Mission failed.

[somestimeskaren]

It was a simple plan,do my makeup ,get dressed and when it was late enough take a drive to the local Library and drop some books into the night return slot.I've done this a few times no problem.So off I go .The first red light I have to stop for a truck pulls up beside me with 2 grungy (sorry) looking guys hanging out the windows,I'm praying they don't look my way ,I'm hiding my face but I 'm wearing my Blonde wig and I feel like it's glowing in the dark.They never look and we move on .I pull into the Library parking lot which is a short distance from the doors.The lot is well lit and looks empty.I swing my legs out the door trying to get out like a lady but before my heels hit the pavement I see a young couple walking towards me.I panic and swivel back in.They pass within 10 ft of my car heading to the little park beside the lot.I wait a few minutes and get ready to drop the books.I then notice the lights are on inside the Library, its the cleaning crew and there is a guy doing the windows at the front door just feet from the slot. Changed my mind and left,don't know why I was scared.Thought I'd pick up a coffee at the drive thru,I've done this a couple of times also.At the entrance there is a group of teens standing close to where you place your order ,again I chicken out.Back to the Library I go,no one there,I don't see any activity in the Library.I exit the car and start walking ,the click clack of my heels sounds extremely loud.I stop and look around and listen for noise .I'm closer to the car than I am to the Library and something tells me to go back to the safety of the car which I do.Weird.I was happy with the way I looked I don't know why I was so frightened to have someone see me .I hate feeling like this.I was going to try a daylight drive this week but now I'm not sure.Going to try the Library again to-night wearing my Chestnut wig (doesn't glow) and my flats.Stealth mode.Wish me courage.

[Tracii G]

You do know being that close with the books than walking away creates more suspicion than just dropping off the books.
Getting out of your car then quickly getting back in does the same thing.
Keep at it and one day you will not be afraid.

[Lana Mae]

People will not bite you! Just turn your head and all they will see is the hair! And like Tracii said, your actions made you look suspicious! Take a deep breath and do it! Best wishes Hugs Lana Mae

[Nancie64]

Look at it like this, do they even know who you are? This is what my SO tells me. As long as it looks safe, try it out.

[StacyCD]

Someone very wise once said that 'passing' is about being treated like the person who you are dressed as and not necessarily being thought of as being a woman. Get out of the car and drop off the books. If I were to do it most would see a guy in a dress. However, if they treat me like the person I am dressed as then I really don't care. If we don't enjoy dressing then we probably shouldn't do it. Good luck!

[redtea]

I agree with Lana, don't look at people and the anxiety drops a bit.

Even if you failed the mission, You have gone to where so little have reached. Out of the house in girl mode.

Colors do influence your courage level. For instance my womans solid pink t-shirt invokes 10 times more fear than the same style of shirt in solid black. A pair of short shorts that are white makes me more uptight than the denim blue ones. Dark Jeans make me feel bolder than Light jeans. I'm sure if I had black converse I would be bold enough to wear them to work, but because I got pink that would require guts. You wore a blonde wig, Id imagine that blonde wig had a powerful impact on your bravery. Had you worn a black or dark brown/red you might have pulled it off.

Also If you go to the library during the day, you could wear some big sunglasses that cover part of your face and most importantly your eyes. Sunglasses make me feel extra confident as I feel like my identity is masked by them. I think of sunglasses as training wheels for getting out there

[Kelly DeWinter]

karen,

there may be a social group near you.

https://www.meetup.com/Buffalo-Cross-Dressers-Unite/
https://www.meetup.com/TorontoTransConnections/

[deebra]

Yes this has happen to me exactly as you said and it still could when out. However I have gone to the mall in daylight and everything went well. Just dress to blend and don't worry about others you pass.

[Nikki A.]

I agree with Tracii, doing what you do creates more suspicion. It's dark, nobody can get a good look. Confidence (or the appearance of it) is the best disguise.

[Rachel Anne]

I have the same issue. After being out for a drive to the mail box a dozen times (a few blocks at most), I get spooked these days fairly easily. It seems to have gotten worse, not better. Maybe I feel like I've been pushing my luck.

I will also agree that you need to blend. Wandering around the neighborhood at 3am is a sure way to attract attention. I made that mistake right off the bat, and nearly got pulled over for it.

