How young is too young? [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

VeronicaMoonlit

08-31-2017, 11:54 AM

Anyone who doesn't agree with you is not a "hate group". In the field of medicine, I have to defer to those with more education, experience and resources than me.

I would consider that they probably know what they are talking about.

Said group is the American College of Pediatrics, a bunch of socially conservative pediatricings, numbering about 500.

The American "Academy" of Pediatrics is the primary group for pediatricians, they number about 64000.

They're basically a bunch of Evangelical Pediatricians going around saying "The gay and the trans are bad because...Bible"

And the SPLC does list them as a hate group. If you go around saying "The gays shouldn't adopt and the Trans is evil" without any scientific evidence to back it up..well I think they might qualify.

See how liberalism tags everything as a hate group if they don't agree with it.

Yeah, them pesky liberals who have been fighting for GLBTQ folk for decades and are the reason WHY you can DO the thing you DO openly. While certain other people were actively fighting against them.
Look, I know in certain ways you still culturally identify with the group that fought against GLBT people, so maybe you should think before you go around complaining about "liberalism" or "millenials" or "SJW's".
Because without THEM, your life would be rather different don't you think.

Personally I think parents need to let their kids grow up and make their own choices not assume their child is trans just because they think they show signs.

Nobody is advocating anything permanent in regards to young transfolk, we are suggesting taking cues FROM the young transperson and giving them room to work things out. If that means letting young people explore earlier, thats a good thing. And I would suggest not saying things like you did in the TS section.

Veronica

GracieRose

08-31-2017, 11:57 AM

I've given this a lot of thought over the past 60 years (and I suspect that most people on this forum have also).
I believe that just as some people are too quick to put their child into therapy to make them 'normal', others are too quick to start talking to their child about a sex change. The child may be better served by helping them figure out where they are / want to be on the gender spectrum. Both of these extremes seem to be focused too much on gender as a binary rather than a spectrum.
Any operation or medication imposes some risk to the person. However, the risks associated with any intervention needs to be weighed against the risks associated with doing nothing.

Laura912

08-31-2017, 12:33 PM

Folks, please pay attention to the above where the difference between the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American College of Pediatrics is explained. The former is the professional group. The latter, are the ones with an anti LBGT prejudice. Please do not let the ACP drag the discussion to their level.

Tracii G

08-31-2017, 12:36 PM

Veronica I was talking about parents letting kids transition during pre teen life.
We have all seen the articles where parents push transition too early.
And I will mention conservatives aren't all against the LGBT, you have been fed that by the left and its just not factual.
I have been part of the gay rights /LGBT movement for a long time so please don't school me about "if it weren't for them" because I have been out there doing that work you speak of way before SJW's became the hot new thing to be.
I have a right to complain about SJW's and liberals because they are more damaging to the cause of gay/trans issues.
You may ask how so? Just watch them on TV or on you tube they make idiots out of themselves by screaming and acting like babies.
Yelling and acting foolish is not helping.
The left has co opted the cause and they are using it for their own gain politically.
Trans and gay issues should not be a political thing but a human rights thing.

Oh and P.S. I have been in the TS section and FYI I am not impressed at all with the back biting and name calling that goes on there so don't worry its not a part of the forum I want to participate in.

Helen_Highwater

08-31-2017, 01:03 PM

In the article this point is made;

No one is born with a gender. Everyone is born with a biological sex. Gender (an awareness and sense of oneself as male or female) is a sociological and psychological concept; not an objective biological one.

This is the issue they fail to grasp. I would say for nearly all those who the article comments upon initially see themselves of belonging to the opposite gender. As they say, "(an awareness and sense of oneself as male or female" Such is that sense that while at first presenting as someone of the opposite gender fulfills that need, such is the association that transitioning completes the process.

We all understand the social pressures, stigma, that to some extent still exist for anyone who presents as a member of the opposite sex. By transitioning the hope is that they will look more like a member of their desired gender and blend into normal society.

