Question on forced feminization

[gerri ray]

My wife and I have been talking lately about her taking the lead more and proactively forcing me to dress more. She expressed to me tonight that her end goal is to see me fully comfortable going out dressed however I want without worrying about what others might think. She realizes that it needs to happen in steps and not all at once, but she is also in control.
Has anyone else been through this? I need some thoughts from those more experienced than myself.

[Jean. Ann]

That sounds like a plan if she is on board with it . She sets the
rate of progress she is comfortable with . You reach your
desired goal of becoming comfortable enfemme

Jean. Ann

[Danielle Gee]

My wife is the boss in a female led relationship, I follow her instructions without question Several years ago we formed a pact...She was the boss and I was the Sissy. I was in feminine clothing for the most part (except for work). We never went out but one time in the 3-4 years we had this relationship

Then things began to change ...She sat me down one evening an told me she was getting tired of the kinky sex and the CD'ing. She informed me that she would allow me to continue waiting on her "Hand and Foot" but I could not cross dress in her presence

So it's about 6am and I'm sitting here in my bra and panties.... typing on the laptop in my room. I hoping she doesn't come in and catch me. A spanking isn't fun if it's strictly for punishment

Be careful of what you wish for!!

Danielle.

[CarlaWestin]

Although I've never experienced this kind of relationship, it's always been a fantasy desire. So far I've yet to meet a woman that understands the concept.

[Stacy Darling]

My first wife had a different take, on forced feminisation ( I'll leave it at that ).

Allowing anyone to control my expression is a complete No for me, It is not naturally who we are!

Like to naturally flow,
Stacy!

[Ariana225]

It's okay to have fetishes and a kinky sex life with the wife or SO... but I wouldn't want it to leave the bedroom. I enjoy being equal in my marriage. Some people may enjoy it but it should always be with concent. If it's not and it is forced it could be damaging imo. Good luck!

[Evie82]

From my experience, my partner helps pick things out for me and helps me with my makeup.(S)he tells me if something I pick out for myself works or if it doesn't work or make me look ridiculous (that kind of honesty is worth it's weight in gold!). Apart from sometimes in the bedroom I prefer a more 'natural' look - i.e. not completely OTT. I've not been out in public yet - small village mentality where I live, but I'm not against the idea somewhere more accepting.
The bit that concerns me of what you say is that the structure of most forced feminisation stories I've heard involve an element of humiliation, often public, by very obviously outing the dresser before moving onto gradual acceptance. Otherwise it's a case of the guy being caught and helped along the way with love and support. Which is being offered to you and which are you good with?
I could be reading too much into your choice of words in the thread title, but to me "forced feminisation" has a more fetish based implication. However, if it's proactive support and help in being who you want to be then I'd say embrace it, and keep talking about what you want - if she's "forcing" you to dress more then make sure it's still what you want and how you want it.
Best of luck x

[Micki_Finn]

Forcing me to do things against my will is most definitely NOT the best way to make me comfortable with something. But if it works for you great. I don't think that it's going to build up your confidence, but rather just make you numb to the humiliation, bit this isn't really my forte.

[Connie.Marie]

Gerri,
I have not been through this, nor have I spoken with anyone who is considering this but some of the words that you used in this post worry me.
Specifically "forced" and "In control".

If what you are suggesting is that your wife help you get over your fears, help you present more femininely, provide opportunities to move in this direction (e.g shopping restaurants, make-up lessons, going to the movies...), give you a gentle nudge in the direction that YOU want to go, then this seems OK.
If on the other hand, you are saying that you agree to do whatever your wife decides, whenever she wants, no matter what YOU want, then I think this is a bad idea.

What is your goal? Is YOUR end goal to be "fully comfortable going out dressed however YOU want without worrying about what others might think. "

You may enter into this agreement with your wife, confident that she loves you and would never harm you. Then she changes & starts asking you to not just push the envelope but go off the deep end. Any number of ways but here's one.. You begin dressing more at home. Your presentation improves. Maybe going out once in a while with her while you're dressed. A dream come true for some on this site. Then She becomes upset with the lack of "progress" so in order to move things along quicker she tells you to go to work fully dressed one day. She says if she is really in control, then you'll do this... Not a place I would want to be.

Bottom line: Do NOT lose control over your life.
Good luck in your journey.

