Explaining the "Pink Fog" to others

[Sarah Doepner]

Most of us seem to have a familiarity with the "Pink Fog" but it's often difficult to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it or doesn't have a frame of reference. I'm considering using the movie Little Shop of Horrors as my metaphor for a crossdressing life and Audry II in a starring role as the "Pink Fog".

Seymour gets the plant and keeps it quietly hidden in the basement, occasionally nurturing it but not sharing it. When he finally discovers if he sacrifices a little blood, it gets stronger and grows. He gets more involved with the plant and becomes identified by it, and attempts to balance his regular life with the needs of the plant. He finds he's giving up more of his life (blood) but can't turn away. His life improves as the plant grows and it promises him anything he wants, but the cost is finally higher than he can afford and he fights it, purging it from his life. Then when he has regained his control over life, he and his sweetie move into married life where the plant will always be something in the past. But in the closing shot of the movie the plant is seen living in the garden of his new house and you know it's going to come back.

Meh? Okay? Do you have something that works for you that doesn't translate directly to "addiction"? That's one comparison I try to stay away from.

[AlanaG]

There was a tread a few years ago about it. https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?122988-Define-quot-Pink-Fog-quot

[Jaylyn]

Simple it's a disease that pleasant, mean, awesome, aggravating, relaxing, nerve racking, costly, but cheap satisfying, frustrating, and can lead to a great life of acceptance, a semi life of DADT, and even a closeted inside job of secrecy.
It just might make a good movie....

[Alice Torn]

Very good analogy!!

[suit]

some who smokes and has given it up ..but was a heavy smoker, and loved it ! they like shopping for bargins of ther favorite tabcoo, they like the sound of the wraper and paper being opened so fresh and clean they feel of the filter in between there lips & they like the taste, the burn the snap of the match , the bright light of the sulfur ripping across the match head ...gone ,now to draw...and that's good but that isn't the hit ..the one they wait for right at the end a long hard draw and a hit of nicotine .... real smokers will recognize a pot smokers hold it and let it go ..ahogasmic...not the same..or was it.
well pink fog is kicked off by something and its sort of like a smoker "jonesing " it what they think about ,its what they quest its a need to sate ! it makes no sense it's frustrating how it can consume ones mind ...and frustrating
! WHY ! What kicked it off this time ! was it the pretty girl , spring time allergies, a song on the radio , is it some autoimmune response from gut bacteria due to a bloom because you skipped a meal ? it's expensive , tabo , silly,isolating,a bad habit with no benefits to the family , job or social standing in the community, & really the worst part is is the bad forthe crossdressers personal self image as they quest a image to match , a higher value, more refined , less neothandrathal like , kind nice and thoughtful, loving like the TV mom's that were presented on an alter , the feed back most mirrors clearly state > that is not the image of the aforementioned pretty woman 's reflection in the mirror < and the crossdressers response...more make up and a tighter girdle !

[kimdl93]

That's it!!! Antibiotics disrupted my microflora!!!!

But seriously, I know that the terms addiction and obsessive behaviors are unpopular here. And yet, we often report a change in mood - reduced anxiety, lessened stress, a high - to describe the response. What does that sound like?

Mind you, not all "highs" are bad. No one disparages a runner's high, for example. What clinically distinguishes an addiction from other compulsive behavior is its impact on one's life. Does it adversely impact finances, employment, social connections and intimate relationships? If so, one must admit, addiction is an appropriate term.

[Lana Mae]

It is a self-limiting affliction that causes a temporary psychosis very similar to LSD! It affects all the mental processes of the crossdressor! It seperates the afflicted from various amounts of money! It causes risky behaviors! It always has a pleasant aftertaste!(LSD does not do this!) LOL Hugs Lana Mae

[Robbin_Sinclair]

This is a quote from the Basic Book of Narcotic Anonymous. If we remove the term drugs and substitute whatever you are asking about, this works for me:

"Who is an addict? Most of us do not have to think twice about this question, we know! Our whole life and thinking was centered in drugs in one form or another—the getting and using and finding ways and means to get more. We lived to use and used to live. Very simply, an addict is a man or woman whose life is controlled by drugs."

That worked for me to address other personal considerations. At this point in my life my definition of addiction is not whether I am wearing a dress but whether my whole life is centered around dwelling about a feminine or masculine alter ego? When it gets out of control, either being too fem or too much of an angry little boy-man, I try to take a meditation to re-think.