Everyone knows this isn't an easy path to tread. That doesn't mean for some it's their chosen one.

As for things like suicide rates. Surely this is a measure of the social isolation many trans people have felt in years gone by. As hopefully society becomes more accepting then these tragic cases will lessen.

Rachael Leigh

08-31-2017, 01:06 PM

Yes this is a very conservative group that gets a lot of press for those who have an anti Trans agenda. I am friends with a mom who's son is a trans male, born as a girl he showed signs of tell his mom I'm a boy at age 3, his mom tried to help
with encouraging him that it's ok to be a tomboy, but he persisted through a couple more years.
So they sought out help and indeed he was diagnosed as a trans f to M.
He had no outside influence and in fact the parents tried to ignore it and go with it but he persisted and began to have
trouble in school as well
Being truly transgender is real and to say these parents are abusing them is just wrong
Her son is now a happy 11 year old and thriving in school

There are a lot of stories much like hers.

Pat

08-31-2017, 01:21 PM

I think 100% of the people here would agree that children who are not transgender should NOT be allowed, or encouraged, to transition. But it's worth keeping in mind that you can't go down to CVS and get a bottle of Children's-strength Puberty Blockers and start feeding them to your kid. These kids are under medical supervision, the hormones are prescribed and monitored. The supervising physicians, not SJW parents, have the task of identifying if the child is a candidate for treatment as well as deciding, at the appropriate age, if the child should move on to actual transition.

The spectre of parents pushing kids into transition is a propaganda move.

Folks, please pay attention to the above where the difference between the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American College of Pediatrics is explained.

And it's worth noting that they specifically named themselves to encourage that confusion. Note that they are NOT a college of Pediatrics, which would be expected to do research and publish in peer-reviewed journals. They are a college of Pediatricians. And darn few of them are actual pediatricians or even hold medical credentials.

Tracii G

08-31-2017, 02:32 PM

Pat there are cases where transgender/transexual couples do push the transition thing but its a very small number I'm sure.
Its not a propaganda move because I have seen it first hand so please don't go there.
Its papers like this by people with a letterhead or a website claiming to be experts when they are just a group that doesn't do the research.
That to me says "opinion" and not fact.
They are nothing more than a group with a political agenda to push.

Teresa

08-31-2017, 02:55 PM

Tracy,
All this raises a dilemma, unless you have GD we are never too sure what it all means.

If my parents knew about my CDing and they lived in the society as it is now would they gave dragged me off to cousellors , and what would the outcome have been ? Would my life have been any happier, would I have got married and had two great children and gone on to be a proud grandfather ? On the other side I might have been in semi transition for much of my life , never taking risks in life playing so safe that I didn't really have a life at all ? OK that has caught up with me now, but I'm sure I'll still look back with less regrets living the life I have, it's better to have a life of memories than a life of regrets.

These groups must step back and think about the implications of their actions, the UK society is going too far down this road to appease tiny minority groups, sometimes to be an active member of society , giving as well as taking takes some backbone we can't let every minority group totally ruin all our social structure it isn't in every ones interest .

suzanne

08-31-2017, 07:53 PM

This link is an excellent example of a staunchly conservative, resistant parent who finds she has a transgender daughter instead of a son.

http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/a43702

I have never been in that mother's situation. But this article clearly shows that gender reassignment is in no way driven by parents. They are only acting in a way that helps their child's peace of mind. The question for them becomes frighteningly stark: Would you rather have a healthy transdaughter or a dead son who killed himself giving no indication of why he did It?

The odd thing about the document cited by the OP is that it objectively states that "gender is a social construct" and then goes on to claim that it is appropriate to force a child to accept the side of that construct that he/she clearly finds unacceptable. I find it amazing how supposedly objective professionals make contorted arguments to assert personal opinions that are not supported by peer reviewed evidence based studies, but it happens everywhere. (Climate change comes to mind.) But I don't call it hate. I call it willful ignorance spawned by vested interest.

