A Question for the CD's

[Julie Avery]

What does "feminine" mean to you?

I'll start. First of all it means visually attractive, score 1 for "that's a guy thing", in my case.

Second, I've always had this idea that the mom was the one who would stick by the child through thick and thin, nurturing, providing the necessary self esteem, and I've seen the male parent's role as being more critical, more oriented toward making sure the child is prepared to deal with the realities of the adult world which sometimes involves being fairly demanding and critical of the child.

I don't want to ignite a debate with feminists, I'm just offering my own sense of what I try to emulate when I try to emulate my genetically male idea of femininity.

Have at it ;)

[Fallen Angel]

feminin to me is being gentil and soft.Having an open heart and using it to be more judgementil with people

[Sarahgurl371]

Flowing. Soft. Feeling. Compassion. Love. Ahhhhhh. Romantic. Sensual. In touch. Pretty much all the finer qualities in people.

[melissacd]

Good Question:

What is femininity to me?

To me there are so many positive things about being feminine, things that are there to rejoice, things that are there to celebrate, things that are there to embrace. Being feminine is not synonymous with being female. I feel that femininity is a quality that men and women can and should possess.

To me being feminine includes the visceral, as well as, the less visible qualities. These qualities are all very related to the receiving nature of being feminine and may have a great deal to do with why feminists reject them. My feeling is that to be a well-rounded and healthy individual whether male or female requires that we accept and embrace these feminine qualities in ourselves. They are strengths even though some may perceive them as weaknesses.

While I do not feel that I as yet achieve these things I feel that these qualities that I strive for are:

- Being soft, gentle, sensitive and vulnerable
- Being compassionate, loving, caring, giving and nurturing
- Doing for others
- Opening your arms and heart to others and embracing them
- Being supportive both emotionally and physically
- Being emotionally expressive
- Smelling wonderful
- Being and expressing sensuality
- At times being sexy, alluring and demure
- Looking pretty and dressing with creativity and style
- Selecting beautiful clothes, hair, nails, shoes, makeup, accessories
- Working co-operatively with others
- Being respectful of others
- Carrying yourself with grace and elegance
- Being sexually attractive to your partner

These are all wonderful qualities that I love about the feminine persona and I am starting to do my best to make them a part of who I am. My goal is to properly blend them in with my masculine persona to make me the best and most well rounded person that I can be.

Huggs
Melissa

[Rossie]

To be feminine for my is a question of aesthetic in the corporal expression. Use of the intuition of spontaneous and massive way. The character change very fast and it is cyclical. It is limited by the model of the masculinity. :cool:

[Julie Avery]

Fantastic answers, I'd love to hear more. It's really very interesting, at least to me, and I'll bet to some silent watchers, what "femininity" means to us crossdressers.

[Jennaie]

I don't think your question is fair.

First you ask what feminine means, but then you go on to describe human qualities, qualities that I have seen many men pocess. I think feminine has more to do with the outward appearence, mannerisms, speech. etc. I have known many females that I would not consider to be feminine yet they were very nurturing.

Are you looking for what I think is feminine or what qualities I think females are given to that most men lack in?

[Wendy me]

i think being a cd is as close to femininity that i "guy" can get .the clouthes and everything that we wear are just the topping on how we feel ... we can never be gg's so the closest thing to femininity that we can come is how we feel abought who we are inside and to be able to be open with who we are to explore that part of us...

[julie lavender]

:rose2: hI , FEMININITY to me is a swirly skirt ,a huggy top and lacy panties all in shades of pink,big hugs, julie x :be:

[Julie Avery]

I don't think your question is fair.

First you ask what feminine means, but then you go on to describe human qualities, qualities that I have seen many men pocess. I think feminine has more to do with the outward appearence, mannerisms, speech. etc. I have known many females that I would not consider to be feminine yet they were very nurturing.

Are you looking for what I think is feminine or what qualities I think females are given to that most men lack in?

I'm looking for what genetic males who, like me, wish to be feminine think "feminine" means.

[MissHelen]

This is a question I tend to avoid because so many CDers tend to act on it by trying to outfemme the GGs in misguided ways, generally involving too much pink and dodgy gender stereotypes (so I guess I fall into the trap of getting into femenist arguments), but I was hugely impressed (and educated) by Melissa's post, particularly this bit;


Being feminine is not synonymous with being female. I feel that femininity is a quality that men and women can and should possess.

That's terrific, I couldn't have put it better in a million years. Nor could I have come up with a better definition.

Incidentally, try flipping this question on it's head; what does masculinity mean to you, and how does that affect your dressing? Is it something you aim to escape from, or something you accept and rejoice in as another ingredient of who you are?

Personally I don't aim to suppress or apologise for my masculine traits any more than I do my femenine. Focusing on positive connotations, masculinity tends to be classically associated with strength, control and taking responsibility, all of which I associate with the sort of women I admire, so I guess masculinity isn't a synonym for male either.

Arbitrary things like beer and sports tends to be associated with it, but those are more stereotypes. I don't drink (I used to drink real ale but quit as part of my effort to look better in a dress), but I will admit to watching wrestling, MMA and ice hockey in both male and femme personae. Does that make me less femenine? Maybe. Do I care? Nah! :p Everybody, including women, has a mixture of both - trying to deny one in favour of the other only leads to overcompensation and stress.

[melissacd]

Helen,

Thanks very much for your wonderful compliment. That was very sweet of you to say. As I grow in my acceptance of feminine self I realize that all I have doing in this process is acknowledging a part of me that was always there. As I reclaim that disposessed self I begin to become whole again. I begin to feel normal, less angry, less irritable, less troubled. To me this is about a re-configuration and re-integration of myself. The components of my personality (as is true with most of us) were smashed to bits by my family/friends when I was a child and then re-assembled into what they believed the world wanted to see in a male. It has taken all these years to take the pieces and start re-assembling them into the correct configuration again.

Huggs
Melissa

[Cathy Anderson]

This is an excellent question. Thanks, Julie! And thanks to everyone who's replied. The responses are really helpful as I continue to work on understanding the Jungian concept of "anima" and how it relates to CDing.

I'd just like to point out several instances where peope have mentioned traits that to me seem like they could also be masculine:

-being nonjudgmental
-compassion
-love
-romantic
-Working co-operatively with others
-Doing for others
-Being respectful of others
-Being sexually attractive to your partner
-being spontaneous

Cathy

[ChristineRenee]

Check out Melissa's post...that list best represents what I would strive for in being feminine or exhibiting qualities that are largely identified predominately with females.:)