Who knows?

[CarlaWestin]

I know that some of y'all are just totally out. And, that is certainly where I want to be someday. As I approach retirement, I've been less concerned about who knows about my gender play but, it's still not for common knowledge.
The list is like this:
-All of you
-About four of y'all know the male me
-Wife
-No family members except daughter
-Ex wife and whoever she blabbed it to
-One ex girlfriend and two divorce attorneys (and whoever they blabbed to)
-Possibly a neighbor or two
-One trusted friend at work
-Two psychotherapists
-One local makeup artist
-Half a dozen online friends

I have a BFF who's head would spin right off if he knew. But, I'm sure he'd glue it back on.

[Stacy Darling]

There comes a time babe when it no longer matters!

The World needs beautiful people such as you!

Who Knows? Who Cares!

Stacy!

[Jean 103]

Im one of those that are totally out. Just a little curious, how do see your self living when you are completely out. Would you dress all the time, part of the time, or mixed, like a GG, comfy close clothes most of the time, dressing up just to go out.

[Fiona123]

I am not out. My list consists of my spouse (not very accepting) and a handful of therapists.

[Traci H]

I'm approaching retirement as well Carla and I care less and less every day about who knows. My wife on the other hand finds the whole thing quite embarrassing i.e. Like what woman would stay with a guy like that. So I reign it all in for her sake. The only others that know are 2 or 3 therapists I have seen over the years.

[Nikki A.]

Now that my kids are grown, and I also see retirement in a few years, I've also become more open.
Who Knows:
The church I attend
A couple of coworkers (and families)
Some friends
My accountant
No family yet (wife knew and I think my kids may suspect)
and the circle keeps growing

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I am not out. My list consists of my spouse (not very accepting) and a handful of therapists.

And several thousand of us, don't forget.

******
That's actually a lot of people Carla, given that the unknowns could easily equal the knowns.

One compensation of growing older is that for many - though not all - it means starting to care a bit less what other people think of us.

[kimdl93]

A list similar to yours, including two x's, two therapists, various family and friends and a few business associates.

[Dana44]

I am semi retired and the list grows. I let my hair grow and have earrings and am pretty girly and feminine and no problems even in male workout clothes.

[Teresa]

Carla,
I can't believe how quickly my list has broadened in the last 18 months, going out socially was the big turning point, not only meeting other CDers and their partners and so many of the public especially now that our hotel is bigger and busier . Half my painting class know, many SAs know and they are too many to mention. Obviously my GP knows because of my counselling referrals . Naturally my wife and children now know as do their married partners.

My World is about to expand even more when my house is sold and I move into my new home without my wife. So far it's proving to be an agreeable time leading up to our separation , my wife also has her new home chosen the children appear to be OK about it .

My BFF is OK about my CDing in fact he's already asked if he can call in on me knowing I intend to dress most of the time .

Teresa didn't exist until I joined this forum, in a few months she will be the major part of my life .

[Brenda456]

Glue will fix most everything!

[Tracii G]

I'm all for the more beautiful people in the world concept and so what, who cares be you and have no regrets.

[Lana Mae]

My son and daughter and my sister in law have all seen pictures! My daughter has actually seen me dressed by accident! The wonderful ladies at my transformation and the ladies at the MAC counter! That is all that know for sure! Many have seen my finger nails polished! Not sure about all of those! Those at work are probably wondering but are not sure! My BFF in PA has no idea but need to tell him before he drives all the way down here! Otherwise I just live my life nail polish and all! Hugs Lana Mae

[RADER]

My ex wife knew, that is why we split up. I am not sure if my son or daughter ever knew,
the judge said that the reasons why where to be kept a secrete.
My new wife knew, and was OK with it; My step daughter and step son does not know;
and I do not want them to know; unsure how they would take it.
So it is just all my fellow friends here, and 2 or 3 that I have meet at a meat and greet
some time ago.
SO I am still in my closet all alone, and that's OK
HUGS
Rader

[Sarah Doepner]

It's probably time for me to do a list since I haven't even thought about how far this has gone in a while.
This is a list of everyone who has seen me in both modes.

