Resources needed

[cindyinsatin]

For several years now I have been in a DADT relationship with my wife about my cross dressing. It has not been the ideal situation. But since our work schedules allow me much free time to 'dress' , things have been relatively stable.

A few months ago I had to go some time without dressing. During this time I had a good bit of opportunity to assess just where I was in my desire for cross dressing. I bounced back and forth between missing it terribly and often thinking "this is rediculous....I should not be doing this."

Heeding all the advice to not purge, I simply packed everything and put it away. During a discussion with my wife at some point I had informed her that I had done so and this pleased her very much.

Sure enough the desire to dress returned. It was discovered by my wife and more anguish ensued. We try and talk about it but I just don't have the words to explain myself and/or comfort and alleviate her anxiety about all of this.

We have agreed we need to talk and try to get some resolve on this. In addition to counseling I have suggested maybe reading some material I have found online regarding this together. I am wary of presenting anything that is all pro cross dressing. I feel I should present material that is a little more neutral and maybe presents both sides of the situation.

I am asking if any of you have any online resources that I can use to present to my wife, and for myself for that matter, to aid in our efforts to come to some resolve.

Thanks,
Cindy

[Ariana225]

The book "my husband wears my clothes" is a real good one. Goes through Peggy finding out about it early and adjusting and eventually becoming fully acceptable of it. The struggles then the conclusion. I am reading "normal" right now and the crossdressing chapter is pretty good as well.

The best reading material you could offer to your wife would be a very long letter from the first time of your crossdressing and to the now and everything in between. Express your feelings, her most likely concerns, your love for her, and how important it is for you and that it will never go away but you're still the same man she fell in love with. Good luck Cindy! 😘

[Aunt Kelly]

There simply is no substitute for a credible thirst party explaining things for you. Anything you say can be seen as self-serving. A book is better, credentialed professional, better still, by far. That person will bring to hear techniques that can make arriving at an agreeable accommodation much easier. Give it some consideration.

[Rachelakld]

I've never been interested in resources to explain who I am to anyone.

But
For those who walk in my shoes, they could possible check out my blog and see how I live both parts of me, to show an aspect of "real world living" with this asset we have.

[jennifer0918]

The secrets of my life,by Caitlyn Jenner.
Good luck

[Becky Blue]

There are quite a few good books written by wives all of them talk about the struggle they went through before they achieved some level of acceptance. if you google books by wives of transgender you will find quite a few listed.

[Elizabeth G]

I can't make any recommendations but plrase be careful in your material selection. When my wife first learned of my dressing a couple of books were recommended and we both read them. In each case the material did little more than scare my wife a bit because they outlined a progression that she wasn't ready to hear about and likely will never apply to our situation.

[cindyinsatin]

Thanks for all the advice/input. When we finally get to a point where we try and talk about it, it is usually at a time of emotional anxiety for both of us.

I usually find myself at a loss of words and can only seem to apologize and offer no real dialogue. I am pretty sure it is due to shame, embarrassment all due to her negative reaction.

Would like to try counseling again. Tried it once, but counselor seem ill equipped to deal with this. Seems hard to find a counselor that is...

Cindy

[Rachelakld]

My daughter was ashamed and embarrassed of her ginger hair - got harassed for it lots.
Once she accepted it, others started to as well.

I had to accept who I was (only took me 40 years), and that allowed me to meet someone who liked who I was.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Hi Cindy,

Neutrality sounds like a good idea, but really there's no such thing. Opinions on everything, even history and evolution, come down to personal belief. I might not subscribe to the view that the world was created 6,000 years ago, but plenty of people do, so to present a truly neutral point of view on the subject to your children you'd need to allow them access to a Creationist. Are you sure of what you mean by neutrality?

I can't see how you're going to present a clear picture of crossdressing to your wife without illustrating it with the views of the transgender community - of which you are part. As you know, we are not mentally subnormal, perverted or predatory. We do not all wish to transition to full womanhood; we do not all rush about in high heels screaming at the tops of our voices wearing sequins, caked in mascara, but there are those among us who do - is that the impression you want your wife to get of us?

I think it would be a mistake to show your wife this site, because there a few lines away from Male To Female Crossdressing, is Transsexual. It would be highly probable that she would see them as linked, possibly inevitably linked - as indeed they are for a small number of members, but I don't think that's the impression you want her to get.

I think the best thing you can do, apart from seeing a properly trained counsellor together, is to educate yourself as much as possible on the subject, so that you can answer her questions with a strong foundation of fact.

The hardest thing for many of us is is understanding why we do what we do- mostly it seems to come down to a compulsion beyond our understanding; we just know that it brings peace, comfort, wholeness, and that repressing it leads to anxiety, tension and unhappiness.

If she can start to understand and accept that, you'll be doing well.

[Aemilie]

Cindy

I have to agree with Nikki (#10) do NOT show your wife this site!, my wife is very understanding and supportive of me but I made the mistake when she first found out about my inner Millie of showing her this site and some blogs by crossdressers because I was unable to put into words how I felt and I so wanted her to know and also to reassure her, but that was a wrong move it just made her think some extremely negative things, mostly to do with my sexuality and how far I wanted to take the crossdressing because she had read the transgendered sections and became very worried that I didn't want to be a man any more, anyway she's good now and I took the advice of another thread and wrote her a letter, everything's great again now, I can't comment on counselling as I'm a British person and I don't know any or how you contact one?.

Take it slowly and good luck.

[Amy Fakley]

This is a very good pamphlet - "Coping with Crossdressing" by Joanne Roberts

https://www.digitaltransgenderarchive.net/downloads/9z902z86w
Good reading for both of you. Yes it is biased towards crossdressing, but it is factual and evenhanded. A good resource

[Sometimes Steffi]

My Husband Betty" Written by the accepting wife of a crossdresser who knew shortly after they started dating.