Hugs, Connie

[Stephanie47]

This does not sound like forced feminization. That term implies doing something against one's will with the purpose of humiliation. It sounds as if her actions are encouragement. If she were to tell you to don a French maid outfit and pump gas at your local Arco Station against your better judgement, I'd call that forced feminization. If she suggests going for an evening stroll along the shores of Puget Sound that sounds like encouragement.

My only suggestion for anyone is to never do anything outside your personal comfort zone.

Me? Being in a DADT marriage I would love it if my wife suggested I prepare dinner en femme. But, I choose not to force my cross dressing upon her. I hold to the premise both husband and wife need to be on board with the cross dressing experience for it to work.

[Stacy Darling]

After saying that I would leave it at that earlier, I must more than agree with Stephanie!

Forced Feminisation to my ex wife was coupled with having my face pushed into a pillow!

I wouldn't go there at all!

Scarred!

[Robertacd]

You partner my be into it now, but be careful you are not "Topping from the bottom". As in Danielle's case her partner probably get tired of it being all about Danielle and took away the part she loved he most.

[Dana44]

Some play is good, but as a male don't give up your male attributes and let here help you but only in play. That may be the best way and have safe words that will shut it down if need be. But enjoy her and know that she will change her mind as it will get old after a while.

[gerri ray]

My end goal is the same as hers. She sees me struggling outside the home when I'm dressed to a point. I try to hide my painted nails and things like that. She wants my self confidence to rise. She knows too much too soon will have a negative effect and she is going to go step by step.

[Dana44]

OH, that is not forced feminization, Painted nails. Don't hide them when dressed and I have had several nice comments from women when it is a nice color. So just be yourself as a feminine person. Go out to Movies and Dinner for a while with her for a while for you to get more comfortable. Make it a nice date with her.

[Territx]

Just like trying to define ourselves in terms of our dressing, etc., the "forced" term is susceptible to so many degrees/variations in its interpretation. As your subsequent posts and those of some others show, it is hard to determine where the line is drawn between true "forced" to "topping from the bottom", to "stronger encouragement".

My point being, if you both have a good time and are respectful of each other's limits (AND are respectful of those that may be around you during these scenes), then you should both enjoy it and progress to whatever level of activity you are comfortable with.

[Alice B]

I was out last night at SRO when a very attractive female came in with her cross dressed SO wearing a collar around her neck and a light chain that the female led her with. Both seemed content.Had never seen this in public before and wanted to ask about it, but felt this would not be correct to do.

[Helen_Highwater]

My wife and I have been talking lately about her taking the lead more and proactively forcing me to dress more. She expressed to me tonight that her end goal is to see me fully comfortable going out dressed however I want without worrying about what others might think. She realizes that it needs to happen in steps and not all at once, but she is also in control.
Has anyone else been through this? I need some thoughts from those more experienced than myself.

Gerri Ray,

My feeling is it's perhaps worth considering whether what would work best is "Forcing" or "Encouraging" you to dress more. It could be as simple as your SO setting time aside for you to practice makeup skills, calendaring times for you to undertake specific activities. View it more as target setting.

It could be as simple as saying in 3 weeks time we're going out for a drive for two hours one evening. Using target setting the next drive will be 6 days away, the next 5 days after that and so on. Each drive getting slightly longer and perhaps in more busy parts. She sets a time and place for you to get out of the car for a short walk. Next time she drives a few hundred yards down the road and you have to catch up. basically she's setting the agenda for you to do more.

If in the arrangement there's a "Chicken out" clause then it's not forcing. As you say it needs to be in steps, she takes the lead, you have to find the courage to follow.

[Jaylyn]

I would have a problem all with the word forced. I don't like to be forced into anything. I do like role play from time to time but probably would not participate if I were forced into it. I'm more of a I'll do it if I want to type of gal. If being forced to do something is your style then enjoy but don't complain when she pushe you past your comfort level.

[jack-ie]

I too, have a problem with the word "Forced". How could I be forced to do something I love doing? That said, I had a 20 year marriage to a lady that loved and strongly encouraged my dressing and I am thankful for it. If I were home in the evening and not at least partially in femme, she would ask me if something was wrong. I was in total fear of leaving the house dressed so she suggested that we just go for a drive. Later when out for a drive, she suggested we take a walk/window shop. It was she that took the initiative to seek out a few tg friendly clubs/bars where we could go, socialize, and enjoy ourselves among others. Without her encouragement, I might have remained totally closeted to this day but she insisted I be Jackie.