My late wife.
my daughter and one of my 3 sons. The other two have seen photos
my sister-in-law
my middle son's best friend
a great-nephew
About 200 others who have gone to DLV when I've been there
The 30 or 40 members who have been in my local support group over the years
my counselor
the director of a museum in las vegas
a former co-worker who came out to me as lesbian and now works at the local Pride Center
the women who work at my favorite local wig shop, about 6 in total
anyone who has gone through any of the last 3 Crossdressers.com photo thread that compares our male and female photos
several people on the staff of a hotel I stay at
several members of the now disbanded Las Vegas Tri-Ess chapter and their spouses

Who knows in addition to that group?
The spouses of my children
at least 1 of their ex-spouses and probably her brother
at least 1 nephew and his wife, possibly one or two other nieces but I haven't asked
probably 4-8 of my 16 grandkids, but I haven't checked to find out. I'm not outting myself to them intentionally for the time being, but at least one of the older girls knows my name but has never mentioned anything to me. Maybe some of their friends, now that I think of it.
people who know and may have shared this part of my life with others but without letting me know.
Maybe a neighbor or two, I don't know and really don't care.

So lots of people it seems. The list of who doesn't know is a little more telling and more important in some ways. Once some of these people know I'll have little to hold me back from dressing whenever I want without fear of letting the little secret slip out and upset the status quo, complete with it's associated anxiety.

My oldest friends who know I love going to Las Vegas but don't know why. These folks and their spouses will be told eventually, but when is the question.
My brother-in-law who is very aggressively anti-LGBTQ and can be violent, but thinks that I'm family and a dependable guy. (There will be some serious cognitive dissonance if/when he finds out.)
The rest of the relatives, all aunts/uncles/cousins and my late brother's family. Some of them would great me with a hug and others would probably just as soon run me off the road.
I spent a career as a civilian working as planner/researcher in law enforcement, only the one co-worker mentioned above knows. I'm not excited about sharing this with them but I there is a F2M former officer who gets a lot of moral support from the gang on facebook. They may just shrug their shoulders and chuckle to themselves noting they've seen it all anyway.

[DanielleDubois]

It's a short list for Danielle:
My wife has seen Danielle in person
Our 2 dogs (both gone now) and our current cat. They all seemed to be very accepting and non judgemental :)
No other family members know or suspect
All of the members on the forum
A couple of close friends from this forum who Danielle has confided a lot to through email

[Sometimes Steffi]

Carla

My list is very similar to yours:

-All of you
-Wife, but no other family (or extended family) members
-No family members except daughter
-Ex wife and whoever she blabbed it to
-Four psychotherapists
-About half a dozen doctors have seen me a little femme (usually just nail polish)
-A bunch of GGs at my yoga class have seen me a little femme
-A few yoga students who still remember my "Hooter Girl" costume that I wore to yoga class one Halloween
-A few local makeup artists
-A few makeup artists doing transformations
-Half a dozen online friends
-Over a hundred in my local meetup group
-Several hundred who have seen me at the Keystone Conference
-An uncountable number of people who have seen me out and about
-Many SAs
-Dozens of sellers on eBay must know or suspect
-Who knows how many others

[alwayshave]

Who knows:

At some level my mother knows having caught me many times as a youth
my fiancee
all the members of this group
member of my meet up group
various unknown individuals at trans friendly bars
Uber drivers

[Jaylyn]

Let me see I am retired and continue to pull it off unbeknown to the masses.
1. Wife has helped me dress and "Was" very open to it. She has recently made comments that she thought I had done enough dressing.
2. I used to show my face on here but have stopped because of being scared of the pictures getting out.
3. A friend Tommie from on here, Dana44 from on here know and sometimes message from here. Also I have visited a friend on here Dana 459 on the phone who lives way out east. Another friend on here Nicole Scott whom we share same tastes in a lot of dressing desires. One that is not on here any more from Scotland knows and we have even shared pictures and face time together. More about all my relatives from Scotland and come to find out our old clans used to fight each other, but ever so often we stay in touch.
I don't think any one else except my mom who died a few yeas back might have had a hint or two as I was growing up.
I'm old, retired but still in shape and will probably take my secret to the grave more than likely.
4. No one else I guess even knows that Jaylyn exists

