Tension & stress *from* CD'ing? What??

[ellbee]

How is this possible? :eek:


Do many here feel this way?


Please explain.

I always thought it was supposed to be the opposite, that CD'ing *relieves* tension & stress.


I dunno... If one is feeling this way because of it, maybe it's time to revisit how you're going about it? :strugglin



(I saw this mentioned in another thread, but didn't want to hijack it...)

[Tracy Irving]

Is it possible that tension and stress arise from a desire to and fear of crossdressing in public?

[docrobbysherry]

For me, yes, Tracy!:sad:

And, while dressing to go out or for picto story photo sessions, I'm always stressed until finished and back in my room safe, sound, and with no one judging me.:D

[Ressie]

Yes laurababe, I mentioned that in the other thread. I'm referring to the many members here that have CD problems with there wives, work place, dressing in public etc. There's stress from keeping it a secret from friends, family, coworkers etc. If you haven't seen or felt that here from many threads, I don't understand why.

I actually never understood the relaxing part of CDing that others talk about. I finally felt more relaxed about it when I started dressing in an environment with other CDs about 5 years ago.

[Tracii G]

I never got that either Laura.
Ressie the feeling more relaxed I kind of doubt too. There are soo many threads by these "relaxed" closet dressers that fret about being seen if the window blinds are open.
Or if someone like a neighbor or delivery person knocks on the door while they are dressed.
I guess I am missing something or just different because I never felt that way.

[ellbee]

I dunno, maybe I'm just giving the words "tension" & "stress" too much "Oomph!"?


A short & quick definition of these words, for example, is: A state of mental or emotional strain resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances.

Sounds kinda severe & extreme, no? :strugglin



I mean, yeah, I get that one can get a little nervous when venturing out for the first couple times, or whatever. Heck, there are professional performers who've been at it for decades who probably get a bit of stage-fright every time before they go on.

Whatever, that's normal & even to be expected. But if one feels it will be worth it, on an overall net basis, then that temporary nervousness can easily be overcome.


But if something is otherwise affecting a person *that* much? I dunno. Perhaps they seriously need to work a lot more on self-acceptance, for example? Or maybe tweak their public outings... Like, maybe not diving head-first into an ice-cold pool from the highest diving board?



And why this overwhelming need to share everything personal about yourself to all your friends, family, co-workers? Uh, what?? Unless one is a TS who is coming out to the world, then what one does or who they are in their entirety, is really none of their business. (Here's a hint: They don't exactly share *everything* with you, either. ;) )


Yes, the one exception is sharing with one's SO (which probably should have been done a long time ago, mind you), which can be a little nerve-racking, as well -- and *is* a must, IMO. I acknowledge that is quite different, as the stakes are that much higher.

But in that case, the same holds true as above... Do both parties feel it will still be worth it on a net basis? Is the wife/GF that dead-set against it, that she is willing to throw away her relationship/marriage because of it? Then so be it. And is the CD'er so adamant about getting all dolled-up head-to-toe, 24/7, that they are willing to throw away their relationship/marriage because of it? Then so be it -- do it. Stop pussyfooting around. Obviously you two weren't meant to be.

Or, is there some sort of compromise that both can live with in a satisfactory-enough way, thereby saving the relationship/marriage? Nothing wrong with a little give & take.



I dunno... Sorry, but I still don't get the whole "tension & stress" thing. If it's honestly affecting someone that much, then you really need to do something about it.

Life is too short. :)

[Tracii G]

I have noticed in the last 10 years or so it seems to be the "in thing" to complain about stress to receive attention and sympathy.
The "stress" crowd all band together to coddle each other in their groups.
The dressing and anxiety thread is a perfect example they are all group hugging over there.
I know most here will flame me for saying it because they grew up with this so it seems normal. They just don't know any different.
Growing up for me if you had problems dealing with things you dealt with it on your own you didn't cry to a group wanting a hug.
I have have had some horrific things happen in my life and life was not easy but I dealt with situations on my own and learned to depend on myself to fix my problems.