Pat

08-31-2017, 08:24 PM

Suzanne -- great article, thanks! I think I had heard about her but never read her first-person account.

The "gender is a social construct" narrative ignores the growing body of (peer-reviewed) evidence that gender has a biological component which appears to be inborn and immutable. So while gender clearly has a social component, its expression is both nature AND nurture at work. I think that qualifies them for the "willful ignorance" award (or at least a participation trophy. ;) )

mechamoose

08-31-2017, 08:28 PM

At age 8, my grandson wanted to be a princess for Halloween.

Kids notice the differences between 'males' and 'females' well before that. Kids seek validation, approval, and 'permission'. To him, wearing a princess costume is an entirely innocent thing. They see something that they identify with and want to emulate.

I cannot imagine NOT validating what a miniature, developing person thinks of in their cartoon infused mind as a hero(ine). I cannot imagine telling them that they are wrong for wanting to be like that strong figure they have empathy with.

Unless it is a brute. But an 8 year old (thankfully) has no idea who Attila the Hun, Vlad the Impaler, or Adolph Hitler is.

You, I, and *we* help shape these miniature humans. Do a good job, they are the ones who will be in control when we are old and feeble.

<3

- MM

Sometimes Steffi

08-31-2017, 08:55 PM

A well-known hate group, with a name similar to the mainstream pediatrician professional association designed to confuse truth with opinion. I'm not even sure if they're really medical doctors.

Take everything they say with a giant salt shaker,

See post #8 above.

Judy-Somthing

08-31-2017, 09:52 PM

I remember when I was about 12 I thought I wanted to be a women and would dress quite often, Let's face it, children shouldn't be making any life changing decisions.
I remember when at 17 my girlfriend of two years broke up with me, I was depressed for close to a year and thought I would never be happy again!

mechamoose

08-31-2017, 11:50 PM

Pardon me, but I'm going to disagree with you Judy.

Children make life changing decisions every day. They may not see the impact of those decisions for 20 or so years, but what they see and react to and what WE see and react to will affect them for the rest of their lives.

Sure, it may be a small thing today, but carry those impressions and decisions forward?

The only 'small' action is one that you have not thought of the repercussions for. A stone in a pond.

- MM

docrobbysherry

08-31-2017, 11:56 PM

Most of this conversation is out of my experience. However, I think u mite want to re state this comment, Tracii. Considering that humans rites have been political issues since the dawn of man!:straightface:

-----------------------Trans and gay issues should not be a political thing but a human rights thing.-----------

ellbee

09-01-2017, 12:25 AM

How young is too young?

Age is just a number.

But in my opinion, I believe one is playing with fire when you start talking about pre-puberty stuff. And this is definitely unchartered waters... Gonna take a few consecutive lifespans to see the true effect of it all, at the end of the day. Do we want to go down this road? I believe we're already well on the way, with pretty much no turning back now. I do feel for those inadvertently caught in the cross-fire.

Kids just need to be kids, IMO. Is that too much to ask of adults?

Regarding agendas? Many people/groups of all persuasions have them -- especially if their livelihood depends on it. ;)

Finally, this whole left/right thing? Try not to buy into it too much, please. It's simply to keep us fighting amongst ourselves -- instead of our true enemies of this earth.

mechamoose

09-01-2017, 01:17 AM

"I believe one is playing with fire when you start talking about pre-puberty stuff. "

There is a difference between guiding and steering. If you are trying to mold someone, then you are wrong. If you SEE something and you are trying to be a guide, that is different.

Who else is someone in their early years going to look to? You can be a friendly voice without being invasive. Encouraging someone to be themselves is never wrong.

- MM

SaraLin

09-01-2017, 06:40 AM

I'll throw my two cents' worth here...