[AllieSF]

I am with the "encouraging" crowd. I think that she sees what you may not, that you can be more yourself with her support and that you have a right to do that in public. She loves you and wants to see you make yourself be happy with her support, which may include loving encouragement and maybe even a little pushing to get you to take the next step. Talk with her more about it.

[docrobbysherry]

"Forced fem", is sexual fetish fantasy many dressers have experienced. Including me early on.:heehee:

But, it isn't the same as someone encouraging u to do what u want to do. Unless u find going out dressed arousing, it's NOT the same!?:o

[Confucius]

I think its a good idea for your wife to feel in control, and let her be proactive. However, you need to be comfortable with the plan too. Let her know about your fears and take it all one step at a time. Both partners need to be on the same page.

So far has your wife forced you to do anything against your will?

[prene]

Nothing about that ... if I had a wife would be forced.

Nothing at all.

[Becky Blue]

I think people are focusing on the word forced too much. If you search the WWW for Female Led Relationships and Forced Feminization and ignore all the porn, you will see its a lifestyle choice for some people. The person being 'forced' is turned on by being made to crossdress. Marriages where the husband cedes control to the wife are quite common. Both parties would have willingly agreed to the arrangement. No one can force a person to put on a dress... one can just say no... the people in this situation want to be forced. Of course there are abusive relationships etc in the world not talking about those.

[XemmaX]

tbh aslong as you both agree on everything then that's cool and also when to stop.

[Teresa]

Gerri,
Like others I think you have the wrong interpretation of forced fem, to most of us it would suggest doing it against you will, being sissified and humiliated .

Her goal appears to be giving you more confidence , it might be just as helpful to find a social group. You can attend most in drab if you chose, most also welcome partners, meeting others CDers is a great confidence booster, you wife may also enjoy talking to other wives if she's having problems dealing with your dressing .

You are very lucky having a partner who is prepared to help you in this way, it's much harder in a DADT situation where you have to learn it all yourself and usually in total secrecy .

[Kelly DeWinter]

Teresa is spot on, if your goal is confidence building, there are better ways of doing it. Being forced to do anything is not the way to do it. But if that's what does it for you .....

[NicoleScott]

Forced feminization is "please don't throw me into the briar patch".

[jack-ie]

Lol, Nicole! Love it!

[gerri ray]

The "forced" part is more of an umbrella term. She leads and I follow. If I'm very uncomfortable with something, then I'm allowed to voice it and a compromise is made.

[Krisi]

The OP's post and many of the responses sound like the crossdressing fiction found in books and on the Internet:

Wife catches husband crossdressing, puts him in the tub with a solution that makes all his body hair fall off (I wish), forces him to dress as a woman full time, brings her male boss over, husband and boss have sex, husband likes it and has a sex change operation and lives happily ever after as a woman. (That's the short version).

Except in some very sick relationships, nobody can force their partner to do anything, at least in the USA and most civilized countries. Certainly, a wife cannot force a husband to dress or live as a woman.

It sounds like BS to me.

[Karen RHT]

I agree that the internet fantasy friction you referred to is BS Krisi, but as Becky mentioned, female led relationships really do exist. According to many in these very forums, wives do participate, help, recommend, and encourage husbands to the point where some wives "lead" the husband into more active and adventurous crossdressing adventures.


Karen

[BrendaPDX]

I can't say I haven't thought about it, but... It just isn't our style. Keep us informed! Take care, Brenda

[Kelly DeWinter]

The "forced" part is more of an umbrella term. She leads and I follow. If I'm very uncomfortable with something, then I'm allowed to voice it and a compromise is made.

So its not 'forced'.

I've never understood the Dom Sub relationship. yeah you can explain it until the sun goes super nova, but the bottom line is when a sub can say a 'safeword' to a Dom and stop everything, who is the real Dom ?

[LilSissyStevie]

Forced feminization is a very common erotic TG fantasy along with the closely related female domination and forced gay fantasies. It is the fantasy itself that is arousing, regardless of whether it can be actualized in real life. It really doesn't matter whether these fantasies are realistic or logically consistent. Worrying about such things is akin to standing up in the movie theater and smugly announcing that the coyote suspended in thin air off the edge of the cliff violates the laws of physics. Nobody cares. More interesting is asking why many of us find these fantasies arousing. Or you can just sit back, suspend disbelief, and enjoy the show.

