Dude looks like a lady

[jennifer0918]

Well yesterday I went in to the barber shop,got a haircut, warm towel shave,and cleaned up my eyebrows. Only a touch up on my eyebrows, nothing femme,just clean. When I got home took a shower got ready and went out with family to the store,in the car at a red light my wife looked at me face to face and said " you look like a girl!". This got me thinking what she ment by that,does she know ?did she find my Jenn stuff? Or what? Sorry if I posted in the wrong section but if this has happened to anyone can you give me some advice?
Thanks

[Tracii G]

Don't read too much into it.
Act like it didn't register in your head and if she asks again act like you don't remember it.
That will show you are a regular guy with "selective hearing".

[jennifer0918]

Thanks tracii I will do that.

[Sara Jessica]

Did you ever consider actually asking her what she meant by that comment???

[jennifer0918]

Sara no I didn't consider it,many times she always makes comments like that. An example :she works 9 to 5 has an hour commute with traffic, I'll cook for her so when she gets home from work the food is ready,and the only thing she can say "oh,you felt like being a girl today? You must be gay cause you enjoy cooking."so now I sit on my lazy boy feet up watching ESPN and when she walks in from work I ask her "what's for dinner woman?" Another example I clean the house, wash the dishes, and iron my cloths her comments "your a f** why do you like doing girl stuff?"My answer I just want to help you and I have always ironed my own cloths since I was a teenager, so I just like my cloths neat. Sara ,I told you a little about my wife,so now what do you think?

[Lana Mae]

Are you out to your wife? You are being nice and she is making comments like that? I would give her a swift kick in the ass! That is no way to treat someone who is being nice to you! IMHO Hugs Lana Mae

[jack-ie]

Sounds to me like she knows or is suspicious. It may be her way of asking for the truth and who knows where it goes from there.

[Kayliedaskope]

Are you out to your wife? You are being nice and she is making comments like that? I would give her a swift kick in the ass! That is no way to treat someone who is being nice to you! IMHO Hugs Lana Mae

Seconded. This woman needs a serious talking to or a swift kick in the ass . . or both.
:O

[Micki_Finn]

You should have asked her that at the time. Now you've missed your window. Might as well just assume it was an off the cuff comment. If she does know or suspect, there's nothing you can do now. And there's no way to revisit that conversation without raising suspicion.

[jennifer0918]

Lana Mae Im not sure if she knows,I think she doesn't know. I don't blame her for thinking like this ,I blame it on her up bringing. If she suspects why not just ask me ?or say something instead of sending me smoke signals.

[Ariana225]

I would hate if my wife treated me that way. If you're trying to do what you consider your fair share around the house, and all she can do is make fun/belittle you, then that is messed up. A lot of crossdressers that feel more girly around the house by doing certain chores should be appreciated instead of treated like crap. That's my two cents.

[Jaylyn]

I agree 100% with Lana she needs a lesson that guys who help their wife are a jewel to treat nice and say thank you. She must be crazy to not enjoy the extra help. My wife is always telling what are going to fix for supper dear. I don't usually cook except grill outside. I do help her with the dishes though and wash my own clothes. It's just us two in the house and she helps me with the farm work so at least I can hel her. Have your wife's head examined she's off her rocker. I can see what you meant when you think she found your Jenn stash.

[Meghan4now]

Are you serious? Is she joking? Or did she marry the wrong guy? Sorry, but men aren't always the only cave dwellers! Even if you weren't a CD, this could be trouble.

[Tracii G]

If you catch her looking at a woman and comments on her outfit say WTH are you a lesbian?
Or if she does something remotely manly like raises the hood on her car and check her oil call her a fag*&%.
Smart ass comment given with a touch of hate will get that in return from me every time.
She needs a talking to IMO.
She needs to show you a little respect for being a man and helping around the house.
Of course I was stupid enough to do all that with my first wife and it got to the point she did nothing around the house and if I said something she would say why should I? You do it all because you are a pussy.
Wasn't long after that I tossed her ass out and boy did that feel good.

[KymG]

I would say that she knows something is odd, probably not the full picture, but she senses something.
Having said that why wouldnt she ask?

