Starting CDing in midlife.

[Krea]

There have been several interesting threads recently on the subject of whether or not to open up to your SO at the start of a relationship, but i didn't want to post on these as my situation doesn't exactly fit into the debate and i didn't want to sidetrack the issue.

My position is that i have been married for over 15 years, but CDing was not and never had been a part of my life when i got married. I began crossdressing about 2 years ago & finally told my wife about it earlier this year. When i first posted here about coming-out to my wife, one person commented that it was quite uncommon for someone to begin CDing in middle age. They thought that mostly the desire starts at a much earlier age.

I am interested to know if many others here started CDing in "mid-life" and how did this affect any relationship they were already in.

Nic :)

[Alice Torn]

Well, I started this at about age 13 or 14, then felt such huge shame and guilt, that i quit for decades, but in my 30's and 40's occasionally would order pantyhose from mail order catalogs. At age 51, i bought my first dress from a thrift store, then ordered heels from Snaz75.com., then bought some used wigs at thrift stores. I hear many on here started in there middle of later years. 40's and 50's seems common.

[Tracii G]

First time I ever did it I was 17 and it was 2 girl friends idea.
I didn't really start discovering this CDing side of me as far as dressing goes until I was in my mid 50's

[Diane Taylor]

I started "experimenting" with crossdressing in my 30's and started dressing fully in my 40's. At what point people start crossdressing varies from one to another. No "starting point" is set in stone.

[Glenda]

I was married but divorced after 23 years of marriage. My wife left me for another man (actually a friend of mine). A couple of years later a girl I was dating convinced me to dress as a woman because she wanted to go as Ross Perot for Halloween that year. I finally agreed and after shaving off my mustache, leg and chest hairs she did my makeup after having already chosen my clothes for the evening. I only had to buy a pair of size 10 ladies shoes. After she placed the wig on my head and arranged it she stepped back from the mirror with an astonished look on her face and said, "My God, you really are Glenda!" It was the first time I had ever dressed and I simply could not believe that I was looking in the mirror at someone I had known was within me my whole life but had never met. We went to 5 parties that night and everyone remarked on how I seemed so completely at ease. I haven't grown a mustache back since that day.

[Teresa]

Nic,
It all came together at the age of 8-9 years for me, starting early for my age group was a tough one, you were on your own with it. To live with it for much of your life and only fully come to terms with it in your sixties is very hard , the generation I was born in expected the man to do his duty as a man. Thank goodness we now have the internet and can communicate with other CDers through this and other outlets. I would still be on the rollercoaster ride without that contact.

[michaelmichelle]

I didn't start till my mid 50's. When my girlfriend at that point and I talked about the appeal of the CDing aspect.
We both found we were attracted to it.
After trying it together it just became a part of our life.
By the way.......I married that girl 2 months ago.😆

[IamWren]

I started dressing about two and half years ago in my late 40s. So I'm definitely a late bloomer.
I kind of backed up into it although in high school I grew my hair out really long (wanted to look like my favorite rock stars) in college I wore eyeliner now and again at the dance club (I fancied myself a new-wave, nonconformist type) and in the military I wore pantyhose (but only long marches where many of us wore them for the compression they offered to our legs.) Soooo... I don't think that really counts.

Anyway, I'm very short in stature and find it hard to find clothes that fit well. So over a period of about six to eight months... maybe a year, I began (with the encouragement of my wife) to try wearing clothes cut and marketed for women. Basically, jeans and a pair of unisex sandals and running shoes.

She thought they looked really good on me and it evolved to buying women's boyshorts.

It's all been a slow evolution for me and as I have progressed and started thinking more about gender the aspect of wearing women's clothes has taken a backseat to the thoughts of gender, gender expression and that applies to my personality and spirit.

Short answer... late bloomer. Started rather late compared to others.

[Crystal 42]

Nic,

I have dabbled with crossdressing since I was 7 or 8 years old and throughout my teens but it really only started to escalate in my late twenties. The problem for me was that I could never accept it, judged and punished myself for it too and for years pretended to be someone else just to fit into my own definition of how a male should behave. It was such a waste of time since it never completely stopped me dressing and just made me miserable. Late last year I finally figured out what was important to me and I chose to fully embrace it. I'm 42 now, so even though it started much earlier than midlife it took me that long to finally get my act together. :D

I've never let my crossdressing affect any relationship even though I often still thought about dressing. 15 years ago I resigned myself to remaining single. I figured if I couldn't be honest with myself then I didn't deserve to be with a partner who I might have to lie to.

[Krea]

Thank-you to all of you for your replies :) Quite a range of answers. So i was very wrong in my assumption that most of us start CDing at an early age! (I forgot to say that i was 41 when i started.)
It's great that some of you were supported or even encouraged by your SO.

Glenda -That's a great story about your first time out dressed. It's amazing what suddenly starts us off. I remember what i first tried on and the surprising/amazing way i felt, but that's another post.

Teresa - your post about growing up as a CDer makes me feel very grateful that there is so much more support out there for people now. This forum is an amazing help.

Crystal - I think the fact that many of us struggle to accept ourselves is the worst part. Hopefully if the world becomes more aware & accepting of TG / CD issues it will be easier for people in the future.

Sayyidah - Being small i have also found that womens sizes are more suitable. It was an excuse at first to buy some female things & so far my wife seems to like what i have bought.

[Bobbi46]

It was always at the back of my mind, feelings from quite a young age but we are all wired differently and these feelings, needs manifest themselves at different times of our lives. I had been and of course still am and like lingerie in particular and for me these feelings began to be stronger in my middle 40's but life's hardships held me back until a few years ago when circumstances changed severely for me and I suddenly came to realise what I wanted out of my life and from there embarked on my life as a cross dresser. These feelings will never leave me no matter what. But what I have found, and others have also echoed my very thoughts and that is apart from being able consume a large part of my life in dressing it provides such comfort and peace within my mind.

[Kelly DeWinter]

This is an interesting thread, I really had not considered that anyone started after childhood. Was there any specific reasons or causes ?

[Majella St Gerard]

I would occasionally underdress in my early 30's after dressing en femm for Halloween. Did not really dress all out again until I was 50 with the encouragement of my second wife. I went from underdressing on occasion to crossdressing almost full time in about 5 years.

[AllieSF]

Late starter here in late 2006 at almost 60. Serious health issue with resolution and chronic side effects opened up this new door of life for me. I am not a slow learner and am developing faster and going further than I ever could have guessed. Probably one of the happiest periods of my longish life. No regrets here.

[Lana Mae]

I am a very late bloomer! Feelings started at 4-6, wanted a dress! (full story elsewhere) Panties in my teens! (No comprehension just sexual!) Before marriage, asked wife to be about wearing women's clothes and she said, "There will be only one woman in this relationship!" (Early 30's) Repressed for 34+ years of marriage except for some panties 2-3 times, but immediately purged! When my wife died(2015), within 1 month or so, I purchased panties! Got on the net to check it out! Found this most wonderful site and was able to piece it together(more or less)! (at...65 years old!) Now wearing panties is just underwear! Wear women's jeans and flats daily! Get fully done up from time to time! It is a journey that I am greatly enjoying! Still have my male side but now I also have a female side and have learned that it is all just being me! Best wishes Hugs Lana Mae

[Hollibelle]

as a kid I would borrow some knee highs and shoes from my mom (ones she designated that I could) and watch Bosom Buddies.
That need and Go Joe took over until my early teens when I discovered ere ed how amazing pantyhose felt and how arousing they were while doing laundry and other chores to earn money to buy my rolplaying stuff (D AND. Cyberpunk etc). Hose led to heels andvtgen to bra stuffing and make shift skirts. i was
a rail and my mom was a larger lady.
for me it was 85% sexual.
by the time my wife and I started dating seriously I was working 2 part time jobs and school full time, I did not have the time not desire (or need) to do it. we gave been married for 18 years and together for 23.

I would think about it from time to time as inspiration ... There may have been a pair of hose or trying on one of her stockings during droits but nothing else until very recently.

in the last 6 years I list the rest if my family: my mother. grandmother and in Oct my father. my father informed me while I wss in college that he was gay.

having to go through his house along with some of my mother's things we kept made me reflect and rehash a lot of those teen and early 20s. That led me here. as of now I have a very limited stash and all the way at the top and in the back of the closet 😆 sorry for the long pist.

[Tahoegurl]

I have dabbled I fem male lingerie my whole marriage...we often role reversed and I added more fem clothes and mannerisms. It is just the last few years (and loosing 60 lbs) allowed me to dress fully in women's clothes. Then adding the wig, boobs, hips and make up to look right. The wife has been supportive and guiding the whole way.

[Alice Torn]

Crystal, I can sure relate to your story. At 63, now, and still single, and wrestling with guilt and shame many many years, I have largely accepted, that i will be single all my life, unless a miracle happens. I still struggle with religious, and societal disapproval of this some.