[Patrica Gil]

As getting closer to being retirement age my thoughts were of just being me. Done was the responsibility of raising my family. Wife left for other reasons so now was a good time. Out shopping one salesgirl said it was time to do me. What others think is doesn't matter. Legs are soft, smooth, and most days yes I am wearing pantyhose. Underarms are shaved regularly, and working on body hair. My hair is past my shoulders and sometimes even curled. Usually I wear scrunches and have it in a ponytail. Most people don't even pay attention to me. Women are attracted to me even this way. My love is fine with my more feminine side and mostly prefers it. My children know and don't care, they love me. My love enjoys the sound of my heels in the kitchen in the morning while she reads the paper, and drinks coffee in bed. She knows breakfast is being made and her girl is in the kitchen. You are the same person in a dress, hose, and heels so why should it matter.

[Hidey]

Besides the people on this forum No one. My wife may have thoughts due to my choice of tops. Oh and I'm retired

[JamieG]

I still have a ways to go before I retire, and I have no idea to what extent this list will grow before then. Let's start with people who know both of my identities (although they may have only met me in one mode or the other):

- my wife
- my sister-in-law (who my wife confided in)
- six people from the LGBT organization at work (some of whom no longer work there)
- three local trans friends and their significant others
- a few other trans friends connected to that group
- another trans friend and her spouse
- a member of this forum who I first met in male mode
- a handful of friends I have made online as Jamie but after a prolonged friendship felt secure enough to reveal information about the male me.
- the owner of a local vintage clothing shop
- the desk clerk at a hotel in Boston where I had to get my key re-magnetized after leaving the room in drag

People that have seen male me in drag include:
- about 40 people who attended one of two Halloween parties in which I dressed in drag
- about 1000 people (over the course of 9 nights) who came to see a show in which I played a drag queen
- hundreds of people who saw one of my performances at a charity drag show
- any Facebook friends who saw a pic from one of these events
- both of my daughters (who have seen me prepping for some of these events, and pictures from them)

Note the list above does not include people who have simply seen me out and about Jamie. It is meant to be people who either know my male identity or could easily find it out (by looking at the playbill). Between Keystone and outings in a number of different cities, we would probably have to add a 1000 more who have seen me.

[jennifer0918]

My friend of 10 years knows,she is transgender and she told 2 other transwoman, that I know of. C'mon we know glue sometimes works ,but don't forget about duct tape,it will fix anything.

[Leslie Langford]

Carla,
I can't believe how quickly my list has broadened in the last 18 months, going out socially was the big turning point, not only meeting other CDers and their partners and so many of the public especially now that our hotel is bigger and busier . Half my painting class know, many SAs know and they are too many to mention. Obviously my GP knows because of my counselling referrals . Naturally my wife and children now know as do their married partners.

My World is about to expand even more when my house is sold and I move into my new home without my wife. So far it's proving to be an agreeable time leading up to our separation , my wife also has her new home chosen the children appear to be OK about it .

My BFF is OK about my CDing in fact he's already asked if he can call in on me knowing I intend to dress most of the time .

Teresa didn't exist until I joined this forum, in a few months she will be the major part of my life .

Teresa, having followed your posts for some time now (and you evidently mine as well ;)), it is painfully obvious that your situation vis-a-vis your wife is very similar to mine, and we have faced many of the same trials and tribulations in the course of our long and often challenging marriages. Sadly, it is becoming more and more clear to me that perhaps the solution that you have chosen to end your conundrum is in my not-too-distant future as well, because when the irresistible force meets the immovable object...well, at one point or another there is simply no other option short of going stark raving mad.

But I have to ask: How much of your decision to finally part ways with your wife was predicated on having met so many accepting GG's in the course of your being out-and-about, and, more specifically...the accepting (and even supportive) wives and SO's of others like us when participating in the CD-related social events that have now become such a large part of your life? Surely that must have been exceedingly hard to process and accept when compared to your own situation.

