Actually, it's scary

[Candy Cox]

I've been gone for a few years from this forum. I was asked why I left. As I re-established my profile, I began thinking. I got a knot in my stomach this weekend.

I've gone off and had some wonderful adventures in dressing in public. Basically coerced a friend into a dalliance he was uncomfortable with, for my benefit I guess. I Came out to my wife and got slammed, totally.

I understand this community is very helpful. I am great full of that. You all are the the best, I say in advance.

I am writing vague paragraphs. But I felt like crying all day. I have read that gender dysphoria is a real thing. I do wish I could go trans, but the cost is big. I'm 60 this year, just for perspective. I envy the younger girls.
Candy

[Tracy Irving]

Can't wait to hear about some of your wonderful adventures.

There is lots of support here as well as shoulders to cry on.

Welcome back.

[Rachael Leigh]

Candy I really understand, this part of us is so difficult and it has so many pitfalls, it really makes me not understand those
think this is somehow a choice, why would anyone choose to be transgender with all we must deal with
Hang in there
Blessings Rachael Leigh

[Candy Cox]

Okay I'm back.

So every once in a while I take an overnight trip. It's a couple hours one way. You guessed it- I totally crossdress for four hours.

Problem is, I look like the classic guy in a dres. I don't have much practice at makeup, I'm 6'1" and I do love high heels.

When I walk through the mall , all the guys snicker, but I love being Candy in public. I buy new outfits, heels, skirts, tops. I just wish I could do this everyday.

If I didn't care what my family thought, I'd trans tomorrow. Do I get a witness?! Anyone know what that means?

Candy is back

[docrobbysherry]

Candy, we all have to make choices every single day. Some r easy, some r difficult. If u r not living your life the way u want, u can change it!
I suggest the first step would be to discuss your situation with a qualified, experienced therapist. Maybe your SO would willing to attend if your therapist thot it would be useful?

I didn't even think about wearing women's things until I was over 50. Since I came out of the closet here 10 years ago, Sherry and my T friends have become a mainstay in my life! U can do it, too!:thumbsup:

[Candy Cox]

Omg. A few very supportive responses so quickly. She's asleep right now, I'm posting. Thanks you so very much. My coping mechanism tends to be sipping Stolli and smoking a few each day in secret. I understand what's going on in my mind, I'm educated et al. (Can I strive for some Latin ?!).

- - - Updated - - -

We went to counseling, but immediately she said NO

The therapist took a breath and went on. The therapist has a trans mtf child, but legally could not force her true feelings. I was done for.

I'm only sorry I purged out of panic. I so miss my outfits.

I totally appreciate your support. I guess I should stay connected.
Candy.

- - - Updated - - -

Thanks so much, perhaps I've missed too much by not staying connected. You are the best!

[Tracii G]

Glad you are back Candy.
We all mess from time to time so its part of life.

[suzy1]

I have just come back myself Candy.
I am no psychiatrist but I feel having others like us to interact with even if its just online helps. I have no idea were you are in the wide spectrum that is crossddressing but for me Suzy is real and interacting with other ‘girls like us’ is important to my well being.

Welcome back Candy and a hug from Suzy.

[Tracii G]

I will be 65 next month and age really is a big deal with me. I dress as a mix of both male/female 95% of the time and do go out 100% in girl mode a lot.
I don't do the guy in a dress thing if I wear a dress its full on girl mode.
Getting out and being seen is something I believe in strongly.
Get out and represent your trans ness.

[Helen_Highwater]

Candy,

Good to have you back.

Age shouldn't be a barrier, ok a bit of an uphill walk but not a barrier. I'm older than you by 3 years and I now consider that I'm dressing and presenting better than I've ever done before.

Perhaps it's time for you to re-assess your dressing strategy. I too love heels but I now know there's a time and a place for them. Out around the mall or supermarket isn't the time to wear heels. I reluctantly took to wearing flat heel boots or very low 3/4" heels in those situations as part of my strategy to blend and I have to say I feel it worked.

I get a huge sense of calm and well being when out dressed to blend and mingling fairly much un-noticed. If I go to a group meeting or other social events then the heels come out and hit the pavement. The rest of the time, restraint. Other times by reigning it in so to speak I get to express myself in public and get immense enjoyment and satisfaction in the process.

Just my thoughts............

