Limited to No dressing

[leannejacobs]

I'm at my wits end at the moment, after a lengthy period of having the house to ourselves our youngest has returned home with girlfriend in tow, I'm a creature of habit and got used to being able to get up in the morning, get dressed en femme to a degree and sit and eat my breakfast, however my son and wife leave early for their work, leaving his GF in bed, she's a young lazy so and so and lies for most of the morning, "most days", she never shares her plans for the next day so I never know if she'll get up or not while I'm dressed, his room is up stairs and ours down so I have a little breathing space and time to shoot back to my room if needs be.

I still dress a little and make sure I have something to cover up with should she stir but it's no use, I can't even wear heels as I have wooden flooring so she'd hear me, I need to dress fully at times too and it's just not possible, this is stressing me out and my wife knows I'm needing me time too, I wish they'd just go back to her parents, I know that sounds selfish but they treat our house like a doss house and they've pretty much outstayed their welcome, I suspect the same happened at her parents.

My way forward??? No idea, I have tried talking to my son (doesn't know I dress) and told him this is my house and I quite like a wander in the nude in the mornings (true) I told him I need to know if she's about in case she gets a surprise, nothing has changed, perhaps I'll just let her catch me in the nude so she feels uncomfortable and changes her ways.

Any suggestions as to how I can improve the situation?

[Laura912]

You and your wife need to explain to both your son and his guest that while you have enjoyed their company, it is time for them to seek a place of their own. If your son needs to avoid moving because of income, tell him you understand but do not wish to support both of them without help from them. "Help" would include daily household chores to including cleaning and cooking. That will probably result in her departure.

[Crystal 42]

I agree with Laura and I think if they're not respecting your house then you somehow need to encourage them to move on. Probably phrase it carefully and point out that you and your wife don't feel you have any private time anymore with them around.

[rian]

It is true ...we crossdressers need to dress up every day ,,it our pleasure time or tension will be built ....try to find your son another solution ....it is not selfish ...it is the need to be a woman ...

[Krisi]

It's your house. Tell your son it's time to get his own place. You have some obligation to help your son out but no obligation to his girl friend.

[Stephanie Nicole]

when I got sick a few years ago, I had to move in with my father and at that time put my dressing on hold. One thing we discussed before I moved in was that it was his house and his rules. As long as I was healthy enough I was expected to be up at a reasonable hour and either get a job or be out pounding the pavements looking for one. Also while we each had our own space, It was his home and as such not my place to comment or judge on anything he might do and if I couldn't live with those rules I needed to find an alternative solution. I had no problem with them and ended up being there for about 5 years till I got back on my feet. It sounds to me like you need to lay down the rules with your son and his lady friend and set them straight, you are helping them out not the other way around. You and your wife should not have to change your lifestyle because of them.

[Tracy Irving]

A limit on how long they can stay in your house would help end the limit on your crossdressing. You can have them come up with a realistic timetable for their independence. I like the chores idea also. Paint the house, clean the garage, weed the gardens, dust, vacuum, etc...

[Stephanie47]

I think the other comments pretty much summed it up. You need to give these unwanted house guests/moochers a set time to vacate. I see two problems here. You and your wife are being used as a door mat. But, what about your son? Your comment suggests his girl friend is lazing around the house. She doesn't work? She doesn't go to school? This is a bad omen for your son too! You better make sure the girlfriend is on birth control or you'll never get them out. Some 'tough love' is needed. I had a problem years ago with my son firmly entrenched in his bedroom and working piss poor jobs. I gave him a deadline and he moved out. It forced him to straighten up and fly right.

[Kayliedaskope]

Wander around the house in something skimpy, with your heels on, while the GF is home and your son is not. If she sees you, she will certainly report to your son, who will ask what's going on, Look shocked that she would say such a thing about you..... "I have no idea what you are talking about. Why in the world would she say such a thing??" Send her credibility down the tubes .......... :P

Meh . that's too mean, but it would be fun messing with her like that.

Seriously, though, convince them to move on and find a place of their own.

[kimdl93]

I realize that boomerang kids are a thing these days. And I think its perfectly all right for parents to help their kids work through difficult stretches in their lives. BUT.... part of growing up is taking on the responsibilities of an adult, like paying one's own way, making one's own home. Time for son to get his ass in gear and figure out how to make an adult life for himself. And its high time that he give the gf an ultimatum of his own - get to work or get out!

[Diane Taylor]

I don't think it's selfish to have private time to yourself. They need to live somewhere else but it's not easy getting them to leave unless you make a stand. Not an easy thing to do.