[Lana Mae]

And for that Tracii, you need a hug! LOL Lana Mae

[Cherylgyno]

After a bad day at work dressing en femme brings me back to reality. To get through the tough days I am under dressed at all times. People can't miss my D cup breasts and I wear a bra to support the girls. A boyshorts panties that match my bra.
Stress went out the window a few years back.

[Nikki A.]

If you're comfortable with your dressing, there is little or no stress. Now that I really don't care who sees me there is no stress.

[kimdl93]

It seems reasonable that anyone would feel stress when engaging in a behavior that they feel must be hidden from even those closest to them.

It's way to easy to say tough it out and it's all in your head. First of all, generations have had no choice but to tough it out, or die. Too many chose the latter

Stress isn't simply fear or weakness, it's a systemic reaction to threats. We are programmed by millennia of life as prey to perceive threats. We survived and evolved as a species because of that capacity.

Granted Chuck Yeager handles stress better than most, but we all have our limits. And today stress can be a physical response to less than life threatening circumstances. Potential loss of stature, loved ones, financial security....all pretty tangible in my mind.

[jack-ie]

I find CDing the opposite of stressful but I was very fortunate to have a spouse that not only allowed it but encouraged it. I now live alone so, again, no conflicts. I can see how those with disapproving SOs , DADTs are living with a little cloud of anxiety hanging overhead. However, I tend to agree with Tracii, it's not how life treats us, it's how we react to life.

[Tracii G]

Lana Mae you are a real sweetheart thanks LOLOL.
Jack- ie There is a lot of truth in what you say about how life treats us and how we react.
If you can't handle stress maybe CDing in public is something you shouldn't do.
If you have "thin skin" and get offended easily then dress at home because you aren't equipped to handle things out in the world.
Only when you adjust how you react to life and the people in it can you make progress. IMO.

[Krea]

CDing has been a mixed emotion thing for me over the last two years.
I really love the clothes, but it used to be stressful in a way because i was continually worried about my wife finding out.
Since i came out to her earlier this year things have gone quite well and i can now wear some things around the house when she is at home without worrying about it. Now i find it so relaxing and just so enjoyable that i can really be myself. :yippee:

[Stephanie47]

I think you somewhat have answered your own question. If wearing women's clothing relieves stress, then there is something else in a person's life that is stressful. A bad day at work? Got fired? Wrecked your car? People relieve stress by various means; legal or illegal drugs, alcohol, fishing, hobbies, etc. Whatever it may be is a diversion away from whatever is bothering you.

If you are able to wear women's clothing to the full extent of your desires or needs, then I would say it is a stress reliever. If you're unable to find that balance, then it will become stressful. If a cross dresser seeks relief of stress, then it would seem to be counter productive to do something which causes stress. It is no different than any other activity. If you find relaxation fishing on a dock on a lake, why would you decide to go deep sea fishing fifty miles off shore in a raging storm?

Like anything in life, it's all about finding balance.

[abby054]

There is an assumption here that stress is bad. That is not always true. Some amount of stress and certain kinds of stress can actually be a good thing. I find that being out and about dressed strongly improves my awareness of my environment. The perceived danger, when kept within limits, heightens my senses and sharpens my mind. I enjoy that. It keeps me healthy and happy. Winston Churchill was right, "There is no feeling quite so invigorating as being shot at without result."

It is also easy to get too much of a good thing, as this thread clearly points out.

I am not the smartest one around here, but I do have a great memory for pain. Stress, even when painful, if I learn from it, can make me wiser. I need all the wising up I can get.

Dressing in private does relieve stress for me. I get a few minutes or even hours where I can forget the day to day cares of my life and do something that I enjoy. Being an introvert, doing pleasant things alone recharges me. Doing something different for awhile, even a short while, is good for me. It is the fundamental notion underlying coffee breaks, Sundays, and vacations.

