It's All Relative, Isn't It?

[StephanieCLT]

I've recently had a chance to dress on a number of occasions, and while it's always a little scary, I've really enjoy it. In fact, like most of you, the more I do it, the better I feel like the presentation gets, particularly in the make-up and confidence areas.

I posted some pictures from a couple of outings last week in the Photos section under "This is LA. All I want to do is have some fun" (https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?251978-This-is-LA-All-I-want-to-do-is-have-some-fun!) - I hope it's ok to put the link. I received very nice compliments from you there. Thank you.

However, here's my dilemma. I decided to post a couple of those pictures (the red dress ones) on a non-cd, vanilla board to see the reaction I would get. In that, I did not indicate I was a cd, as I wanted to see how people would react.

Well, while I did get a couple of nice comments, I got some pretty horrible ones, too (e.g., "Stay away from me, tranny!" which was liked by an additional 5 people). I've got a thick skin, and so it doesn't bother me much.

BUT, my question to you is, while I may look ok amongst friends in a sympathetic atmosphere (like here), do I look ridiculous and probably should keep it in the closet? I realize that few of us will ever pass, but the last thing I want to be is a spectacle. Your thoughts and honest feedback are welcomed.

Steph

[Tracy Irving]

It isn't your job to make some stranger happy with your presentation. Stay out of the closet and enjoy life.

[suzy1]

I have no idea how many of us would pass as real women out in the real world but my guess is maybe around 2 or 3%. I think a number of ‘girls’ here think they do, but wishful thinking can be a powerful thing! Also some members are so kind that they give comments in the picture and video Gallery that may unintentionally give the one that posted the picture false expectations.
If those of us that think we ‘pass’ post pictures of themselves on other web sites then ether they have thick skins so there is no harm done, or they are in for a nasty shock.
Personally I don’t go out dressed for two reasons. First I don’t need to, and secondly I happen to shudder at the thought of being surrounded by people pointing at me and laughing!

You do look good in your pictures by the way....and I am not just saying that. :)

[Rachael Leigh]

Wow Steph you have put it out there haven't you, an extreamly great question. My thoughts on it are this while yes here you have a sympathetic eyes from us there are just some who don't care for our kind as it were. By just posting a picture
on a vanilla site and getting such responses I think means nothing. I mean if they knew you or interacted with you I think
some , not all might change how they see you. That's why as I see it going out to show everyone we are not some weird tranny
we are people and we express ourselves a bit different, just like people express themselves with strange colored hair or
tattoos or whatever. It's our expression and yes for some it's even more .

I'm not sure what site you put it on but I would say don't worry don't let it set you back just be you my friend and you will
see how it looks better. Haters we will have them but we can't let them win no matter what
Hugs to you Rachael Leigh

[Sarasometimes]

You look better than i do and i still go out (not very often but about monthly or so). As for nasty comments on the web, please remember that sadly there are many who view the net as an open opportunity to behave with no risk or consequence. My guess is some a-hole sat and stared at your photos just looking for a sign so he could make a crude post. The 5 who joined him are from the same the same pile of dung. I often wonder what the response would be from these turds in person, if the risk of a good ass-kicking was a possible response for their voicing their opinion.
I can assure you that you do not look anything like a freak who should not move freely (using ones head about where).

[suzanne]

A truly passable CD is rare, and I for one am envious of those who can pass. I sure can't but that doesn't stop me. Instead of passing, my aim is to be presentable. Make my clothes look nice on my body. I know how I look to the world, and it is taken aback by my violation of the male code. But if they give me a second look, their response is (I hope) "Actually, that works not too badly". I'm definitely unafraid of being seen that way, and I'm hoping that some closeted CD sees me and feels encouraged to be more adventurous themselves.

You absolutely should not worry about whether you pass or not. FWIW, you look much nicer in your pictures than I do, so hold your head high and tell yourself "I AM worthy". That air of confidence tells the world you belong there just as you are and you will be respected for that.

[Georgina]

Don't worry about it. If a beautiful woman posts a photo on the net she will also get insults. There is a percentage of low life out there that do that.

[Dana44]

I might pass on a cloudy day. Here in a conservative area. I just go about my business and no problems ever. Nobody has even asked me about anything or said anything bad. The more you are out you will see that. On web sites, yeah they can post anything. So get out of he closet and enjoy life. It is good.

[Meghan4now]

Well dear, you looked pretty good in the photos, especially the legs. But it is tough to get that passing thing down. There are a couple of areas where we stuggle, some of us more than others, that are tell tales. But you look nice and only have a few areas that could use some more polish. Frankly, I would not let it get you down. You went out on the "normal" web, and while there are gracious people out there, there are a lot of nasty Internet tough guys out there. Amazing how the thought of anonymity brings out the nastiness in some people.

