A coward and a hyppocrit. Sorry

[suzanne]

Here is sit, dressed and ready to go out, in a short white skirt, black and white top, pink cardi and red suede wedges. But I'm frozen. There's two landscaper guys sitting on the curb beside my car, eating lunch. For all my big bold talk about getting out there and owning it, I feel like an idiot sitting inside waiting for them to finish up and move on.

Why? Out of respect for my wife. She does not want me seen dressed in public, she tells me she dreads the "uncomfortable conversations" she might have to deal with. She likes most of the outfits I put together, but this is where her line in the sand is. Of course, I can't comply 100%. I have to get out sometimes, like today. My compromise is to be discreet by not being seen in that first 30 feet.

I dunno. It's an imperfect scene, in an imperfect world, played out by an imperfect crossdressser. But I think I need to show the hiccups as well as the successes.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Suzanne,
You're doing exactly what you need to do.
Your wife would be happy to know you're not
stepping over that line.

How long could that lunch break be anyway.
Those guys will move eventually. When they do...
go out and have a great day!
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Lana Mae]

Like Kristyn said they will move on eventually! Be patient and have a great day! Hugs Lana Mae

[Tracii G]

Honorable line of thinking just wait

[ginapoodle]

All is well. You are wise, you are strong.

[NicoleScott]

Neither a coward nor a hypocrite. You're not afraid to go out. You're just respecting Accepting Wives Rule #1: don't embarrass me.

[Pat]

The first step in self-acceptance is self-forgiveness. You have come up against a limit -- forgive yourself for it. You don't have to prove anything to anyone -- this is about you, not about anyone else. But it might be good to examine your reasons so you can figure out how you're going to move forward (or if you're going to move forward.) I can't tell you what your own internal feelings are, but I'd be careful about laying it at the feet of your wife. Are you really sure you'd be out there if it wasn't for her?

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Had you thought of inviting them in and asking for their thoughts on various combinations of colours and fabrics?

[Tracy Irving]

Landscapers? They are hard workers and definitely very hungry. So, they probably won't even notice you walking to your car.

[Alice B]

Having a wife that allows you to dress and go out makes her special. Respecting her limits is the only way to go. Good for you.

[Nikki A.]

Nothing wrong with what you're doing. You are respecting the limits that you and your wife set

[Sheila11]

Short white skirt and red suede wedges will catch any guys attention, no matter how hungry.
Maybe a maxi skirt, flip flops, and sunglasses until you drive off. Then change in the car.

[suzanne]

Thanks to everyone who replied. I am very self assured about who I am and how I look to the world, (guy in a dress) and if my wife were more comfortable with my look in public, there would be no stopping me. But I am proud of how far she has come from where we began (which was "I'd rather have seen you dead than in a dress"), and I owe her a lot of respect, including that boundary, which may move further in time.

[Tina_gm]

I'd go with just being respectful to your wife. There WILL be times if you were to be seen in your local area where tour wife will encounter awkward or uncomfortable situations. As you said, an imperfect world, and you are correct.

As I so often notice though, your thoughts of yourself are being driven from what I feel is the push. Pushing each other, ourselves.... as is you do go out, and your wife is now accepting of your dressing. You've already achieved more than most. Why the push so hard over something minor in the big picture and you are respectful to your wife for mot forcing her into awkward and uncomfortable situations. There is nothing wrong in respecting her one big wish when you've already gotten so many.

[Dana44]

A good pair of sunglasses are really nice. They hide your eyes and people won't be able to ID you.

[Becky Blue]

You are definitely doing the right thing Suzanne, always err on the side of caution.

[Persephone]

"Of course, I can't comply 100%. I have to get out sometimes, like today. My compromise is to be discreet by not being seen in that first 30 feet."

Hmmm..... That doesn't sound at all like complying with the agreement you have with your wife. Are you prepared for the consequences when you get found out?

I fully understand your desires and I know what the pink fog feels like, but it does sound like you'd better reach a new agreement with your wife before her best friend sees you someplace.

[Barbara Black]

I agree also, respecting your wife is more important than showing your bravety. (is that a word?)

[Fiona123]

I don't see any cowardice or hypocrisy. You are struggling to come out and respect your spouse's feelings at the same time. Very difficult, sure, but also honorable.

[Laura912]

An interesting question, particularly when viewed against the earlier thread of you being out often and interacting with SA's and GG's. You deserve applause for not being seen near where you live. But what will happen when someone spots you out and your wife finds out? Will you lose all the ground you have gained?

[NancySue]

I agree with all posted threads, especially those noting the importance of r-e-s-p-e-c-t. Remember the old truism "Happy wife, Happy life". It works for me. Discovery in our small, conservative town would not be good for either of us...socially and economically. While not my #1, dressing underneath is my answer. Patience, patience, patience. Reminds me of another...Everything comes to he who waits. Yes, it's challenging, especially when the PF rolls in. Stay the course.

[Krisi]

A good pair of sunglasses are really nice. They hide your eyes and people won't be able to ID you.

That's mostly true but if she is seen by any neighbors who know her and her wife, this is going to arouse suspicion. In their minds, either she is a crossdresser or having an affair.

Suzanne, I understand that your wife doesn't want you to be seen in public. I am in the same situation. Unless your car is kept in a garage and you have heavy tinting on the windows, getting out of the house without being seen by neighbors is pretty unlikely. You never know who may be looking out the window or walking by. Getting back into the house is worse. Suppose you're driving home and the neighbors are standing in front of your house talking to each other? Driving on by will arouse suspicion.

So what I do is, underdress, take my stuff with me, drive to a secluded spot and change. Coming home, I do the same but change back. It's a royal PITA but it works and there's no chance of anyone seeing me dressed as a woman leaving or entering my house.

BTW: One would hope that dressed as a woman, you wouldn't be recognized by anyone you or your wife knows. If that's not the case, you need to work on your presentation.

[ClosetED]

The one time I left home dressed, it was at night, I got in the car while in the closed garage, and then drove out of my private neighborhood which has only 10 other homes occupied. My wife was concerned someone would see my car, see a blonde driving it (no lights on inside car), not think it her (since she is blonde), and realize it must be me and not some family member. I felt I was not putting her at risk but she did not. I did post a picture of me in the car - I don't think I would be recognized. But that is not cowardliness to hold back due to her wishes.
Hugs, Ellen

[karenph]

Suzanne - just curious, how long did you have to wait until you were able to leave your car?