[somestimeskaren]

Thanks for the great advice and support.I did go out this evening and returned the books,didn't bother to check if anyone was around just did it and it felt great .Quite a few cars in the lot just went ahead and did what I came to do.

[AmyVanessa]

Keep trying Karen. I wish you the best.

[Pat]

Sounds like you were just having a low-confidence night. Everything went bad, everything was threatening. Dressing and makeup aren't that important -- it's the mental game of believing in yourself and granting yourself permission to be who you want to be that is the tough part. Once you have convinced yourself that you have a right to be where you are, as you are, nobody else can stop you. Keep trying. If it's important to you, you'll do it. ;)

[Krisi]

First of all, I'm assuming that dressed as a woman you look at least somewhat like a woman, especially at a distance, in the dark and in motion. Second, these people don't know you so even if they suspect you are not a real woman, what does it matter to you? Third, as Tracii posted, acting suspiciously will call attention to you. Once you decide to do something, grow a pair and just do it.

[Stephanie47]

Returning library books to the night return slot is one of the scenarios I like to create. Others are mailing a letter in front of the post office. Or getting a free newspaper from those corner boxes which seem to be every place. My favorite is to grab a small shopping bag from a local Safeway and take a neighborhood walk with the appearance I am returning home. There are some stores in a very quiet residential neighborhood which do offer the opportunity to walk many blocks without encountering anyone. The best time to do this is in the evening when a gentle rain is coming down so I have to use an umbrella. That offers some degree of concealment if a person walks past me. I think it is only natural to become antsy when strolling in female attire because you really do not know if someone will react negatively. For me, it seems the desire to get out there for a walk builds up until the only relief is to really just do it. Frankly, after walking/strolling for half an hour usually starts to get boring. I am much more of an in-home dresser which allows me to actually get some domestic chores done or eat breakfast, etc.

As relates to your library excursions I have one favorite branch which does require more walking to the slot than others. Rather than pulling into its parking lot I park on the street and take a longer stroll to the slot or even park across a rather well traveled and wide residential street to the slot. There is an element of "danger" involved as I always wear a dress and heels and borrow one of my wife's pink or powder blue zipped sweat shirts. Or if it is really raining harder I borrow her knee length raincoat.

[ellbee]

Going to try the Library again to-night wearing my Chestnut wig (doesn't glow) and my flats. Stealth mode.
Sounds like you're learning what GG's have already learned: That certain things will definitely grab more attention from people! :confused3:


Examples include blonde hair & clicky heels, as you now know. There are others, too, like dresses/skirts, red clothing, sparkly things like sequins & jewelry, height from high heels, etc.


I mean, I guess if one really wanted more attention & more eyes to stay on you longer, then I suppose wear as much of that attention-grabbing stuff as possible!

Otherwise, try to downplay as much of that as you can. Because as we all know, it can already be tough out there, as it is... Not just in our own heads, but also in reality, as well. It's my opinion that the general public will typically be that much more "forgiving" when they see a CD'er *not* screaming for attention while out in the vanilla world doing vanilla things.

And I'm not saying you have to dress for others. But simply to take this sort of stuff into consideration as you're putting yourself together. :)

[Helen_Highwater]

I'll be the one to say what's been said many times. If it walks like a duck, looks like a duck, sounds like a duck then it's a duck. Ditto for how you present yourself doing these simple things. If you act like a GG dropping off books while dressed like one then that's what folks are likely to see. Remember that they probably aren't paying too much attention to you. Think about it. Do you pay that much attention to others when going about your business while in drab? Someone acting confidently, normally we tend to ignore. Someone obviously trying not to be seen, well there's got to be a reason for that which says they're doing something illegal and need watching.

Those who go out will all know of moments like the ones you've experienced. Keep plugging away and all will come good. Confidence, confidence, confidence.

[Tracii G]

I wonder what the outfit was that was never mentioned.
6 inch heels and a super sexy outfit is not something seen at the library.
If you are dressed to the 9's or like you are going to a gala event and not doing something mundane as dropping off library books will get you noticed. I mean you wouldn't wear a clown suit to a funeral would you?
People notice clothing so keep that in mind.

[Alice Torn]

I know the feeling of freezing up with fear, at the last minute! Next time will be better.

- - - Updated - - -

redtea, i sure agree, that big sunglasses help immensely for my confidence.