Based SOLELY on personal experience, I'd say that gender identity starts very early in life. As far back as I can remember, I knew that I was supposed to have been born a girl. Back then, T* was pretty much unheard of, and I bought into the idea that I was somehow broken (or worse). The conflict between who I am inside and who I'm *supposed* to be has always been my own private hell.

I can only hope that some day soon, people learn to accept that some kids are truly T* and that this doesn't make them 'bad' or 'wrong'.

If a child wants to do more than to play dress up once in a while, then good parents should take steps to be sure to do what's best for their youngster's mental/emotional/physical well being. NOT what others and their agendas think is best - but what really IS.

I truly wish I'd had that option when I was young. I would have leaped at it!!

mykell

09-01-2017, 07:14 AM

They don't have findings, they have opinions. Their opinions do not use current science. Their use of terminology is flawed and imprecise.

A quick summary of them: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_College_of_Pediatricians

they (American College of Pediatrics) have an agenda,
if you read any of the info shared anything that sounded remotely professional was obliterated with theyre closing statement "The bottom line is this:" .....

..........For this reason, the College maintains it is abusive to promote this ideology, first and foremost for the well-being of the gender dysphoric children themselves, and secondly, for all of their non-gender-discordant peers, many of whom will subsequently question their own gender identity, and face violations of their right to bodily privacy and safety.

its a produced piece for politicos to use to support the potty bills we keep seeing coming up.....

no one is put on blockers until they reach puberty....so when you read some of the articles about parents who let theyre little boys wear dresses, or disney wont let them get princess makeovers, little girls wanting short haircuts or whatever they have time to vet all this out by parents and most importantly licensed practicing professionals before any life altering procedure begins.

Danitgirl1

09-01-2017, 07:22 AM

Aaargh
I responded to an article based on these findings exactluy one year ago.
I was angry then, I am still angry now...
It is a long article so I am not going to reproduce it here, but here is a link if you are interested.
https://daniellaargento.com/2016/08/31/lgbt-people-are-not-born-that-way-a-considered-response/
Bottom line where do cisgender researchers with ZERO idea of what it means to be trans get off telling trans people what they are thinking, feeling etc.
We (almost) all KNOW we are trans from an early age.
It is only later that we have the courage and self awareness to admit that we are trans to ourselves, let alone others
These people can get right off the bus and go get real jobs where they can do less harm as far as I am concerned.
Any professional (teacher, medical whatever) knows the first rule is DO NO HARM. These people have fallen at the first hurdle.

Karen's Secret

09-01-2017, 07:53 AM

Nothing is black and white when it involves children and their development. I have a nephew who at 17 announced that he was mtf transexual and wanted to transition. My nephew however has had obvious issues all the way back to the pre teens in which he would not have meaningful communication with people, would sit and play video games for hours on end, would make statements out of context with the moment, and sometimes would appear to respond to some inner dialogue he was having with himself. My sister in law refused to have him tested for autism or anything else because she did not want him "labelled." After a couple of suicide attempts/threats over the last couple of years he has been diagnosed with anti social personality disorder and possibly schizo effective disorder. Since turning 18 he has rejected any diagnosis other than being trans and has stopped all treatment for his mental disorders. He also has a doctor in San Francisco who has started him on hormones and treating him simply as a person who needs to transition. Other than wearing a skirt or leggings and growing his hair long, he displays no feminine behaviors whatsoever and displays no interest in traditionally feminine pursuits or interests.

I think my nephew is a good example of someone with some serious mental health issues who is manifesting a gender issue as a symptom of the underlying mental illness. Unfortunately I think our desire to embrace all gender issues and over simplifying them is unintentionally creating more harm in some cases than actually helping. Diagnosing or treating pre adolescents for gender disorders should be taken very seriously and I would not dismiss the idea that perhaps post adolescence might be a better time to address those issues alongside any other cooccurring issues.

penny lace

09-01-2017, 09:11 AM

This is supposedly scientific article is one of the most unscientific papers I have seen. It blatantly takes statistics out of context for specific areas and uses them in a wider population context.
I find myself despairing in this day and age of how this kind of ‘journalism’ is used to propagate intolerance and hatred on a number of fronts, gender, race, religion etc!
:Angry3:
Penny

Micki_Finn

09-01-2017, 09:56 AM

The American College of Pediatricians is a conservative advocacy group, not a legitamate science based medical organization.

