Getting easier and harder

[Nikki A.]

The good news is that I'm getting a lot faster in getting ready to go to church.
However I'm finding it harder to change back. After going to church and the supermarket I usually head home and by that time I'm about ready to get a bit more comfortable if I don't have anything else to do.
Today, I also felt totally comfortable being dressed, I didn't even think about what I was wearing (floral blouse, tan knee length skirt,coffee p/h and ballet flats). I got home and had no urge to change back. It was late in the evening before I even bothered to change. Even then it was hard to do it.
I know there is a change going on and I wonder where all this is leading to and what the end game will be down the road.
Not a rant, not bragging either but I just had to say what was on my mind.

[Tracy Irving]

Luckily, there is always tomorrow. I would rather sleep in a nightgown also.

[Teresa]

Nikki,
Why do you need to change back, where's the problem staying dressed ?

[Stephanie47]

Just let your inner self guide you. If you felt comfortable still wearing the church outfit, so be it! If you feel comfortable at time wearing your masculine clothing, so be it too! There is no reason for force oneself to dress either way. There are times when I feel the most comfortable wearing a dress, heels and hosiery, all the proper undergarments and a wig. Then, there are times when I'm most comfortable wearing a pair of cut off jeans, white or black tee shirt and no socks or shoes with a three day old beard. It may be you have already achieved the end game. Or not!

[Leslie Mary S]

After I dress for a self photo shoot, I tend to stay dressed till after I have processed the digital photos. I stay dressed (minus the heels, country girl at heart) until I am getting ready for bed. I think it is a shame to dress just for the camera. It is usually 4 in the morning after I am done with the processing so I normally don't go anywhere. I might go to bed at 8 am. 9 am if I am not sleepy.
Why do I dress for the camera? So I can see how the outfit looks with each wig I am thinking of wearing with the outfit.

[Barbara Black]

I'm somewhat the opposite. I stayed dressed at home, and go down to underdressing outside of the house (except for going to drive thru food places). Then I re-dress most of the time to enjoy my feminine clothing again. I take photos to see what I look like, hoping to have put together a good looking outfit. Mirrors just don't tell the truth most of the time.

[Fiona123]

Nikki: thanks for telling us about the very nice day you had!

[Karen RHT]

Sounds like you're in the same boat as myself and many others Nikki. The guilt, shame, stress, whatever is gone. Replaced by confidence and just being comfortable in the clothes we choose to wear.

Keep going and keep enjoying.


Karen

[Pat]

Do what feels right to you. You don't have to worry about where it's going because it's not going to take you there against your will. ;)

[Lana Mae]

Nikki, sit back and enjoy the journey! It is all just you! Hugs Lana Mae

[Rachael Leigh]

Nikki I understand exactly how you feel, there are days I just don't want go back to male mode and some days I feel as if
my real crossdresding is when I'm en drab. Not sure what that means but it has been a thought

[Jean 103]

It's up to u where it goes from here. I have felt that way. I think you will find that the more your out living your life dressed, the less you will think about what you are wearing, and more about just living.

[Helen_Highwater]

Nikki,

You wrote;
Today, I also felt totally comfortable being dressed, I didn't even think about what I was wearing (floral blouse, tan knee length skirt,coffee p/h and ballet flats). I got home and had no urge to change back.

It seems the more you do the more comfortable you become and I see nothing surprising in that. You're finding your true self.

It was late in the evening before I even bothered to change. Even then it was hard to do it.

Why wouldn't it feel hard to do. You're dressed in a way that represents the true you. No guilt no shame, just you spending time being you. Relax and go with it.

[Nikki A.]

There is such a comfort level, that I really don't care if I pass, but happy to blend in. I never seriously thought of going full-time, but as I am nearing retirement (or at least slowing down) it seems a more viable and desirable option. I'm a widower, my kids are on their own, most of my family are in Europe. So my responsibilities are almost done. I've lived 60+ years as a male (mostly lol), maybe it's time to give some time to my other side.
Seriously thinking of sitting down with a Dr or Psychiatrist and discussing maybe going on a low dose of hormones as a test to see if it will help clarify what I want. I do have two - three years before I retire and if I do want to go full time at least I'll have a bit of a head start. I have been to a Psychiatrist before about my dressing but at that time I was just a part-time at home only dresser

[Laura912]

Nikki, look at the caption above your avatar. It seems that you are emerging more into the world of mixed gender so maybe you do need counseling to find what is your way there.

[Nikki A.]

Nikki, look at the caption above your avatar. It seems that you are emerging more into the world of mixed gender so maybe you do need counseling to find what is your way there.

Laura you may be right. Emerging Diva seems to capture what I'm feeling lol

[Alice Torn]

If i came to the church of God that i have been with, as Alice, , i would be escorted out.

[Nikki A.]

Alice there are plenty of churches that will accept you if you look for them. I'm not sure how my usual church would accept me so I looked for another church that accepts me.

[Krisi]

Unless you have things to do that can't be done dressed as a woman or you are hiding from someone, any need to change is just in your mind. I can understand changing out of your church clothes into something more comfortable but you can still be dressed as a female.

[Nikki A.]

Unless you have things to do that can't be done dressed as a woman or you are hiding from someone, any need to change is just in your mind. I can understand changing out of your church clothes into something more comfortable but you can still be dressed as a female.

I understand what you're saying and most times I don't need to hide since I live alone. It is not the clothes per se , I wear a skirt or leggings most of the time anyway, but once the wig comes off, the makeup and polish gets cleaned off, it's back to reality. It is more the mental side that I'm back in "male" mode that is the bummer. Of course I can always look at my toes to remember that Nikki is still around.

[Krisi]

Or you can just leave the wig and makeup on for the rest of the day.

[Dana44]

I find it hard to change back also, But then I am retired and, but I have an SO and need t keep her happy.

[CynthiaD]

Usually, once I put on a dress, it's there for the rest of the day. Changing back is like cutting off my arm.

[Sarah Doepner]

When I change back it's usually only because I am required by outside considerations and it feels like I've been condemned to prison or need to be ashamed. Neither of those things is true since I am only respecting the wishes of family who by necessity are living with me for a while. When they move out in a few months I may finally discover what my goals actually are. You are in a time of self-discovery and normal to step back from the edge when you get too close. Each experience helps create your expectations for the next time and will eventually establish your comfort level.