Coming out as a Transvestite! What is you story? Have you yet? tell here when you do!

[LexiNexi]

So recently I have realized:
~I'm NOT just a straight dude who likes wearing woman's clothes some times.
~Not a TS where they change their body and go with hormones
~Not a cross dresser who tries to be very pretty and fool you into thinking she is a she, when shes not normally wearing her man clothes and she speaks in a girl voice.
I AM A 100% (getting to ) a Full TIME TRANSVESTITE: A man who wear's very girly clothes and dresses instead of boys clothes (except work uniforms, family events etc, I dress when I wake up and dress when I get home from work). I look like a man, I might buy wigs, but I'm a man in a dress. I like the world when I have tried this, most are nice and some times the "pointing" and "Whys that man in a goth girl dress? doing hehe" I'm a sissy boy.

Who here has come out and how ar hve you come out?/////////

[Pat]

Not too long ago, I stood at the point where you are. I'm not suggesting you'll go on the same path I did, but I remember considering those same issues. I solved them for me by lots of reflection and staying attuned to what made me happy. Parts of my story may resonate with you and parts may not.

I learned that I do not wish to "pass" as something I'm not, I wish to BE what I am. In the end, this meant that I not only didn't want to pass as a woman, but I did not want to pass as a man either.

I've skewed my presentation to the female side by growing my hair out and taking hormones and electrolysis. But I did those things so I could be out and look "right" to myself without having to wear what I considered a disguise. So now I don't need a wig, I don't need breast forms but I still see a person in the mirror that I can identify as me. (I never bonded to my male reflection.) It's hard for an outside observer to tell the difference between me and a TS who is in the early stages of her transition but it's very clear to me that the difference is that I am not a woman. The changes I've made, I've made to support a "non-binary transition" from male to not-male.

Along the way there are practical issues to be faced -- there is no recognition in our society of a third gender, so sometimes you have to choose. Because I spent 60+ years disguised as a male, I think I reached toxic levels and I find I'm not happy ever choosing male. I've had my name legally changed to Pat so I could get away from a very male name. As I replace my IDs I'm choosing to change the gender markers to Female. It's still a wrong answer but it's the least problematical of the two on offer. I tell people my pronoun is "they" but if they can't figure out how to make that work, I prefer "she" to "he."

You'll have to make some of those same choices, it sounds like. Please stay on the forum and let folks know what you do. I'm not the only one like me out there, but we are few. People like us don't get a lot of guidance, so being able to follow your story and learn from your choices is very valuable. And allow yourself the freedom to try something and discard it if it doesn't work for you.

Good luck. Keep us posted.

[Krisi]

By your definition, I am a crossdresser and not a "transvestite" (a tem which I find offensive). I don't think your definitions are the same as the ones used by the general public. I believe the public uses "crossdresser" and "transvestite" interchangeably although "transvestite" is a bit more negative.

As far as "coming out", my wife knows but nobody else. She would probably rather I played golf as a hobby than get all dolled up as a woman but she accepts it and all is good.

[phili]

Hi Lexi,
Sounds like you have embraced your identity as a MIAD! What do you think about switching to crossdresser,rather than using old terminology [transvestite] that is not preferred anymore because it uses Latin instead of English, and tends to be used to diminish others, rather than celebrate them, I mean us!

See recent threads for news on being and coming out as a MIAD. I am finding that MIAD is not my full identity, but a decent designation when wearing a dress. PIAD is even better- person in a dress! Yes I am a crossdresser at times, but more broadly, I am also a person who has a wide range of feelings that cross and blend the rules for gender.

I used to be desperate to wear a dress to liberate these feelings, and now they are liberated, I feel them all the time, so crossdressing is more of an ordinary personal and social pleasure now than a clinical necessity! But everyone is different and unique and special, so come out as yourself, not a label.

[Micki_Finn]

I agree with Krisi in that I'm not crazy about the term "transvestite". It's not as bad as "tranny" but for me it still conjures up dated images of 70's fetishism.

[MarieAnn]

I also have to agree with Krisi, I don't care for the term "transvestite" as I think it is old school and a little derogatory. When my wife and I had "the talk", this was one of the topics we kind of got stuck on for a while. I said I was a crossdresser and her interpretation of what I was saying was that I am transgender. In the end, I said she could look at it however she wanted, but I really don't care for a label. I'm just me and it has taken me most of my life to get here. It's time to be open and see where I end up.

[Dana44]

Some might call us that but it is an old term. A far as you being 100 percent transgender might be better. Have I come out to play, yes, indeed. I am not a sissy boy though. I might be a girly male and that's good enough.

[Teresa]

Lexi,
I told my story some time ago in the TS section. I partly came to the forum trying to find another member whose story may relate to mine , so far no ones has. It no longer bothers me ,I had my story checked out away from the forum and was confirmed as a classic case of AGP. When I first checked it out it concerned me having that label, the problem is not so much knowing it as dealing with it on a daily basis . I now go out socially dressed and intend to go out more to the point of full time, so now I'm coming to terms with it .

After replying to your other thread I do feel you need to get your terms right, you have some confused views on what they mean and how you interpret them.

To come out usually happens in stages, being daring with underdressing, taking a chance with driving out at night and then in daylight. Risking being seen by neighours, they are all stepping stones, I finally found the best way is to find a social group , meeting like minded people, seeing how they present themselves is a great way of finding yourself and your own needs.

[Aemilie]

I didn't realise there was a thread for this as I'd already done it here:

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?250907-How-do-these-factors-play-in

post #15

[NicoleScott]

I'm not a label-hater. They are just nouns (people, places, things) with definitions. We can't communicate without them.
What I don't like is when people make up their own definitions or adopt inaccurate definitions of others, as the two in the OP.
I don't object to being called a transvestite, because it means the same as crossdresser. But if you don't want to be called a transvestite I won't call you one. It's a valid word, though. It seems to be falling out of favor, so instead of fighting its use, just let it go away.
Does anybody use a dictionary any more? Most mainstream definitions are pretty simple: wearing clothing normally associated with the opposite sex. No conditions, qualifiers, or motives. Attaching a sexual component to crossdressing and calling it transvestism - is that a way to purify your own CDing while labeling others?

[maninfemclothes]

The one thing I've noticed is that there are a lot of labels and they all seem to mean slightly different things to different people. I see myself as a man who likes to wear clothes that are usually found in women's clothing ranges. But I simply see the things I wear as "my clothes".

On one hand I dislike labels but on the other I find they can be useful when explaining to someone my choice in clothes and where I feel I fit on the gender scale. I am not sure I like the term "cross dresser" because to me I am simply wearing the clothes I feel I should be wearing. I am quite happy identifying as Mr/Him/etc. I don't attempt to pass as a woman and my sexual orientation is straight.

The closest label I've found for how I see myself is "genderqueer" which some folk take issue with because of the "queer" part.

Having said that I won't take offense at being called a cross dresser, transvestite, or whatever else. I know who I am, I am happy with who I am and I am not easily offended, so all is good :)

So far I have come out to my partner and most of our children.

Andy

[Leslie Langford]

Interesting declaration, LexiNexi, and whatever floats your boat.

This sounds very much like something Eddie Izzard might have written, and he has certainly become far more vocal these days about who/what he is in defining his brand of crossdressing in much the same way.

[NicoleScott]

Maninfemclothes, your name is the very definition of a M2F crossdresser. Just an observation.

[GeorgeA]

While label can mean different things to different people they help to segregate ones with similar traits.

From what you said I say you are a miad. A man in a dress who does not attempt to look like a woman. Of course there can be variations; some may use limited makeup & jewellery etc but still retain their masculine appearance.That said, miads are definitely a sub-species of a cross-dresser (or a transvestite).

We are just being proud members of a male clan, and want to look like them.