[Dana44]

I agree that the GF need to do house work and your son need to do some jobs around the house also. But I would also tell them they need to grow up and get their own place and possibly help them do that and also give them a reasonable deadline.

[Teresa]

Leanne,
Maybe there could be a kill or cure tactic, just fully dress and let her see you, it might just do the trick to shift them out , if it doesn't bother her then the problem is solved anyway.

I came out to my daughter by accident when she caught me ironing a dress which she knew didn't belong to my wife, maybe that could be enough.

[Bobbi46]

So that you can be yourself properly what about suggesting that both your son and his girlfriend pay towards their upkeep instead of giving them the easy life all the time. When I left college and started work I only earned £4.50 a week and I gave my parents half that to help!.
Its obvious the GF is of working age tell her/them both to get out there and help to pay their way. This way your life in dressing can continue as you want it to.

[redtea]

There is always "coming out" as an option even though it feels like masculine suicide to lots of us.
But still it's undeniably an option unless your wife doesn't know and the risk of divorce is high.

[RADER]

I remember an old saying, I think it was from "Poor Richards Almanac"
"Fish and Friends Smell in 3 Days"
I agree wit some of the others, Time to hand out house chores, IE take out the Garbage,
dish washing, mop the floor, AND PAY RENT.
That will make them think about finding a new place to leach off of.
Rader

[leannejacobs]

Appreciate the comments, the gf is 19 and does some strange hours at college, she's on summer holidays at the moment but even when she's attending it only seems to be from mid day, as much as I'd like them to move out I know they can't afford to, our son owes us 4K already and his tap has stopped.
We have asked them to obey simple rules, keep the bedroom tidy as well as the upstairs bathroom, we're constantly falling out about this one, both are left in a state all the time,,, no food in said bedroom,,, constantly finding pizza boxes, chris packets etc. in there, really sick of the situation but cannot throw them out.

[Kiwi Primrose]

You can throw them out - my house, my rules, no freeloading.
Plus a contribution to costs and household duties, not rent as rent implies a permanent or business relationship.
Good luck.

[Gillian Gigs]

There is a simple expression, "my house, my rules, if you don't like the rules, then don't let the door hit your a$$ on the way out"! Some one who disobeys your rules is not showing respect to you. Letting them get away with this only leads to trouble!

[Vickie_CDTV]

While this is probably going to become the new normal (multiple generations under one roof due to falling wages and rising cost of living), it is still your house. Your house, your rules. If he doesn't like it he can leave (or you can evict him.)

Also, having his girlfriend there is a very bad idea, for many reasons. Not only does he have a playmate to hang around with and do nothing productive, you are probably going to wind up with another unwanted mouth to feed.

[Sami Brown]

I don't mean to sound harsh to you, but you are rewarding their bad behavior by enabling it. They leave pizza boxes but still are rewarded by having a place to live rent free.

Start rewarding good behavior and have ramifications for bad behavior. They have no right to treat your house like a trash can.

So give them work to do if they can't or won't work outside the home. If they do the work around the house, then you will have good behavior to reward, by letting them stay.

If they are lazy, your crossdressing time will return because they won't be there. On the other hand, if they change their habits, you will have accomplished some good as a father by teaching them proper behavior when living with someone who is trying to help them get turned around.

Good luck!

Sami

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Time to do the brave thing and give them 30 days' notice. This has nothing to do with crossdressing and everything to do with respect- she doesn't have any.

[Teresa]

Leanne,
Trying to cure untidyness , my son and daughter were bad as teenagers for leaving clothes on the floor, in their bedrooms and bathrooms. My wife was at work and I was sick of it so I collected them up and put them in a black bin liner and dropped it all in the recycle bin, they soon got the message when they found they would have to retrieve them before the collection truck arrived. As for curing the trash in the bedrooms , take the outside trash bin and stand it in the middle of the bedroom, thankfully not the sweetest smelling of items but it did the trick.

Now they are both married with their own children, so the shoe is now on the other foot, they have to make the house rules !!

Don't throw them out just educate them , I'm sure they are OK but are like most of the modern generation they expect someone else to do it all for them . While they waste their time on crap social media sites, with a smart phone permanently stuck in one hand !!

