New Therapist wants me to dress?

[Fiona123]

I've started with a new therapist. She is incredibly supportive. For the first two visits I went drab. She suggested on Wednesday this week that I bring or wear a feminine article to the next appointment. I thought maybe I will carry a purse and wear a scarf. I have not ruled out a dress or skirt. The clinic is about 70 miles away in another city. Any thoughts or suggestions?

[Angie G]

You got the O.K. so why not dress for it Fiona. Enjoy what you can in life.:hugs:
Angie

[Linda E. Woodworth]

If you are comfortable with it go fully enfemme and make a day of it.

That's what I do when I can.

[Karen's Secret]

I saw a therapist for a time and after a few sessions we quickly got to the point where I needed to just accept who I was (finally) and perhaps come to therapy dressed as a first step. It was really about me not feeling shame and guilt about being a crossdresser as opposed to dressing full time or anything like that. Well.... I didn't do it and instead stopped going to therapy. The reason was my wife was not ready for that step and I was starting to feel shame and guilt for causing her that anxiety. Kind of a circular feedback loop. If you have no other obstacles in your way I highly recommend you go dressed or dress there.

[Tracy Irving]

I don't see a downside so wear a skirt or dress to your next appointment and have fun!

[IleneD]

Fiona,

An old axiom of mine (mostly for my male life)... "If someone asks if you have super powers, the answer is always YES.'

Dress? Dear, take a suitcase.
You know where this is eventually going. You love being dressed up. You WILL continue to pursue dressing en femme. You know if you receive the least bit of support, you ARE dressing. Use those super powers. It's why you have them.

And if your goal is to "cure" yourself of this CD-Thing, perhaps find another therapist.
Frankly, I am dying to go to a gender therapist, especially since the wife is grudgingly accepting my beautiful condition, but my impression is that most gender therapy and practitioners seem to encourage more CD and identify dressers as TG.
Good luck. Hugs.

[alwayshave]

Fiona, I don't see the downside to fully dress. But in the end, its what you are comfortable with.

[greeneyes]

Wow...I am still stuck on the 70 miles away sentence!!! That is really far to travel weekly! whew!

I agree, if you do not have any other obstacles...wear a skirt with that scarf and purse!

[Rachael Leigh]

Fiona I've just started going to a gender counselor and I did not hesitate but go dressed. For me I think it opened me up
I couid feel comfortable and be more myself. It of course is your decision but my guess she has a reason she suggested it

[Stacy Darling]

Hi Fiona, My best suggestion would be to look at your comfort factor. The more comfortable you are when in session the more productive and relaxed the session should be. After 50-60 visits this year, I still go in very colourful drab, full make-up, nails and a scarf, that's my therapy comfort style. I don't want or need to go fully dressed and neither my therapist or Psych need me to be dressed!

So my suggestion for you would be your favourite scarf and possibly some very light / or a hint of make-up. "Just be comfortable and be yourself"

I'm glad you have a female therapist ( not being sexist ) It has made it easier for me to open up to a female.
Best of luck with it,
Stacy!

[jennifer0918]

Go en femme

[Sarah Doepner]

I had several issues I was dealing with other than my gender identity, but at the end of the second meeting my therapist suggested I arrive as Sarah sometime. I did at the next session and it allowed him to eventually help me parse out the various issues as they were all connected. Once I was able to talk to him without gender identity being in the background, but right up from and accepted, it was possible to deal with the basics of the other stuff without that interfering.

Besides, when the appointment was early enough I could spend the rest of the day or evening shopping, getting a bite to eat or going to a movie.

[Ressie]

Since she asked you to wear a feminine article, anything more than that doesn't sound like a good idea to me. Maybe she wants to see your reaction to the request and going totally en femme would be overreacting.

[faltenrock]

if you feel comfortable with the therapist, I would go completely as a woman.

[Lana Mae]

I agree with the others to go dressed! BUT, there is something to think about with what Ressie said! Maybe make the one item a dress! Best wishes! Hugs Lana Mae

[Littlebee]

comfortable is the word. I believe you need to fell ok...If going en femme is what you feel it is right..than go for it...i would love to go, but i do not know if i have the courage!

[Pat]

Turn off the head voice that screams about all the fearful things that will happen and examine you heart as to what would make you happiest. There are no tricks or traps in therapy -- this isn't a test. They're trying to help you find comfort or figure out why you deny yourself something you say you want. You could wear something as simple as a necklace or a non-obvious piece of clothing. I mean, sure, you could also go fully dressed en femme but I'm guessing that wouldn't give you comfort, it would give you anxiety. This exercise is a step along the road.

[Alice B]

I think you should fully present your female side. That is what your therpy is all about.

[AllieSF]

I started my short term therapy en femme and always went that way. But then I never hesitated to go out from the very beginning when I first started all this 10 years ago. For you, it is your decision, but as others have said it really helps get to the point and that is the "point" of therapy. Getting there helps with the treatment and success of the process.

IleneD, I do have a question about your general statement "...but my impression is that most gender therapy and practitioners seem to encourage more CD and identify dressers as TG." Where did you get that impression? Was it from personal experience, friends, this site? The reason I ask is that there is a strong tendency here to sometimes opine on things where one really does not have much experience at all. I believe from my own experiences (personal, friends and acquaintances, and this site) that professional therapists/counselors do not make snap judgements that one is TG/TS just because they want to "encourage" a CD further down the road. They are professionals, with the typical minimal number of quacks as in any other professional and certified careers, who listen and work as professionals and give good solid advice over the course of therapy.

[Brenda456]

It should depend on how you feel. If I went outside in a dress, mothers would grab their children and run off telling them not to look, law enforcement would be called and I would be publicly mocked and ridiculed. Okay, I may be exaggerating, but the point is that it depends on your comfort level. If you are comfortable, go for it. If not, consider changing at the therapists office. Or, give it more time. It is your call.

[Fiona123]

Thanks everyone for the input. Because of scheduling issues I have plenty of time to decide. You have provided many of options to consider!

Regarding Ilene's comment and Allie's response: I self identify as TG and told the therapist as such.

[JeanTG]

For my last therapist appointment, I asked if I could go dressed and she was OK with it, so that's what I did. My therapist is a similar distance, and I had to drive en femme. Alas she has retired since, so I have to find a new one.

[Sarasometimes]

I go on occasion to my therapy fully enfemme but i also usually dress for most sessions with some articles of women's clothing i.e. bra with forms under a plain tee with plain leggings or maybe just the bra under a men's tee. I believe that any TG/GV therapist needs to be comfortable with their clients crossdressing and mine has said that she notices some changes in my behavior, like more eye contact, a bit more focused...
You need to wear what you feel is best for you at your next session not what others would or could wear. I also change when I gt there to a more femme appearance in their restroom (check if that would be OK).
Glad to hear things are going well.

[rian]

bring the women dress with you and change when you arrive at her office , then remove once finished ...that is the safe way ,,,yet if you like just go as a woman ,,and see what happens ...good luck

[Anne K]

Fiona, my first visit with my therapist was in drab, though I did try and look more put together than most men. My therapist asked me if I wanted to come dressed. I told her that I did, but the shared receptionist really gave off bad vibes. She told me that she had heard that before. I decided to throw caution to the wind and dress for the next appointment. When I entered the office, to my surprise the receptionist was gone! Problem solved. Actually, it really didn't matter because I intended on walking up to her and engage her in conversation.

If you are comfortable seeing your therapist dressed, do it. That 70 mile drive sounds brutal. Should I assume that you are in a rural area? Would you drive the entire distance dressed? That may be a nice way to settle the jitters and be comfortable in your skin.

[Genny B]

In the book 'Whipping Girl' the author actually makes a point of stating if you are going to gender counselling with the hope of assistance in transitioning you need to dress as the sex you desire to be a soon as possible, as in the 1st appointment. The book really makes a good point of it, thus I would agee, go dressed!

Genny B

[Jaymees22]

I always went dressed when I went to my therapist, except for the first visit. I felt if I didn't go dressed what was the point. So if you feel comfortable with it go dressed.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Go dressed, but only if you are comfortable with doing so. Do it in your own time. Don't do it just because the therapist said so.

That being said, I went to many therapy appointments fully dressed. But I brought a small duffle bag, dressed and put on my makeup in the bathroom and returned to boy mode after the session to go to work,

One of the therapists that I went to told me I was gay on my first visit. She was wrong. She was also a quack. My next therapist said no professional therapist could draw that conclusion after only one visit.

[SaraLin]

Fiona123,

Your therapist is giving you the green light to express your 'true' self. My thoughts are that there are a couple reasons for her suggestion...