I may be an addict but, today, I am very happy with the balance. And so is my male side....i think.
:hugs:r

[Ressie]

I don't know but I'm pretty sure the term was coined by someone on this forum long ago. I haven't seen it used anywhere else, not even the hot rod forum!

[PaulaQ]

Consider, if you will, that the feeling you call "pink fog" is not, in fact, euphoria at all. At least that's not what I found for myself. Suppose, for the sake of argument, that in your daily life, when you aren't dressed that you experience a general discomfort, or depression, sadness - a dysphoria - that is hard to detect because you've never felt differently until you began to present as a woman. In other words you are simply experiencing happiness, or feeling right about yourself, something you haven't felt often before. There is strong incentive to continue doing the thing that makes you feel less dysphoric.

I don't believe this is an addiction. I am a recovering alcoholic and my feelings of gender dysphoria were orders of magnitude stronger than my alcoholism. Indeed dysphoria drove my addiction. This is the reason I transitioned. I'm not suggesting y'all should, but that something akin to a less intense version of the gender dysphoria I suffered from affects you.

[Aunt Kelly]

The fog is, l suspect, a complex and multivariate syndrome. From our layman's perspective, I guess one metaphor is as good as the next, but can we please stop looking at it like a disease or an addiction? It is neither of those things and treating it as such serves poorly. Please?

[PaulaQ]

I think it is a fundamental part of being trans - not the positive side, the fog, but rather the negative stuff below the surface.

[Jenniferpl]

Clueless in Michigan. It is so simple. Pink Fog = spending money on items pretty much do not need but cannot live without.

[SaraLin]

Meh? Okay? Do you have something that works for you that doesn't translate directly to "addiction"? That's one comparison I try to stay away from.

Well - here's one analogy.

I'm left handed. I"m sure that if enough pressure was put on me, I could have learned how to function as a right handed person. I tried to learn how to write that way once, and it was a disaster.

Years ago, being left handed was considered a bad thing, and schools tried to force kids to switch over, making them write, etc. with the hand everyone else uses. It didn't work so well and eventually the system had to admit that we exist - and adapt.

For me at least, my gender choices/behavior are just as much a part of how I was born as my being left handed.
It's just still a *lot* less accepted by those who aren't.
Denying our true selves builds up a pressure that will eventually have to be released.

[Ressie]

Jenniferpl has a good point and PaulaQ has an interesting perspective. But from previous threads on the topic I think of pink fog as being caught up in the fantasy world of dressing up to the point of outing one's self. Come to think of it, this aspect is only for those that are in the closet.

[NicoleScott]

What the OP describes is, to me, escalation. My crossdressing look, style, preferences, and activities have escalated over the decades, from wearing what women do but men don't (heels, skirts, makeup, etc.) to more over-the-top everything (higher heels, shorter skirts, heavier makeup, etc.) as my eyes and brain see and define more sexy, pretty, and feminine. It's about the man looking into the mirror at the woman. More is better. That's my lifetime of CDing escalation.

[Note: want to pull me out of the closet for good of the community? Be careful what you ask for. You may not like what you see, and push me back into the closet. Ha!]

The pink fog, to me, is a temporary condition that comes and goes. When it rolls in, crossdressing distracts me to a greater degree than normal from other thoughts and activities. I am a list-maker (what to do, buy, or pack for trips). I was able to take a week-long vacation alone for three straight years, due to work and school commitments for other family members. As the departure day approached, the pink fog rolled in. My list-making, browsing and shopping, preparation, and anticipation commanded more of my time and attention. The vacation week came, I had a fun time, and the pink fog cleared. For a while.
When attempting to describe the pink fog to another, it may be best to avoid words like obsession, compulsion, addiction, habit, hobby, etc. You use such words according to your definition, but others receive those words according to their definition, and good communication doesn't happen. Rather, describe what you think, feel, and do. We don't all even agree on what pink fog means. Imagine that - here on the forum we don't agree on definitions!

[Sarah Doepner]

I agree with those who want to shift the discussion away from compulsion, obsession and addiction. I don't believe those terms either plumb the depths of this or properly represent the personal affirmation that can come from understanding who you are and using that knowledge to center yourself.