[Krea]

This is an interesting thread, I really had not considered that anyone started after childhood. Was there any specific reasons or causes ?

Hi Kelly,
I don't really know what started the desire. Some of her things just looked and felt so nice that i was curious to know what they were like to actually wear i suppose.
I tried on some clothes that she had put aside for disposal/recycle and it just felt so "right". The desire to wear nice female things has been there ever since....

[ginapoodle]

Early starter here: mom's nylons at age 11 or so, and also feelings of attraction to girls clothes way before that. Many times I had the feeling: "I want to be her" especially with classmates in elementary and junior high. My brain is definitely balanced M and F, a hybrid.

Thanks for sharing, very interesting to hear of late bloomer.

[Anne K]

Teresa mirrors my life experience. I remember sneaking into my mom's closet at 5, but have been very closeted all my life. Times have changed dramatically. For most of my life, one could easily be seriously injured or killed for "being different". Now, through the courage of many individuals, including members of this Forum, there is much more understanding and compassion. I decided to live my life as Joyce at 60 and am thrilled by the possibilities. IMHO, one is never to old.

[Viggy]

Hello Nic,
I started CDing about two years ago. Soon I'll get 60 years old, but CDing was never a thing in my life before. I never had been a macho, no bad jokes about women and so, but ever felt as a real man. About 20 years ago I started with shaving my legs because of my new hobby race bicycling and this was the beginning of interesting in female 'body care' (sorry don't know right expression). Later i began painting nails, plucking brows, wearing pantyhose ... but had no anticipation that later i would like to CD. I think now I understand ,why I ever was a man who had intuition for female feelings, had no pain with doing household chores. But someday there was the desire to feel how it is to wear a female shirt and a skirt. I buyed some via Internet and it felt so good.
Last year I had my outing to my wife, the kids (all grown up) don't know about it. After many tears, discussions and explanations now she is halfway OK with it. But I think she has borders so we have met on a level we both can live with.

[Karen RHT]

I can't say I "started" crossdressing mid-life Nic, but similar to others, I've certainly become much more accepting of my crossdressing, (any and all guilt is gone) and much more willing to pursue crossdressing in my mid-life/late-life cycle. I spend a lot more time in skirts and dresses than I ever have, but that's still not enough for me. I want more, and am working towards more.


Karen

[Sallee]

I started in my early teens, then got heavy in to dressing in my early 30's for a year or so, realized it was to time consuming, interfering with progress in life and there was more to life. So it was on the back burner again. Now and for the past 30 years I dress occasionally and get out, go about anywhere although there are some bucket list items yet to complete and feel relatively comfortable as my alter ego. I do find after an extended period 3 or 4 days, of CDing I grow tired of it and its back to boy mode.
I try to keep all things in moderation and have fun.
I often wonder if things were more like today back 40 years ago with better communications and networking where I might be as a CD

[Alice B]

I didnot start until in my 60's. Will never know why and what the trigger was, but my wife accepts

[docrobbysherry]

I had zero gender issues into my 50's. Never even thot about trying on women's things until then!:eek:


This is an interesting thread, I really had not considered that anyone started after childhood. Was there any specific reasons or causes ?
They put me on a hormonal med at about the same time. Plus my T count was dropping anyway. That's the only thing I can think of that changed.:straightface:

[karrin]

and look at the success you've achieved traci. be safe karrin

[leannejacobs]

Well, I started this at about age 13 or 14, then felt such huge shame and guilt, that i quit for decades, but in my 30's and 40's

My story is very similar to Alice's, I dressed at a young age but stopped for a long time, I started again in my thirties, just underwear and tights etc.this has escalated over the years and now when I dress it is a fully female look

[Vickie_CDTV]

A completely new, out of the blue interest in dressing in middle age is pretty rare. Not unheard of, but fairly rare, as others have said it manifests itself in some form from an early age.

Back when I was a young, I remember doing research on transvestism and remember reading research about men who started dressing suddenly in middle age or or older. Some speculated it was significant head trauma (this was a common one cited), certain drugs, and traumatic loss as possible reasons. Granted it is really dated today but I did find it rather interesting, and a contrast to the even-then company line of "any trans behavior whatsoever is inborn and can never be bought on nor changed".

[Tracy329]

I started around age 5 and quit when I went off to college. The urge mostly just went away until about the age of 40 when it cam back with a vengeance. Now its all I think about. And now, there is a sexual excitement component where there wasn't before. Also, before it was just dressing. Now, I want to look like a woman, be as feminine as I can be, and go out and blend in.