1. she is telling you that it's OK to be you.
2. she is interested in finding out your comfort level in expressing your feminine self.
3. she is encouraging you to challenge yourself to be more 'out' - even if only marginally.

Or maybe not...:idontknow:

I'd suggest to simply do what YOU feel is best for your comfort/happiness, and don't worry.
There is no pass/fail grade here.
You have her OK to be yourself, so go ahead.

[Krisi]

I always went dressed when I went to my therapist, except for the first visit. I felt if I didn't go dressed what was the point. .

So that is the real question (for the OP) - Why are you going to a therapist? Are you looking for someone to tell you it's OK to dress as a woman? Why? What is this therapist going to tell you that you can't figure out on your own?

[Pat]

What is this therapist going to tell you that you can't figure out on your own?

Not the first time I've heard that. I understand why people think that's a reasonable viewpoint but it kind of explains the actual role of a therapist. When you're only talking to yourself, you can build some pretty high fantasy castles in your mind. Those structures dissipate rapidly when you have to voice them out loud to another human being. It's the old, "It sounded a lot better in my head" meme. And, in fact, a therapist isn't going to tell you anything really -- they're just going to shine a light on the spots you've conveniently or inadvertently overlooked in your complex mind-structure or else they'll point you toward information that you had perhaps been unaware of. But in the end, the therapist doesn't tell you anything - you still figure it out for yourself - but you have the benefit of having external validation. That's a valuable thing.

[DMichele]

Pat,
Very good explanation of the value of see a therapist.

[Anne K]

Yes, Pat, an excellent and succinct explanation of what a therapist does. I LOVE seeing mine and look forward to every session. Wish I had done so years ago.

BTW, my wife is a therapist (different specialty) and having her level of conversation and compassion is truly a gift. Still, there is the SO Filter. Having a gender dysphoria therapist has been incredibly valuable.

[Krisi]

So does a therapist "cure" gender dysphoria ?

[Pat]

No. Gender dysphoria is unhappiness with your gender role. Only you can "cure" that by changing that role. A therapist helps you find your way to that solution. And it's worth noting that when I say dysphoria is unhappiness, it really rises to a level 'way beyond dissatisfaction. Dysphoria is a level of unhappiness that negatively impacts your life. Dysphoric people avoid others, don't go out, get into substance abuse, do physical harm to themselves, etc. That's why therapy is indicated.

[Sarasometimes]

Krisi,
Gender therapists don't only help those wanting to transition but also clients who are gender variant or gender non-conforming, the whole spectrum. They help you work it out for your situation. Going to therapy but not wanting to is rarely productive. The client must be open minded and forthcoming, that is why you need to be comfortable with your therapist and have a desire to be there.
This is not for everybody, but I too look forward to my sessions.

[Fiona123]

I'm on my second therapist. This new person is way better. I genuinely look forward to the appointments.

[Teresa]

Fiona,
I have to admit my last visit to my gender counsellor was going to be a difficult one, she was an lovely lady and I had become attracted to her, so to to make it easier I slipped off my male socks and shoes before reaching her office and peeped round the door to say hello and then dangled my blue swirl heels in front of me , she nearly dropped off her chair laughing and then insisted I wear them during the session . She as surprised I was so comfortable knowing I was under dressed in stockings suspender belt and panties with matching cami . At one point she did ask to try the heels on . The parting was that much easier but I did give her a bunch of pink roses and she ended up giving me a huge hug .

Krisi,
Some of us do need that step to come to terms with the turmoil going on inside our heads . When you're in a DADT situation with no one to talk to you don't have a choice, I have no regrets , it gave me the strength and confidence to finally go out socially. What you believe in your head is sometimes different to the truth and it's not always easy to see that . Cynical comments don't help some members they need to know they are doing the right thing not question if they have any value .

[Sarasometimes]

Fiona, If it doesn't feel like a good match you were wise to move on. For us they need to be trained and comfortable with what we do to properly council us.

[Kayliedaskope]

As several others have said, dress as you feel comfortable. Therapist wants you to bring a feminine article or two with you? Bring a favorite necklace or bracelets .... wear your comfy old mom jeans or that blouse you've been saving for a special occasion. I don't know if going full-on en femme would be good for this appointment, but maybe you could ask if at the next one, would she like to see you as YOU see yourself, and then dress the part. She's not there to judge you - she's there to listen to what's on your mind and to help you get it all sorted out in your head. Think of her as a secretary sorting mental files, getting even the most insignificant detail in its proper place so that everything makes more sense and not just a jumbled mess.