Honestly, I thought of the movie and it all seemed to fit, making me laugh. I love the show and can't watch it now without thinking of the crossdressing connection and it makes me giggle even more. I hope I haven't ruined it for anyone else.

[Micki_Finn]

Um, they changed the ending for the movie. In the original script, everyone dies and the show ends with a warning about killer plants taking over the planet. So Theatre Geek Micki says terrible analogy.

[MarieAnn]

Its kind of funny that you made the comment about the term "addiction" at the end of your original post. After I had told my wife and we had some time to talk and think about things, we both felt like we could benefit by seeing a therapist at least for a little while. As we started to search out one that we would feel comfortable with, my wife had left a voicemail for one that was on our insurance plan and that they refered us to. When he called us back after returning from a trip and we explained what we were looking for, his first question to me was, "how long have you identified with this sexual addiction?" I said, excuse me? I told him this has nothing to do with sexual or any other kind of addiction. I thanked him for his time and kindly told him that he was NOT the person for us. As far as the "pink fog" goes, it is something that is very hard to make someone else understand, especially if they are not very open minded about current gender related issues.

[Gillian Gigs]

Sarah Charles quote,"I agree with those who want to shift the discussion away from compulsion, obsession and addiction. I don't believe those terms either plumb the depths of this or properly represent the personal affirmation that can come from understanding who you are and using that knowledge to center yourself."

All I know is that I have not found the correct word to define what is going on inside my head. I have used the words, compulsion, and obsession for the lack of having any other. I don't know how others think, or feel, but I know what I think and feel. The pink fog could be the result of hormones and/or a monthly cycle? All I know is there are times when I just have to get dressed and others times I could care less. I do know that the more often I get dressed, it can increase the desire to dress. Are endorphins getting released into my blood stream when I dress? People always keep doing what gives them enjoyment, what would making dressing any different!

[Teresa]

Sarah,
I'm inclined to agree with PaulaQ, and it was interesting to read that GD was stronger than the need for alcohol.

I have to admit the feeling I had since the age of 8-9 years was a gut feeling or need that had to be satisfied, not to dress was/is an anxiety , the sexual side was euphoric obviously . If you want to call anything pink fog it was trying to get something seen in a shop off your mind, but is that pink fog and if so do women suffer from it ? The magazines call it," must have " items so is it more a case of the female trait coming to the surface ?
Whether it is pink fog or not being out and about does level that feeling out, I still enjoy shopping but it has a purpose now, I don't worry about passing it feels irrelevant , no one is perfect so why should we think we can make perfect females .

Thinking now of the near future and possibly dressed more has to have a more practical thoughts , floating around in pink fog isn't going to provide the sensible solutions .

[PaulaQ]

Here's another difference between addiction and gender dysphoria. For example, the treatment for alcoholism, i.e. addiction to alcoholism, is to stop drinking. The treatment for GD is, for some of us, transition - which on the surface looks like crossdressing all the time. (It's way deeper than that, but think about it - how many other addictions is the treatment to do more of what you are addicted to?)

There are NO effective or ethical treatments that reduce the need for gender expression / identity that differs greatly from societal expectations. The only effective and ethical treatments known involve:
1. Living the gender expression / identity as needed. (Often this is all the time.)
2. Therapy to help accept this part of ourselves.

That's it. There is no magical treatment to stop these feelings. Those who offer them have all proven to be charlatans.

[fashionisto]

I think a comparison of CD with addiction is harmful. It leads people to believe it can and should be "cured". I believe we have ample evidence to show it cannot be cured.

Further, I consider my urge to CD part of my sexuality, which is a core part of human psychology. The aim should be to integrate it into a balanced life, not to dismiss it as an undesirable.

Consider an analogy with homosexuality. Is homosexuality an addiction just because it is "not normal" and practicing it can ruin your life in some places?

[CynthiaD]

For those who've experienced the pink fog, no explanation is necessary. For those who've not experienced it, no explanation is possible.

[Teresa]

Fashionisto,
Look at it as a driving force inside our heads, certain aspects of CDing can become addictive, and sometimes we have to curb or even cure them, pink fog at full strength !

Paula ,
I've never thought of transition in that way, all I know is the more I dress and go out the more balanced I feel . No it's not an addiction because there is no high, obviously slightly nervous but that soon settles because it just feels right.