[Richelle]

Like Helen and Tracii I am older than you and just started transitioning a couple years age. Except when going to see customers I live and dress as a any other 60+ women. So it is not to late.

Get out and be yourself

Richelle

[Jean 103]

I understand and have been there. I'm 61, live as a transgender person. I'm 5-11 and wear heels all the time. When I have brought up transitioning my best friend says why, you are just fine living as you do now, and she is right.

[Teresa]

Hi Candy,
There's no escaping the fact that GD is real, and I've found AGP is to me as well. Ok I now go with that but it's the day to day living with it that's the problem. I've been out for about eighteen months, I thought it was too late at 66 but does it really matter, I'm finally enjoying my dressing so where's the harm ?

[Sarah Doepner]

Welcome back Candy.

I'm another over 6 foot tall member of this group, and I'm closer to 70 than I am to 60 these days. I've been trying to see how far across the gender line I need to go to be content but let other things in life interfere with my efforts. Most of my family know, but with varying degrees of willingness to accept, i.e., it's okay for them to know, but not their kids or their spouse, that sort of thing. I have yet to share this with my oldest and dearest friends, again out of fear they wouldn't accept me.

So I understand the struggle of feeling like there is more out there and not being able to grasp it. I try to stay away from using drinking or drugs as a substitute for getting my girl on, there just seems to be more negative there than positive in the long run. That doesn't mean I don't have an adult beverage or two on a regular basis, I just try not to conflate it with my gender dysphoria. The prescription for that is a much different one and in part, includes having a support group either in person or here on line.

Hang in there.

[Nikki A.]

Candy welcome back. I'm in my 60s and just under 6 ft also and there is a freedom now that the kids are on their own. I have more time spent as Nikki than ever before and have been accepted where ever I have gone. As others have said, I also believe as we age it gets easier to blend and kinda pass.

[kimdl93]

I take it that your wife was...less than entirely receptive to your dressing. Presumably, that hasn't changed, right? I would advise caution and communication, and particularly advise against regrettable experiments with others...that may come back to haunt you in ways you don't want to imagine. Good Luck

[TrishaLake]

happy you are back! 60 is nothing, you can find peace just keep looking!

[Dana44]

Welcome back Candy. Yeah we get older every year, the younger girls are far better for transitioning.

[Vintage4sarah]

Good morning Candy,

I empathize with your plight as being in the 60s myself, I am in constant conflict with my own GD. In actuality I have needed to reconcile my desires to the real world that I am in especially to my wife. Life is a constant compromise that can be quite a balancing act. If I was younger and not committed to my family, I would surely be answering this forum differently.

Since we might be neighbors here in NH, I would be ready to sit down with you and talk about our status. I have found that my Tgirl friends have been an outlet for me as well as some sage advise.

[Kate Simmons]

Your friendship is the important thing to us Candy. never forget that Hon. :hugs::)

[ClosetED]

Welcome back Candy - this site is one of the best to get support and opinions on your concerns. I am 57 and 6'2" - but I did put in the effort to learn makeup and get a good wig and take a look at my profile or other pictures. I understand the desire to present 24/7 as a woman - that does not mean you need to have genital surgery. One definition of transgender is just that you like to appear as a female or feel like one. That is different from transsexual. So I am not sure which "trans" you wish to be. If you wonder can you not look like a "man in a dress", then try a local transformation service. If you want, this site can provide some local to NH.
We are here to help you feel comfortable with who you actually are, but some need time to find themselves.
Hugs, Ellen

[Candy Cox]

I do appreciate all the support of you and the gurls here.

[Becky Blue]

Welcome back candy, this is a wonderful community here as you know and you will find others on a similar path to yourself. Good luck with your journey and remember you are only as old as the woman you feel!

[mechamoose]

With all due respect, get over it.

Sorry to sound like such a bitch, but please hear me out.

So, your partner is so hacked off at your attempts at feeling 'normal' and you are all twitterpated. How dare you? ...grrrr

But you had to be *you*, didn't you? You are so bad for being who you are.

Yes. will be damage. Others will suffer because of you, you selfish jerk.

How dare you think of yourself. How dare you protect yourself. How dare you challenge stuffed up people with no idea how THEY fit, and then take it out on you.

Jeez, you are such a selfish B&%$#T

(Can I borrow those shoes?)

*kiss*

- MM