Have you ever told someone and then found you need not have?

[Bobbi46]

This happened to me today when I told somebody who did not know. Last Sunday at one of our village "Do's" an ex pat holiday friend came up to me asked how I was with a nudge, nudge,wink to accompany what he said, before I could reply he was whisked off by another friend and I could do no more that night.
This afternoon I went round to his holiday home to "Tell all" and was met by his wife who told me was having an after lunch sleep, So I embarked on what he had said to me and she told me that no she had heard nothing at all and did not know why Gordon should have said what he did say!.
So I went on to explain why and how I dressed and what it meant to me. I went on to explain why I was this way and also to explain that it was not by choice or need that it was because the way we are wired and why we in the LGBT movement are all different in various ways and how we became to be this way.
She was totally ignorant of this fact as a whole but was totally accepting of these facts and you could see an expression of "oh that explains so much".
Also it was an expression of not only understanding but one of compassion and accepting of me as a whole to come right of the blue and tell her this is me now but despite that I am still the same "Bobbi" as before.
I left her house with a spring in my step and feeling of elation and of happiness that for the first time I had outed myself to someone who previously had no knowledge of me or idea of our community as a whole.
I just felt I had to share this amazing episode with you all.

[MarieAnn]

Bobbi, I have told quite a few people about me, and each time, I have had no negative reactions. Some were more positive than others, but all were at least positive. That being said, some of the people have been friends, family members, SA's in multiple stores. ( Every store that I have been into for any ME shopping, I tell the SA right up front about me and ask them if this is a problem, not one has ever said that it will be a problem, in fact most of them show increased interest and excitement. Probably aware of the posibility of the money to be spent. ) I have a tanning salon that I got to 3-4 times a week, and when I originally signed up, I told her about me, in drab at the time, and she said she would be glad to meet and help me in whatever mode I was in. Since then, there are 3-4 people that I have dealt with regularly, and if I am not there for a week or more, the next time I go in, I get told how much they have missed me. The only time is was in drab, was the first time in. So, to answer your question, yes, I have told many people that I did not need to. And, also each time I have told someone new, It does make me feel very good and happy, kind of like a little more of the shell is getting broken away.

[sometimes_miss]

Sure. I told my mother and sister, back when my ex was blackmailing me during the divorce; I just didn't want them hearing it from someone else, without the explanation of why I crossdressed. Turned out, she honored her agreement to not tell anyone as long as I gave her everything in the divorce settlement. In retrospect, it really didn't change anything very much; my mother pretty much blocked it out, I guess because she couldn't accept it. My sister and I weren't close in the first place, so alienating her further really didn't alter our relationship very much. After that, I limited it to people I thought would be ok with it, but that turned out wrong, as well. So now I just keep my big, fat mouth shut. Ignorance really is bliss to these people.

[Tracy Irving]

At first read I thought this thread meant that the person you were telling already knew. There are very few people that one "needs" to tell.

When it comes to shopping, I like for the SA to know. It allows me to try on the garments and avoid any potential time wasting returns.

[Bobbi46]

I should have worded the beginning a little differently in that his wife was totally unaware of my lifestyle and if I had known that I may have let sleeping dogs lie but not knowing which way the wind would blow with her husband I decided to tell her, I had thought that she would have been aware of what her husband obviously knew.
I am very concerned that people should have the right impression of us as a whole and not reliant on unreliable "Gossip".
It was good the way it went, where I am everybody knows everybody else so that in a way it is better that those that know have the full picture rather than some sort of warped idea about our section of the community.

[Rachael Leigh]

Bobbie I actually did have a similar experience recently at work, one of my coworkers asked me if that was eyeliner on my
eye and I just came right out told her yes. Ever since then she's been way cool with it and so happy I told her.

[Bobbi46]

Rachel you have shown just how people should be towards us. It makes one feel good that out there, there is more acceptance of us than we realise most of it unknown to us all but there all the same but when one comes across happenings like yours it makes one feel good.
I suppose you felt a new degree of acceptance towards yourself than before.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

Hi Bobbi,

I'm back from my road trip but that's for another day.

Yes, I have told someone when I didn't need to. It was the woman who did my electrolysis. We were talking about another customer we knew who was transitioning along with why I wanted electrolysis.