[sometimes_miss]

#1 REASON, is GUILT?
We're raised to believe that doing anything feminine, or even THINKING something positive about being feminine, is the worst possible thing a boy, then a man, can be. So it should be no surprise at all that there can always be lingering feelings of shame either consciously, or subconsciously. Perhaps in the future this will change, but today? Nope. Even those of us who understand that there's nothing inherently wrong with it, have to live with the fact that the majority of the rest of the world thinks that we are at the very least, behaving in such a way as to be looked down upon by most of society, and, that means our friends/relative, as well, just by association. So we can feel guilt about that as well, whether we want to admit it or not.

[Tracii G]

I agree with the guilt factor and for many that exactly the problem.

[kimdl93]

Meh, if i steal a candy bar (yes I have stolen a candy bar) I feel guilty. By social convention, stealing is wrong. But by social convention, CDing is wrong too. So, one will feel guilt until one rejects that convention. I've been trained to believe that wearing panties etc is equivalent to theft (or worse!!!).

Now, what's f***d up about that!!

Guilt still is reduced to fear of being exposed as "different". Fear elicits a defensive reaction, whether merited (theft) or not (CDing).

[rian]

Yes it is possible to feel in tension .and lot of stress......while you sneaked out to the lobby in the hotel dressing in in full swing lingeries and suddenly you forgot the keys in the room .....

[Krisi]

I had a lot of tension and stress when I was dressing without my wife's knowledge. This was caused by the fear that she would find out about it although I was just wearing a bra and water balloon boobs.

Now that she knows and accepts and I have all the stuff I need, there's little stress. I won't say dressing as a woman relieves stress either, I just enjoy it.

[jhasmine]

Is it possible that tension and stress arise from a desire to and fear of crossdressing in public?

I would have to agree with this. tension and stress tend to have underlying causes like fear of discovery or fear of what others may think or try to do to you. Also things like, is my makeup ok, does my hair look good, is my wig going to fly off and people laugh at me. I hope I don't step wrong in these heals and fall. Its windy if my dress flies up, what will happen. One i saw last month was, what if I get into a car accident and have to explain this to the police. They had that fear come true but the cop and other people involved did not flinch at it.

Now for me, I have anxiety when in male mode at parties or in crowds, on public transit and stuff like that. When dressed up, that just disappears. I still get nervous when in heals/wedges due to some foot trouble I have, I am always stepping on something and sometimes my ankles just buckle but I don't fall. People just ask, are you ok. I say yes, thank you and continue on. I should wear flats but that no fun. You live in mass. If not to far from RI I am sure my wife would let us meet up and we can hang out for a while in public. This might help relieve some of your tension. All up to you. just send me a friend request if you like.

Thanks

[Sallee]

I agree I may see stress relief from not worrying about job or other things in life but cding brings a whole new set of worries, being outed being clocked and getting a nasty comment when you're out. Although it does at least for me give me a heck of a drug and alcohol free high. I always get a heck of a cd buzz which is great and it last for a while after everything is back in the box

[Tracii G]

No stopping nasty comments when you are out in the public Sallee you just have to be ready to not care what they think or say.
Personally I couldn't live with that fear so I went out and have never looked back.

[ellbee]

And what Tracii has been saying is what I've been generally saying.


Here is what I wrote earlier...

I dunno... If one is feeling this way because of it, maybe it's time to revisit how you're going about it? :strugglin

Also...

But if something is otherwise affecting a person *that* much? I dunno. Perhaps they seriously need to work a lot more on self-acceptance, for example? Or maybe tweak their public outings... Like, maybe not diving head-first into an ice-cold pool from the highest diving board?

And...

If it's honestly affecting someone that much, then you really need to do something about it.



No, a person cannot "control" everything happening around them, as others may be involved.

However, he or she can definitely have power over what goes on inside their own mind. And that can be a very powerful thing. :)

[docrobbysherry]

I DO! i mean, do something about worrying about what others think of my outfit or the "man in a dress" out in public. :sad:

I go out dressed as little as possible in vanilla public. Because when I dress at home there is complete freedom to dress however I like. Or, in as little as I like. :o

The only stress I feel is to remember to put on everything I planned. And, in the rite order. Which is minor compared to the rush at seeing Sherry in my mirror!:daydreaming: