid of, you'll find it easier to grapple with those fears. Walking alone in broad daylight and you're afraid of... what? Unless you're doing it in a very dodgy neighborhood, that's not a reasonable concern. It just isn't. At worst, someone might point at laugh, and trust me, even that is highly unlikely. No, really. So what else are you afraid of? Take your time. We'll wait. :)

Right. Now go apologize to your friend and reschedule. Then get out there girl!

[Micki_Finn]

I live in Long Beach and work about 4 blocks from HM's. Downtown is safe to walk en femme. Trust me, there's nothing to fear. I see our kinds of girls down here all the time. One of the biggest pride events in the country happens here in downtown LB. If you're really nervous, send me a message and I'll walk you from your car to the restaurant. :)

[Tabitha Storm]

I live in Riverside and so need to go to one of the nights out. I finally went out for the first time in Vegas.
Is there a site that tells when the girl nights are there? Would love to meet some locals and make friends

[audreyinalbany]

tinker it this way: you're one step closer

[docrobbysherry]

I live in Riverside and so need to go to one of the nights out. I finally went out for the first time in Vegas.
Is there a site that tells when the girl nights are there? Would love to meet some locals and make friends

It's always the SAME nite, Tabitha.
"The 1st Sat. of every month", is T Girl Nite at Mary's!:thumbsup:

[Jenny22]

You girls have all been so understanding and encouraging, especially Sherry. CynthiaD, what a wonderful, on-point approach! And to Micki Finn, your 'walk with me' offer really touched me in such a good way. Good and helpful comments about the area, too, sorta gives me a boost of confidence to walk in the light. Thanks, all!

[Helen_Highwater]

I posted a little while ago how although I've been out many times, while on holiday in a caravan I really struggled to go out dressed. I stood at the door for goodness knows how long before finally taking that deep breath and getting on with it. It can happen to any of us.

[BrendaPDX]

Hi Jenny, I think most of us have been there. I have dolled myself up only to chicken out and stay inside. I have even turned around on a sidewalk when a "sketchy" was coming my way. But upon reflection, I have never had more than an amused or surprised glance from those that clocked me. Don't feel ashamed, or bad, just put one foot in front of the other, or call and meet at your place and go from there. Thank you for sharing, more of us have been there than you realize. Brenda

[IleneD]

Have heart, dear Jen. Don't be so hard on yourself.
We have all been there before. I know I have.

I remember a forum Member once saying, "It takes a real man to wear a dress." Stop and think about that. It rings true. Yes, you are doing something out of the ordinary (I'd like to think of it as Extraordinary), and in public. There's a natural tendency to believe you have a beacon on your head drawing constant attention.

As for safety..... it's good to be wise. Only the foolish transit shady or dangerous areas alone; even in full male gear. I am always security conscious, a good/bad habit I acquired in the military. And even though I'm a large man and could unleash all 215 lbs of muscle in a heartbeat, one of my Wife's concerns about me going out in public is safety. She understands there's a lot of bigotry and hate out there for LGBTQ or CD/TG. That alone can make a CD a target [though things are getting better all the time].

Dont feel badly. It's not chickening out. It often is wise discretion when it just doesn't feel right.

[~Joanne~]

Your just not ready, it's as simple as that. It sounds like your trying to push this along and while it sounds good at the time, the closer it got to it, the more doubts you had and there's nothing wrong with that. Everyone takes this at their own pace and that's how it should be done. There shouldn't be any pressure in this. Like doc stated, all you did was miss out on meeting a bunch of the girls who sound like regulars to this event so here can always be a next time, or the time after that and so on ;)

[Lauren Richards]

Jenny,
You didn't chicken out.. because you are still an egg. Not ready yet. You've cracked the shell a bit (I know, I was there!), but not quite ready means not quite ready. Nothing wrong with following your basic instincts and backing out of a situation where you did not feel comfortable. As Sherry said.. "Maybe next time."

I think it would have been worse had you gone forward with misgivings and had a bad experience. It occurs to me that we put ourselves at risk when we ignore the inner voice. You will be ready when you are ready, and not a minute before. You'll know. Each experience teaches us valuable lessons, if we are open to the lessons. "Next time", when you are ready, will be the right time, and you will fly out the door. ..

Lauren

[Gardener]

Just a judgement call. An inner voice saying "not this, not now". We always need to listen.

[sometimes_miss]

Back when I was in my thirties, I took several business trips during which I brought along some girl clothes, thinking that after said business was completed, I would take an extra day and try my hand at going out dressed as a woman. Of course, the hotel had full length mirrors, and one glance told me it wasn't a good idea at all; I looked absolutely ridiculous. A six foot four, 250 pound, XXXL sized person trying to wear fashionable clothes designed for an attractive woman in her early twenties. Nope, no way.

[lucy_miller]

You wont feel free to go out until you have normalised the behaviour. Even then you may have a few wobbles. I mostly dress for days out when away from home and initially became happy to dress for dinner at a hotel, especially in the darker months, but wasn't happy with the thought of dressing for a day out with all of the unknowns. So i set myself a task of spending a full day outside dressed. To help myself though this crisis of confidence after dinner while away I put all my drab clothes in a bag and took them to the boot of my car which I'd parked at the far end of a hotel car park. In the morning I woke up in a room with only a dress, jacket and heeled shoes and had no way to back out of my plan. Needless to say the day was amazing but having no option other than face the day 'en femme' was all that got it started.

[Beverley Sims]

Did HM's three years ago expecting to meet some of the girls, walked in and unfortunately I got a terse reception from someone so I went and paid the Queen Mary a visit.

It was a long way to go and be there on the night only to walk out again.

[syome]

I can totally relate to your fear. I have been frozen many times, specially when going alone. I would say finding a group of people to go out with might help you out quite a bit AND it will also help you with learning tips and tricks for transformations.

I was in LA not long ago and met a group of crossdressing/transgender women who have outings fairly often. Going as part of a group really gave me some confidence and allowed to have a lot of fun without being so self conscious. There is a woman called Jill that runs a transformation service called Transglamtastic, I am not promoting the service one way or another but she is super friendly and often has group outings with transgender and crossdressing women. So you could contact her and see if you can join them for one of their outings, people usually meet at her house and then carpool, so you would be in a group from the beginning.