Nikkilovesdresses

09-01-2017, 10:08 AM

There are a lot of parents these days that have no business being parents.

Since when wasn't that true Tracii? Nevertheless humanity struggles imperfectly on.

It's hard for me to relate to a prepubescent with GD as my own CDing tendencies didn't emerge till I was mid-teens. But there are plenty of members here who have had those urges since they were single digits, and plenty more who experienced appalling disrespect and judgement from narrow minded parents.

Parents need to let the child lead in certain issues, and in certain other issues - learning to cross the road safely for example - they need to be clear and strong. The problem is that one person's notion of when it's appropriate to take a firm lead can be very different to another's. We think we know best; they think they know best.

Which brings me back to Tracii's remark. Hopefully we as a species are moving forward...and hopefully not towards a cliff.

mechamoose

09-01-2017, 12:18 PM

"The American College of Pediatricians"

I don't much really care. I have seen for myself, with my own eyes, looking into another proto-adult's eyes.. the same look I see in the refugees I work with. ( LGBT Asylum (http://www.lgbtasylum.org/) )That same trapped look. That same confused look. A lack of understanding of why what they are doing is wrong or different. I cannot see that and look away.

TACoP is just a name plate on a wall and letterhead.

For my personal experiences, aside from my own issues, involve people fleeing for their LIVES. *Family* members are looking to have them dead. Can you even imagine that? Sure, your parents might not like your choices, but enough to hire hit men? TACoP has no business talking in this space.

If some young XX/XY comes to you and wants an adult to help them understand what is happening with them, it is your *duty* to help them feel like they are not a freak. I don't care HOW young they are .

Change it. Make it different. Be the change you wish to see in the world.

That 'kid' is an adult waiting to happen. You, luckily, get to give them a nudge.

}X>

- MM

sometimes_miss

09-01-2017, 01:29 PM

"The American College of Pediatricians"
Basically, they can legally call themselves anything they want, until they infringe upon someone else's trademark or whatever. Doesn't make it so. We see this time and again in the political arena, where PAC's and groups give themselves titles that are disguised to hide their true intent. I can call myself the Queen of the United States of America, doesn't make me one, just because no one else has used the title. I am curious, though, to see exactly who are the members of this nasty organization.

Vickie_CDTV

09-01-2017, 02:30 PM

See how liberalism tags everything as a hate group if they don't agree with it.
Personally I think parents need to let their kids grow up and make their own choices not assume their child is trans just because they think they show signs.
There are a lot of parents these days that have no business being parents.

That is an understatement!

There is no shortage of disturbed people out there who have children and it is not inconceivable some might use any sign of gender nonconformity as a an excuse to label their child "trans"... and using their trans child for attention and to virtue signal. There are some videos on YouTube from Sweden where they are practically encouraging children to be trans, it is really kind of disturbing. Like Munchhausen by Proxy. It is one thing to love your child who is transsexual, but it is another to encourage a child to be a transsexual.

raeleen

09-02-2017, 01:05 AM

I have struggled with my gender identity my entire life, and it's primarily because I was raised with very clear notions of what is masculine and what is feminine. That men had certain roles and women had other ones. These socially constructed roles are baked into how our society functions. They are at the core of how much of the world functions and ultimately I believe they're flawed. As we push against these roles and definitions, society pushes back harder because questioning things at the core can lead to the loss of power and privilege. And ironically, calling into question things about identity for everyone in society. I'm in a better place now, and have started to embrace this gift that I have. A gift that created a long and hard road for me to where I am now, but still, something that has made me stronger.