I fully understand that a whole different dynamic exists between a married CDer and his wife as opposed to interacting with an unrelated GG who might otherwise be accepting of said CDer (SA's, make up artists, facebook friends etc.) because they have no real stake in the matter, but who at the same time might still default to NIMBYism ("Not In My Back Yard") if the issue hit closer to home. Still, it rankles me that I have met and interacted with so many seemingly supportive GG's in the course of my periodic forays out in public as "Leslie" over the last 10 years or so, only to come back home after my outings to then hit the DADT brick wall yet again.

Did that type of frustration help to send you over the edge (so to speak - LOL!) in due course as well?

[docrobbysherry]

Sherry:
Thousands of T's that don't know my real name, any of my family or old friends, or where I live.

My 2 daughters and ex.

An old girlfriend who had been close to me for over 30 years. No contact since I told her 5+ years ago.:sad:

[Athena_]

Well I thought I was only know about by my wife, and maybe my mom and sisters, but I forgot about all of you!

[Teresa]

Leslie,
I explained the situation in a thread in Love Ones section, " Finally had the conversation".

I guess the bottom line is we have drifted apart after 43 years we have different ideas for our future lives , I have made good friends in so many areas but can't enjoy their company while I live with my wife , she wishes to devote all her time and energy to the children and grandchildren , I'm not turning my back on them but living with her means saturating ourselves in them . I warned her to be careful of being too close and maybe being hurt.
We are parting on good terms , we may still take holidays together , and visit each other for meals. I do feel she is still trying to retain control over me, I guess she still can't imagine me living my life any different to the man she married.

To answer your question, about other GGs supporting their partners , the stories area a mixed bag, the ones that suffer most are the TSs ,they appear to have lost the most personally. I have mixed feeling about supporting partners, possibly because I've had to be independent and do it all for myself, I know I'm not alone in this but I don't want to be lead by the hand and be treated like a child, which is the impression I get from some members with supportive GGs. The one thing I love about the GGs at the meetings is they really give you confidence about your clothes and makeup because they understand how difficult it is for a man to transform from male to female .

Maybe if I was totally honest I would like a loving relationship with a woman after so many years of no intimate contact, I still feel I could love someone and would love to have the feeling again of being loved back .

I'm not sure if that's the answer you expected , or it helps you in someway .

[Taylor186]

To make my "out to" list you need to know both sides of me, not just the crossdressing side.

With that in mind, my confirmed list includes:
My wife
Two therapists
Our minister, who is L and very LGBT supportive
Two crossdressers from a support group I attended some years ago
One ex (from 25 years ago)
Three cats


That said, my wife on more that one occasion has said that more people know than I think know.

[Nic J]

Hi everyone,
I am only out to my wife (a few months ago) & all of you kind people here. :)
The consequences of my family or in-laws finding out would be very bad, so i am cautious. I guess there is a very small chance that someone might be able to identify/locate me from my activity here, but this forum is so helpful that's a risk i am happy to take.

[suzy1]

Hi everyone,
this forum is so helpful that's a risk i am happy to take.

I think you are very safe here Nic. I have very good reasons not to come out to anybody so this site is important to girls like us.

[Rachelish]

One of our cats, and he's pretty cool with it :)

[kayegirl]

I'm with the first reply ton the question, Stacy said Who knows Who cares?
Out to all those that matter, and a whole load of other people that don't really matter to me. I'm effectively fully retired, working once or twice a month and then only for a couple of hours at a time. The nature of the work, (funerals) means full male clothing for those occasions. Otherwise it's a mix of mainly femme clothing with comfort the number one consideration, and full dressing for special occasions.

[AllieSF]

Everyone that matters, family, friends, neighbors, coffee mates and coffee shop staff, this site and everyone else that I have interacted with as Allie, and that numbers in the thousands! I haven't lost anyone yet, but my son and daughter are still coming to terms with it all after a year.

Coming out to me can be multiple steps or one big reveal. For those who knew me before it has been verbal only except for my granddaughter, ex-wife, and a limited few others who have met and gone out with Allie. A few have seen a couple of pictures. The final coming out for me is when they see and interact with me when dressed as myself.

