Sorry another confusing issue !

[Teresa]

Some may have read my comments about my separation and moving to my own home. I have chosen one just enough distance away to be away from the family yet be near enough when I'm needed .

All the family are aware of the situation and accept it's the right thing to do for both my wife and myself. My sister in law is of the opinion that men don't do such things , why do they need to wear women's clothes . When my wife mentioned that all this would be on the cards she laughed and said he'll never do it , he hasn't got it in him . My wife told me this and I replied that any decision wouldn't be made just to prove her wrong, well she is going to be proved wrong as it turns out !

In a conversation today my wife told me that if the deal goes through and I buy the property, my sister in law may drop in because she takes the grandchildren to school in the same village.

I really am confused by this, because coming from someone who doesn't relate to CDing she is quite happy to see me no matter how I'm dressed .

I don't know whether just to let it happen or have a word with her and maybe show a few pictures to show her what to expect .

The real twist will be after all this and my wife not wanting to see me dressed she will be the next one to call despite my appearance , she hasn't said anything but would anyone like to take a bet ?

Life really can be so confusing at times, but isn't it great to be accepted even if it's takes a separation to get there !

[Scarlett398]

Hi Teresa....It's a tough one for you. I thought I would have had to find a new place to stay once she found me again in all Scarlett mode. It was kinda scary. As you might have read in my previous post regarding this matter - She gave the silent treatment for one full day and night and then the next night was our scheduled date night. It wasn't cancelled like I thought it would be and we went out and had a super time at the movie and at dinner. The cross dressing subject never came up and when we got home, we got all sexy in her girl mode and my guy mode and made some wonderful love for over two hours and things went on as normal from then on. She knows I dress up about once every two weeks when she's not around and I don't ever have to worry about her finding Scarlett things in my closet anymore and I keep it private and she chooses not to discuss the issue. But all is fine and I won't ever have to worry about a separation or a divorce and I feel for you that your situation led to just that!

I guess I'm lucky and blessed even with my restrictions which are just fine with me. I couldn't ever see living without my lover and best friend wife. We have too strong of a bond to let anything like this come between us. The only thing that would bring us to the end of our marriage would be infidelity with another lover! That happened to both of us in our previous marriage with our partners of life cheating on us not us cheating on them. So when we went looking for our next mate on EHarmony.com, infidelity was at the top of our must not have lists! No drugs, alcoholics, mental abuse, physical abuse were also at the top of both of our lists on must not haves! Things we wanted were: A career, preferably at least one college degree, kindness, consideration, loving, caring, generous, a dog lover for sure, financial independence and responsibility, and a few others made the top 25 of must haves!

Good luck in the future with those separated but ongoing relationships. I hope they become a bit understanding of our need to cross dress. It's fun, sensual, sexy, exhilarating, exciting, and a constant learning and sharing project with those willing to talk to us regard our need to dress up as girls. I know a lot of women don't get it because most of them would definitely not get any thrill of dressing up like a guy. It so much more taboo and exciting to go the other way - guy to girl. The girly clothes are so sexy, exciting, and there's such a wide variety of items to choose from from head to toe! The girls, I think don't realize how lucky they are to get to wear all those sexy cool things unlike the boring stuff we guys have to choose from in the men's department. Now I feel kinda sexy in a guy's way when I'm all dressed up in a sexy slim cut suit like the sports broadcaster's wear with those expensive ties, shirts, and shoes. I have between 12 and 15 of those really cool suits I get to wear when I give a speech at a special function, go to church, or attend one of the many semi formal fund raising events my wife takes me to each and every year.

Take care and I know things will be just fine with you Teresa. You are always full of such super advice in all of your posts. I knew your wife was never accepting of your cross dressing and my wife now accepts it totally with no divorce or separation ever. We are about to move into our dream home so Scarlett will have some really cool rooms to shoot from instead of that tired and dated kitchen you always see me in. We are in the home about the last week of September at the latest.

Love Ya Teresa XOXOXO Scarlett :love:

[Tracii G]

Teresa its your wife's way of keeping control over you and having someone else report back to her what they see.
I guarantee not knowing what you are doing 24/4 is killing her.
First 10 times or so your sis in law comes over be in guy mode just to mess with their heads.
Don't let them control you and when they realize you aren't playing their game they will quit spying on you.

[Alice Torn]

Sometimes, i wish women would think more like men!