If you have friends to hang out with, or even just some nicer places to visit, I would enjoy that, and let the unkind comments roll off your back.

If you are looking on tips for better presentation, I will say you do well to begin with. One area that I stuggle with is the hair. It is challenging to get that right. CIS women have a huge advantage with there own hair, which is easier to manage than a wig, and they have had practice daily since they were little. Just the styling and combing/ppicking/brushing alone!

[Teresa]

Steph,
Look at it from another situation, if you were in transition you would be facing it on a daily basis, maybe it's best to stay away from the sites you mention, there are trolls everywhere determined to give you a bad time. If you met them in the street they probably wouldn't have the courage to say anything, whereas you are showing great courage in being out in the real World.

Maybe if you check out some of my recent threads you will see how well being out can work, I'm surprised myself but as I intend to go more or less full time I'm going to have to ride over harsh comments. So far I've had none apart from my wife, she does regret it now because we are separating , if you have a need to be out nothing in the end will stop you . I have found being a member of a social group has been the final push to give me the confidence .

[JenniferMBlack]

Stephanie dont take this the wrong way, I am going to be blunt but truthful. First you do look good very classy and pretty. How ever it is clear you were born male. Amongst friends and supportive poeple like here they aren't going to be pointing that out because it doesn't matter to then. On a general website these poeple who dont care about your feelings will say things that aren't nice. Then there is going out. when out poeple are mostly to wrapped up in there own lives and doing their thing to bother really seeing anyone else. though you may not pass you could most certainly blend in and not be noticed, where as on the web site that is all they see. Also the same keyboard tough guy wouldn't say anything in fear of being beat up by a man in a dress. Haveing said all of that you do make a pretty girl and should still get out and enjoy yourself, if idiots dont like it that is their problem.

[Lana Mae]

Posting pics on a vanilla web site-no, too many trolls in the mix! You look good and need to just get out there! I was amazed when I was out the first time that no one said a thing or looked (except 3 teenage girls who giggled)! I was looking bad but I got no reaction! I am just going to try harder next time! And there will be a next time! And it was here in NC! Hugs Lana Mae

[jennifer0918]

OMG girl you look so passsable,wow,wow,and wow. Love your LA pictures and everything from your makeup to your outfits is perfect! Now your figure is femme so I see a lady,period! It will be a shame to keep a lovely flower like yourself in a closet,so keep going out keep posting and as far as that vanilla board those haters are afraid that they are actually attracted to you,all 5 that liked that ignorant comment and as the one that posted it!

[Jenny22]

Steph, a self-photo (tranny?) in a hotel room may well be the reason you were 'attacked' on a vanilla board. Think about it. In your initial post, some responded (I was one) with suggestions. Give them a try; then take a feminine posed photo outside somewhere. Post that photo to the same site and see what the reaction is. Just a thought.

[StephanieCLT]

Jenny, I agree! The setting (and that it's a selfie) isn't good. I need to find someone who can take my picture, but that's difficult when you are not out in your community (I dress when I travel for work). I will go back and take a look at those comments. ALWAYS looking to get better.

[Jane G]

Few of us are ever going to fully pass. Ask your self what matters to you. Do you want/need to be out there? There are all sorts of reasons why you may or may not. There may be other things in your life that matter more to you, than your own desire to crossdress. It's important to be your self. If you can't be yourself then your life is a compromise. However compromise is, to a large extent, how the world gets along, so don't be too selfish, but do enjoy being you.

[Jenny22]

Steph, but a small tripod that will hold you phone, and a remote to use to take the photo. I believe Blue tooth will be required. You can then take a photo anywhere. (Sisters, please correct me, if I'm wrong, and give correct info to Steph.)

[Teresa]

Steph,
I use a compact camera with a self timer, most of my pictures now are taken at my social events.
You really should be out and about, forget the trolls !!

[Steph65]

There are many types of people out there. You will not please everyone. It is sad in this time of so called humanity Humans still have not learn to just accept. People who judge others are scared jealouse and very insecure about themselves. I am working on going out in public. Takes time. What you have done many Cross Dressers would die to get a chance to do what you have done. Be proud stand with your beautiful chest high and say screw those who are quick to judge and trolls and nay sayers. it would be better if people looked inside of each other than to judge the outside. Keep doing what your doing you are beautiful. As long as you are happy thats all that matters. In time with much more practice you can refine the way you do things and get better at it. There is no turning back Girl!!