[Megan Nicole]

Kym might have a point. I had a similar situation not too long ago. Early morning , freshly shaven, cleand up, eyebrows looking good. My 20 something year old daughter keeps staring at me and finally says, "dad, you look very feminine this morning." Surprised, and a little shocked I grumbled something in a lower than usual Neanderthal voice. But on the inside I was thinking, AWESOME! -Meg

[AndreaCalifCD]

I don't normally comment on these kinds of threads/offer up my opinion, but Jennifer, some of those comments are truly vile. I don't know you or your wife, and any "context" in which she is verbally demeaning to you (because that's what it sounds like to me). I really hope you two have a great relationship and that she is merely pulling your leg. Because if she isn't... I'd be worried. Actually, I am worried.

[Jean 103]

So you know your wife. It's a total guess on my part but it sounds like she wants a Macho Man. If her behavior has changed, she may suspect something it up.

[Ressie]

Women are a mystery. I would maybe ask about this in the "ask a GG" section if that's possible.

[TrishaLake]

If you ask me, I'd chat with her. If she finds out she will be angry.....

[Stephanie Nicole]

I don't know you or your wife and I am not presuming anything, but from my own experiences my ex used to be demeaning to me like that with off the wall comments and stuff ( never about dressing as I didn't dress while we were together) and eventually I came to find out she just didn't want to be with me anymore and the comments were just the beginning of our relationship falling apart and it ended when I found out she was having an affair. So my recommendation is to wait until she makes another comment ( it sounds like from your original post that she makes them quite often) and then confront her on what she meant by it. It might, in her mind be some innocent joking around but it dosent sound that way, and tell her how it makes you feel when she says that stuff. Hopefully it is all in fun and nothing is behind the comments.

[Majella St Gerard]

She sounds mean.

[Ariana225]

If she recently started doing this it could also mean the gig is up and she found your stash. She could be trying to scare you out of it or is not too pleased with it and is being mean out of spite.

If she has always been like that then I would suggest telling her you don't like it. If she continues it may be a game over or counseling. It may or not be toxic to share your secret (if she doesn't know already) and could try to blackmail you, become even more verbally abusive, or just leave you outright.

My opinion is to tread lightly, but like others have said, I don't know your circumstances and I'm only going off what you've already stated.

[Dana44]

Reading about your situation, she seems ungrateful. That is no way to be treated. I would have a sit down talk with her and find out why she thinks that way and she should learn to appreciate some things you do.

[IleneD]

Jennifer, dear.

Please..... you have your very own inner girl and you don't know or understand how women talk? (How long have you been married?)
She's sending you psychic radar telepathic messages via innuendo. It's what wives do. It's the form of communication; indirect yet strategically piercing. And done by conveying just enough information to make you think she can read your mind; because she can.

I don't mean to rush things in your CD life. And Lord knows my own Coming-Out adventure didn't exactly produce the desired results for me and my relationship. BUT.... honesty is a necessity. That means HER being honest with you too instead of beating around the bush. But my guess, like others here have expressed, is that your cover is blown.

[Ressie]

From reading your posts I'm not sure of the tone in her voice when she makes these remarks. I can imagine that she's ribbing or teasing you, but it sounds more like she's really getting on your case.

Although we don't really know you, it appears that you aren't a manly type even when you aren't dressed en femme. So it's hard to say whether she found your stash, has suspicions based on something else (makeup residue etc.) or if she's just referring to your personality.

It also appears that she's just getting to know you since she didn't already know that you iron your cloths. How long have you been in this relationship? It certainly doesn't sound like you're happy living with her.

[LaurenS]

And done by conveying just enough information to make you think she can read your mind; because she can.

Speculative comments said confidently frequently provokes a mark to reveal the truth or other unknowns.

I watch too too many heist movies... so sad. :)

[rachael.davis]

The real question is why are you asking us? You're not out, so maybe it's a good time to comment on her sniping, and open up for "that talk"

[Sarasometimes]

Is this new behavior? Have you acted or up your dressing differently. You did say barber shop, so unlikely they gave you femme brows. You know her best but her berating you would get real old real fast if she was my wife. I'd bring it up to her or at least get advice from others who know her. Good Luck, I think you need it.

[docrobbysherry]

A lot of gossip and opinions posted above. But, what I want to know is?

Why r u afraid to tell her!? She's your SO, after all. If and when she catches u? You'll be in DEEP YOGURT!:Angry3:

[GinaSkirt]

If you catch her looking at a woman and comments on her outfit say WTH are you a lesbian?
Or if she does something remotely manly like raises the hood on her car and check her oil call her a fag*&%.
Smart ass comment given with a touch of hate will get that in return from me every time.
She needs a talking to IMO.
She needs to show you a little respect for being a man and helping around the house.
Of course I was stupid enough to do all that with my first wife and it got to the point she did nothing around the house and if I said something she would say why should I? You do it all because you are a pussy.
Wasn't long after that I tossed her ass out and boy did that feel good.

Tracii, I feel you, had my 1st was like that no work, no laundry, no cook and cleaning involved soaking couters floors in plain water. Left that behind. As for the nasty comments for doing something nice I am looking for some nice boots can borrow them to give a swift kick. No one of any identity deserves that type of treatment. Wow

[sometimes_miss]

Sara no I didn't consider it,many times she always makes comments like that. An example :she works 9 to 5 has an hour commute with traffic, I'll cook for her so when she gets home from work the food is ready,and the only thing she can say "oh,you felt like being a girl today? You must be gay cause you enjoy cooking."so now I sit on my lazy boy feet up watching ESPN and when she walks in from work I ask her "what's for dinner woman?" Another example I clean the house, wash the dishes, and iron my cloths her comments "your a f** why do you like doing girl stuff?"My answer I just want to help you and I have always ironed my own cloths since I was a teenager, so I just like my cloths neat. Sara ,I told you a little about my wife,so now what do you think?

^that does not bode well for what she'll think of you. Apparently there is no room for fem behavior for 'real men'.

[jennifer0918]

Ilene I have been married 20 years,her mother once told her many years ago if I will not listen to her to not to cook,clean,wash,or iron for me until I will comply with her. So when she told my in laws that hey I do everything cook,wash,clean,and iron her mother said oh he must be gay,so ever since she will make these comments. When iam clean shaven she will say I look like a bitch or a girl and laugh at me. My eye brows where done at the barbershop so nothing femme,and I passed the test at work no one said nothing

- - - Updated - - -

The deep yogurt, like Micheal Phelps I will swim my way out of this one. I'm grown iam not a child so if she can't accept me it's duces, life is short I only hope that if it goes there ,that her lawyer will not embarrass me too much ,cause from what I hear they may be able to find out iam on this forum or even see my Jennifer pics on my phone.

- - - Updated - - -

Only when iam clean shaven she will say I look like a girl. No one at work has ever said this,they only make fun when iam clean shaven,but no girl comments. The gay calling has been going on for years since we got married and she found out I could take care of myself.

[5150 Girl]

Sounds to me like she knows or is suspicious. It may be her way of asking for the truth and who knows where it goes from there.

Yep, that's what I think as well... And as someone else suggested, she may have found your "stash." You may want to head this thing off at the pass before inappropriate conclusions are reached!

[Carmen]

[QUOTE=Tracii G;4134275]Smart ass comment given with a touch of hate will get that in return from me every time.QUOTE]

Yes Traci you hit the mark there. There's nothing more annoying than those smart assed comments, (I'm in a DADT situation) I used to bite my tongue in the past, she would always make her quips at family gatherings knowing that I would never create a scene but that had changed, she could see me become angry, it's like she's proud of her ability to set me off with a few choice comments. I finally had enough and now I give her a sample of what an angry vocabulary can be like and she does not like me to go there. I guess my SO figured that I would just continue to suck it up and never fire back but I recently reached my limit of her remarks. Personally I hate going into that mode.
Jennifer you need not have to endure her disparaging remarks, whether or not if she know that you dress. They will erode your spirit and become the abrasive in your relationship.
She needs to appreciate how much you do for her.

[Jenny22]

Jennifer, how strong is the love in your relationship, after 20 years of marriage? I gather you are in your 40s. You mentioned "out with family" in your original post. Are there children?
You may just be at a point in your life when you may have to consider what's best for YOUR future happiness, considering the way she's been treating you.

[Julie Slowinski]

I think this is a cultural issue. I have some similar blood in my family and while no one has said anything to me about doing chores, they have made comments to my wife. It's possible that she doesn't want to appear to be not doing her 'womanly duties'. However, that doesn't cover the eyebrows comment.

I suggest that next time she says something like that, you turn it into a long discussion about it being 2017 and how modern couples share the chores. If she goes into how her mom would give her a hard time if she saw you doing dishes, then your in the clear and you can just work on that problem. However, if she is suspecting, then I would expect it will come out in that discussion. Of course, you should only do this if you're prepared to have 'the talk'. Then, again if you're really ready to come out to her, you might want to have a more structured plan. I don't know, it's kind of a tough call.

[Venessa_48]

I think you should tie her up and well put it this way, not just men can dominate a woman.

[jennifer0918]

Julie thanks for the advice and yes this is a cultural issue with her. As far as "the talk "I think maybe I'm ready,when I mean ready is by if she divorces me for being a cd ,so be it. I think about my children and don't want to be selfish and break the family so the closet is working ok for now but it's hars to be three persons at a time a husband, a dad ,and Jennifer. I don't know so far as of today no mention of anything from her

- - - Updated - - -


I think you should tie her up and well put it this way, not just men can dominate a woman.

I agree vanessa.

[Kayliedaskope]

Next time she mentions it, go put on your dress and heels and lipstick, and come back to what you were doing. "Well, since I'm a fag, I look like a girl, etc., then I guess I simply won't bother hiding it anymore .... What's the matter, honey? I'm a bitch, right? I'm gay? Oh, by the way, your parents called earlier, they're coming over for dinner .... Does this apron look cute on me?"

Let her deal with the fallout from that one.

[Julie Slowinski]

Let her deal with the fallout from that one.

LMAO...Almost fell off the train platform.

But seriously .... Jen don't do that.

[Stephanie47]

Suggest going to a Halloween party. Just suggest and don't comment on a costume. See if she suggests dolling you up as a woman or female cartoon character, super hero. Frankly, I think she may have some well founded suspicions.

I'm a retiree with a wife who is still working with the exception of taking last year off for cancer treatment. I do a lot of the domestic chores; cleaning, baking, laundry, meal preparation. She always thanks me and never says anything derogatory. I consider your wife's comments to be derogatory IF she does not know you're a cross dresser. If she does know you're a cross dresser she should use some other term of endearments that are not offensive. Frankly, I'd tell her comments are offensive.

[jennifer0918]

Next time she mentions it, go put on your dress and heels and lipstick, and come back to what you were doing. "Well, since I'm a fag, I look like a girl, etc., then I guess I simply won't bother hiding it anymore .... What's the matter, honey? I'm a bitch, right? I'm gay? Oh, by the way, your parents called earlier, they're coming over for dinner .... Does this apron look cute on me?"

Let her deal with the fallout from that one.
I have to be strong ,iron claw,I will not let her call me names,period!!

- - - Updated - - -


Suggest going to a Halloween party. Just suggest and don't comment on a costume. See if she suggests dolling you up as a woman or female cartoon character, super hero. Frankly, I think she may have some well founded suspicions.

I'm a retiree with a wife who is still working with the exception of taking last year off for cancer treatment. I do a lot of the domestic chores; cleaning, baking, laundry, meal preparation. She always thanks me and never says anything derogatory. I consider your wife's comments to be derogatory IF she does not know you're a cross dresser. If she does know you're a cross dresser she should use some other term of endearments that are not offensive. Frankly, I'd tell her comments are offensive.

Stephanie I think she learns this from her mother,who dislikes me,yet I provide a home for her daughter, and have been there for her for 20 years. I'm not perfect I have flaws,I think maybe she feels that if we ever divorce she will hate me doing all this for another woman,bUT truth be told if we divorce the only other woman will be the one in me,and my journey will begin.