[Tracii G]

If I were Teresa I would have a fun messing with her ex's head and play dumb when she asks questions.

[Judy-Somthing]

Hi Teresa,
I hope things work out for the best for you.

I've been so busy at work, 9, 10 hour days I have no time to think fem but, I still have my stash.

Good luck, be happy.

[Rhonda Jean]

I think she's trying to put that thought in your head so you might still not be able to relax even in your own home.

[Kelly DeWinter]

I'm not sure what the expression "on the cards" means.

If you are purchasing the house and your soon to be ex is living elsewhere, you have a right to privacy, which means anyone wanting to visit should call first. With that you have the right to wear what ever you want to, when you want to. Don't let the ex relatives dictate how you live.

[Rachael Leigh]

Teresa so sorry your dealing with this but I fully understand, I too am in a seperation and it's difficult. Oh sure I'm free to dress now whenever but it does not solve everything and I'm hoping we work things out as I do you as well.

[Tracii G]

I don't know how you girls do the separation thing thinking it may all work out and you will get back together.
If it was bad enough to separate why would you go right back into the relationship knowing how bad it was before?

[Amy Lynn3]

Run Teresa run. Run to another town and buy a home. That way the in laws will not have any excuse to come by for a visit. As a victim of divorce myself, I know what Tracii G said is true. Your possible ex wants to keep tabs on you and accumulate information that could be used against you in divorce court. Don't play with those cards, because the deck will be stacked against you.

I wish things could be worked out between you both, but please protect yourself just in case they don't.

[Tracii G]

Amy I am here just to warn others that no matter what you think you know its more likely that you know jack squat about what is really going on.
Protect yourself because women are devious and you can't believe a word they say if you are in a divorce/separation situation.
They want to make your life miserable.

[Gillian Gigs]

I'm prone to agree with Tracii on this one. Something smells and if something smells, it's because something is rotting. Please be very careful!

[jack-ie]

I have to agree with Tracii. Your wife is talking incomplete phrases. She should have said that your SIL may be dropping in to spy on you. I suspect this is not working out according the way they thought and it's driving them nuts. Can't you just imagine the conversations they're having between them.

[Teresa]

Kelly,
" On the cards ", means it's likely to happen .

To be truthful the thought of my sister in law dropping in doesn't bother me, she does want know other people's business so the curiosity will get the better of her. It will be more a case of her wanting to know, rather than spying for my wife . Maybe I should be careful I'm not wearing anything of hers when she does call , some things have been passed back and forth between them and she does have very good taste .
I may be naive but don't think it would be to get evidence for a divorce, she she is buying a new home worth more than mine, and she knows what money I will have , there is no benefit to her unless she wishes me to be homeless.

Basically they are a caring family and take care of each other so it may be more a case of worrying if I can take care of myself .

Kelly,
I get your point about my home, my privacy rites, if they chose not to call me first they take their chance , if I get the property it does have a large garden so I will more than likely be tending that, so rushing back into the house to change isn't going to happen besides that is what all this is about , finally escaping a DADT situation.

Tracii,
My wife is going to miss me and some of my support , it's taken two to get to this situation and she is going to have regrets that she didn't handle it differently, I realise she will want to know how I'm doing , maybe thinking I will want to run back to her .

[Lana Mae]

I have no advice except be careful! Live as yourself! Hugs Lana Mae

[NicoleScott]

Maybe the SIL is curious, or maybe she just likes to chat with you. But even if she is spying, what can she report thst the wife doesn't already know?
I agree with Kelly - ask her to call before dropping in. It's courtesy. My brother, who is my best friend, respect each other's schedule and privacy.

[Rhonda Jean]

My wife is going to miss me and some of my support , it's taken two to get to this situation and she is going to have regrets that she didn't handle it differently, I realise she will want to know how I'm doing , maybe thinking I will want to run back to her .

Ohhhh. Be careful, Teresa. At the risk of projecting my own experience onto yours (don't we all!), you may be surprised at how little she needs you, and how little she cares for your well being. People are going to ask her what happened, and she'll likely tell them in a way that makes her look the best. The people she tells will tell somebody else, and so on. Every time you see her or have any interaction with her you'll re-stoke that fire. Cutting all ties with her would be best. The best thing I did for myself was move to another city.

I went through some pretty distinct stages on my way to where I am now. I won't delve into it here. You know you can PM me if you're interested. Not claiming that my way is THE way, or anything of the sort. My situation now is far from perfect, but I'm happy, and that has to be one of the goals. BTW, there's plenty of regret for everybody in theses situations.

[Stacy Darling]

The most important thing for me Teresa!

Is that you look after yourself!

I have no regard for what others may say!

You appear to be a very strong woman, Look after yourself and watch your back!

Stacy!

[GinaSkirt]

There is a lot of good advice below. Teresa please protect yourself, separation or divorce can get ugly. People tend to only care about themselves, not all though. After my divorce we did not have a child support agreement I paid her an agreed upon amount on time every month and even helped out over and above on occasion for over 8 years. She is irresponsible with money, just one reason we divorced nothing else dealt with cross dressing. Then despite my advice my son and her got in trouble. I gave them 10,000 with the verbal agreement no child support for 1 year about 3 months later got laid off. She called wanting money knowing I wasn't working. I told her due to the lay off I was struggling and couldn't help this time. After repeated calls and telling her if I sent her money I would be homeless they changed phone #s. Beginning 4 states away I couldn't do anything and had no money to fight back. I still have no contact 5 years later. Some ex spouses don't care. I can't speak for anyone else but 10k and not spending 2 years in jail would earn my eternal gratitude, not disassociated. Then too I wouldn't do something to put me in that position.
Despite all this today doing great with a wonderful wife who accepts me as I am. Good luck and the best

[Bobbi46]

Sorry? Teresa you have nothing to be sorry for! you must you and never forget that I/we are all behind you (not literally if we were we would be in a lot of trouble LOL) Seriously though you need to protect yourself as best you can I think in one way the SIL in visiting might try to catch you out and pass it on to your wife to be used against you if and when the divorce actually starts.
This is not an easy time for you at the moment and I can fully appreciate what is going through your mind at the moment, as you know I have been there twice now and I know that there will be times which will be little hard to deal with.
The main thing to remember is that you have many friends here all rooting for you, be strong
Hugs
bobbi

[jhasmine]

I hate to say this but women CD all the time. I mean jeans, sneakers, t'shirts, button downs. but yet they are not picked on. I know they make them in women sizes and in the womens clothing isle but its all the same. Why dont they just make skirts and dresses for men? Not kilts. I mean elegant mens dresses and business dresses for men. I don't see why they couldn't and I could see a big market in it nowadays since they already have mens skinny jeans, which I think are horrible but it does not affect the way i act around or toward that person. Lets make a mens dress line. I work for an intellectual properties law firm. I can ask a patent attorney to perform a patent search and what not. LOL

[Teresa]

Rhonda,
At the moment the list of jobs for her new home is growing, she is already arranging times when she can drop in with the grandchildren, and has decided she will bring my mother over so I can cook them both Sunday lunch.

Don't you get the feeling she doesn't want to let go , I'm going to have to play it by ear, we are separating to gain our own space it looks like my style is already being cramped !

Bobbi
I will heed your warnings I do feel it's going to be a case of fighting for the space I was hoping to get ! Many thanks for giving words of encouragement , the important point is I might be free next year to make the trip .

Tracii,
To take up the point in your previous reply, I prefer not to play mind games, I'm getting a new home to live as I choose , they all know this so they accept me as they find me. I'm done with playing mind games, it will be my house and my rules this time . No peering round curtains , no hiding my car out of sight , it will be Teresa's home and that's what I intend to live like as much as possible .

[grace7777]

I think a lot of people on this board are being a little paranoid. From what I have read your wife and children already know that you dress en femme, so your SIL is not going to learn anything new by seeing you dressed. Plus, if you are going to live your life mostly as a woman, people who live around you are going to see you in femme. The only way to keep your dressing secret is to stay in the closet. In fact you should make it a point to be en femme when she comes over.

As far as a divorce, I do not think dressing en femme is going to have an effect on the settlement. The power that a spouse may have in getting a better settlement is they can blackmail the CD spouse by threatening to reveal they dress, but you seem to be be coming pretty much out of the closet, so I do not think they will be able to blackmail you.

[Bobbi46]

Teresa, you seem to be getting a good grip on things so far but what I would add is this, do not be too willing to just drop what you are doing in order to do something for your wife, cooking etc. Once you are in your new home it will be your own bit of peace and tranquillity to do as you please BUT you will the boss you will be the one that calls the shots nobody else.
next year is not too far away at all! if you shout loud enough you can have the double bed with the scarlet silk sheets!
Hugs Bobbi

[Tracy Irving]

It's great that you are going to live the life you want and on your terms. It may take time to get there but the rewards will be fantastic.

[Tracii G]

Teresa I wish you all the best and by all means do what makes you happy.
Keep your eyes open to any monkey business from the ex is all I'm saying.

[Vikky]

Hi Teresa
It all sounds a little odd, but you have dealt with a lot so far and I am sure you will sort it out and move on. Good luck whatever occurs.
Vikky

[CONSUELO]

As you have made such a big decision my advice would be to focus on yourself and doing everything possible to ensure your happiness and mental stability. Whatever your sister-in-law decides to do or not is up to her. She now has to fit in with the pattern of your life and not the other way around.

I have followed your lengthy journey and I wish you every happiness.

[Becky Blue]

Teresa, I say so what if your SIL drops in and your dressed. She maybe curious she maybe spying she may be anything so what? its not like she is going to see anything she doesn't know about. Maybe she is confirming that is the real reason why you have moved out?

[Teresa]

Becky, and others ,
All summed up in one word , " Curiosity !!"

I was going to say she has never seen a CDer before, but I recall she has visited the Far East and seen the Ladyboys, I'm wondering if she truly wishes to see me to make a comparison. I can't say if she would know the differences in the lifestyles , so maybe she is looking for an opportunity to talk to me about it all. I do think she is going to get a surprise when she does see me, as many have. OK going back to the MIAD question , I feel that is what she is expecting ,then she could go back and say I do look stupid rather than say he does look fairly convincing.

Vikky,
I have the feeling they accept the reason for making the break but they don't really want to see me go , maybe we are back to question of losing control over me !
I know they have concerns over me managing financially , both keep offering me little jobs like doing their gardens for them, I know I will need to supplement my pensions with extra money .

[Rogina B]

Teresa,Tell them that you are hoping to work at an adult book store and perhaps do fetish photography on the side.

[Bobbi46]

Teresa, The paramount thing in all of this is your happiness. You have made your decision and a very wise one indeed. This is your life, your future and a chance to make the happiness and peace of mind that you have searched for so many years and now it is here just for you.
Lots of us have wished you every happiness and me included. You will find happiness and peace, yes it may be a long journey for you but knowing you as I do you will get there.
As for your SIL sure she will be curious but one thing for sure she will certainly not see a MIAD in fact after initial surprise she might not even recognise you unless she has seen a photo of you.
I see no future problems from that angle because she will not see anything that is not already known by your wife to be later used against you.
You will have a good life in the future, it is out there just for you, all for your taking.
You are doing well and I wish from the bottom of my heart every happiness for you, now and for the future.

[reb.femme]

Teresa its your wife's way of keeping control over you and having someone else report back to her what they see.
I guarantee not knowing what you are doing 24/4 is killing her.
First 10 times or so your sis in law comes over be in guy mode just to mess with their heads.
Don't let them control you and when they realize you aren't playing their game they will quit spying on you.

Pretty much how I'm seeing it, Teresa. If the SIL doesn't think dressing is something you should be doing, why would she just 'pop round' like a best mate? Remember, "Hell hath no fury like a woman with corns"...or something like that.

Good for you Miss. Sincere best wishes on your new life and really happy future.


'On the cards means', almost certain to happen.


Becky

[Teresa]

Rogina,
You've obviously found my box in the small ads column !!

Becky( UK),
Thanks for kind wishes , I'm wondering if my SIL will start offering me some of her clothes when she sees me rather than my wife, now that could be an interesting scenario !

Bobbi,
Thanks for your lovely comments, maybe you might change your mind if we meet up next year, Carole is all for it.

[Stephanie47]

Teresa, you need to do what is best for you at this stage of the game. Actually, it's not a game, is it? If your desire is to be totally free to express yourself, then just do it 100% of the time. If your wife or your sister-in-law drops over unexpected, please just look presentable. If they do not like the look, then they'll not come around too often. Don't do any of this "please call before you come" nonsense so you can present as a man. "Please call before you come" so you can fix your makeup and put on a pretty dress. And, be sure to serve them tea.

[Teresa]

Stephanie,
That is how I intend to pitch it, unless they catch me out checking out a new outfit, I intend to present in a acceptable way , that is also because I may be seen by neighbours . Besides I won't be prancing around the house as if it were some hobby as some put it, I will have day to day jobs to do and will also have to do my own shopping .