I also have a trans daughter, and I can tell you that she has never questioned her gender identity since she came out. She has been consistent and insistent from a very early age. We've been to doctors who've confirmed our thoughts, but to be honest, we never needed a doctor to know that this is who she is. And we have supported her social transition to being a girl because a parent who loves there child wants to see them able to live as their true and authentic self. no medical intervention has happened, because there is no need for one since she's pre-pubescent. When that time comes, we will have additional conversations with her and a doctor and we will support her as she decides what the next steps are for her. Additionally, I've often wondered if there is a biological component to this. But does it really matter?

And you know what, if she decides then that she is not trans in the future, that's fine. i'm about 99.9% sure that won't be the case, but even if it is, it's not a big deal because it's her life. it's an inconvenience for some who have to shift pronouns or names, but really, that's all it is. We as adults seem to have lots of trouble dealing with 'inconvenient' things and it's kind of silly. we inconvenience ourselves in so many ways everyday with our foibles and needs, but to be put off when someone we love or care about asks for love and affirmation based on who they are? That's BS.

So, take that for what you will. I don't think there is a too young. I don't believe that we should be debating it or placing our judgement on others. The arguments made love to use 'this one case' or 'someone they know', but there are always exceptions. Let's not cloud what's at the core here, and what pushes so many of us to difficulty as adults. The lack of support and affirmation and the shame that we have carried for so long before finally finding acceptance. The rigid structures around gender and binaries that say boys are this and girls are that. Buck the trend a bit and let people be who they are.

rian

09-02-2017, 05:49 AM

that is really a discriminating attitude indeed ,,we should try to sign in for this and attack this behavior as much as we can ,,,try all of us to sign in and attribute to this community in a very positive attitude ,,,civilized and show that all these community that they are wrong and no harm will happen if the accept us as one .. ,

mechamoose

09-02-2017, 06:34 AM

There is no course structure, no guide book, nor Cliff Note on how to be a parent. Heck, I double-dog dare any of you to tell me that your parents had a cognitive discussion with you about sex, much less gender.

You can't teach your children something that you don't know yourself. You can only teach them what you know.

My 16 year old kid talks to me about the people he sees at school. He is truly confused and troubled by the complete absence of what we here consider 'parenting'. My son's best friend is gay, and he is totally cool with that. It is a non-issue, they just like playing games together, 'bumpless' in IT terms. I could not wish for anything more.

I really feel bad for the home life of some of these kids.

- MM

- - - Updated - - -

"if the accept us as one .. ," (I'm assuming a Y on the end of 'the')

We need this. We are legion, they just don't know it. Why? because we hide.

If we, you and I, stopped being so afraid? Who knows? We might even be considered 'normal'. Until then we will be fugitives. If I could click my heels together and make a wish, it would be for acceptance. I'm saying that as an adult, I have a hard time even putting myself in that frame of reference as a child. I'd be scared to death to even BREATHE wrong.

This whole discussion stinks. Not because it is wrong, but because we even need to have it.

- MM

Pat

09-02-2017, 09:25 AM

There is no shortage of disturbed people out there who have children and it is not inconceivable some might use any sign of gender nonconformity as a an excuse to label their child "trans"... and using their trans child for attention and to virtue signal.

So what? Are you advocating we not support transgender kids to come out as early as possible and attain some normalcy in their lives because there are some people who think it would be cool to have a transgender kid? I know tons of stage-parents who try to push their (disinterested) kids into the performing arts. I know parents who push their (disinterested) kids into sports. It's a form of abuse but I wouldn't stop talented kids from learning to perform or to throw a curve ball just because those parents who want to live their kids' lives for them exist. The kids under discussion -- the ones who are candidates for puberty blockers -- are treated under medical supervision. Someone will probably find a way to game the system, but are you suggesting we shut everything down and have yet another generation of transgender people who have to live for decades in hiding before they can find their way out?