[gerri ray]

Krisi, it matters not if you believe it or not. As for "no one can force anyone to do anything in a civilized country." That's pure baloney! Are you not forced to have a license to drive? Can't get a job unless you has a ssn number. We are forced to pay taxes we don't want to. Is it not a violation of our constitutional rights to hunt and fish without a paid license?

My wife and I came to an agreement for a female led relationship. I can say no to some things, but not everything.
Like today, my wife picked a very obvious feminine outfit that I'm very hesitant to wear out in public.

[Jennifer in CO]

This was more or less how my wife and I started out. I was not sexually driven but she was (to the max!). I got sexually driven when I was dressed so she made it her goal to get me to dress/keep me dressed as often as possible. This ended up being a similar "if I wasn't at work or with family I was dressed" situation. After a year of this it started to flow over into both areas. Nothing overtly feminine at work or with family, but pretty much cross-dressed 24/7 be it girls/womens slacks/jeans or shorts and androgynous tops/blouses with womens shoes of some kind (sandals, flats, tennis shoes, etc) and always in panties and at a minimum cami with pantyhose or garter/hose if wearing long pants (and no socks). There was never any attempt to humiliate so if I was presenting as a woman I looked like one top to bottom, and if not you had to be wearing the same thing (or have it in your closet) to tell I was wearing womans clothes.
This lasted till into the two year mark of our marriage when I started to transition but that starts a whole 'nuther story...

[Stacy Darling]

So here is the truth!

When I first married, I married a very dominant woman. We crossed paths as she had a legal firm and I was a Union Organiser!
I married and became her maid, as well as working 14hr days!
I took all of that because of my caring nature!

Being the less dominant one in the relationship was fine with me as I knew that I had a bite!

Next came the sexual abuse, I did agree to part of it but?

Stay safe,
Stacy!

[Kelly DeWinter]

Nothing like this is true without proof !!!!!! I say photos !

Seriously no one is ever forced to have a ssn,drivers licence or pay taxes. You CAN choose not to do any of those. You may face the consequences for not following the rules, but you can choose not to participate.

Stacy, we demand those photos ! LOL

Sorry folks i'm off my meds today and my fingers are typing a word salad.

[Nora TBD]

The desire for humiliation is part of my trip too. Forced Fem isn't precisely for me, but I've certainly visited the neighborhood. I've also chosen to be with an opinionated wife who prefers chastity and depression to any form of sexual aggression. To the degree I'm able, I try to own my participation in this dynamic. One moment of clarity I had several years ago happened while watching a Female Domination video. The realization was that I was the customer of the video rather than the victim of the Dom. Not only was I choosing to be degraded, I was paying to experience it (vicariously through the video).

Regards,
Nora

[Krisi]

Krisi, it matters not if you believe it or not. As for "no one can force anyone to do anything in a civilized country." That's pure baloney! Are you not forced to have a license to drive? Can't get a job unless you has a ssn number. We are forced to pay taxes we don't want to. Is it not a violation of our constitutional rights to hunt and fish without a paid license? .................

You are seriously misunderstanding my post. Perhaps on purpose, perhaps not. Your comment sounds more like a political rant than anything else.

[gerri ray]

Sorry to disappoint you Krisi, but I don't do political rants. I don't care about politics to even pay attention what is going on in that area.

[Sarasometimes]

Gerri ray,
You mention in this thread being hesitant to go out dressed but in previous posts you mention that your doctor knows and you go to her dressed without a wig and in other posts you mention having great relationships with SA's at Victoria Secret, what has changed? Many of your posts don't fit together for me, Good luck.

[Krisi]

Sorry to disappoint you Krisi, but I don't do political rants. I don't care about politics to even pay attention what is going on in that area.

I am not "disappointed" because what you believe does not affect me. You are comparing forced feminization to being forced to buy a hunting and fishing license and that's not the topic here. It's not crossdressing related either.

[Tracii G]

Being told what to do and when to do it reminds me of serving a prison sentence.
I get that you agreed to it but don't complain when it doesn't work the way you think it should.
The whole humiliation thing is disgusting to me but if it gets you off then OK.

[gerri ray]

Sarasometimes, look at the dates of the posts. I joined around 2010-2011. I was new and enthusiastic but came to a sudden halt due to personal issues. I was gone from here for a few years and suppressed my dressing for those years. I've only recently starting to come around again. I'm way more scared now then I was back then.
I was single then and now I'm married plus now it's turned into a female led relationship.
It's a whole different experience the second time around. I hope this helps your question.

Yesterday and the day before my wife had me dress way more fem than I'm comfortable with and I felt like hiding, but with her guidance and sternness, she had me go out in public to multiple places for around 8 hours each day. Was it easy? Heck no! But I did as she said. She told me how proud of me she is for getting out.

- - - Updated - - -

Krisi, Fishing is crossdressing related. I cast with a breast cancer awareness pink fishing pole. Until I get the nerve to dress fem while fishing, the pink pole is my way of sneaking it in there 😃

[sometimes_miss]

This does not sound like forced feminization. That term implies doing something against one's will with the purpose of humiliation.
Yeah, but it's the fantasy of having someone else tell us to do it, that makes it all better. Most of us harbor feelings to some degree of shame for dressing up, even for just having the desire to dress up. Being able for a brief time to feel like it's her idea and that we bear no responsibility for it, is what makes it feel good. I have no SO; but have hired a few 'professional' ladies to indulge me in this type of experience. Each was informed beforehand of what I wanted done, and was more than happy to indulge my fantasy. The forced feminization fantasy is very, very common, according to the women who've accommodated me with this.


I too, have a problem with the word "Forced". How could I be forced to do something I love doing?
Oh, that's easy. They just make it happen at an inconvenient time. Say, she wakes you up at 5 a.m. on a day where you've got tickets to a football game, and insists that you call your friends and cancel, and instead clean the floors with a scrub brush on your hands and knees. Or how about being told to call in sick to work, so you can stay home and wash and pamper her while you're dressed up as a cute maid? While being subservient and crossdressed is enjoyable, being told to do it when you have other important things to do could get annoying.

[Sarasometimes]

gerri ray, So yesterday you spent 8 hours out in public dressed way more fem...Your reply still doesn't make sense to me and too many missing pieces to hold my interest, I'll move on to other threads.

[Helen_Highwater]

She expressed to me tonight that her end goal is to see me fully comfortable going out dressed however I want without worrying about what others might think. She realizes that it needs to happen in steps and not all at once, but she is also in control.

So Gerri Ray, can I ask, what's your goal. You write " fully comfortable going out dressed". Do you go out dressed feeling self conscious or are you a stay at home gurl? Plus why does your SO want you to be comfortable going out? So you can go out together, shopping, eating out. Are these thing you want to do and if so, what's been the biggest roadblocks to your journey?

Also I can see that your SO knows you want these things and it's simple she's just being as supportive as she can be. That's what you call a keeper. Lavish attention on her at every opportunity.

[Jean. Ann]

Forced fem seems to be a fairly comon
fantasy. and as long as you both enjoy it
I see no harm in it . It can perhaps relieving
the Crossdresser of some guilt feelings .
Most at times use a little shove along our path .

JAS

[gerri ray]

So Gerri Ray, can I ask, what's your goal. You write " fully comfortable going out dressed". Do you go out dressed feeling self conscious or are you a stay at home gurl? Plus why does your SO want you to be comfortable going out? So you can go out together, shopping, eating out. Are these thing you want to do and if so, what's been the biggest roadblocks to your journey?

Also I can see that your SO knows you want these things and it's simple she's just being as supportive as she can be. That's what you call a keeper. Lavish attention on her at every opportunity.

I'm an outdoors kind of person. There are times though I like to stay in. My end goal is to get the confidence I need to wear whatever I want without feeling self conscious. I still try to hide my painted nails more often than not and worry what others think.
My wife is doing this so I can achieve this goal. She is essentially pulling me out of my comfort zone and having me face my fears. She wants me to be happy.

[Lea]

My wife has never forced me and I do not want to be forced.

What she has done is gently nudge me. We have gone out on Halloween and she told me that I was going to get out on the dance floor She knew I wanted to so she just helps me achieve what I want.

[NicoleScott]

Yes, Lea, but Nudged Feminization just doesn't have the same ring to it.

[suit]

what do you call it when you just really want to have the personal time with her dressing up in all her fancy undies ?