As Marcelle worded it will be a social transition , I know it's going to take some courage at times.

[SamanthaToday]

Hi Teresa,

I read your post a few days ago and some going others back months when I was a lurker.

My thoughts are a little outside the box thinking maybe.

I think your sister in law likes to tease your ex -SO. Unless a woman has been hiding under a rock they all know there are men out there that like to dress up. So the comment about men don't dress up sounds like tongue in cheek. SIL then says She will drop by to see you is most likely because She has seen it before " I see now this might be true, you mentioned Asia and Lady Boys farther into this post".
What worries me is if you are seen dressed up for the first time and it's your SIL and not your wife, there could be a huge jealousy backlash. So if your wife has never even seen a picture of you dressed and you plan on presenting to your SIL, you might want to at least offer to send pics to your wife to see before anyone else sees you.

I was hesitant on giving an opinion since I most likely dont have all the details down from your past history. So if I am way off please ignore all of this.

Good luck, you are beautiful and Brave.

[Dana44]

Teresa, I would not worry too much about your SIL dropping in, Treat her well and when she talks to your wife. She will not be able to say much except you are as you and happy yourself. It is a social transition and just be the girl you are. Fine times ahead is waiting for you.

[Bobbi46]

SmanthaToday's comment says up so much "You are beautiful and brave". yes for sure, there's absolutely no doubt about anything you WILL do it and succeed. Once you have moved into your new place things will look and feel much easier to achieve than thinking about them outside of the equation. As I have said before, did I? your life will be yours to do as you please. Your SILl visiting without contacting first is no hurdle to leap over at all! I feel that she must know you dress and although she may not have seen a picture of you before that is no reason not to be yourself and dressed whenever she may call. Any misconceptions that she may have of a MIAD will without doubt be rapidly dispelled at the precise moment you open the door and present yourself as you have done in previous posted photos of yourself. She may even think she has called at the wrong house! when presented with, how can I put it? oh yes "A thing of beauty". For the simple reason that presentation is all that our life is about presenting as we feel we should. I am sure in my heart you will not have a problem whatsoever in this respect.
Also there are no skeletons in the cupboard to be let out. You have been open and frank to your wife, things did not work out and now its your turn to be number one. This is your life to be now, nobody to criticise or be snide to you.
You will find such a new type of freedom especially as wherever you will be you will be dressing everyday and presenting as a beautiful woman, your new neighbours will have no problem as mine have not been on those times when they have seen me dressed. So another reason not be worried about what people may think. Things are changing for the better all the time and to a degree homophobia is on the back foot quite a lot lately.
With all our support you will have a smooth transition from married life to being able paint the town red!
Talking of which, regarding the scarlet bed sheets (Fact) you will have to fight Carole for the bed or both sleep in it at the same time! LoL

- - - Updated - - -

"I know its going to take some courage at times"
Yes and no, quite possibly but you have shown us all what can be achieved in so many ways and successfully at that as well so courage in a way may not be the chosen word to use determination is also how I would put and I think you have plenty of that.
Go for it girl!

[Teresa]

Samantha,
They are all from farming families so her comment about men not doing such things is a down to earth comment, no she doesn't tease she is just very curious and likes to know every ones business , she can be very helpful and supporting and I think this has more to do with the issue. It maybe an interesting point you raise about seeing me before my wife , I can't say how that one would pan out, as far as showing my wife pictures I'm inclined to let them sort the problem out between themselves , they have the problem with my appearance not me .

Not sure if you and Bobbi are right about being beautiful and brave , but I'm very flattered by the comment many thanks or that.

Bobbi,
Carole and I have never fought over a bed yet, I'm sure we'll come to some arrangement without upsetting a kind host .

Dana,
That is I hope will happen, treat her OK as I usually do , and give her no room to find fault .

[Bobbi46]

OF course Samantha and me are right about the beauty and bravery bit. It is one thing for a marriage to break down, separate and whatever follows but quite another thing to include such an emotive subject as dressing which is the core of all of this and therefore the bravery comes in with your inner strength to break out and find what will ultimately give you the happiness you so dearly need and in so doing to be able to lead the life that you strive to have.
You are the inspiration for so many others who might just be in the same position as you but without knowing how to solve it amicably which seems to be what you are achieving. It takes guts to leave a situation after whatever how many years. I admire you for your strength