[Leslie Langford]

Thank you for the heartfelt and forthright response, Teresa!

The more I read here of your life experiences and your journey to get to where you are today, the more I can relate to both of those - as well as you personally. The many resemblances between your life history and mine border on the uncanny, and it is almost as if we had been separated at birth despite there being an ocean between us now - LOL!

Your latest comments about your wife being so family-centric struck a particular chord with me as well, as that has been my own experience and one which has also created something of a barrier between my wife and myself along with her aversion to my crossdressing.

Although my wife professes to love me deeply despite it all, I have always had the nagging feeling that when it came to priorities and an emotional connection between the two of us - blood being thicker than water and all that - the ranking in my case is (1) Children, (2) Grandchildren, (3) Her family (4) Herself, and me...a distant (5) somewhere down the line. Luckily, I am not a needy person so I can live with that, but on some level the realization of just where I fit in within the cosmic scheme of things does hurt just a bit, and that has certainly been a major barrier towards the intimacy that she claims she often misses between us.

I try not to fault my wife too much for this since she had a difficult childhood growing up that included an alcoholic father, an unstable home life, and financial challenges throughout. As a result, familial cohesion was always an important driver for her. But those life experiences also turned her into a controlling person as her way of trying to keep everything together and her world in an orderly and predictable state, so discovering that she had married a "weirdo" crossdresser was not part of the Master Plan.

So here we are...

[Teresa]

Leslie,
It is uncanny, how we do relate to our situations, especially your last paragraph, my wife also had a father who drank heavily, and did disrupt the home life, but he still worked hard on his farm so finances weren't so much of a problem but my wife is maybe a chip off the old block and does manage money well, it also follows that she is very controlling through keeping it all in order.

Going back to the pecking order again you summed it up very well, the man/husband/father just provides but doesn't have needs, so he's happy at the bottom of the heap !

Instead of continuing with this conversation maybe I should hop on a plane and share our stories over a couple of beers !!

[LeannS]

oh my wife know but doesn't like it
and my 3 cats and they show love all the time

[sometimes_miss]

Who knows: Well, my sister. A couple of friends that I've not seen in over ten years. A few people on this forum know who I really am. My lawyer. My therapists, but neither is still practicing. That's it. I'll probably die and be buried in a closet some day.

[Lexi_83]

Had this experiment when a bitter ex gf outed me to our social circle.

There were two couples who were disapproving, a few that offered words of encouragement, and the rest really didn't care that much.

But this can be a distraction at the workplace, and I changed jobs once because of that, so I keep it separate at work. Told HR where I work but don't think that's any protection.

[Laurenlovecd]

I'm not sure I want to make I list. I live in a small town and I've been here my entire life. I have been dressing for about ten years now.

1. Wife
2. One of my students, who is Transgender, she was so surprised!!
3, My Hairstylist, who also sells me my wigs, and styles my wigs frequently.
4. The two women at the Laser Clinic, and one of them has also given me makeup lessons
5. Thousands of friends on Facebook, Flickr, Instgram. Only about four of them are local
6. A really good friend whom I trust, he is gay, and easy to talk to.
7. A guy who puts on our local drag show, I am friends with him on Facebook, and talk to him at the gym. He is active in the LGBTQ community, and I hope is respectful of my privacy.

So there is my list, growing by the year. I just wish I had more CD friends locally that I could be friends with so I had someone to talk with and share ideas. My wife is okay with me dressing, but she doesn't seem to enjoy talking about it too much.

[Lacey New]

Who knows? Only the Shadow knows! And my friends online here and a few retail stores have my alternate e-mail and a pseudonym and and Laura at Dress Barn who sold a dress to Lee for cash.

[suzy1]

Who knows?
Here is my list of the people that know I dress……………….

Now that didn’t take long to type out?

[rian]

to me , only my lovely wife knows and she help me as well yet i live a place where it is forbidden to be a crossdresser and my wife is terrified for me to be exposed so i to keep it at home only and be very cautious from my 3 children who are grown ups now ....this is life