[grace7777]

To me, it seems your son has no incentive to move out. First of all, tell him that he has 30 days to move out or he has to start paying you rent. Also, you could demand that if he is still living with you after 30 days, he has to start paying you back on the 4K he owes you, but you could say that he only has to make loan payments while he is living with you. So if in 30 days he moves out and does not move back in with you later on, the loan would essentially be forgiven. Basically you take a carrot and stick approach to getting him to move out.

[Stephanie Nicole]

Again I was in the same situation. When I was in my early 30s I suffered a major stroke and was unable to work for quite a while and as a result I burned through my savings and ended up losing my home. I had to move back in with my father who was having some minor medical problems of his own. Before he agreed we had a long talk and he told me the rule (same as yours keep your room picked up, no eating, do what I could to get a job, etc...) like I said at stopped dressing for the time I was there as I respected his home. In the time it took me to find work I did stuff (besides the normal chores) to help him out. I worked on and serviced both his and his GF cars, did repairs around the house, laundry etc... anything I could to help him out. And that was on top of paying $100 an week rent and if I couldn't pay it one week he kept a tab. I understand about not having the money but something is better than nothing and I also understand how hard college can be but there is no reason not to pitch in and help. I am not commenting on your financial status but if you are like my dad was, the money was not really the issue and when I was finally in a position to move back out he handed me a check for about half the total rent that I had paid over the years to help me out. (he was saving it for that purpose without me knowing). I also had to understand that it was his house and he had routines and I had to abide by those routines as I was ultimately a guest in his home (even though I am his son). So based upon my own experiences I am afraid that as much as you don't want to it is time to lay down the law "shape up or ship out" put everything in writing so they cant come back and say you never told them. give them a list of rules and your expectations of them as well as a list of chores you would like them to help out with as well as a timeline to have said chores done. Keep a record of infractions for when they break those rules,Like in baseball they get 3 strikes (not each, between them) and they are out. I hate to say it but if they want to act like kids and not adults then you need to treat them like kids.

[marlacd]

I agree with the group- and this has zero to do with dressing. You're being taken advantage of. Plain and simple. You're not doing them any favors by letting them be lazy.

I think, sometimes parents start believing that their adult children don't need to be disciplined. They need to know life isn't fair sometimes. We learned it. It's time they did too. That unfairness, has to come from somewhere, and you got picked to hand it out. Actually, life is being unfair to you right now- but you can hand it back. You paid you dues, I'd bet 6 times over. The outside world won't cut them any slack. Why should you?

[andreanna]

If they want to play house together, let them do it in their own. If he is "adult" enough to have a shack up honey he is old enough to support himself. Boot their butts out and get your life back.

[Angie G]

Had the same thing going on with my grandson had to make him get his own place. Never knew when he was going to come or go. would leave a mess where ever for someone else to clean up. One can only put up with so much Leanne. It's called tuff love he need to grow up or he and her will be with you forever.:hugs:
Angie

[Sarasometimes]

The message seems to be repeated many times above but i will risk being redundant. As parents sometimes we need to buck up and share some tough love. You can set the rules and although you say you can't bring yourself to boot your son out you owe his GF nothing! Heck who knows who or where she may be and with whom. She can stay at her parent's house he at yours and then they date! He has a roof over his head and she has one over hers and you get to dress more often and the stress will be less because at worst case there may still is food in the bedroom, just then it will be only to feed one person your son.
If you doesn't like living with her parents or vice versa that will motivate her to get working so she and he can have their own place.

You are his parent not his friend! And you are neither to her!

[Steph65]

I have to say this much if they can not obey house rules then the first time everything gets thrown out in the front yard. The second time it gets thrown into garbage bags and put out the night before garbage. The third time..... throw everything out the door and change the locks. She is on summer holidays from skool? she can get a job. They can both clean the house and help out. If not Change the locks. it is called tough love. Time to cut the umbillical cord and make your son more responsible. I kicked my daughter out of my house. Why? she wanted to stay at her BF place while claiming welfare here.... I said get a job.... she made excuses...... I said your out of here after getting her a job... new clothes and a small fridge for her own food..... 3 strikes she was gone. Tough love and your sone will thank you when he is older and has a respectable wife.

[Bobbi46]

Time to boot butts! its one thing to say oh he is my son I must look after him but its quite another thing when that person is of an age to start work and contribute to his upkeep the other thing is quietly make life difficult by laying down rules if that does not work then out they go. I was strict with my two and they grew up to be responsible adults my son left to go to university and from there he went on to forge his own life, and now? married 2 kids 4 houses (3 let out) Porsche Cayenne for himself and Audi Quatro for his wife.
Mollycoddling? does not work.