[jhasmine]

Relax, take a deep breath smile and walk on girl. My first time out in public, I was initially horrified. I started thinking about what if someone recognizes me. What if I fall in these darn heals as tall as I am someone is going to notice me. I started to panic but before I new it, I had paid for parking and was walking around the street at pridefest 2017 getting compliments on my dress, hair, makeup as if i wan't even a man. That's when I thought to myself, who cares what other people have to say about me, I am comfortable like this. If you are not, meaning the person looking at you, then don't look because I am not changing for you. Ever since then, I go out dressed up everywhere. Another more public spot was when I went to Lake Compounce. That was fun. I hope all of us here can help you gain more confidence in yourself so that you can do what you want to do without worrying about what others think.

Here is a pic of me at Lake Compounce in a 1 piece bikini and my makeup came off already. Lets all post some pics to help build Karen's confidence. :)

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[Jenny22]

For me, the first time out among 'em in full pretty, I was to meet three forum sisters for dinner at a slightly upscale restaurant. It was evening dark, but the parking lot lights were blazing, at least to me. Over my hosed feet I word black sandals with a slightly elevated, hard heel. How was I going to get to the restaurant without fear? You'll just have to walk it, girl! I had to park about 100 yards away. It looked like a hundred miles! OK, girl, suck it up!

I exited my car very lady like, adjusted my dress, reached in for my purse, hung it over my shoulder, locked the door, looked around .. yikes! There were a lot of people in the lot! ..., took a deep breath and started walking with head held high and knockers up. My hard heels sounded like rifle shots as I walked, but onward I went, passing people coming in my direction who I knew could hear my heart pounding like a bass drum. And, ..... nothing happened! I felt like I had conquered the world!

The dinner with Lauren, Doc and Cindi was fabulous! I was totally relaxed and enjoying everything. Soooo, yes it can be done.

As I write this, I was thinking I should get out again, this time by myself. Hmmmm.

[Erica Skifishski]

Great comments here! The only other people who go through this empty lot in the last hour and, of course, they need to walk right by your car. That would bug me no matter how I was dressed. I shouldn't, but, it would. "Oh, of course!!!! They NEED to be here too! and, how convenient, they need to be here right NOW! and, on this side of the lot!" When, really, they're just minding their own business. All in my head, just like lots of apprehensions.

[docrobbysherry]

If you're goal was to "return library book", u could have pulled rite up to it. Then, dropped and drove.

If your goal was to become comfortable out dressed? I think u accomplished that,Steph!

[Becky Blue]

Karen, always remember that you think you look standout, but to most casual observers your just a woman going about her business. The cleaners in the library for example would most likely not have seen you or half noticed a woman dropping off books. Remember your outward markers such as long hair and a dress are what most people see and don't process. Of course it would be different if you actually walked into the Coffeeshop for example in bright light. But even saying that many people still wouldn't notice.
The other thing to ask yourself is... if the couple walking past or the cleaners in the library did clock you and realise its a guy dressed up.. what is the worst thing that could have happened and can I cope with that?

[suzanne]

I'm glad to know you tried again and got better results. It's been said already, but the doubling back and chickening out attract WAY more attention than your presentation. If, for example, you act like that in a clothing store, the store personnel are not thinking "crossdressser" but "shoplifter". Much worse, in my opinion. There's no substitute for holding your head high and owning who you are, and practice making perfect. Keep it up.

Becky is 100% right in asking "Whats the worst that could happen?" I'd like to add to that by asking "What are the odds of your worst case scenario actually occurring?" Answer: very, very low. It's much more likely that a woman will approach you and offer a compliment or encouragement. That's been my experience, anyway.

[Tracy Irving]

I did go out this evening and returned the books,didn't bother to check if anyone was around just did it and it felt great.

Sounds like mission failed can be renamed mission success. Congratulations!

[sometimes_miss]

It's not the clothes, or the activity that makes you stand out. It's the fact that from any distance, the immediate reaction that anyone will have, is, what is a woman in a dress doing out all alone in the middle of the night? That's what's going to draw attention to you. AFTER that, when they look more closely, will be when they realize that they're not looking at a woman in a dress, and that's when potential trouble will more likely arise. As long as you can get back to your car before anyone in the area gets to YOU, you're probably quite safe. The cleaning crew MIGHT notice and give you an odd stare, the kids at the drive through may at worst point and giggle, But since you're in your car, you're probably going to be fine. Unless, of course, you're visiting Homophobiaville somewhere. Then all bets are off.