[Jean 103]

Forget the pass no pass thing. Go out and live your life as a transgender person. This is what I do and it works for me. I have made so many friends in the vanilla world, by simply talking to people. LA is like two and a half hours south of me. I use to spend weekends down there before I was out. I would go around as a tourist, had so much fun running around by myself. Now I just don't have the time, I'm just too busy with work and my friends.

[T Gram]

I think you look quite amazing in your profile picture here!

- - - Updated - - -

I think you look quite amazing in your profile picture here!

[docrobbysherry]

Most of r made some of the time, Steph. Many, like me, all of the time. :sad:
If that bothers u, don't go out dressed.

I would suggest wearing hip/butt pads to make u look more fem from the waist down. They may help u pass with more folks.:battingeyelashes:

[Tahoegurl]

Hi , first off_ what others think of me is none of my business. Second, if I put my pictures in public to see what reaction I'll get...then I have to accept the reaction I get. People will see what they want to...some will see a wonderful woman others will see a dude in a dress. I really don't want to play that emotional roulette, I just want to be happy ...and buy new heels.

[looking_good]

Love this topic and am in awe of your honesty! I'm completely sympathetic with 'don't want to be a spectacle'. My sentiment exactly.

I've asked my wife for this type of 'spectacle' feedback. Her comment was that my face seems at odds with my clothes. She is kind. So I'd say, perhaps a longer, softer, fuller hairstyle that softens and wraps your face (mine too, by the way) could be helpful. We just don't have the eyes that GGs do no matter what we do.

For what it's worth, I'd love to look as good as you do! Onward, upward, better....

[Becky Blue]

Steph, firstly I think you look great in your pictures. Secondly remember that although you got a nasty comment with 5 likes possibly hundreds if not thousands of people saw your picture and did not comment. Posting a picture on any site for people to comment is going to bring out the haters no matter who or what you are.... and in real life out and about people do not get time to examine you closely and if they do and they realise you are a man so what? most people don't care either way.

[suchacutie]

Hi Stephanie! There have been a lot of great comments, but let me try to focus on the point you are trying to discuss.

A number of years ago my wife and Tina were going to spend a day together and by the time Tina got finished with the makeup and the hair and the clothes and the heels, well, she felt terrific! She started to walk through the bedroom and felt that she had really hit it that day...until she walked by a full-length mirror and saw the combined effect. She was shocked!!!! The little details had worked well, but she hadn't yet let herself go to be a girl. Frankly, as she stood there, she looked like a guy Marine dressed as a girl (well-dressed, I might add :) ).

I related that shock to my wife and we started a discussion about gender clues that we all give off. What do people recognize instinctively as a smile of a guy vs. a smile of a girl? How do we stand to signal "girl" and not "guy"? What should we do with our arms to signal "girl"? That general area called "deportment" is really tough, especially in 4" heels. That first discussion with my wife started months of her pointing out women and how they acted different from men, often in very subtle ways. I think that's what wbdavid meant in her post, saying that you looked like you were born a male.

However, even if you had perfected your girly smile, had done something different with your right arm and had pointed one toe out a bit, there still can be so many more male clues, and you can't hide them all. Everyone here is right when they say that passing is mostly mental, and won't happen all the time. There will always be a few male "clues", and if someone is tuned into them (as we are), they will always give us away. We simply have to accept that and move on. The more we dress, the better it gets. Remember that women have a whole childhood to practice 24 hours a day! We just aren't going to attain that kind of perfection in a few hours a month, and we have a bigger mountain to climb since we start with male bodies!

We can only do our best, practice, practice, practice, and have fun! One great thing is that we have 3 billion role models on the planet! :)

[DIANEF]

I don't think that in any way I pass, but I have been out several times, so far without incident or comment. As for posting pictures, as my male self I exchanged messages with a lovely girl on Facebook. She was very pretty, but slightly overweight, and she received some terrible comments because of it. Fact is you could look amazing, and some morons would still delight in posting nasty or offensive things about you.

[Teresa]

Tina,
As I replied in " Popping up like mushrooms ", some are convinced and others aren't as I related the story from last Friday night between a husband and a wife.

Your comment about seeing Tina in a different light, happens to all of us sometimes, usually it's the wrong choice of clothes, that is one art we have to learn , not what looks sexy but what really suits us , and the wig does have so much to finalise that look . I's another reason why I can't do MIAD mode, passing or being convincing matters to many of us because we are striving for that perfect woman. We fall short but don't forget women also struggle sometimes with getting their look right. You only have to listen to a group of women or maybe your wife on the phone to realise how wrong some of them do get it .