The Benefit of the Doubt

[TheHiddenMe]

I am visiting the Wrigleyville area of Chicago, which is very LGBTQ supportive, and yesterday within about 15 minutes I saw two possible T-girls.

The first was putting money into a parking meter, and was in a dress and wedges, and the only suspicion I had was her shoulders were so muscular.

The second was at Designer Show Warehouse where we both were checking out the discount shoe racks (I tried on some shoes in drab), and was bigger than most females.

But, in both cases, I wasn't completely sure both weren't GG's.

And after seeing both I realized that passing is probably not the standard I can obtain, but when I am out I want the benefit of the doubt, that if someone sees me, they aren't 100% sure I'm a guy. Maybe that is not obtainable either, but it's a lower bar to clear.

[Kate Simmons]

I personally don't worry about it. I figure if they "make" me, they "make" me. I'm retired and have nothing to prove to anyone really, so just go about my business and enjoy it. :)

[NancySue]

I wouldn't worry about it either. Who really cares..really. From your picture, I'd say you're OK and well on your way. Going out takes practice..did for me anyway. Hip pads helped. Around here, the key is to "blend in". Anything obvious will probably get some stares. I'm fortunate to have a wife who helps me "tone down", i.e. makeup. My only problem is I love to wear hose...knee highs, thigh highs and pantyhose, which, we all know, are not in style. Sometimes I wear hose anyway...can't help it. High heels draw attention too.

[Nikki A.]

I don't even know if I get the benefit of the doubt in daylight, but, I do notice that if you look like you belong and are confident nobody is going to say anything.

[Dana44]

I think that Attitude and a great smile is good for passing and acting like a woman. Get even male looking girls farther.

[BrendaPDX]

Yes, I have to agree with Dana, "Attitude and a great smile" will take you a long way. I think as we dress more and try to blend we also watch more, we pick up on nuances more than we would have before. Best to leave Gurls in the wild alone, but you are right, blending is a matter of degrees.

[Tahoegurl]

I was thinking about this topic the other day at the gym. I go in boy form. But I really started looking at the variety of female forms...all over the chart...from super athletic and masculine to (I apologize) the very soft and out of shape. So how does this apply to me passing. Last night I looked in the mirror while dressed and thought...I am just a gym girl...so as far as passing goes, I try to do my clothes and makeup to be in line with my shape and size...and then not worry about it. It is who I am.

[Aunt Kelly]

Brenda and Dana said it, and Kandi and Jeri Ann have said it before them - attitude and a great smile is all it takes. Passing is impossible for most of us, blending is not. Blending means not being noticed until something, voice, height, etc. rises to the level where a second look is required to figure out what's "not right about this picture". And that's where the smile and attitude come in. They're going to read you at that point, so you can act scared or guilty and invite more questions, or you can make eye contact and smile. That simple act is "disarming". It's hard to react to "polite and friendly" with anything other than the same in return, so that's what you usually get. It's amazing, truly.

[Jeri Ann]

Wow Aunt Kelly, you are so wise. When I grow up I want to be just like you. Lol

Seriously though, you are spot on with the attitude thing. But, what is seldom considered is posture and movement. If you look like a dead ringer for a gg , but move like a dude, you will be read. Watch a video of Caitlyn Jenner. She still doesn't have the moves down yet.

That being said, being read is not the end of the world. Attitude is very important. If you are nervous, you will make others nervous. And smile, nothing is as feminizing as a smile.

[Becky Blue]

I heard a quote about passing once that really hit home. No one passes to everyone and everyone passes to someone. The concept of passing is very overrated in my opinion. When I am out I hope to blend in and i know that because most people are so wrapped up in their own worlds that in most cases they just see a person with outward female markers so they presume I am a woman. If they examined me closely I am sure that some would pick me, but so what if they do!

[Lorileah]

Becky P.T. Barnum I presume? :)

[bunnylover72]

This thread has a lot of wisdom. The other night at a CVS pharmacy two of the counter girls saw me and were joking in spanish that I was looking very beautiful tonight , and that I must be going out on a date. I was actually semi flattered for two reasons. First they had a laugh (and that was worth the comments because they were not mean), second they noticed that I was trying to put it together the best I was able. BTW in my heels and corset I look like a 6'4" Mae' West :) So I keep it to the evening when I go out.

[GretchenM]

Not many of us can pass. It usually requires a great deal of body shaping and some facial surgery to meet that holy grail of the stereotype. The fact is, some women don't pass that test and a lot more than one might think. Just look around. Becky is right on passing as well as others views. No matter how good you do hints will remain. Works the same way with women who don't pass. Look closely at a masculine looking woman and you will see the hints that they definitely have two X chromosomes. We tend to get too caught up in the traditional stereotype of what a woman should look like and when that is the standard you are pretty much setting yourself up for disappointment. Work with what you have rather than trying to create something that you will never have. As Becky says, blending. Or as others have said, being presentable as a woman rather than passable as a woman.

[Ressie]

If I wanted folks to have doubts of my gender, I would go for the lesbian look.

[Krisi]

When I'm out in public as a male, I, like most people, don't examine every woman who walks by for signs of being a crossdresser. It's only when I happen to notice something different about them that I really give them the once over. I've said it before, the only crossdresser I've seen in my area was my own reflection in a store mirror.

Someone mentioned being 6' 4" inches tall in heels. That would be one of the things that would make one stand out and be noticed. The solution seems clear, don't wear heels if you're already 6' tall.

I think there's a degree in passing. We might pass at thirty feet. Better, we might pass at fifteen feet. Very few of us will pass at five feet. And of course, there's time. Walk past someone and they only have seconds to evaluate you. Sit down in a restaurant for a meal and people nearby will have a half hour to study you.

[Sarah Doepner]

The benefit of the doubt, combined with being focused on their own needs, combined with a lot of distractions, combined with constant motion are all components of "Passing By" for me. I only hope to pass by before any of those other things changes and when they turn around to say "What did I just see?" I'm already around the corner or not worth following to find out. However when I'm sitting, or there aren't other distractions or they are people watching, I'm going to be seen for who I am. At that point I need to remember I've chosen to be there because I'm confident and happy with who I am. I can't allow their choices to change my attitude. Head up, don't slouch, smile and be your own wonderful self.

[docrobbysherry]

Anyone can "pass" by:
Driving around at nite. When seen from behind. Stay 100 yards away from folks. Passing by preoccupied folks that don't even look at u.

These r the only instances in which I may "pass".:sad:

To me passing means seeing someone rite up close and they don't have a thot u aren't female. Very few of us can pass that test. :straightface:

[jennifer0918]

I pay them no attention, if they think o pass or not. I know I don't but I feel great en femme, so for me that's what matter
At the mall I get clocked all the time but a professional makeover not too much.
Love&hugs

[Krisi]

I remember walking in an outdoor mall just about closing time. I was feeling great until a middle aged woman walking towards me gave me a nasty look. That ruined it for me and I went back home.

I can't blame her, she reacted to what she saw. It was my fault for not presenting as well as I should have. Other times, there have been no negative looks or words and that makes me feel good. My goal when out in public dressed like a woman is to be seen by others as a woman. A homely woman, perhaps, but a woman.