I "assumed" (there's that word again) that she had put everything together about my dressing. NOPE! Couldn't have been farther from the truth. She was fine with it and respected my privacy when my daughter also visited her for hair removal.

[Krisi]

No. I've only told my wife and of course, she needed to know.

[Bobbi46]

But isn't it just a nice feeling having told someone and they take it on board nicely without any rancour or disapproval or discrimination?

[Maria_mtf]

I want to tell someone other than my wife but have no good candidates :( good to here such positive responses, thanks for sharing

[Linda E. Woodworth]

I don't agree with the statement that it "feels" good to have told someone. It begs the question, why did you need to tell them in the first place.

In my case I thought they had figured out what was going on. In the end I was completely wrong. What that taught me was to not "assume" anything when this might be the topic of conversation.

The other concern is why you feel the need to tell someone. I feel this is especially important if you're still in the closet. All you're doing is then burdening the individual with your secret. Was that really necessary? The other side of the coin is that the more people who know the more chance for the news to leak out.

[IleneD]

The highest risk and most dangerous persons whom to tell are usually the one closest to us. I'd speculate even more risky than a boss or co-workers.
The long term effect of a mistake can be devastating.

[Bobbi46]

The feel good factor comes from telling someone who had an inkling about ones dressing and in so telling one is giving them the whole picture rather than them getting a possible warped idea about us gleaned from others equally ignorant about what males us tick. This latest "telling" was needed clear up an assumption by one of my friends but also to illustrate that our movement is one to be accepted and not sneered at or derided in some way.
Not now being in any in the closet it has been necessary to expand my telling within the ex pat community for the simple reason that everybody knows everybody else and I chose to have the first of the cherry and get the right story out there.
I totally agree that if there is no need to tell then why tell? I only tell as when it is needed.

[Teresa]

Bobbi,
I feel we get to a point where we have more to gain than lose. Once you've revealed the other side of you people treat you slightly differently because you have disclosed an intimate part of yourself they never knew existed. Their attitude softens and they are more open with you. Often the revelation they come out with is a total surprise , that was something I never expected.
I've also found you learn something more about yourself in the process .

It feels good because you are becoming more open and accepted, that is a continuous process, in the quest for normality .

[Bobbi46]

Teresa,
As you say, openness is the key to the whole thing, being secretive with our movement only breads doubt and wrong impressions about us. But as I have found acceptance is at a far greater level than I ever thought before. But having told people takes a weight off ones mind and makes one feel a lot freer. I certainly feel this way now.
Yes indeed I have learnt something from "outing" and that has been the ability to be much more open and honest with people.

[lingerieLiz]

Years ago I came out to a neighbor who became a close friend. Where I live now everyone knows.

[Sarah Doepner]

Of the two ways we interpret this I've told people who already knew. One of my kids had hacked my computer back when he was a teenager and shared his discovery with two of his siblings. When I finally outted myself to my daughter she smiled and said "We were wondering when you would ever tell us." So it kind of took the thunder out of my announcement, but made it a lot easier to take in the long run.

On the other hand I had a writing partner who I only contact on line these days since we live so far from each other. She noticed in a lot of what I said in our communications that something was bothering me. So I let her know and have hardly heard from her since. I don't know if it's because of that revelation or if it is because we just don't have a project to discuss. It's not a big problem since she has no involvement in any other aspect of my life, but eventually I'll contact her and see how things are going and maybe find out for sure.

[Bobbi46]

Sarah, A great revelation and so very rewarding that your family know and are behind you on the other hand would it not be a good idea to message your writing friend and try establish the status quo? after all it would be pity to lose a friend over something so simple and understanding as being just us for want of better words.
Also a trouble shared is a trouble halved which sums up telling quite well in a way.

[docrobbysherry]

No. I'm the LAST person you'd think was a CD. :eek:

What I did do is tell the one person in the world I thot I could. Because we had been close for 40 years. Since then, she hasn't spoken to me in 8 years!:sad:

[StephanieM]

I've only shared my secret with a couple of people and we became closer friends after they got to know all of me.

[Bobbi46]

Sherry,
That is sad to lose a friend, but how true a friend was she really ? long known friendships should last no matter what.
Stephanie,
Good news indeed that is how life should pan out totally those that knew me before and now know about my dressing have not changed one iota those I look upon as true friends apart from my friends here who are even truer!