Vickie_CDTV

09-03-2017, 12:21 AM

So what? Are you advocating we not support transgender kids to come out as early as possible and attain some normalcy in their lives because there are some people who think it would be cool to have a transgender kid? I know tons of stage-parents who try to push their (disinterested) kids into the performing arts. I know parents who push their (disinterested) kids into sports. It's a form of abuse but I wouldn't stop talented kids from learning to perform or to throw a curve ball just because those parents who want to live their kids' lives for them exist. The kids under discussion -- the ones who are candidates for puberty blockers -- are treated under medical supervision. Someone will probably find a way to game the system, but are you suggesting we shut everything down and have yet another generation of transgender people who have to live for decades in hiding before they can find their way out?

I am not in any way saying that we shouldn't support trans kids. I am just urging caution, and acknowledge that in some rare cases there could be a nutjob parent pushing a gender noncoforming kid into being a full blown transsexual so they can virtue signal and whatnot. Like you said, there are a lot of dysfunctional parents out there who try to live vicariously through their children, and that is just as wrong. This is a lot bigger than pressuring a kid into sports though, labeling a child with a disorder at a very young age can be a risky thing, much how they throw around ADD and other disorders at any small child who is unruly.

Ashleyrobyn831

10-02-2017, 08:52 PM

While I hesitate to pass judgment on anyone else's handling of their kids and their issues, I do believe that the trend toward cultural acceptance of the transgendered can be a double edged sword in that it has the unintended effect of causing some parents to go overboard with their kids issues for fear of being seen as unsupportive or intolerant. From my own experience, my middle daughter at around age 14 came to us and said she had come to the conclusion that she was a boy. Since I had been living as a woman from the time she was an infant, it was natural to wonder whether she was identifying as tg when in reality just desired a closer relationship or greater approval from me and mistakenly believed that being tg would somehow tie is more tightly. So we simply expressed to her that we loved her completely regardless, that she had our support no matter what, and then let her go about finding her way. We called her by her chosen name, let her choose boyish clothes when we went shopping, and generally tried to treat the situation as if she genuinely was tg until such time as she either changed her mind or the evidence to the contrary was too much to ignore. Like any teenager there were times where social pressures and peer responses influenced her behaviors, but the older and more confident she got the less those things factored in, and now five years later we have begun to feel that in this case it's genuine, and have agreed that upon the 18th birthday we will officially stop thinking of "our daughter" and begin thinking of "our son". Of course, in dealing with her personally we have adhered to male pronouns and the like, but between ourselves were reluctant to take that mental step until we were sure that it was real and not just a reaction to external influences. Even though it might be hypocritical of me, I always hoped it would turn out to be "just a phase", not because I don't want a tg cold but because I'm all too aware of the extra challenges and hardships that it adds to one's life. But for anyone who's genuinely transgender, all the hardships and heartaches inherent in gender transition are nothing compared to the misery of being forced to live as something you're not, so now that she's about to be my adult son, all I can do is be supportive, try to use my own experience to smooth the road somewhat, and thank the Creator that we live in a time and place where that particular pursuit of happiness is available, because there are far too many heartbreaking stories of young people who ended their lives in despair over those exact things. And had it turned out to be nothing more than a phase, I still believe that supporting the alternate gender identity would have been the right thing, because A) you can never go wrong by being supportive of your child while they work through the most confusing part of their life, and B) trying to enforce gender norms on a confused teenager is at best counterproductive and at worst, should they turn out to be genuinely tg, potentially highly destructive. But at the same time, there's a big difference between being supportive of a child while they figure things out and actively pushing them toward gender transition, and I just can't see any positive outcome resulting from pushing transition even with a truly transgender child, as even then you're likely to accelerate the timeline to the point where steps are taken and boundaries crossed before the child is really emotionally and mentally ready.