[Fiona123]

My appointment was yesterday. I wore jeans, panties, a bra with padding, a lacy camisole, a black T-shirt and a silk scarf. Also, I carried a small purse.

I wore this "outfit" all morning until noon. This was the first time I dressed en femme during the day outside. It was thrilling. My therapist was pleased. She encourage me to dress more.

While I was driving towards the clinic I was stopped and then approached by a police officer directing traffic. I opened my window and he came up and gave me directions for a different route to the building that avoided some construction traffic. He didn't say the thing otherwise.

[Pat]

Congratulations! That has to feel pretty good! :)

[Tracy Irving]

I am glad everything went well.

[Barbara Black]

Do like many of us do, dress for the trip (70 miles!!). Then, when you get there, decide if you are determined enough to wear it inside. I know you'll be debating it the whole trip down there, so pop out of the car before you can change your mind and head for the door. You'll be marching proudly by the time you get to the building.

[Kayliedaskope]

My appointment was yesterday. I wore jeans, panties, a bra with padding, a lacy camisole, a black T-shirt and a silk scarf. Also, I carried a small purse.

I wore this "outfit" all morning until noon. This was the first time I dressed en femme during the day outside. It was thrilling. My therapist was pleased. She encourage me to dress more.

And I bet you not only felt beautiful, but looked beautiful. Pictures, woman, pictures!!!

[AllieSF]

Fiona, One reason your therapist recommended coming dressed as yourself is to see how you act in that mode, and also to help you get used to it and to see if you have much difficulty doing it, internal turmoil. As your recent post clarified, that was your first time out dressed during the daylight. This is all good experience that will definitely help you understand more about yourself and if you are what you feel you are. Thanks for sharing and keep up the good work.

[Sarasometimes]

At this point my therapist and I are leaning toward gender non compliant. At my last appointment I was planing on going full femme me (haven't done that in a while), like when I go and get my hair styled but other obligations made that impractical so I tried something a bit different. I wore women's black leggings, plain off white striped tunic and when I got inside I added a lacy miniskirt. No makeup other than lipstick and it felt great and was enlightening. I think we are zeroing in on gender non-compliant.
Not that this necessarily makes things easier.

If you are going to a gender therapist but they don't/won't let you come dressed, I say run for the hills! IMHO

[IleneD]

Maybe I need to find myself a therapist (been thinking of it anyway), so I have a legitimate place to dress up and go to.
I'll take any excuse to don a dress and go out and about.

[Sara Jessica]

The only excuse you need is called life. Just get out there and do it.

[Ashleyrobyn831]

I once had a therapist that when I went to my appointments I deliberately kept my clothing as close to androgynous as possible just to avoid causing her any discord or drama with her other patients. After about a month of this, she asked me why I always came dressed so subdued, and when I explained, she said that while she appreciated the sentiment she questioned whether I wasn't as fully committed as I said and was using that as an existing to hedge my bets, as it were, and challenged me to start coming not only as I normally dressed, but actually as "girly" as I go. She said that if I felt uncomfortable with that, that there may be issues to address so it was therapeutically relevant. So the next visit I showed up in a yellow and white sundress, three inch heels, and an eye-grabbing hairdo, and came an hour early in order to sit in the waiting room for a good while. When she saw just how at ease I was throughout, she flipped the whole thing and told me to come to our next appointment dressed as a man, which although it required me to go buy men's clothes I did; I was antsy and on-edge the entire time despite my best efforts to control myself. So you see, sometimes therapists push us in certain directions because of the diagnostic and therapeutic value of our responses and reactions. Besides, any good therapist is going to try to get you to step out of your comfort zone in some way, and often for the purpose of prodding us into taking hold of what we really desire but are holding ourselves back from for some reason.

[jeri1973]

I went fully enfemme to my appointment 2 sessions ago. I was asked about how I felt coming in, sitting in waiting room, and driving there.

It was so much of a release to finally be out and about as me. It has also confirmed to me and my therapist of the journey I must take to be fully happy.

I have another therapy appointment on Monday. Already picked out my clothes. Going in a dress for first time. Other times were in jeans/blouse/wedges...jeggings/blouse/heeled open tie booties.

Love being me. I know you'd enjoy going to your appointment as you've been given the green light.

[jacques]

my advice: go dressed as you
luv J